He had been trying to answer the question, really. It was just...feeling was a hard thing to do, and thinking and carefully making it come out how he meant was hard when he wasn't exactly sure what it was he felt in the first place. And so...he spoke, and, no, Zach didn't think before he spoke, for the most part. Judgment wasn't a real issue with Theo. And if it were, then Zach really needed it. But it wasn't easy, for him or even for Theo, to get it. And Zach depended on Theo a lot when he was confused. His cousin had a way of making logical sense of everything.
Zach had proposed to Lavender without talking to Colin about it, but that was due to her special circumstances at the time. Zach hadn't been out...hunting women or checking them out or something. There wasn't anyone in mind. But a lot of people had died or were dying or were barely living. And it sort of put everything in a sort of perspective, like when Cedric died, except not quite so...crushing. The reality of it all hadn't sunk in yet, not like seeing Cedric's corpse on the tournament field. But it...wasn't the same.
"She could always love someone else too," Zach murmured under his breath. He hadn't meant anything to ever stop someone from loving someone else. Colin loved Justin...had even, had even talked about them with Justin. And that they'd likely cuddled and kissed and maybe even more...well, whatever made Colin happy. It didn't hurt Zach that Colin loved someone else too. But it did sting a little to...that Colin talked about their relationship with his other...boyfriend and clearly Zach was the bad one.
"Something else?" Zach wasn't sure what Theo was saying. Okay, the obvious was obvious. He could try for a different kind of family, yes, but...what kind? What would be able to be a family like...like what he wanted in a family? "And well, however it goes, I do want to have a child or two of mine. I'm not sure how much of a bone it is to toss my father that there could be a bastard heir. But..." Zach's voice trailed off.
"If I do," Zach spoke, as some of his thoughts swam in his head, trying to piece them together, "I'd only want you to come, to get me, if you needed to to save my life." Zach had no intentions of dying anytime soon...or even not as soon. That was a long far off grandfatherly or great-grandfatherly time thing. But even if Colin were the reason he was doing it, if he went against his father like that, it was him, not anyone else. Merlin, even talking about it...telling his father off like this, was crazy...mindblowing. Insane.