Lomiel, Avarian, Meril or whatever. (dark_daughter) wrote in untold_logs, @ 2008-07-07 21:45:00 |
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Entry tags: | avarian, caranthir |
Quite frankly, you piss me off. But I like you regardless.
Who: Avarian, Caranthir
What: Caranthir expresses his thoughts about this whole "No nieces until you get married" thing.
When: Oi. Right after this log where Maglor lays down the law, which may as well have been over a week ago at this point.
Avarian: *is building a kitchen*
Caranthir: *marches in, hits her*
Avarian: *blinks*
Caranthir: *twitchy*
Avarian: *turns away from him, blinks tears out of her eyes* *wasn't.... really expecting that*
Caranthir: Apparently I cannot have any neices until I marry you >.<
Avarian: .... interesting.
Caranthir: You could say that. *grabs her face, then sighs and wipes blood from her nose* I am..sorry >.>
Avarian: I do not think you will be marrying me anytime soon. *softly*
Caranthir: I have no intention of ever getting married >.< But you did not deserve to be hit. I was..frustrated.
Avarian: *turns away from him* *was creating a brick fire oven* *wipes blood away from her nose, slathers cement onto brick, sets it into place*
Caranthir: Quite frankly, you piss me off. But I like you regardless.
Avarian: I fail to see what, specifically, I do that pisses you off. *sighs*
Caranthir: You are...you >.< you are enticing and stubborn, frustrating, and a bitch. But you are gracefull and intelligent, and I want to ....I do not know.
Avarian: Did it ever occur to you, Moryo, that the reason I am bitchy around you is the same reason you are grouchy around me?
Avarian: *sets another brick into place, without looking at him*
Caranthir: and that would be?
Avarian: ... I get edgy around you. I feel like I am navigating a minefield, because I do not know what to say that will not set you off, while still allowing you to know that I am strong, and stubborn, and independant. I worry, you see, that you will consider me otherwise somehow, so I go into every discussion we have with something to prove, but wary at the same time. We are not relaxed with eachother.
Caranthir: .............
Caranthir: You could have told me this before.
Avarian: I am sorry. *sighs* Perhaps I should have. *sets another brick into place, wipes more blood away from her nose*
Caranthir: I do not want anything like this..hidden.
Avarian: So you would prefer to have everything out in the open. *sets another brick into place*
Caranthir: Yes.
Avarian: I would rather things went less .... prickly ... between us. *sets the last brick into that row, wipes off the excess*
Caranthir: As would I. I would rather feel at ease around you, than not.
Avarian: Agreed. *nods her head* *takes a step back to look her work over, pinches her nose to stop the bleeding, since it hasn't yet*
Caranthir: ..... >.>
Avarian: I have not been so bloodied up since my Uncle decided to hit me. *says this, after stopping the bleeding*
Caranthir: *laughs* You seem to invoke such a response?
Avarian: I deserved it. He took me to task for my faults, and I took him to task for his.
Avarian: He was still ... the head of the house, and I should not have done it.
Caranthir: *raises an eyebrow* Done what? Did you hit him?
Avarian: Nay, but I .. yelled at him, quite extremely, for waiting so long to marry Minuial that she nearly faded away.
Caranthir: I have never held much esteem for head of house
Avarian: He would have denied me Laerion, if he had known. *sighs*
Caranthir: *snorts* I think he just cared deeply about you.
Avarian: *nods her head* Our fates have been tied together, here and there, ever since we left Aman. He had his way of showing penance,and I had mine. Mine involved blending in with the world of Men, though. And after the Nirnaeth, he could not trust them.
Caranthir: *gets this utterly dark look in his eyes*
Avarian: *frowns* *goes back to working with the bricks* I missed it, so perhaps that is why I am more ready to trust. But he warned me of what I would be facing, and he was right. And so.
Caranthir: *remembers that**gwrar....took him a few thousand years in utter darkness to forgive >.>*
Caranthir: *will never forget though*
Avarian: He will be on that shore, and I will be on this one. *chuckles a bit, sets a few more bricks into place*
Caranthir: Not forever, though.
Avarian: *shakes her head*
Caranthir: *puts a hand on her shoulder*
Avarian: I have always thought, that I belonged here. And there is nothing waiting for me, over there.
