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[Jul. 2nd, 2009|12:02 pm] |
This isn't my communicator. Or maybe it is my communicator, just 50 million years ago.
Kirk to Enterprise? Mr. Spock? |
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[Jun. 12th, 2009|11:20 pm] |
Oh, great.
Okay, for those of you that don't know, aim for the head. Everything else is useless. Trust me, I've seen enough movies to know. And it would probably be a good idea not to have sex until this is all over. I know that's hard for some people, but seriously. Pants on until zombies are gone.
Alan, I think we should stick close to Denny. |
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[May. 1st, 2009|09:18 pm] |
Denny Crane. |
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[Mar. 31st, 2009|08:05 pm] |
That was the best weekend ever.
Alan. Guess what I can do. |
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[Jan. 11th, 2009|09:49 pm] |
Oh no . . . Now where am I I knew I shouldn't have gone with him
I have to get home. |
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| Not a good Hallow-weenie. |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|03:28 am] |
What's the deal with this acid-laced, cracked-out crazy world dominated by Oompa-Loompas with extremely dodgy web developing qualifications? My God, a man can't even buy a copy of Dog FancyGentleman's Quarterly now without being assailed by limb-shedding corpses of the undead, or maybe that last time it was just Barbara Cartland posthumously signing her last novel at Borders, I'm not sure.
But lo, this Hallowe'en, evil pagan liberal holiday that it is, I ventured out, braving the bawling hordes of children dressed up like root vegetables and Tinky Winky to visit my adoring public and suddenly, there were zombies everywhere, the undead feasting on the brains of hapless citizens with a stunning swiftness that defied the laws of physics. It took me back to the Republican National Convention all over again.
Good times.
But folks, you know things are bad when shambling reanimated corpses are trundling around town without anything to do but get up in your skull. First they want your brains, then they're going to want something totally ridiculous, like equal rights under the law, and the right to get post-mortemly and post-brain-gorgingly hitched. I've got a plan to stop this madness, right here and now, before the next outbreak of graveyard shenanigans:
I call it, "Proposition 10."
I plan on getting funding for my movement from that niche, fundamentalist group, known as The Living Who Would Rather Like To Not Have Their Brains Eaten, Thank You Very Much. |
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[Nov. 21st, 2008|11:45 pm] |
Denny Crane:
I showed up at your firm, and the woman at the desk if that was, in fact, a woman didn't seem to know where you were. And then I...
Won't bore you with the details of what happened afterward, but I was wondering if you were still looking to fill that position? |
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[Nov. 20th, 2008|02:55 pm] |
Denny - they said that you're stable enough to go home. They're still looking to get you a heart transplant though. You're at the top of the list.
I wish there was more I could do. |
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[Nov. 14th, 2008|11:49 am] |
So. That was... interesting. I wasn't aware we got tornadoes in California. Or... would be. Getting.
I suck at metaphors. Anyone want to take a stab at what my being swept up from San Fransisco to Hollywood via tornado could mean? Or how I might be able to get back. I'm an hour late for a hearing. Please don't tell me I blacked out. |
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[Nov. 8th, 2008|11:20 am] |
No, you aren't experiencing deja vu, I am actually posting this again, it kind of got lost when the place went crazy over the weekend so instead of trying to recreate, I just dredged up the old one:
Kick-ass Bartender Seeks Kick-ass Attorney's Office
No, seriously, I was studying pre-law back home, at Cornell, didn't really have an area of expertise just yet, was learning everything I could handle without doing a crash and burn.
Somehow I don't think they'd accept: "I'll be a student here in about twenty years" as a prerequisite to getting in again though, and I made a promise that I'd get back into it while I was here, instead of just falling back on the bartending job I was dropped into.
So! I figured that the best way I could learn (or re-learn, or keep learning) would be to get some sort of assistant job with a law office, some kind of junior partner sort of thing. I'm on an island in the Caribbean currently, but my other job is in New Orleans, and travel really isn't an issue.
Anybody? Or do I have to find some references to get back into Cornell?
Best ways to contact me: [cell phone#], [email address]
Also: A Mr. Denny Crane mentioned something about an internship? Is this still open? What does it entail? |
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| Kick-ass bartender seeks equally kick-ass attorneys office |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|11:39 pm] |
No, seriously, I was studying pre-law back home, at Cornell, didn't really have an area of expertise just yet, was learning everything I could handle without doing a crash and burn.
Somehow I don't think they'd accept: "I'll be a student here in about twenty years" as a prerequisite to getting in again though, and I made a promise that I'd get back into it while I was here, instead of just falling back on the bartending job I was dropped into.
So! I figured that the best way I could learn (or re-learn, or keep learning) would be to get some sort of assistant job with a law office, some kind of junior partner sort of thing. I'm on an island in the Caribbean currently, but my other job is in New Orleans, and travel really isn't an issue.
Anybody? Or do I have to find some references to get back into Cornell?
ETA: Wow, teach me not to look before posting, biiiig posts.
ETA 2: Right, best ways to contact me: [cell phone#], [email address] |
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[Sep. 30th, 2008|06:20 pm] |
The future seventh Mrs. Denny Crane is gone. |
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[Sep. 25th, 2008|02:21 pm] |
You know, we still don't have names for our spawn.
