Attention! To all those concerned with the whereabouts of the dread sorceress Lulu! I am sent to inform on behalf of a third party that she has been kidnapped. If you wish to see her again, you must pay $500,000,000 in cash, Hot Topic cards, or ownership of small Northern European settlements. Delivery instruction will be provided once assurance of your resources is made! Do not call the police, or she will be fed to the nasty cat next door.