InsaneJournal

Hawaii was beautiful. It didn't remind Leia specifically of any particular place she had visited before, especially as the beaches on both Alderaan and Corellia weren't anywhere near as tropical, but that was all right. She found that Earth was a planet unlike any she had frequented, given its biodiversity and tourist locations. Spending time here, enjoying the sunshine on her skin on the private terrace outside of her resort room, she could almost forget the recent reminder that her life had always been nothing but loss.

Leia had found a modest bathing suit which still exposed more skin than she was completely comfortable with, but she put that out of her mind as well. It was far easier to stop thinking about the things that were troubling her and instead focus on the things that were sure to make her smile. Such as Christopher Pike, who she spied out of the corner of her eye as he brought her a fresh drink, something colorful with a stick full of fruit poking out of it. "This is relaxing," she said, turning her face to smile at him. "This is more relaxing than any time in my entire life, I think, except maybe for when I was very, very young."

Christopher raised an eyebrow as he handed her her drink before sitting down on the loungechair in his own and stripping off the shirt he'd worn for the journey to the bar. His skin was lightly tan already, from the few days working on the ranch shirtless and the time in Hawaii. Perhaps Kirk had been right. Nonetheless, his PADDs sat on the table next to his lounge chair, calling his name. He sipped the local beer he'd gotten, not a fan of the fruity drinks and gave her a smile. "It takes some getting used to. I feel like there's things I should be doing."

"There are always things we should be doing even when we're doing other things," Leia said somewhat dryly. She sipped her drink, puckering her lips at its sweetness, but then again, it was exactly what she asked for, so she wouldn't complain. She sat up a little and rubbed the side of her neck. She had opted to let her hair down, halfway at least, as she relaxed, and she ran her fingertips through the long plait over her shoulder.

"When you were at your meetings," she began, "with command, did they mention anything more about understanding this phenomena that's causing us to arrive here?"

"Fishing for secrets?" he asked with an arch of his eyebrow before stretching his legs out. "But no, no conclusions. Just a lot of researchers working on it - good people. I told them that our teams needed access to the research and reports, so we'll have that once we're back on board."

Perhaps Pike had thrown his weight around a little, but what was the point of being admiral if you couldn't throw the rank around and get what you needed every so often. Plus, better he do it than Kirk. Jim was still young and had his whole career in front of him. "Apparently my name still carries some weight after all."

Leia shook her head. "I've just been musing about why some people disappear and others remain here," she admitted quietly. When Ben had left, she had felt relieved. The loss of Breha again, however, only cemented the weight of guilt and shame she felt for having lost her the first time around and now losing her all over again. It was heavier on her than the loss of Padmé was, certainly. "Would I have access to that research once we've returned?" she asked a moment later. "Not that I'm a scientist, but I am curious."

"I can get you access to anything," Christopher admitted, even though he wasn't the type to abuse his power. "But it's probably best to apply for it through official channels. I have requested that travelers approved by the Enterprise's senior staff also be allowed access."

It was a loophole he'd negotiated that allowed Kirk and him the flexibility to do things their way. Plus, with the amount of travelers they were dealing with and the levels of expertise - he wasn't going to prohibit someone from helping just because they weren't born in this universe. After all, he was a dead man, so he shouldn't be throwing stones.

"I haven't found any explanation for who comes or goes or who stays. Or why some of the dead come and others don't." There were some dead colleagues he'd love to see again, but asking the nebula for favors seemed like a bad idea. He studied Leia carefully. "Quite a few of those we've lost have been from your world, haven't they.."

She nodded. Leia had no problem making an official request and supplying any information that might be necessary for her to get access. "I can take care of that," she said. She had spent enough time in government and military organizations to understand that sort of bureaucracy, and she didn't mind it at all (unless of course it was standing in the way of something she wanted.)

Leia glanced at him. "Yes," she said. "My - daughter, in this last batch of departures."

