Lisa
Ouch... I'm sorry. Sounds like it's been rough at best and a nightmare at worst. But you are still here, and you keep trying... I think that is about the bravest thing I've heard of. And the strongest.
What do you want? If you don't mind my asking? Someone to love, or someone to be with?
A beautiful woman like you, smart, and who sounds as nice as you, deserves a better chance, and I am sorry you are not getting it.