Caranthir: I do not believe that to be the case, Lomiel.
Avarian: You do not need to believe it... it is not your choice.
Caranthir: Do you still consider me your lord?
Avarian: ..... *sighs* You would order me to sail, then?
Caranthir: With me, yes. Would you obey?
Avarian: *softly* Not if it was not my own choice.
Caranthir: That is the answer I wanted to hear >.>
Avarian: Loving you does not relieve me of my backbone, Moryo. *very softly* *puts another brick into place*
Caranthir: You would be surprised, how much I wanted to hear that.
Avarian: *nods her head, not sure what to say to that*
Caranthir: I do not WANT you to lose your backbone, just because I tell you to jump.
Caranthir: I would like to think we - Noldor as a whole - are well past that.
Avarian: I think my ages as a Soldier have taught when to lead, when to follow, and when to simply bow out.
Caranthir: And what does your ages as a Soldier tell you now?
Avarian: *pauses, in the process of slathering a brick in cement* I .... honestly do not know.
Caranthir: So it fails you, then?
Avarian: Sometimes, you end up flying into battles blind. It is not until you get into the thick of them, that you know what you need to do.
Avarian: I am, essentially blind, but I have not yet figured everything out. *chuckles*
Caranthir: You are very hard to react to, and contradictory.
Avarian: *sighs* I do not like to think of this as a situation where a Soldier's instincts apply.
Caranthir: Then what instincts?
Avarian: You confuse me. *turns, looks at him* I cannot decide if I should be stubborn, and stick by your side or if I aught to run off, before I am sorely disappointed with life.
Caranthir: I would prefer you to stay >.< And not just because there are so few of us left.
Avarian: Why, then.
Caranthir: *smirks at her*
Avarian: Says the one who would rather have things open between us. *chuckles, turns back to her work*
Caranthir: Not that I particuraly..feel things for you. Like attraction.
Avarian: Of course you don't. *sets another brick into place*
Caranthir: *folds his arms* They are not feelings I am interested in having again.
Avarian: *sets down another brick, very carefully, and turns around again* Hit me.
Caranthir: I already did. -_-
Caranthir: It's yoru turn to hit me.
Avarian: I forfeit. Hit me again.
Caranthir: Nay!
Avarian: You were so eager to do it, earlier. Do I need to say something to piss you off again?>
Caranthir: What is WRONG with you?!
Avarian: And why, would you refuse to hit me now? What is stopping you?
Caranthir: Because I do not WISH to?
Avarian: *softly* And that is all? Merely because you do not wish to?
Caranthir: You do not deserve to be struck like that.
Avarian: *turns back to her bricks* So you would rather not hurt me by striking me.
Caranthir: I would rather not hurt you at all.
Avarian: Then you are going to have to let me go, when I need to go, because otherwise, you will hurt me grieviously.
Caranthir: By trying to keep you, in a way that is not too close, but not too far. *sighs*
Avarian: *nods her head, softly* I am sorry ... that you did not get the one you wanted. I know, that I am not her. But I could not stop loving you then, and I cannot now, and I am going to end up burning like a moth on a candle flame if I do not peel myself away, eventually.
Caranthir: *shakes his head* I did not deserve love then, I scarcely deserve it now. It never would have gotten very far with her, anyway. *which...still hurts*
Avarian: ... *whispers* Worthy we are not.... *shakes her head* You sound like my Uncle. He spent 6 thousand years the same way you are about to. I watched her fade for 3 before I could not watch that any more.
Caranthir: *softly* We have both been denied, Lomiel, by mortals whose flame is extinguished.
Avarian: I will fall on my own sword before I let myself become what she became, and to this day I do not know what turned her around, or what lead her to survive another 2 thousand or so before he finally gave in. *sets the last brick into place, for the base, and wipes her hands*
Caranthir: you do not love me that strongly >.<
Avarian: Do you doubt me?
Caranthir: Yes! You scarcely talked to me, before this age, you just followed, and obeyed, and looked from afar! That is no way to know a man!
Avarian: You were quick to anger, and regretted it afterwards. It was hard getting along with your older brothers, but harder still dealing with your younger ones, who you felt only slightly protective of while remaining jealous at the attention they garnered that you did not. You are excellent at crafting, with wood especially, and can even play wood instruments when you take a mind, but only where you think no one will hear.
