|Henry Townshend (guyin302) wrote in undertherainbow,|
@ 2008-09-19 23:02:00
|Entry tags:||henry townshend|
Okay. I need to get this all off my chest. Bear with me on this one, please.
I've been a terrible boss and an even worse friend. The majority of my time for the past little bit here - I can't even give you a ballpark time period because some of it I can't remember - has been spent in a bottle, and/or curled up in a pack of cigarettes. I had all my neat little reasons, all of these little justifications I told myself when I was on my hands and knees in front of the toilet every morning, for why I was doing what I was doing. Truthfully? They've all been a pile of bullshit. I was running from my problems instead of dealing with them. So I think it's only fair I come clean with you all as much as I can, so you can at least understand where my mind has been at.
A little bit of backstory, first off: I realized, shortly before the week where most of us changed into weird other versions of ourselves, that I had feelings for Ava. Some of you guys might remember her from around the office. As usual, I couldn't work up the nerve to say a thing. Then that aforementioned week happened, and I became a version of myself from...pretty far into the future. In that lifetime, I had worked up the nerve to say something to Ava, and it turns out she felt the same way. We started a relationship, but it didn't last. On one of our raids, a cultists managed to open a temporary Gate to R'lyeh, and Cthulhu took her. I assumed she was dead. That was the first little knife in my heart. Maybe I should've quit the business then, but I didn't. I couldn't.
The next one came when two of you died. The long and the short of it is, we discovered a way to really hurt the Order, and...we did. Thing about hurting groups like that? They always retaliate. Two snipers. Two of you down. I'm not telling anyone who it was, because you guys shouldn't have to deal with that paranoia. It killed another little piece of me. I definitely should've quit the business then, but just like before, I was too stubborn to realize it.
The final strike... What was left of us discovered a ritual that would allow a vessel for Cthulhu to be created. The ritual had to begin during labor, and when the newborn was actually born, Cthulhu would essentially inhabit the body and destroy the newborn's soul. We didn't put it all together in enough time to prevent much. Those of us that were still in the business geared up and raided the chapterhouse they were doing the ritual at. We got into that room just in time to see the newborn popping out, with a Gate to R'lyeh opened across the room and Cthulhu's essence already snaking out towards the baby.
...No choice, and no time to think. One bullet. You can imagine where it went.
That was the last straw. It broke me. Completely and totally broke me. You all got pinkslipped by email, and I tried to quit. Tried to destroy myself with booze and nicotine. But even then, I couldn't quite let go. I'd read the paper every morning and see a story about something I could've prevented. I'd watch the news every day and see names I could've saved. So a year later I reopened the business myself, but it wasn't doing so hot.
That's when that week happened, and I got Ava back. When the week ended? I still remembered - and still do remember - everything. After their ritual was destroyed, the US branch of the Order just gave up. I got a hold of a database that contained every name and every address. By then there was nothing I could really do with it, but I memorized the names anyway, just in case.
Then the week ended, and I still remembered everything...but it hadn't happened yet. See what I'm saying there? It hadn't happened yet. Ava wasn't taken, the two of you hadn't died, and...the other thing was still a long way away. I'd have to act quick, but I could stop it all. So I did. ...Every last member of the Order in the US is dead. No evidence. Don't ask. Some things you just shouldn't do. I crossed a line. That's all you really need to know.
So having said that, I need to know right now how many of you are still in? Before you say yes, I want you to think about how dangerous this is. Not just to your physical well being, either, but to your mental - and spiritual, in some cases - well being. This life can take everything from you. It took everything from me. Think about all that, and then decide.
Meantime, I've got a bunch of alcohol to get rid of.