InsaneJournal

”Well, admiral,” Jim said with a grin as he gestured for him to take a seat at the bar, “looks like I’m stuck with you for a while longer.” What a relief, he thought, having come to enjoy and welcome the fact that Pike was on board the Enterprise again and could be a much-needed advisor and second hand when it came to the crew and command. “And we’re still going to picking up travelers for the time being too. Looks like our next trip is going to continue to be just as exciting and unexpected as it’s been for the last few months.”

There had been times during the briefing that had felt more like a court martial or an inquest. The first day had been closed sessions with the admiralty, the second had been a full day of medical tests with Boyce, and then today had been just as long with command with both Kirk and Spock in attendance as the Enterprise's command. To say he needed a drink was an understatement. He took a seat next to Kirk and motioned for the bartender to pour two glasses of single malt.

"Is this the same bar I found you in five years ago after that incident about your Nbiru report?" He asked. The dive bar looked familiar but then all dive bars looked the same to him. He grinned at Jim. "You sure you can handle having me breathing down your neck indefinitely?"

“That bar closed,” he said with a shrug. “This one’s new. To you at least, I bet,” Jim continued. It wasn’t exactly new to the area. It had been around for year, he wagered. “Are you saying you’re planning on standing directly behind the captain’s chair and literally breathing down my neck?” He accepted his glass and held up up. “Cheers, admiral.”

After a small sip, Jim sucked in a breath and squared his shoulders. “Honestly, I’ll be glad to have you,” he admitted. “Especially now that we’re heading back out into deep space.” Jim had his crew, his senior staff, yes, but he also felt more lonely as the captain, the man in charge, in ways that even his senior staff didn’t understand completely.

"A lot can happen in five years." It was better to be in dive bars, less chance of being recognized even though both of them were still in uniform. Some things couldn't wait. His old San Francisco apartment with the view of the bay had been sold, but Starfleet had put him up in a new one, but he hadn't spent much time there yet.

"Maybe," he said with a smirk. "Depends if you need it."

He knocked his glass against Kirk's and took a sip. "Seriously though, I don't want to get in your way. That's not the point. Mostly I'll be there as the representative of command to help with the travelers and all the diplomatic and bureaucratic bullshit that goes along. And to lighten your load however I can."

Pike raised an eyebrow at Jim. "You ready for that, Jim? I saw Commodore Paris' report. You'd make a good vice admiral."

Ah, so Pike had looked at the report from a few years prior, while Jim was going through his crisis of age and getting to one more birthday than his father had. “I want to be on my ship,” he said in response. That’s what he had decided and that’s what he was sticking with. He looked over at the admiral. He knew that Pike felt the same way.

“You won’t be in my way. If you can handle the administrative tasks with regards to the travelers program, oversee Peggy Carter and the like, that would be helpful enough.” He sipped his drink. “And taking the occasional night shifts on the bridge, too,” he said, then added before he thought better of it, “unless that’ll cramp your style with whomever it is you’re sleeping with. Admiral.” Jim grinned.

"Been there, said the same thing to command. Nothing replaces being on a ship. Believe me. I'm just glad I get to be on her with you." He put his hand on Kirk's shoulder and squeezed. It was true. Although it had meant a demotion for Kirk, Pike had been looking forward to that time five years ago having Kirk as his first officer above the Enterprise. But this was just as good. Better, maybe.

"You're not getting out of your captain's logs, Jim, but I'm happy to help. How about we do a rotation of bridge shifts. I'm too old to give up all my nights," he teased. "But I can do one or two a week, easy. "

Chris laughed. "If you want to know that bad, I'm surprised you haven't just checked out the security logs. I'm sure you figure it out."

“I’m glad you do, too,” Jim said sincerely. He liked the relationship he and Pike had, even if it been strained at times, even if Jim was on the receiving end of the admiral’s dressing downs. It was always when he most needed them, and he appreciated them later on, though certainly never in the moment. “Honestly, I don’t mind night shifts myself. The exciting things always seem to happen in the middle of the night.”