Caranthir: *looks at her like 'omfestalker'*
Avarian: You loved Haleth, because she was proud, and strong, and noble, qualities you wanted in yourself that you never saw were there. Her hands were unstained, the way you percieved yours were. You loved her, you cherished those days with her before she left, but you knew better than to pursue it, afraid it would curse you both. When she marched, you knew you would never see her again.
Caranthir: Such unions are ill-fated...*longing sigh, then runs a hand through his hair* I have had long years to mourn and think on it, to alternately warm and cool. She is where she belongs, now, in a place I cannot follow, with those who meant the most to her. I did not even realize what I felt, until I stood alone atop her mound. *shakes his head* It was the one thing of value I did, finally helping them, and even that was delayed.
Avarian: I went with you to Doriath, not to rescue a Silmaril, but to look after you. I failed you. It has weighed heavily on me. For a very long time, I kept your sword with me, until I could find a place it belonged .... *shakes her head* I buried you next to that mound.
Caranthir: ...........
Avarian: ... well.. I had to burn your body, but I carried your ashes there. It was my thinking, that you could not be with her the way you wanted, in life, but you could at least be with her, in death.
Caranthir: *doesn't know wether to be touched or pissed off*
Avarian: *gets out a chisel and hammer, and breaks a brick in half* I do not tell you this to try and force you, to one side or the other. You will not be forced. I would rather you resented me for other things, than that.
Caranthir: *just feels confused*
Avarian: *breaks a few more bricks, trying to channel her emotions into those for a while, but still.. probably has some hurt leaking through the mask she likes to wear*
Caranthir: *sighs* I am not accustomed to such things.
Caranthir: Such as peoples' feelings.
Avarian: You have spent a great deal of time alone. *softly* That is normal.
Caranthir: How to deal with them, how to feel about them.
Avarian: *breaks another few bricks* .... You are forgiven.
Caranthir: Excuse me?
Avarian: For not knowing how to deal with me, and for hitting me, and probably for the numerous times in the future you are going to hurt me without realising it.
Caranthir: I will try to avoid hitting you in the future?
Avarian: That would be nice. I am beginning to worry that even Elven noses bend when they are broken too many times. *smirks at him*
Caranthir: *smirks back at her* *thinks**says* What would you wish from me?
Avarian: Do you really wish to know? I am not sure you do.
Caranthir: I do.
Avarian: In a perfect world, you would return my feelings, and we would eventually ... yes... bind. I think right now I would wish for you to kiss me instead of hitting me. *chuckles a bit* But I told you. I never expected any of that from you, and I stand by it.
Caranthir: >.<
Caranthir: I like you, but that is not the same as love, and I know not if I would love.
Avarian: *nods her head*
Avarian: *breaks a few more bricks, then counts them to see if she has enough yet*
Caranthir: So I would not want to get your hopes you. But I would like to spend more time with you.
Avarian: I will not allow myself to hope too high. ... If I can help it. However, if it gets to be too much, you will not stop me from leaving.
Caranthir: I would prefer you not to leave. And that does not mean things would not..progress.
Avarian: I know you would prefer me to stay, Moryo. But that will not stop me from making decisions to save us both. *gently*
Caranthir: You are terrifically obtuse, Lomiel.
Avarian: *sighs* *turns back to what she was doing* And you are being so extraordinarily clear.
Caranthir: I am trying to say, that I would like to explore where things go. Somewhat like a courtship..only not.
Avarian: ..... Alright.
Caranthir: You do not like this idea >.<
Avarian: I am merely wary.
Caranthir: Naturally.
Avarian: Please understand that this is not... exactly the easiest thing for me, either. The last time I spent any length of time amongst my own kin was .. *counts in her head* ... at least a thousand years ago.
Avarian: Or anywhere near them. Even with my Uncle, it was ... well he was my Uncle it is different, but I barely saw him, either.
Caranthir: *nods his head*
Caranthir: *starts to help her with the bricks*
Avarian: *shows him the quick plans she sketched up, for the big oven she is making, and the part she is working on now*
Caranthir: *looks them over and nods approvingly*
Avarian: *gets to work!*
Caranthir: *helps!*