He was almost crying. He had shown Colin, was going to, once Colin developed those photos. Then Colin would see it all and never return. And it would hurt, more than almost anything, but...it wasn't the same as losing Colin when he was right there, so close. And Colin was getting closer, Zach belatedly realized. Before he would have had such a dirty mind about having Colin between his legs, but Zach knew he didn't deserve to think such naughty things about Colin.
And Colin was just...it almost made him cry to hear how hard...how close Colin had grown to him, which meant Zach was hurting him that much more or going to. Zach hadn't even realized it before. But he was determined to know it now, so he didn't hurt any more nice people. And bloody hell, Colin was getting harder and harder to ... Zach wasn't sure. He wasn't trying to ignore Colin or anything. It just...looking him in the eye was different.
Still, Zach couldn't look away. He didn't understand how Colin was still smiling, but Zach was going to be honest. He owed Colin that much at least. "I'm a horrible person," Zach stated, nearly swallowing his own words, "well, horrible boyfriend. I've treated Cedric shitty. I've wronged his memory, and..." Zach sighed, "Even if I haven't been yet, I know I'll do the same to you, be shitty. At least if you leave me now, you'll have good memories."