Chris' face changed to one of concern as he shifted closer to Leia. He hadn't pressed for details of her family life, and they'd been distracted with other things on the ranch.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Are you.. I suppose it's stupid to ask if you're alright. What can I do?"

"I'm fine," she said automatically. She wasn't, but she had to be. She'd had to be fine in every difficult moment of her life, and just because she was taking a vacation didn't mean she had the time to break down over this. She hadn't after Alderaan, after Ben, after Han -

Something changed her mind and she shook her head. "I don't know. I would say bring her back to me, but I know that's impossible. It's less possible here than it was when I lost her in the first place, back home."

Chris was too familiar with the automatic response. Bit he also knew sometimes you just had to be fine, whether you were or not. He set his beer aside and moved closer to Leia, putting a hand on her shoulder, allowing her to lean in against him if she wanted, but not forcing it.

"Stranger things have happened," he said quietly. "Want to tell me about it?"

She did lean against him. It had been difficult over the years to find someone to confide it. She was too well-known in the galaxy. She had Han, but the situation with Breha was already dicy enough, of course, given that he wasn't her father. Leia set her drink down and took a deep breath. "She was kidnapped when she was very young," she explained. "I am - and I was then - a very public figure. She was taken right from our home and even though I offered a reward and even though her father searched as much as he could, we weren't able to find her. I didn't see her again until just recently. And then to have her here, too - well, it was too good to be true, of course."

Christopher wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. "I'm sorry," he said softly. He had to speak at enough tragedies during his life to know that there were times when no words were adequate. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry you had to lose her twice."

Leia nodded and pressed her fingertips to her temple. The pressure helped her relax. "Thank you," she said, turning in to his embrace. "At least now I know where she is, even if I don't know what she's going back to exactly."

"There's always the chance she'll come back, as well." It drove home the point though that any of them could disappear at any given moment. Maybe that realization made him hug Leia just that little bit tighter. It was too easy for him to fall back into the role of giving everything to Starfleet. And maybe Jim and Phil were right and he needed to take a little bit more time to enjoy his time here. Both on Earth and in general.

"I know," she said quietly. And Leia had to tell herself that it was possible at the same time she had to convince herself not to have that hope. Hope was for wide-eyed junior senators at the edge of a Rebellion, not hardened resistance generals who had lost everyone she cared about over and over in all these years.

He leaned back against the lounge chair, pulling Leia with him as he settled into the chair, fingers brushing over her cheek. "Is there anything you need? Or something you want to do to remember her?" Loss was still loss, after all. And here they had the liberty to take some time to grieve and cope.

She shook her head. "No, I don't need to mark the moment or anything," she admitted. "I just need to get through it to the other side. I'll be fine, Chris, really. With as much loss as I've seen, I don't want to say it's par for the course for me, just that I've come out of it each time relatively unscathed. I'm sure this won't be any different." Leia kissed his cheek softly. "But thank you for being here for me right now."

"You realize I reserve the right to call bullshit on your fine," he said, turning his head and brushing his lips against hers. He knew that mindset, when you became so accustomed to loss that it just seemed normal. He hated to see anyone else be in that position. After all, that's what friends were for and probably why Phil had sent him multiple messages pretty much ordering him to go on this excursion to hawaii.

She both nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yes, and you should call me on it, but I am, really." Leia squeezed his arm and reached past him for her drink. "I'm going to need something to do when we get back to the ship, though," she admitted. "I don't know if I'm built for this much vacationing."

Christopher chuckled. "You and me both. I was strongarmed to come here." He was enjoying himself to be sure, but a large part of him wanted to be back at HQ, working. As if somehow, if he could work enough, he could make up for not having realized Marcus' plans.

He smirked. "You know, they haven't assigned me a yeoman yet."

She almost lightly smacked that smirk right off his face but instead shook her head, grinning herself even as she replied. "So you're saying that with all my experience including leading an entire military resistance and the fact that I was a pinch away from running for Chief of State in my galaxy, that the only suggestion you have for me is to be your secretary?"

"Consider it being my chief of staff," he teased. "Taking care of my every need."

