InsaneJournal

Perhaps it is time you knew.
Who: Nerdanel, Amrod, Amras
What: Nerdanel explains how Amras died.
When: A day or so after Nerdanel kicks Feanor out.
Where: Minas Tirith, Guest Houses
Notes: PG/talk of death/long-form.


Nerdanel found that it was easier for her to keep her mind off of her husband and the fact that her sons were just out there running around somewhere if she kept herself busy. More than anything in the world she wanted to have the family under one roof again, but she knew that this was something that would probably never happen. Still, she had the twins with her and that was more than enough comfort. She had missed them so very much. At the moment Nerdanel had busied herself in the kitchen making her best attempt at making food with foreign ingredients. She wasn't so sure how well it was going, but it didn't smell all that great. She sighed and pulled her long red hair back into a ponytail before wandering out into the living area to look for the twins while the stew.... stewed.


Umbarto loved his mother dearly, and that was what kept him from running out, though his restlessness was increasing. He was leaning halfway out the window, though all he could see were the stables. Listening to the horses and watching them go too and fro was only making things worse, but when his mother entered the room he sat back, giving her a smile.


Ambarussa felt the same way. He was restless and had taken to pacing the main room while whiddling away at a stick. It didn't look like anything. In fact, he wasn't really sure what he was trying to accomplish with it other than having something to do. He perked up with Nerdanel walked into the room and stopped pacing giving her an impish smile.


Nerdanel eyed each of her sons. It was beyond obvious how unhappy they were here with her. She sighed, still thankful that they were there. Maybe it was selfish of her to want them to stay, but she couldn't help it. When Feanor had left with her sons her only request had been to leave one of them and he couldn't do it. Now she had both. She didn't want to give that up. Moving into the room she sat down next to Umbarto and put an arm around him. "Perhaps it is time you knew," she said.


That got her a quizzical look, though he willingly leaned against her side. She seemed to need the physical closeness, and the twins had never been the type to be standoffish with their physical affections. "Knew what, Amme?" he asked diplomatically, though he had some guesses.


Ambarussa perked up and moved to sit down on Nerdanel's other side, leaning in to her like his twin. It was hard to keep the excitement off his face even though he knew that whatever she had to say was probably bad.


Nerdanel pressed a kiss into Umbarto's hair and then wrapped her other arm around Ambarussa's. "Knew what happened after you left Valinor," she said, though it was obvious that talking about this was hurtful for her. "I do not know the details for I was not there. I only received rumors of the first death of one of my sons and after that I closed my ears to news from Middle Earth. The pain was too much," she admitted.


"What rumors did you hear, then?" Umbarto did not want to think of his brothers dying, but at the same time he wished to know the truth of the matter; it had been driving him out of his mind for some nights with guesses and worries.


Ambarussa laid his head on Nerdanel's shoulder and peered up at her through his dark red hair. "Yes, what rumors?" he asked, parroting his twin.


"Rumors of you," Nerdanel replied sadly. "When your father swore his Oath and meant to take each one of my sons with him, I pleaded with him. I pleaded that he might leave me one of you so I would not be alone. I knew he would not give up on any of your brothers, but I held hope that he might take pity on me. That was not the case." She swallowed and heaved a sigh before squeezing the twins closer to her. "You both swore the Oath and left with Feanor, slaying our kin at Alqualonde and stealing their ships to sail to here." She paused for a moment and gave each of them a meaningful look before continuing. "The night that you landed on shore everyone slept on land, everyone but you, Umbarto." She turned to look at him for some sort of reaction and then continued slowly. "In the morning when Feanor awoke he set fire to the ships at Lammoth and you were aboard, my fated son. You died that night."


"It is said that you meant to steal a ship and come back to me, and I have never forgiven myself for that."


Of all the things he had heard, hearing of his own death made the least sense. He looked at his mother for a long moment, than at Ambarussa, before some of it managed to sink in. He shook his head quickly, though speaking was somewhat difficult. "Do not blame yourself any longer, Amme; you have no reason to." It was he who felt a sudden sting of guilt, for leaving her in the first place, for following his father into a slaying. Deeper emotions of anger or resentment might come later, but for now Umbarto could not manage them.


