InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I can change that."

Sirius Black (hiptomyjive) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-06-02 21:35:00

Entry tags:

beth silver, peter pettigrew, sirius black (younger)

Who: Sirius Black the ~~sexy~~ younger and Beth Silver
What: Awkward awkwardness
Where: The Black-Lupin household
Warnings: Nope.

Sirius was spread out over most of the couch, enjoying a quiet afternoon to himself and the telly. Moony was at a class, which Padfoot wasn't terribly happy about, but he had learned to accept his mate's scholarly yearnings, and all of that. Sirius would just have to keep his massively immense and highly sophisticated brain occupied with a showcasing of Japanese game shows.

"Ohhh," Sirius winced as a Japanese businessman fell from his unicycle, headfirst from the inflatable alligators and into the mud. "Who thinks this shit up?" he asked himself (a worthy conversation partner if ever there was). "Muggles are bloody weird."

Beth emerged from her room, walking to the kitchen to get a glass of juice. On the way back to her room, she paused, looking at Sirius. She frowned slightly, considering for a moment before sitting down on a corner of the couch. She looked over at Sirius, and then back down at her glass.

"I don't deserve him," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

Padfoot's eyes hadn't left the screen, and his posture had only changed slightly, feet scooting a few inches to give her a bit of space on the couch. His head tilted a bit, though still watching the program, having probably not heard her right. "Hm?"

"I don't deserve him. I'm not good enough," Beth said, her voice wavering. A tear or two spilled over her cheek. She wiped it away, glancing away from Sirius.

"Uhh.." Apparently they were having a conversation. Sirius looked over at her for a moment before turning back to the telly. She was crying. How awkward. "Pete?" She thought she wasn't good enough for Wormtail? True, Sirius had never been terribly picky when he was dating girls. Blondes, brunettes, redheads.. All of them were fair game. Nice legs, nice breasts.. Cute face if he was feeling particularly choosey.. And Beth certainly seemed to meet Padfoot's criteria of dating.

"Please stop," Beth interrupted the train of thought that had apparently been outloud. She was blushing, cheeks red under the wet tears. "I'm not a good person," she said. "Everything I do, I do out of fear. Everything."

"You're afraid of Pete?" Sirius was confused, and uncomfortable. She was crying. He wasn't the type of guy that handled this sort of thing. "Look.. I'm not sure I'm the best person to be talking to about this sort of thing, you know? Wouldn't you rather talk to--" he was cut off by the swan-girl launching herself at his chest. She was sobbing into his shoulder, her arms around his neck.

Bloody nutter, he thought.

She sobbed louder.

"Er.. Sorry," he said.

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the_w_in_mwpp
2008-06-03 03:06 am UTC (link)

The plan had been to bring his DVD boxset of Businessman Adventure BANZAI! and free Sirius from the inevitable boredom that set in when he wasn't distracted by hilarious foreigners. If Beth wanted to join in, so much the better, but Peter didn't really see a situation in which she would outrank the lads in any way, excepting perhaps her rack.

Then he walked in (confident that Remus was in class and that James was otherwise occupied and that Peter would not, in any way, find a penis inserted into anything besides perhaps a bagel) and found his mate holding his girl. And perhaps Peter would have been jealous, but the look on Sirius' face and the sounds coming from Beth were something he more associated with Sirius rejecting girls than seducing them. "You all right, Beth?" he asked.

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hiptomyjive
2008-06-03 11:55 am UTC (link)

Sirius was almost relieved when Peter walked in, but he didn't know if that was right, either. He mouthed an exaggerated 'HELP' to his friend, out of the bird's eyesight. Then to Beth, a "Hey, look who it is," in a tone that might've been patronizing if Sirius had a single bloody clue what he was doing.

Beth raised her tear-stained face to look at Peter. "Peter," she said, sniffling and wiping her cheeks. She sat up straighter, getting off of Sirius. She really shouldn't do this. She shouldn't tell him everything. He wouldn't like her anymore. But crying in his best friends' arms wasn't exactly sexy, either. "I need to talk. I have to tell you everything."

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the_w_in_mwpp
2008-06-04 02:16 am UTC (link)

"Okay. It's fine." He hugged her, thinking that she probably needed a hug right now from someone who had reactions to crying girls that didn't consist entirely of "run the fuck away."

Behind her back, literally, Peter handed off the boxset and made a motion to the effect of 'Run, save yourself,' to Sirius. He was fairly certain that Beth didn't have anything more shocking than the fact that she was a werething to her repertoire of shame, whereas he had the murder of his best friends. Peter won.

"You can tell me anything."

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merelylovely
2008-06-04 03:24 am UTC (link)

Sirius got up, taking the boxset and putting it down on an end table. "I'm going to go have sex," he announced, feeling the need to reassert his manliness after all of the emotions. "Very manly sex, with other men. Possibly more than one." Arguably, the manliest kind of sex. He left the flat, shutting the door behind him.

Suddenly, everything Beth had planned to say vanished from her head. She felt a little sick. She shouldn't tell him--he would hate her!--but she had to tell him. She leaned into him, her heart racing with nervousness. "I.." Her voice cracked a little. "I've never been very strong." It wasn't a confession as much as it was a thesis statement. A starting board for a story that sounded longish.

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the_w_in_mwpp
2008-06-04 09:31 am UTC (link)

Good luck, thought Peter, mostly out of habit. Then he returned his attention to the girl who seemed to need more than anything else a shoulder to cry on.

