InsaneJournal

Mary had been keeping her distance from most people since she had been back on board the ship. She went to her shifts at the traveler liaison office, ate, sat in the observation deck and stared into space, and that was about it. The rest of the time she was in her room or in the holodeck, enjoying fake sunlight and grass at the home she desperately wished to go back to. If she could move into that simulation, she would. She wished she had hidden away somewhere in Hawaii and just tried to make her way in this century, leaving space, and Starfleet, and everything else behind.

Anything modern she had been wearing lately was gone and she was back to the clothing of her time period. She wore day dresses mostly, as the ship wasn't fancy enough for her dinner frocks. Tonight at the lounge though she wore a beaded cocktail dress, because why not? Too bad she couldn't even pretend that it was her family's dining room.

Mary sat in the back at a table by herself with a glass of whiskey. She was scrolling through her PADD, though she wasn't really reading anything. Her grief over Jim telling her he did not want to be with her was going in some unusual circles. Sadness and depression, followed by anger and pessimism, and then back to sadness. Sadness was her true feeling, but it was much easier to be angry and petty, to hate herself and everyone around her because she was heartbroken. Mary had never dealt well with that. The negative thoughts swirled around her head like the ice in her glass when she lifted it to take a drink.