Oh Rory. I am definitely not the Paris Geller you know and alternately love and hate. Here, I'm the Secretary General of the United Nations. There was a different version of you here before, and you were my assistant. Which like I said, the job's still open if you want it.
I also have a boyfriend. You're going to die. Severus Snape. Professor Snape, of Harry Potter fame. They're here. A whole bunch of them, as a matter of fact, Harry, Ron and Hermione included.