Clearly he wasn't making any sense. "No. I wasn't against what happened prior to the avoidance. I wasn't against what we did. I avoided it for you. For your sake." He felt angry. Mostly because he knew he wasn't making sense and he hated these conversations and none of it made any bloody sense. He couldn't just come out and say it. He didn't know how.
"I had a conversation recently and maybe I gained the smallest inkling of hope. I usually don't care for hope, nor do I hold onto it quite as tightly as I have this." He frowned more. This sounded stupid and he hated it. "Maybe I should ask for help on conversations such as these. I fear I'm no good at them."
He hesitated for the second time in too short a time span to touch Tiberius. The touch, when it came, was a brief brushing of fingers over his shoulder. It didn't last long. "I'd tell you not to tell anyone, but Felixa will know all the same..." Why was his breath so shaky? He couldn't make heads or tails of it. "I'm scared to lose you, Tibby. Some part of me has always been. I am sure you may think it silly of me as you have made it abundantly clear that I should always have you..."
His eyes closed and he tried to make his voice work properly, tried to keep emotions from surfacing. His anger had to be kept dormant to. It wasn't Tiberius' fault he was having issues. Not entirely. "Fuck, I hate these conversations," he half growled. Taking in a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked at the other man.
"You're it, Tibby. That person Mother said I was supposed to be searching for. You're it and there isn't anything I can do to change it...and there are words I should say to clarify this, but the fact of the matter is I don't know how. I don't care about the others. I mean Pansy's a given...but most everyone else can fuck off...so long as you're there."