This is not a subject, I'd like to address but I promised to answer questions and so I shall. Better now then later. I will answer them one at a time.
How long? Many, many years.
How long did I stay afraid of death, how long did I fear the end? I'm not sure if you ever stopped fearing death, but eventually it didn't matter. You had a term to serve.
Did I become a part of you? For a time, yes. When William became captain, you became yourself again.
And, I do not mind if you write of this. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I'm flattered by your enthusiasm.