As she began to speak, Peter could relate very easily. There was a time when the real reason he spent so much time with James and Sirius was because they were everything he wasn't. They were brilliant when he was average. They were handsome while he was plain. They were strong when he was weak. He thought that he could be like them. And to a certain extent that was still true, but in a different way: James and Sirius and Remus were better people than Peter.

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merelylovely
2008-06-04 11:19 am UTC (link)

Her voice shook a little as she began speaking, a little faster. "I've never really been alone.. I got married right after high school.. It was stupid, and I was miserable. Alleta, the wereswan who turned me.. She took me away from that. She had a protector, Kael, a wolf. He watched after me too, but he was hers, just like I was hers." She wouldn't dwell on that too long. He probably wouldn't want to hear details about her old girlfriend.

"She was strong. But.. not strong enough. A few years back she was killed. Attacked by a wolf." Beth kept her voice steady. It was years ago. She wasn't about to start crying over old lost love. That wasn't why she was telling him this.

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the_w_in_mwpp
2008-06-05 02:30 am UTC (link)

"You knew the werething that turned you? And loved her? Your world is... different." The person who turned Moony was Fenrir Greyback. He was something of a celebrity in werewolf circles, evidently. When they were younger, Moony used to wonder who'd done it, how guilty they must have felt. Then he found out it was a monster, and it was hard on him.

"I'm sorry. Go on."

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merelylovely
2008-06-05 03:20 am UTC (link)

"I.. yes. It wasn't really.. normal. You don't really get bitten by a swan by accident, usually." She ran a hand through her hair, looking a little lost. She couldn't quite connect to her story. She needed to finish it. "Kael stayed. A while back--a month before I came here, I guess--he was killed. Shot by a vampire."

She frowned some, her brows furrowing. She looked down at her hands; they were shaking.

"I had to find someone to protect me." She glanced away, not able to meet his eyes. "I trusted him. I loved him. He loved me.. And he did this." She pulled the neckline of her shirt down to reveal her scars. They wrapped around her shoulder and part of her chest, still pink, a few months old now. They were deep and uneven.

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the_w_in_mwpp
2008-06-05 03:43 am UTC (link)

He'd seem them before, in the early morning sunlight. A brief glimpse after lycanthropy had let up and before he'd turned away for decency's sake. He'd always assumed that they had come from the wolf that had bit her--which, come to think of it, was ridiculous. Did swans even have teeth? He wasn't an ornithologist.

"How did he do that? And why?" Peter's fist clenched without his noticing. There was no reason for that.

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merelylovely
2008-06-05 03:59 am UTC (link)

"He.." her words caught in her throat. These memories were more recent; more vivid. She felt sick to her stomach, and her heart was racing. She shook her head, turning away. There was so much she couldn't say. What he'd said, how his teeth had been more man than wolf when it happened.. "I don't know." She let her shirt go, concealing the wound again.

"I'm scared. All of the time. Every minute of everyday, I'm terrified." She shivered then turned back to face him. She caught his eye for a moment before her gaze dropped to his hand.

"I'm not a nice person." An odd segue, but she didn't think she could stop the words now if she tried. "I.. I wanted to use you. I thought that if you liked me, you and your friends would keep me safe. I told myself not to trust you, not to fall for you.. But I guess I'm a bad listener." She bit down on her lower lip. "I'm a hopeless romantic, even though I don't want to be.. I want to be smarter, pragmatic, strong.. But I don't think I ever will. And I know sometimes I try to go too fast or do too much, but it's just because I'm scared you'll get bored and leave and.. It used to be just about losing the protection, but now. I like you more than I should." She looked up at him, realizing that she'd been rambling for what felt like ages. "Please say something because I'm terrified you hate me."

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the_w_in_mwpp
2008-06-05 09:37 am UTC (link)

Peter waited for a moment to speak, trying to line up his words properly. It was a lot to have dumped on him in one go. "You don't want to be pragmatic. I am pragmatic. Because of it, in my future... in the future I would have lived if I hadn't come here, I would have betrayed my friends and the entire world just so that I could get a chance at living." Peter knew that James didn't blame him, but if Older Sirius ever came at him with a knife, Peter couldn't honestly say that he would blame him.

"I like you, Beth. At least, I think I do. I'm not sure. You're trying to make me like you, and you did pretty okay for a while. I liked a girl that was sweet and sexy and nice to the point of being a little annoying sometimes. I liked that you didn't seem to mind that I'm not at all cool. I'd like to know the real you. And if it's an entirely different person, then I guess I'll find out. But I should tell you now. You can't use me. Not even if you try. I'm not strong. I'm not brave. But I've learned something, and I think that if I had to make a choice between my mates and anything else ever again, they'd win." He hoped.

"You faced up to what you tried to do. I... Sirius found me by accident and dragged me home. I admire that in you."

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merelylovely
2008-06-05 11:50 am UTC (link)

"I don't ever want to make you choose. Your friends are great. Sirius has put up with more than one nervous breakdown from me, and I can tell he isn't the sort of person who normally does that. Not to mention that he tries to actually remember to wear clothes when I'm around, which takes a herculean effort for him, I'm sure. And Remus is sweet.. When I get so scared around the full moon he tries to help, even though he isn't in any shape to. And I don't know James that well, but it's obvious that they all love you, and I'd never try to come between that, ever." She'd never seen friendship like these four. It was special.

But she was worried that it wasn't her ultimatum he was talking about. She doubted they'd be thrilled when they found out what she had been trying to do to their friend. She might not have any say.

"I've been scared so long that I'm not even sure I know the real me. Maybe you can help me with that." She gave him a small smile. She felt so open, so vulnerable. She wasn't in control anymore.

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