InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "A lot can change in a week."

Sam Ford (treated) wrote in undertherainbow,
@ 2009-08-30 16:12:00

Entry tags:

ares, dean winchester, miniver cheevy, sam ford, teague brennan

Uh. I could use some advice.

(Post a new comment)

	blood_lust 2009-08-30 09:37 pm UTC (link)
	About? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-30 10:23 pm UTC (link)
	Okay, so. Say your son was gay and was trying to tell you. Um. What would be the best way to do that? Like. Should he just say 'I'm gay' or is that too blunt? Is 'There's this guy I like' too specific? Like maybe you wouldn't want to hear details? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Child blood_lust 2009-08-31 12:48 am UTC (link)
	My sons have all taken male lovers at one point or another. It makes no difference to me. Be blunt. It is best to not mince your words. If he does not approve, you can come live with me and my woman. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 01:12 am UTC (link)
	Uh. Thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Child blood_lust 2009-08-31 02:03 am UTC (link)
	We have room enough for another son. You would be welcomed and allowed as many male companions as you wished. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 02:11 am UTC (link)
	Heh. I don't really wish for that many. Thanks for the offer. Hopefully it won't come to that, but I'll keep it in mind. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Child blood_lust 2009-08-31 02:24 am UTC (link)
	Good. Do that. If you would like, I could slowly remove fingers then limbs until he accepts the truth. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 02:28 am UTC (link)
	Er. No, that's all right. Thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	miniver 2009-08-31 01:45 am UTC (link)
	Well, I can't promise it'll be good, but I can try... (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 02:19 am UTC (link)
	If your son was gonna tell you he's gay... what would you want to hear? I mean, what would be the easiest to take? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	poetbrennan 2009-08-31 02:03 am UTC (link)
	And if my brother can't help, I can. I've got a toddler-boy and one on the way, and adult-versions of each. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 02:30 am UTC (link)
	Um. Say a teenage-version was gay, and was trying to tell you.. Is there like. A certain way he could say it that would be... Better, somehow? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Young Man

poetbrennan
2009-08-31 02:39 am UTC (link)

There's nothing wrong with that, first off. My older-eldest son is gay, and it really didn't come as a shock to me. Sometimes dads just know. But figuring that you've got this apprehension because your dad isn't very tolerant, then I'd approach the discussion lightly, but with a firm grasp of understanding that something might set off that you don't particularly like.

What you could do is sit down with him and explain to him that you just don't like girls the way most guys do. But that doesn't make you a limp-wristed queer, or a sissy or something. And if you have someone you're with, maybe explain why you feel the way you do with him, and tell your dad that it's not something that you really have a choice in. After all, one doesn't choose to be attracted to either girls or guys, they just are.

You know, Miniver, the one who replied before me, he's got experience in this from your perspective, sorta. He never told his dad or mom, but he grew up in the 50s and 60s as a gay boy, so he knows how hard it WAS to come out. And if you need a more modern perspective, my eldest-older son and his husband might be able to help you out.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 02:48 am UTC (link)
	There's a lot more gay sons around than I thought. Thanks. That helps, I think. I really don't have any idea how he'll take it. But that is a good place to start, I think. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Young Man

poetbrennan
2009-08-31 02:54 am UTC (link)

If you need anything in the meantime, just let me know. My name is Teague, by the way, and my eldest son is Cassidy Turner. I'll let him know that if you feel like actually discussing things on a one-to-one basis about this, and need advice, I've sent you his way.

In the meanwhile, don't stress yourself over it. After all, what one guy does in the privacy of his bedroom isn't anyone's business but the one he's doing it with. Or two or twelve. Whatever rocks your hurricane.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Teague treated 2009-08-31 11:22 am UTC (link)
	Thanks. I'm Sam. That might be good. I didn't really realize there were other people like me around here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sam

poetbrennan
2009-08-31 11:27 am UTC (link)

Nice to meet you, Sam.

My brother and I are considering starting up a group talk thing, like one he did back when he was younger called Life Support. It's just a place to chill, talk out your problems with a group, get some good advice. Hell, it'll let you meet other gay guys, and just guys with experience in telling their parents some heavy stuff. Might meet a couple new friends.

