|Stephen Colbert, Bastion of Truthiness (truthy_patriot) wrote in undertherainbow,|
@ 2009-01-28 23:49:00
|Entry tags:||candy quackenbush, jesus, stephen colbert, tachikoma, the word|
The world is WRONG.
This last week has been hell on earth, folks.
Do you have any idea what it's like to age in reverse? It's embarrassing, is what it is. It's degrading. It's having your pubic hair grow inward.
I'm never waxing again. I like my hair where it is, thankyouverymuch.
And someone needs to tell me what the goddamn grizzly-bear hibernating fuck is going on with this chick who says she used to be my blue-sidebarred friend The Word. This is impossible. For one thing? Just between you and me? She looks too damned butch.
(But she's got a really nice ass, even if she's clearly delusional. So I'm keeping her. As long as she doesn't suddenly decide I need to pay her. I don't pay delusional people. I leave that kind of thing to the government.)
No, folks, this week has meant being surrounded by more shit than a national Colostomy Bags Anonymous convention. I should've called in those crazy hippies with their newfangled green technology - there was enough methane being generated in this studio to power the national grid.
And then there was some kind of shindig happening in Washington last week. I don't know. Some black dude became President? Thinks he's some kind of Messiah, or something. I wasn't paying attention: I was too busy rediscovering Neopets and contemplating the relative size of Angelina Jolie's frontal assets.
(But everyone already knows Jesus was whiter than Marilyn Manson. So screw you, 'Jesus'. Come back when you've gotten a non-tan.)
Excuse me, guys. I need to go see if that one hippy dude's advice about playing music to plants works on body hair.