The smirk on his face was big enough that he was fairly certain he was going to get smacked soon.

"I can think of other ways to take care of your … needs," Leia said huskily as she looked at him with an amused expression on her face.

Chris could barely keep a straight face as he gave her a look. "Why General, are you propositioning me?"

He leaned in to kiss her neck before pulling back. "What sort of work would you want to do on the Enterprise?"

"I usually am," she said dryly, with a shrug, leaning her neck to the side as her eyes closed and his mouth touched her neck. She shook her head slightly. "I've got no idea. I suppose I'd make a good traveler liaison honestly, but I'm not sure I really want to do it."

"You shouldn't do something just because you'd be good at it. This is a new world for you, a new chance. You should do something you enjoy. I mean, if you want to try your hand at engineering or science, why not? Or anything else, really. WHat would you have wanted to do if you didn't have to be Princess and Senator?" he asked, fingers playing with her hair.

Leia laughed a little, imagining herself working in the sciences or engineering. Oh, sure, she could fix something here and there on the Falcon, but she wasn't like either Han or even Luke when it came to that sort of thing. "You know, I've never been asked that question before," she admitted. "I never expected to do anything else. I was eleven when I declared to my father that I'd take his place on the senate. And when my run for Chief of State, decades later, ended before it even began, I just went and formed the Resistance. I've never really had time for anything else."

"Well, now's the time. You can do anything you want. Stars are the limit." Chris raised an eyebrow at her. "What do you enjoy doing?"

She shook her head. "I don't even know how to answer that," she said. What did she like to do? "I'm afraid I've been a politician too long, my life hardly my own, that I don't even know what I like to do. Isn't that sad?"

"No.. it's something I understand. Starfleet is my life.. Jim and Phil practically had to order me to come here on vacation. If there wasn't the Federation or Starfleet, I don't know what I'd do with myself. If I ended up in your world, I'd have to hope to manage to get on a ship somehow."

"We don't have much like Starfleet, I guess," she said. "The closest would be the New Republic fleet but it -" She shook her head and rubbed her temple. "It was just recently destroyed. The Resistance, sure, but it's nothing like what you have here. But you have your writing," she pointed out. "You'd have something else to do."

"I'd go insane if that's all I had to do. There's a reason I'm not a planetside historian. I need to be up there, among the stars.. There's a freedom to being on a starship. I.. don't do too well being cooped up on a planet." There was no need to go into details about that right now. "Don't you have anything you do for fun?"

She shook her head. “Not lately, no. All of my time was consumed with the Resistance, with making sure I didn't get any of my people killed.”

"What about when you were little? Before you were a junior senator?" he asked curiously, pulling her into his embrace and kissing her neck.

Leia's eyes fluttered shut and her palm cupped his shoulder. "I was just a young girl. Those pursuits aren't the same as that of an old woman." She smiled a little though. "Though unsurprisingly, I tended toward languages, political study and history, and that sort of thing, even as a girl."

"Why not take some time when we get back on board to do some of that. Read up on some languages in this universe or history, and then see if that's a route you'd like to go. Uhura could tell you about her work in communications which might interest you. Or there's diplomacy. I've had some others express interest in that as well."

Leia slid her hand down his back. "I've been doing some of my own research, with what's available on the network PADDs, so that's not hard to continue to do." She wasn't sure about the diplomacy route. She'd been out of that game for a few too many years, she thought. "I'll think about it," she told him. She knew it wouldn't be much longer before she'd need something to do that wasn't relaxation or vacation. But there was only so much available on a starship in a starfleet she wasn't a part of.

"You could also develop your own programming or something. The Enterprise is like a small city, especially with all the travelers. I'm sure you'll find something. " He brushed his lips against hers, grateful for the seclusion they had here.

"I'm sure I will," she murmured against his lips, deciding then that maybe their conversation was over for now (she figured he'd bring it up again sometime, or at least she wouldn't be surprised if he did). She moved her hand behind his head and pulled him close.