Moving On (Flashback) Who: Blaise Zabini, Theo Nott Where: Zabini Manor When: May 25th, 1998, morning (Flashback) What: Theo reveals the depths of his father’s depravity; Blaise wants to just be happy again Notes: Rated R for minor smut (groping). Mention of rape. Status: Complete
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Theo woke to the sight of Blaise curled up against him, breathing softly against his chest. Reaching out a hand, Theo touched the other man's hair and smiled. They were back at Zabini Manor, after Isabella had insisted they return there. It wasn't safe at Hogwarts anymore, and this was the easiest situation. Theo had found out Draco was going to be living in a flat with none other than Potter himself, and Potter's friend. That had surprised and worried Theo, but it was Draco's decision in the end. Theo rolled over onto his back, thinking about the strange incidents of this past week. He had been released from the Hospital Wing after a couple of days of worry and confusion. They still didn't know what was wrong with him. Theo sighed. It had been a long week.
At the touch of Theo's hand on his hair, Blaise began to slowly stir out of sleep. It had been a fitful night for him; he hadn't been able to sleep until he was certain that Theo had nodded off safely. The past few days had been exhausting in so many ways, and he'd been sleeping badly. Blearily he opened his eyes and glanced up to see Theo looking down at him. He mumbled a greeting and buried his face back into the boy's chest, cursing the evil light of the damnably cheerful morning sun.
Theo laughed as Blaise grumbled into his chest. "Morning, you," he whispered. Theo stroked Blaise's hair gently, studying him as he did. Blaise was obviously shattered. They still hadn't gotten round to the discussing the incident at Nott Manor, and Theo knew that would take whatever life Blaise had left out of him. Theo didn't want that, but it had to be done. "We have to... talk," said Theo vaguely. "So wake up." He prodded Blaise, half-smiling.
"Sod waking up," Blaise growled half-heartedly into Theo's skin. He sighed though, and slowly rolled onto his back, letting his eyes open a little and adjust to the light.
Rolling over onto his side, Theo looked at Blaise. He was so cute in the morning. Theo began to talk. "I've been thinking it over, and we need to talk about what happened to me at Nott Manor. You need to know..." Theo completed the sentance in his head: No matter how horrible it may be. "Do you want to?" asked Theo, half-hoping Blaise would say no.
Blaise turned his head and looked Theo in the eye, saying nothing for a little while. Part of him was definitely unsure he wanted to hear this, especially right now. He wasn't really sure about what was going on inside himself right now, let alone Theo. On the other hand, though, he didn't feel like he could say no to this. Theo needed to talk about it, and he had to be there for him. "Alright," he whispered.
Theo swallowed and nodded. "Um, okay..." Now it had come to it, Theo wasn't sure where to begin. "I promised to tell you everything you wanted to know, no matter how bad. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst things. The worst, actually." Theo paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I was 14, and my father and I had an argument. A bad one. He threw me in the c-cellar and... and..." Theo closed his eyes, fighting down something that was rising in his throat. He didn't know whether it was vomit, or tears, or fear, but he didn't need it right now.
Reaching out, Blaise took hold of Theo's hand in his own and squeezed it tightly. "It's alright, I'm here. You're not there, you're in my - our bed. You're not there."
Theo squeezed Blaise's hand back. "He got a house elf," Theo whispered through gritted teeth. "That house elf... and made it... it..." Theo wasn't sure how to describe it. Rape would be the accurate word, but Theo had hated that word, always hated it. It sounded so dramatic and wrong. Still. Theo took a deep breath. "And made it... r-rape me..." Theo shook his head, rolling over onto his side. He didn't feel better for saying it, for getting it out loud. He felt worse; he felt cheap, dirty and melodramatic.
Blaise blinked once, slowly, for a moment completely unable to comprehend the scope of the horror that Nott Sr. had inflicted upon Theo. How could a house elf do something like that? Was it even capable? Elves had never seemed like sexual beings to him, they just... weren't. They were elves for Merlin's sake. Then the more rational part of his mind reminded him that Theo was shaking and turned away from him. He tugged the boy tight against his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "No wonder it scares you so much."
Theo couldn't bear for Blaise to touch him, not now. He pushed him away shakily. "They terrify me," whispered Theo. "Every time I see one I get reminded of that night. The worst night of my life. It was worse than having my father rape me himself. For him command this creature I never thought possible to do something life that... to order it to do something like that to his own son..." Theo wasn't crying, which surprised him. Still, he had done his crying a long time ago. Theo sat up and buried his face in his hands. "I can't even bear for you to look at me," he mumbled through his fingers.
