InsaneJournal

The Eagle of Truthiness is once more among you, fellow citizens of the Space Ship Awesome. It's awesome because I'm here. And I'm here because Space is Awesome.

But not as awesome as America. Because that would just be wrong.

As your newly designated Encryption Specialist, allow me to debrief you all on my superlative duties and skills. I spend endless minuteshours making paper dolls out ofdecoding all those different Intelligence reports I receive and scanning them with my complex algorithms for interesting and potentially threatening keywords to our way of space life such as, "bears", "gravity", "laws of physics", "godless heathens" or, "Schnookums."

Then I, along with most of my division, spend the rest of our day convincing the people who pay our salaries to give us an increasingly ungodly budget allowance in order to keep producing the same, somewhat vaguely worded threats from our enemies at approximately fifteen space bucks per sheet, while we spend the rest on replacing the bathroom in my quarters with a nice little number from Martha Stewart's line at Space Station Depot.

Hey - if it's a good enough budget for the Pentagon, it's good enough for the Space Ship Awesome.

And check out my bidet, it's solid gold!