This is not your home. You were moved by a big wind storm, that likes to play jokes on people. You know what a joke is, yes?
[Website]. Click that, if you can manage. It explains things. Should amuse you a bit.
[OOC: The website is down! But it is obnoxiously colorful, with a lot of animated gifs, and informs the character that they're in an alternate universe, magic and whatnot are real, some people are fictional, and you can't get home.]