"Oh don't be ridiculous," Blaise snapped, and then immediately felt awful for it. "I'm sorry." He ran his hands through his matted hair in frustration. "Why do you always seem to think that you're going to drive me away because horrible things have been done to you? Do you honestly think I'm that shallow? I'm not Draco, for fucks sake." He cursed softly and viciously tugged at a loose thread on one of the sheets, watching it unravel. "I love you, and that hasn't and isn't going to change just because your father is an abomination that should be eradicated from the face of the world." He tugged Theo's hands away from his face and forced him to look at him. "Alright? I'm here, and I'm not leaving."
Theo looked at Blaise, feeling slightly angry himself. "I never knew what love, or affection, or friendship, felt like for years. I had only known pain and hurt and I didn't expect anything different when I went to school. I came to Hogwarts and I was the loner, the whiny, scrawny loner with no friends. That didn't surprise me. Then I met you and Draco and it was unbelievable. You seemed to accept me, and that surprised me. But even after all this time, it still feels like some kind of nasty joke and I'm just waiting for the punchline. You say you love me and I know I love you, but still. It's all so... unreal. And I'm sorry. Oh gods, I'm so, so sorry." Theo met Blaise's defiant gaze and almost flinched. "Doesn't it disgust you to look at me?" he mumbled quietly.
"Haven't I been saying just that?" muttered Blaise, sinking back against the headboard. "It never has and it's not going to. I'm tired of everyone expecting me to just up and leave all the time." He wasn't really certain what he meant, but he was tired. He hated this so much.
Theo swallowed. Now he felt guilty and he didn't know why. He shuffled over and sank into Blaise. "I'm sorry." Theo hugged Blaise tightly.
Sighing, Blaise nodded and kept Theo close to him. "I'm sorry too," he muttered. "The last few days have been awful."
"They have," Theo agreed. He felt the tension between them and hated it. Reaching up, Theo kissed Blaise. "Just so you know, I've never thought that you were going to up and leave me," Theo whispered. "You'd never do that... Not again. I know that. And I'm sorry. For everything."
"Stop apologizing," murmured Blaise. "I'm tired of apologies too. Let's just... not do that anymore. Let's move on, please." He wanted so much to do just that, to just move forward again and get past this. He was tired of Inferi attacks and revelations about the horrors of Dark Lords and Evil Fathers. He was sick and tired of war. The damn thing was supposed to be over, and they were supposed to be happy now.
Theo nodded. He couldn't help but feel he had done something wrong and he didn't know what. He resolved just to leave his childhood alone for the time being. "What are we going to do now then?" he asked.
"Take over the world," Blaise said definitively, trying to lighten the situation at least a little. He kept his face carefully straight as he announced his megalomaniacal intentions.
Theo laughed. "I guess I can help with that. I can be your hot sidekick who everyone likes better, yeah?" He grinned and stroked Blaise's chest idly.
Blaise scoffed a little. "Nonsense, I shall be both adored and feared. I am, after all, a Zabini."
Theo sniggered. "You're not all as great as you think you are, Zabini."
"Blasphemer!" cried Blaise, seizing Theo and rolling atop him, pinning him beneath him. "You will rue the day you dared besmirch the name of Zabini."
Theo laughed openly. He smirked up at Blaise. "Ah, you're not that great. You're cocky and mean and you smell funny." Theo pulled a face, sticking his tongue out at Blaise. "Everyone likes me loads better. Admit it, Zabini."
"I'll show you cocky," said Blaise, closing his mouth over Theo's while slipping his hand down the front of the boy's trousers to grasp at his soft cock, stroking it into a swift erection.
Theo pulled back from Blaise, still smirking. "What makes you think I want you anyway, Zabini?"
Blaise smirked back. "The fact that you got hard a mere second after I touched you betrays how badly you want me, Theo," he said smugly. He reached down to gather Theo's wrists above his head, holding them there loosely with one hand and smiling again. "Now put that mouth of yours to a better use."
"You've got me there," Theo conceded, putting on a miserable face. "Damn your superior intelligence." Theo grinned and craned his neck up to kiss Blaise deeply.
Blaise lost himself in Theo's mouth, happily forgetting that he hadn't really answered the question about what they were going to do next. For now it was enough to ignore all the bad things from the past, ignore the uncertain future, and just leave in the delightfully warm and sex-laden now. He hoped Theo would leave it at that too.
Theo's tongue danced around Blaise's. He nibbled softly on Blaise's lips, smiling into the kiss. It felt wonderful to just lose himself in Blaise again, instead of worrying about the future, or the past, for that matter.