Sam's getting laid by his girlfriend - well, at all. And I've got a girlfriend.
Okay, you know what, Sam's got a girlfriend and it's time he knows it.
But seriously. Both of us haven't had a girlfriend at the same time since I was in eighth grade. And Sam's girlfriend still threw worms at him. Sammy, glad you got an upgrade.
But yes. Just letting you ladies know I'm off the market. I value my testicles too much to have my girlfriend rip them off with her fingernails. That, and then she'd probably yell at me about ruining a perfectly good manicure or something.
... so, these Jammie Dodger things are kind of fucking awesome. I think I might go buy a crate of 'em.