{Flashback} Confessions Who: Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy Where: Slytherin Common Room When: May 19th, 1998, early evening (Flashback) What: Neville has to get something off his chest and ask permission to let someone else in on a secret. Notes: Angst Status: Complete
Neville bit his lip as he watched Draco turn the page on the book in his hands. He'd been teetering on the edge of saying something for the past five minutes but he didn't quite know how to broach the topic. The guilt had been eating away at him for the past couple of days and he really needed to get it off his chest soon. Taking a deep breath, he moved forward and sat down in one of the chairs close to where Draco was sitting.
"Um, Draco..." Neville started, not quite looking up at Draco. "...I need to talk to you about something."
Draco had been aware of the other man standing there and, as usual, hoped if he ignored other people enough they would leave him alone. He sighed and looked up, arching an eyebrow.
Neville tried to keep himself from biting his lip again but he reckoned it was a lost cause. "I kind of, sort of... That is..." Neville took another deep breath, gathering his courage. "I had to tell Ron about some of the things that happened during the year."
Draco stared at him. Finally he spoke. "You told a hall full of people," he said, voice flat.
Neville looked up, slightly surprised. "Yeah. I know. But I thought that was better than the alternative. But I wasn't exactly talking about that. Ron was angry and well... It was one way to get him to calm down and not have him hex you. I had to tell them about what your involvement actually meant..." Neville paused for a second. "What it meant on a level he could understand."
Draco glanced away, covering his response to that by locating his book mark, marking his place and setting the books aside. He had his blank face on again when he looked at Neville. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him that your information saved Ginny, which it did, along with everyone else." Neville worried a piece of skin alongside his thumb nail. "I've seen Ron mad. He was liable to hex you, Draco, and I couldn't stand by and let him. Not when it could be prevented."
Draco hadn't had a wand back then, so he wouldn't have been able to stop Weasley if he had. He nodded. "I understand," he said quietly. "I guess I should be grateful."
Neville shook his head. "No. Draco, I didn't tell you for gratitude. I told you because... Well, because you needed to know that he knew. And because I broke my word. I'm sorry."
Draco really hadn't wanted anyone to know. He had several reasons for wanting it kept secret still, not the least of which is that there were some ex Death Eaters still at large. "You did it for the usual Gryffindor reason, so I suppose it couldn't be helped," he said with a small huff that was not quite a laugh.
Neville smiled for a second before turning more serious and moving forward on his chair. "I'd like to tell Ginny as well. Before she finds out from Ron." Neville smiled again. "You know what she's like. If she finds out that I told Ron and not her, she's liable to hex bits of me off."
"You fought Death Eaters and you are afraid of a girl?" Draco asked, voice and face serious even though he was teasing. Neville played into the joke. "You haven't lived with her. Merlin, that girl can be scary. You know what they say about redheads!"
Draco even allowed a glimmer of a smile then, nodding and remembering a few punches from her brother. "So you want to tell her that one of the men she hates most saved her life? Isn't that putting yourself more at risk?"
Neville stopped for a minute. He hadn't thought of that. "You might be right. I'll have to remember to cast cushioning charms on myself before telling her. And have a clear escape route."
"Will she have to tell that whole family of theirs?" Draco asked with a sigh, serious again.
Neville shook her head. "Not if I ask her not to. And she'll probably be able to keep a lid on Ron as well." Neville leaned back in the chair. "I wish we didn't have to keep it secret. People should know what you did, how you helped." He held up a hand before Draco could say anything. "I know, I know. They can't what with the Death Eaters still out there, but it's not fair."
Draco frowned. "I suppose if she is willing to keep it quiet," he said. "Not sure I ever wanted people to know. It's not just the danger..."
Draco took a deep breath and sighed, shaking his head. "I .. I don't know if I can explain it," he began but continued anyway. "Do you remember before fifth year, how I seemed to like ... attention?"
Neville nodded, remembering how Draco had to be the center of attention all the time. It had driven him batty.
"Well," Draco said, glancing around to make sure that no one else was around. "I got more than enough attention the last two years."
Neville said nothing. He still felt bad about the fact that he could only keep his own people away from the Slytherin, and even then, he had to be circumspect about the reasons, citing things like honour to keep the DA from pulling Draco aside and kicking the boy's ribs in, just because he was supposedly the poster boy for the next generation of Death Eaters. There was nothing he could have done about the Carrows or the Death Eaters without blowing Draco's cover and losing his best source of information. But it didn't make him feel good about the choice.
"You know those reporters," Draco said. "I just don't need that kind of attention. I have seen how they pester Potter and I ... I just want to be left alone."
"I can understand that. I think that's all any of us want." Neville said softly. "We did what we could to survive, played our parts and last thing any of us needs it to be used as column fillers."
"Yes," Draco said. "Tell the girl what she needs to hear but ... but leave me as much peace as I can get. Understand?"
Neville nodded. "She won't tell anyone else and neither will I."
"Good," Draco said and picked up his book. "That all?"
"Yeah, think so." He answered. He sat there quietly for another moment before leaving to perform the potentially life-threatening task of letting Ginny in on the secret. He just hoped that cushioning charms would be enough.