Evan offered no resistance. He went along with the kisses, with the shift of position as Jared lay back on his pillows and drew Evan on top of him. He braced himself with his hands on the mattress and tried not to think about what was really happening. He knew if he thought about it at all, he'd freak out and he didn't want to lose the momentum of the moment.
Because this was...it was nice. It was everything Evan wanted it to be and more. Jared's lips were soft, he tasted of Mountain Dew and something else, which Evan knew to be the alcohol but he didn't know what to compare it to. He focused on the physical sensations instead, the wet warmth of Jared's mouth against his, the press of Jared's tongue against his. the tendrils of heat that spread like electricity through his body, making his nerves feel like they were on fire in such a beautiful, unexpected way.
Evan had, hands down, never felt anything like this before. It was nothing like the hollow, almost empty feeling he felt when he looked at porn and jerked off in his bed. He'd found the act terribly unfulfilling, yet he did it almost out of a compulsion. And now he wondered what it would be like if it was Jared's hands on him, jerking him off. Or what if...
But he was moving too fast. He was getting ahead of himself. Was that the alcohol? Evan could feel it in his veins. He knew it was affecting him, changing the way he thought, affecting the way he felt. Was it terrible that he liked what was happening? That he almost loathed how he was most of the time, so jumpy and anxious all the time, when this was so much better?
And then Jared was pulling away, putting a little distance between them and Evan's self doubt started to creep back in. He didn't know what it was he saw in Jared's eyes, he couldn't read it because it was new and entirely unfamiliar. He felt his breath stall out in his throat, waiting for the inevitable rejection. And then Jared was talking, and Evan was listening. Intently.
Whispering was good. Whispering kept the mood low and intense. Had Jared used his normal voice and volume, Evan might have recoiled. But at Jared's words, at the questions about if he was okay, Evan merely shifted against Jared, allowing the bulge of his erection press against Jared's thigh. He didn't speak, didn't honestly trust his voice at the moment, and instead of risking it cracking and breaking, Evan just kissed Jared again.
His eyes closed as he dropped his arms and all but fell against the boy laying beneath him. Jared wasn't rejecting him, he was trying to take care of him, the way that he kind of always had. The situation was different, they'd never been in this position before, but the dynamic was unchanged. Evan was a wounded bird, and Jared was the one would would nurse him back to health.