Colin smiled at Dennis again. It had taken until Dennis came for him to smile. He was happy to feel himself smiling, and not forcing it. What Dennis said made sense. His head was trying to remind him of everything and his heart was saying things...and everything speaking at once was more confusing than anything else. Even the Goblin Wars were less confusing than this, but he supposed he wasn't there during those wars, so he couldn't really know.
"I think so," he murmured after a moment. "It's just difficult. I don't like anyone to be sad...especially not cause of me." But what was there to do for it? Not much of anything, really. It was going to go one way or the other. "They both said they wouldn't hate me...if it didn't go their way." And he hoped that was true, because it was going to be difficult. "I think Zach's dad is the scariest part about this. Justin's parents weren't scary. Mum always knows how to make my head quiet when it's too noisy...like when I couldn't sleep sometimes because I was so excited my head kept going on and on. Mum knew how to stop that."
He shouldn't be sad that she wasn't here right now, but he was. He was sad that she couldn't help his mind be quiet. "I don't think I can love anyone else but Justin and Zach. Zach...I think Zach still loves Cedric," he said after a moment. "It's not his fault, but I think he will always love Cedric. I think maybe some people can love more than one person, but it was wrong of me to start something else before I knew if I should. I don't think it is the loving two people that is wrong. I think it is that I didn't ask what Justin wanted first." That was the heart of it. "So now the other stuff feels wrong and much less good because I know I went about it wrong."
He paused, sighing softly. "But just as much as my heart knows that I was wrong, it also knows that it will take a while before it is completely right again. I liked not knowing. I liked us both not knowing together, but I wanted to know, too. I don't know if I like knowing more than I like not knowing together." Colin focused for a moment on Dennis. "Does that make sense?"