Anyone have any ideas? Not that we'll necessarily take them, but I'm bored as hell and could use the amusement.
Our next job isn't until a week from now, and we've already got it planned out. |
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[Sep. 18th, 2008|07:59 pm] |
( Alan ) |
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[Sep. 18th, 2008|08:20 pm] |
Work's been busy.
Anyone know a good vacation spot? Preferably secluded? |
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[Sep. 10th, 2008|09:26 pm] |
I don't care how long I'm in the 21st Century. I still don't understand why women like wearing so few clothes. Especially teenagers. Have you seen girls these days? They barely wear anything at all! |
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[Aug. 31st, 2008|08:44 pm] |
There are comic books. Comic books...revealing my life.
My life. Everything... |
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[Aug. 27th, 2008|08:12 pm] |
I need to get rid of a man.
Well, not get rid of him. I have family members that could do that. I mean, I'm married to him and no longer wish to be as he is ruining my life.
Again.
How do I divorce him? Quickly. I have lots of money and have no problem being destitute for the rest of my VERY long life just to make him GO. AWAY.
I feel ill.
EDIT: I need a divorce lawyer. |
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[Aug. 24th, 2008|05:42 pm] |
Denny Crane. |
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[Jul. 21st, 2008|06:38 am] |
Alan, where are you? I need to run you through this Kowanski case. It's high profile, and while I think our case is strong, we need to go over the defense attorney's standard tactics. The interns have the information ready to go in the conference room.
Also, I'd like to take a quick minute here to address the board.. I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would like to say that I, Denny Crane, greatest trial lawyer practicing today, have put my support behind Barack Obama. He has a number of truly inspired initiatives, and I think he can bring this country back to where it once was. It's about time we have a president that actually cares about the poor and disenfranchised of this country. |
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[Jun. 28th, 2008|11:23 am] |
A man isn't ever really complete without marriage. I should know, I've done it six times. There's just something magical about love. A wife gives you something your friends can't. And I'm not just talking about the sex.
And now that I've found you.. With your long dark hair, your toned muscles and that tight little ass...
Chewbacca, will you complete me? Make me the happiest man alive and marry me. |
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[Jun. 24th, 2008|10:44 pm] |
I think I might go into acting. I could be a star. |
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[Jun. 17th, 2008|10:36 pm] |
I'm new to reality.
Anyone want to show me the more amusingly mundane things? |
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[May. 31st, 2008|03:45 pm] |
I need a lawyer for some advice. One who doesn't mind an interesting story. |
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[May. 30th, 2008|06:20 pm] |
Denny Crane. |
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[May. 28th, 2008|05:53 pm] |
( Private )
Dolphin butter sing hat maximum pretty lollipop go. |
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[May. 27th, 2008|01:02 pm] |
Well.
Last week was a doozy. Anyone feel like some post-traumatic stress relief?
Say... dinner and a dance? |
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[May. 19th, 2008|06:33 pm] |
Would you believe these people don't even realize they're living in America? |
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[May. 9th, 2008|06:06 pm] |
I would just like to state that it is not intelligent to anger a mother who is trying to protect her child. |
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[May. 8th, 2008|06:53 am] |
I want a party. A gala, even. What charities can I donate to that will throw Denny Crane a party? Preferably one with a coatroom.
Alan. You've been awfully quiet, lately. Haven't been scared off by any C-L-O-W-N-S, have you? |
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[Apr. 30th, 2008|06:24 pm] |
I'm closing the deal on my new house in Boston. This will be my last night in the hotel. Lorelai, I'd like to order room service to celebrate the good news. And by room service, I mean I'd like to have sex with you.
I'm a very good tipper. |
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[Apr. 23rd, 2008|07:21 pm] |
Denny, I'll be staying at the inn and commuting to work in America, if that works for you. Are we going back to Boston? |
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[Apr. 19th, 2008|09:14 pm] |
What the hell are we doing in London? Alan, let's go back to America, like real men. |
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[Apr. 19th, 2008|04:22 pm] |
... someone? I know this sounds crazy - and maybe I am, for all I know - but what year is it, and where am I? |
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[Apr. 13th, 2008|01:16 pm] |
I'm heading back. Did everything work out with the room, Alan? Or am I coming back to find a zombie/lawyer apocalypse in my hotel? |
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[Apr. 11th, 2008|08:13 pm] |
Parties need to go all weekend.
I'm not nearly exhausted enough by Saturday morning. Anyone care to come to a cocktail party and see if they can exhaust me until I can't move on Sunday? |
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[Apr. 8th, 2008|07:28 pm] |
I believe the emotional core of my brain is malfunctioning. I act as if I've been hurt, but I have sustained no injury in the past week!
Is this what loneliness truly feels like? Because it sucks. I want a refund on my emotional core. |
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[Apr. 7th, 2008|11:41 pm] |
I don't care where I am, I'm just glad it's not Sacramento. |
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[Apr. 7th, 2008|07:05 pm] |
( Private )
fuckfuckfuckfuckshitshit |
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