We haven't decided on a When, but definitely soon.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Teague treated 2009-08-31 12:17 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know if I'm ready to talk to a lot of people.. That's vaguely terrifying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sam

poetbrennan
2009-08-31 01:17 pm UTC (link)

I know it's scary, it's tough being different than what society thinks is normal, but y'know, you've got people here who are orange and green. There's people who used to be ships and cars and all sorts of things, there's gods and goddesses here, and they're all really different. But you're not green. You don't have to wear your sexuality on your sleeve if you don't want. If you're not comfortable with talking about it with a whole lot of others right now, that's fine, too. You can just come and sit and listen if you feel like it. No pressure.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Teague treated 2009-08-31 01:43 pm UTC (link)
	That's true.. I hadn't really thought of that. Ha. Now I feel a little bit silly. But yeah. I'd like to go to that group thing, at least to listen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam poetbrennan 2009-08-31 01:51 pm UTC (link)
	Hey, that's what I'm here for. And my son's going to be there too, as soon as he heard, he jumped at the chance to have a place to talk stuff out with live people who aren't certified head shrinkers. I'll be posting a thing about it soon. And if you need anyone to talk to one on one, I'm here with an ear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Teague treated 2009-08-31 02:17 pm UTC (link)
	Thanks. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	doubleup 2009-08-31 05:19 am UTC (link)
	Got a baby and a nineteen year old, so, sure, go for it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Sir treated 2009-08-31 11:20 am UTC (link)
	I guess the more answers I get, the better. So if your son found out he was gay and was trying to tell you, what would be the best, non-heart-attack-inducing way to do that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Kiddo

doubleup
2009-08-31 09:22 pm UTC (link)

To be honest, I don't think any dad really wants to know too many details about his kid's sex life or wet dreams, you know? "Hey, Dad, I like guys" would work for me, 'cause then I'd know that if he brought home a guy for dinner it could be a date and I should probably be on my best behavior.

Apparently, one of my daughters from the future likes girls sometimes, and I just told her to make sure I don't hear any noises and to give me a heads up when a date's a date and when a friend's a friend. But I'd appreciate that as a dad with anyone. Just 'cause you're gay doesn't mean you can't have dude friends.

So, yeah, depending on him - at least in my experience - I'm sure he'll be glad for the heads up and still worry about you. It's a dad's job to want his kid to be happy. And if he gives you any static, well, you have to live your life.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Sir

treated
2009-08-31 11:30 pm UTC (link)

That makes sense. About the date thing. I mean, I can't really imagine bringing anyone home for dinner, but maybe that will change after I tell him if everything goes well and everything.

I think I'm more worried about him than anything else. He had a drinking problem before and he's doing better now and the last thing I want to do is make him go back to that, you know?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kiddo doubleup 2009-08-31 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	Please, call me Dean. I call my own dad Sir, s'weird. And honestly,that drinking problem wasn't and isn't and wouldn't be your fault. Trust me - I know a lot about thinking your dad's problems are all your fault. And I promise you they aren't. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean treated 2009-08-31 11:47 pm UTC (link)
	It kinda was. In a weird, roundabout way. I died in his universe, and that's when he started. I mean. Not like that was something I could control, but that's why. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kiddo doubleup 2009-08-31 11:51 pm UTC (link)
	Still not your fault. Seriously. I understand where you're coming from - where I'm from, my dad sort of um. Killed himself so I could live. But seriously, even though your dad's doing this heavy stuff? Not your fault. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean treated 2009-08-31 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	Oh. Man. Okay. Well. I still want to, like. Do whatever I can to make it easier for him not to start again. Y'know? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Sam doubleup 2009-09-01 12:27 am UTC (link)
	It's okay, he's here now. But still - you being happy shouldn't be stressful. You're not slinging drugs, you're not raping and murdering baby geese. It's not a big deal. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean treated 2009-09-01 12:33 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kiddo doubleup 2009-09-01 12:38 am UTC (link)
	I'm just saying, things could be a lot "worse" than you realizing what rocks your boat. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean treated 2009-09-01 12:40 am UTC (link)
	When you put it that way. Yeah. There's definitely worse stuff. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Kiddo doubleup 2009-09-01 12:43 am UTC (link)
	If your dad doesn't take it too well, let me know. We'll go out and get a burger. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Dean treated 2009-09-01 12:58 am UTC (link)
	Thanks. That'd be good. (Reply to this) (Parent)