Ilya
I usually take the booze, to make the idea of taking the blood easier. At least, if it's something I don't intend to tell the witch about.
Ilya, you cannot hold this guilt on yourself. You were not aware these events were your fault. I refuse to believe you would honestly have put anyone, least of all your Kris, in danger if you had a say in the matter. But you did not, then. Now, is the choice- to hold onto the grief, fear yourself and your power, and deny what you are, or accept this side of yourself, and learn to use it to your advantage. Learn to use it to protect yourself, and those you love.