The new president of my record company decided that my image was too "rock" and instead of the few days of meetings about the next Whitehall tour, I was locked up somewhere in the Midwest of America in an attempt to rehabilitate me of my love for drinking, sex and music that is actually written by the people performing it.
I should have them arrested for kidnapping and torture, I should sue them for wrongful imprisonment and emotional stress and I should be finding a new bloody label.
I will do exactly those things as soon as I am calm enough to not be considering more drastic reprisals.
To my friends and family, I greatly apologize to you all for having disappeared, but now you know why. I am deeply sorry for any distress or disappointment this might have caused, so please do not hesitate to let me know what I might do to begin to make it up to you. I realise that some of you might doubt this tale, but I assure you it is absolutely true.
Gabriella, sweetheart, I am so very sorry. They confiscated my cell phone and laptop and I was only just dropped off at the condominium not ten minutes ago, and I was bound and blindfolded for the entire trip. Whatever I might do or say to help convince you to begin to forgive me, let me know and it will be done.