InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I want to talk more"

Mia Jesbar (miaj) wrote in undertherainbow,
@ 2008-04-13 12:35:00

Entry tags:

jamie madrox, lara croft, mia jesbar, qui-gon jinn

Going to be laying low for the next few days. I'll wrap up the case I have left and then might ask for a couple days off. I'm not sure.

Lara, can we reschedule our plans for tomorrow? Just not feeling up to it.

[private] I hate it every time this happens. I guess there's no way to make sure history doesn't repeat itself, again. But it always repeats itself for me. Just waiting for it to happen again.

[Master Qui-Gon] Why is it some memories I've already dealt with can always throw me off balance some more whenever they come up? I thought I'd dealt with them. I thought... I thought I was through with all that. I hate it. I hate remembering him.

[Jamie] I hope I didn't wake you last night. I think I'm gonna go try to nap.

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	Mia _multiplicity 2008-04-14 01:39 am UTC (link)
	Go ahead. You okay? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Jamie miaj 2008-04-14 02:02 am UTC (link)
	I haven't decided yet, but I'll probably stay through til Friday. I will be. Not so good at handling memories sometimes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia _multiplicity 2008-04-14 02:03 am UTC (link)
	Feel better. Sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jamie miaj 2008-04-14 02:16 am UTC (link)
	I should meditate a lot and be fine. I miss some things sometimes. That's all. Thanks, though. I can be completely honest with you, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia _multiplicity 2008-04-14 02:17 am UTC (link)
	Welcome. Yeah. Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jamie miaj 2008-04-14 02:27 am UTC (link)
	Because I want to tell you something I don't think you want to hear, but probably already figured out. I don't want to make you feel awkward. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia _multiplicity 2008-04-14 02:30 am UTC (link)
	Okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jamie

miaj
2008-04-14 03:15 am UTC (link)

It bothers me that I don't think I can trust anyone again to tell them this, that maybe it means I don't trust you enough, cause I do. So.

I love you.

I love you as one of my best friends, but also more than that.

I don't expect anything, or to hear it back -- I don't think I even want to hear it back. But I'm tired of worrying I'll slip, cause I've felt this way for awhile. My behavior won't change. Don't worry. ...I said this much better in a long letter, really. But... there. I... I love you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	yestheyrereal 2008-04-14 05:16 pm UTC (link)
	Not a problem, love. It's easily rescheduled. [Mia]: Are you all right, dear? You don't seem quite yourself. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	miaj 2008-04-14 10:29 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks. [Lara] I'll be all right. Just dealing with some things I need to think about. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Mia

onceaforceghost
2008-04-14 05:25 pm UTC (link)

Sometimes in life, the memories of loss are what defines us as the person we are now rather than the person we were before. We wouldn't be who we are today if not for the experiences we've had, even if they're less than pleasant.

That being said, it's unfortunate that you have to deal with memories you'd wanted long forgotten. Take a deep breath and ask yourself why you let it bother you so much. Meditate on what about him still makes you care while focusing on your ability to care that much, and then transfer it to Jamie and your friends. He is long gone, Mia. He cannot hurt you anymore. You give him more power than he deserves by allowing him to affect you this way.

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