InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I am the Sunshine in Your Life"

Mia Jesbar (miaj) wrote in undertherainbow,
@ 2008-01-29 22:21:00

Current mood:	frustrated
Entry tags:	anakin solo, jack harkness, mia jesbar, mystique, qui-gon jinn

[private] I don't know if I should feel this way, but I do. I feel like I'm behind and have to catch up to everybody. All the mutants have had their powers since at least puberty, and all the Jedi have had the Force their entire lives. And here I'm the 25-year-old apprentice and trainee. Even Luke started training at 18. I'm too old. Too old to be starting this and change how I think and fight. I don't know if I know how to function in this world, especially with the Force against so many other kinds of powers and abilities. I feel useless. Even other skills I have, like as a medic, seem pointless next to people here who can heal anything in a matter of seconds. I don't have a purpose here.

[Master Qui-Gon] If Anakin was too old start training at 9, why am I not too old at 25? Is there even any point in me trying to "catch up"?

[X-Factor] I want to spar with any of you, if you're interested. See how the Force works with, rather against, mutant powers. If it does at all. Anakin? We should definitely spar or something, if you promise to go a little easy on me at first.

(Post a new comment)

	Mia flexibledancer 2008-01-30 05:48 am UTC (link)
	'Afraid the only mutant power I have is the whole 'not dying' thing, but if you need a test of strength, I can take it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Jack miaj 2008-01-30 05:52 am UTC (link)
	I'll take any kind of sparring you can throw at me. ...You know what I mean. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia flexibledancer 2008-01-30 05:54 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. Just try to keep the deaths down to a low number, yeah? It's disorienting like nobody's business. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jack miaj 2008-01-30 06:01 am UTC (link)
	I don't plan on trying to kill you, Jack. But maybe a test of endurance or strength or something. And if killing happens, my apologies. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia flexibledancer 2008-01-30 06:07 am UTC (link)
	'That I can do. And you're forgiven in advance. Really, she's even less scary here than back where I'm from. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jack miaj 2008-01-30 06:18 am UTC (link)
	She? Are you talking about Death? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	jediheir 2008-01-30 05:59 am UTC (link)
	Have you built your lightsaber yet? We can use sticks, if not. We'll have to adjust for the balance a bit, but it should be fine. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	miaj 2008-01-30 06:17 am UTC (link)
	Not yet. Still meditating on the crystal. Sticks would work. And I'd love to try combat with no weapons, just the Force. [Anakin] Are you going to help with that Gambit thing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia jediheir 2008-01-30 06:35 am UTC (link)
	There's not much I can help with. The Force is a part of all living things. Death is not living things. I'm not any good out there. Sometimes I'm jealous of you for that. You made it your whole life without the Force. You're capable even when you don't have a lightsaber in your hand. Me, it guides almost everything I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Anakin

miaj
2008-01-30 06:43 am UTC (link)

This may sound petty but I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like I can't be of any use to them. We're not from their world. I don't know how things work together. Do you have any experience with how the Force interacts with mutant powers?

You want lessons? Regular training with hand to hand or other weapons? I scratch your back, you scratch mine?

Wait did you just say you're jealous of me?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia jediheir 2008-01-30 06:52 am UTC (link)
	I know that Rahne likes it when I pick her up with telekinesis, but nothing really useful, no. I wouldn't be a Solo if I couldn't handle a blaster. But yeah. It's great being, you know, the Solo Wonder Kid and all, but there are some great Jedi like Corran Horn and Uncle Luke who didn't get their training until later, and they were the better for it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin miaj 2008-01-30 07:04 am UTC (link)
	...And you pick her up with TK? Cause she likes it? There are a lot of weapons besides blasters, and a lot of ways to defend and fight using no weapons. I'm kind of working the other way, learning how to incorporate the Force into what I already know. Why do you say they were the better for it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia jediheir 2008-01-30 04:58 pm UTC (link)
	They had lives that weren't all about being a Jedi. Uncle Luke was a farmboy who became a Jedi. Corran was a cop who became a Jedi. Me, I was a Jedi who became a Jedi. They have a lot more life experiences to draw on than I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin miaj 2008-01-31 02:07 am UTC (link)
	Oh. I never really saw it that way before. But I don't think there's anything wrong with being a Jedi all your life either. You know what you're doing with the Force and confident in your abilities. You have plenty of good experiences. And now you're a Jedi who became an investigator Jedi. You still didn't explain about the TK. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia jediheir 2008-01-31 02:17 am UTC (link)
	And I'm not gonna, because Rahne will hurt me in ways I never thought possible. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Anakin miaj 2008-01-31 02:44 am UTC (link)
	She'll never know. Come on. What happened between you two? Something's different, but just a little something. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Mia J

