InsaneJournal

Jaina stood outside the doors to the holodeck and took a deep breath, centering herself in the Force before she touched the pads and entered the name of the program she was searching for. When she'd seen Leia's post about the program she'd made of Alderaan, Jaina hadn't replied. She should have, she knew that but she hadn't. She'd needed time to decid if she wanted to see this place that she'd only heard about in stories her mother told her, seen in old holovids, read about in books. It was a part of her yet she'd never thought she would know it. The citizens of Alderaan who hadn't been there the day it was destroyed had settled elsewhere, Jaina had met a few of them but they had said that it still wasn't home and she could understand that.

She stood in the doorway for a moment before she stepped insdie and when she did, she was struck at once by how beautiful it was. The location that Leia had chosen was one her mother had spoken of and Jaina found that surprising although she probably shouldn't have. As hard as she tried to keep them separated, they were one and the same. They might have led different lives to an extent but their memories of home would be the same. Or so she assumed. She'd never asked Leia about her earlier memories because she was afraid that it would hurt too much. It was difficult enough to think that Leia didn't know her and right now, Jaina needed her mother. Her father was trying but he didn't remember them either although he came from the same timeline as she did. She loved Poe and was grateful for his presence in her life but the little girl inside the Jedi Master wanted to crawl into her mother's lap and cry.

Taking a few steps inside, she looked around and drank it in. It was even mofe beautiful than she'd expected and she wished she'd had the chance to see it, to know her grandparents, Bail and Breha. She'd read everything she could find about them and knew that they had been amazing people and had loved her mother very much. It was painfully ironic to think about the fact that her grandparents had lost their lives at the hand of her grandfather although he hadn't known that the princess he had taken prisoner was his daughter or that he had a son out there as well.

She walked around, enjoying the serenity, slowing letting some of her pain go and after a time, she took another deep breath and turned to go. Jaina knew she'd come back here but today she had wanted to be alone. This was something that she had needed to do on her own. Now it was done and she felt as if a burden had been lifted from her and when she left the holodeck, there was a little smile on her face as she went in search of Poe.