| Jun. 29th, 2008 @ 07:34 pm Prompt 36: Broken Paradise. |
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I don't think it's possible to find Paradise without breaking it. Paradise, by definition, is a place where everything is perfect, where people desire nothing because they lack nothing. But people have a habit of always wanting...something. We achieve what we think is our heart's desire, yet as soon as we do, another desire fills our hearts.
The closest I have come to paradise was in Mexico. A private cave, colorful blankets, early morning or late night flights. Chocolate and churros, and my brother beside me. We lacked the basics of a conventional life--running water, furniture. But it's where I discovered what I have in me, this new connection with Nathan. At some point it that small cave, I found that Paradise is in Nathan's arms.
We're back at home now, back in the Hyde Park manor house. I can play with my nephews again; Simon even has an ability of his own. I have a home, a real bed, servants if I want them. By all rights, I should be happy. Truth be told, I lack nothing material. Most of all, I have Nathan. Even here, he keeps an eye on me, coming to me when he knows I need him. I fell asleep last night in his arms, just as I did in Mexico, just as I did when I was little and had a nightmare. It is only those brief moments when Nathan is with me that I count myself happy. Those moments of paradise, of falling asleep in his arms, of him chasing away nightmare images of Bob, Adam, Elle, even of Ricky, are broken by the needs of his family, his sons, and Heidi. Maybe I'm being selfish, wanting Nathan all to myself. Maybe I'm setting myself up for disappointment by placing my happiness on someone else. But it's where I am. It's who I am. Even a broken paradise is better than no paradise at all. |
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