onceaforceghost
2008-01-30 05:36 pm UTC (link)

I never believed Anakin was too old. That was the Jedi Council. I would have trained him myself, were it not for my death at the hands of Darth Maul.

You are gifted, Mia. Your workings within the Force have come far in such a short time. And it's not a matter of catching up. Some Jedi never become what others do in a shorter time. It is why some are Jedi Masters and others are not. You have done well, little one. Your knowledge is great and your skill is more than competent. You improve with each passing day.

And I am proud of the level of self control you've managed. Your meditations have served you well, my child.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Master Qui-Gon

miaj
2008-01-30 06:42 pm UTC (link)

Thank you. I didn't get a chance to add to what I said to you. I want to double my training efforts. Whether I believe I'm behind or not, I want to train more so I can be useful instead of a burden.

You're right, again. It depends on the Jedi, not when they started training.

Thank you for the confidence and belief you have in me. It keeps me going at times. I wouldn't be who or what I am without you. I couldn't have a better master.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mia J

onceaforceghost
2008-01-30 06:46 pm UTC (link)

We can train as much as you'd like, Mia. But overtraining is possible too. So be sure you make time for other activities as well. Do not neglect your mind and your heart in your diligence to your body and spirit. Having all these components is what makes a strong Jedi, I have always believed.

It seems the feeling is mutual, my dear. I am invigorated by your dedication to the craft and your seemingly endless energy. One would not think you were a twenty-five year old, new to the Force. You have come such a long way in such a short time.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Master Qui-Gon

miaj
2008-01-31 02:30 am UTC (link)

Yeah. I agree. I didn't mean I want to do training all day long, of course, but step it up a little. I don't want to give up work at X-Factor either, or time with family and friends.

But didn't Jedi in the time you come from live in the temple and do training all the time? You guys did other stuff too?

I'm not sure you should praise my 'dedication'. Maybe it's only because I've felt behind. Or I'm used to training and pushing myself. But I remember my primary motivation in starting training was cause I didn't want to accidentally hurt people I care about. Now I want to know more to be able to help them. I don't know if these are the reasons I should have for my training, but there they are.

I... I'm really glad you offered to help me and become my master. And that you keep reassuring me every time I seem discouraged. ...This might sound really stupid and sappy but I love you. Thanks. For being there for me.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	Mia impossiblyblue 2008-01-30 05:39 pm UTC (link)
	Oh honey, you don't know how long I've waited for someone to ask me to spar. I've been itching for some action. You wanna meet in the gym, do a little hand to hand? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Raven miaj 2008-01-30 06:47 pm UTC (link)
	Hell yes. Powers or just plain hand to hand? I'd love to try both. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mia impossiblyblue 2008-01-30 06:51 pm UTC (link)
	I don't have much in the way of powers, just shapeshifting. But I can assume the physical traits of who I shift into, so I could take Wolverine's claws, or Emma's diamond form. Hand to hand is so much fun. Both it is! And don't tell the guys. They'd want to watch two girls beat on each other. I don't feel like being a sexual fantasy come to life for anybody. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Raven

miaj
2008-01-31 02:36 am UTC (link)

I think it's because you can shapeshift that would make this wicked sweet. Keep me on my toes if we did one where you shifted mid-fight.

I have a feeling you might be one of my favorite sparring partners ever. It's important to me to make sure I'm still capable without using my powers, and in this place, you never know when you might lose them.

I won't tell them, of course. But it's not like they don't know we wouldn't skin them alive if they tried to watch.

(Reply to this) (Parent)