Ambarussa wasn't sure how to react to this. A part of his was angry at the news, but mostly he felt sad for his mother. She looked so forlorn, so ridden with guilt and he mentally kicked himself for being so dumb as to leave her in the first place. Still, the news at loosing his twin was frightening. Ambarussa could not imagine his life without his other half. He would be watching Feanor with a different eye now. Had it been on purpose? He reached over and place a comforting hand on both Nerdanel's and Umbarto's legs, but remained silent.


Nerdanel managed a sad smile at Umbarto as though his words had released her. There was no need to hold on to a guilt that was worthless now. Umbarto was sitting right there next to her and she wouldn't let Feanor take either of her twins away again, nor any of her sons. "Do not let this come between you and your father," she said. "We must try to forgive the past so that we may move forward in a better life."


Umbarto nodded slowly. "Of course, Amme. We will do our best." Though he realized even now it might take some time. He placed his hand over his twin's, and wrapped his other around his mother, hugging her to him. "You need not worry."


Nerdanel returned the hug gratefully. "I know you will," she whispered with a nod. Her twins would never let her down. She knew that much. She remained silent for a moment, still hugging onto them. "Now you know," she said. "What your brother Makalaure is so angry about, though I am sure there are other grievances he has with your father... that was the first."


"It makes sense," along with what other small bits of information the twins had gotten. It seemed their brother had many grievances. Umbarto shifted in his seat. "He is not well, Amme- Cano, I mean. His mind seems wounded, and I do not think Atar understands that."


"No," Nerdanel shook her head. "Your father only sees weakness in him and wishes to be rid of it. He does not value kindness and gentleness that he has inherited from me. They will make amends, though, I know that much. It will take time for Makalaure to heal from his wounds. Perhaps he needs you more than I."


"You both need us. But Cano is not alone, I am sure. Maitimo would make certain of that." He placed great trust in his eldest brother; when his father lacked credibility, to him Maitimo always would.


Nerdanel took in a deep breath as if to steady herself and then nodded. "You're right, though I would not have you caged while you are here." She turned then to both of them. "I see that you are restless. Have some food and then leave my side for awhile. I will be fine alone for but a night." She smiled to let them know that she spoke the truth and then stood up. "Come, I have been slaving in the kitchen, though I can not guarantee the results."


Umbarto smiled, spirits regained somewhat at the idea of getting to leave without upsetting his mother. He got to his feet and headed towards the other room, though he kept Ambarussa's hand. "I will not argue with it, whatever the results."


Ambarussa was still reeling from everything that was said, but the promise of food seemed and the prospect of getting some time outside seemed to lift his spirits. He stood up with his twin and bounded after his mother gratefully. "Nor will I," he said.


Nerdanel continued into the kitchen and readied three bowls of the stew for each of them to eat, or try to and then set them out on the table and took a seat herself. It did not smell appetizing to Nerdanel in the least, but she was still proud of herself for making something with such foreign ingredients. She really needed to take a cooking class or something if they were going to stay here.


The stew was leaning more towards the inedible side of things, but Umbarto did not complain, just as he said. Instead he ate with some quickness, because focusing on the stew was easier than focusing on Nerdanel's earlier words.


Ambarussa was not fond of the stew either and he inwardly wished that one of the family dogs was around so he could sneak the stew to it instead. It was something he had done as a child and never really grew out of. Nerdanel usually made good food, but Ambarussa was a particularly picky elfling. He finished without complaint however and even leaned back in his chair when he was done to pat his belly as if he enjoyed it. "Wonderful," he said, giving his twin a wink.


Umbarto tried not to smile, nodding his agreement. "Thank you, Amme." He hoped that cooking class was coming sooner than later, for their stomach's sakes. Otherwise they would quickly have to learn to take their meals away from home.