I have my Brother, my Angel, my daughter. I feel far more love, or at the least peace, on Earth than I do Above or Below. Were it not for the desire to help my Brother in his goal, I would have forsaken the politics of it all when my former Lord disappeared.
You're right- non-existence is better than the feeling of Loss, of Aloneness that I suffer without His Grace. But that isn't an option, not in any sense that matters. So I do what I can, to ease the pain, desensitize myself, until that Void will take me. You fault me that?