Jim raised an eyebrow. “What’s to say I didn’t already look at security logs and I’m just waiting around for you to tell me who you’re sleeping with and if it’s more than just a physical relationship.” Maybe Jim needed to hear that it was doable and possible with a traveler straight from Pike himself before he decided what his own San Francisco excursion with Lady Mary was going to end up as.

Pike laughed. "Then you've been hanging around me way too long if you're stealing my methods."

He finished his drink and ordered another round for them. "Honestly, I don't know. It's… companionship. And neither of us are spring chickens so it's not just the distraction of sex, but… I spent 12 hours yesterday subjected to medical exams by my ex of twenty years. It's fucking complicated."

Jim took the second drink a little more slowly, especially if this is the way this conversation was going to go. He winced immediately at the mention of the medical exams; he couldn’t imagine how awkward that had been. Jim had slept with nurses and doctors who then had to go and give him exams, and that was no-strings attached (or meant to be at least) sex, not twenty years’ worth of committed relationship.

He glanced sideways at the admiral. “It doesn’t have to be anything,” he said carefully, “as long as the both of you are on the same page at least.” All he knew was that he was completely terrified of the woman that several of the other travelers referred to as the general, and he had barely spent any time with her.

"It's more than nothing," Chris admitted, swirling the scotch around his glass. "But.."

It was complicated. There was a reason he hadn't gotten involved with anyone after Phil. Chris knew he had issues. "She's more stubborn than I am, if you can believe that. But she makes me laugh. "

Which wasn't an easy thing to do always, he knew that. "But Phil.." Pike sighed. They still loved each other, yesterday confirmed it. But there was no going back, no second chances. "He's seeing someone else now. Wants to have a dinner party. Him and his new …" Christopher had to stop himself from saying fling. "Person with me and Leia."

Chris took a drink and sighed. "Leia wants me to show her the sights, which is fine, but… well, there's baggage. Not to mention, here I'm the admiral. Not Chris. And I don't know if the admiral is ready to be seen with anyone."

He shook his head. "I shouldn't be dumping all this on you."

Jim couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter, and he tried to cover it up with a cough and a long sip of his drink. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “I’m just picturing you and the general and Boyce and - well, never mind. If I could give you some advice there, I think it would be a very bad idea to have that dinner party but what do I know. I only interrupted a dinner party accidently and got a family heirloom thrown at my head. So my track record with them isn’t very good.”

He waved a hand a bit. “I don’t mind. I’m shit at relationships having never actually been in one, so take my advice with a grain of salt.”

"Casey. That's his name," pike said, his face making it clear that he had no desire to meet this man. "Phil's known me for thirty years, I can't exactly ditch him. But part of me would rather take you than Leia."

He didn't mind Phil spilling his secrets to Jim, but he wasn't sure he was at that point yet with Leia. “Maybe you just need to go more dinner parties. I'm sure Mary could help with that."

Jim was about to say sure, I’ll be your date to the dinner party, admiral, when Pike brought up Mary. He chuckled nervously and rubbed the side of his neck. He took another swallow from his drink and shook his head before replying. “Uh, yeah, about her…” he started. “I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.”

It was Pike's turn to laugh and smile reassuringly. "She asked me about you while we were horseback riding on the the holodeck. Apparently the fact that I sleep with men came as quite the surprise to her."

Chris reached out and squeezed Jim's shoulder. "Well, first question, are you sleeping with her?"

She was asking about him? Damnit. He tossed back the rest of his drink and motioned for another then wiped his mouth with his sleeve and shook his head. “No, uh - why were you talking to her about who you were sleeping with?” Jim blurted out even though he’d meant to answer the question about whether or not he was sleeping with Mary.

Chris motioned for the bartender to just leave the bottle of single malt. He refilled Jim's glass and topped off his own. "She wanted to know if I was married. And well, Phil was the closest thing I've had." They had been listed as next of kin according to Starfleet, which was as good as married for most folks. "Well, she's certainly interested in you, Jim. That's obvious."

“Yeah,” he said. “I know she’s obvious.” She just did it in such antiquated ways. And until Pike started sleeping with a traveler, Jim had been holding back from getting involved. “But I just think with her it’s not going to just be sex. She’s not - that type of woman.” He made a face at that because it came out wrong. “I just mean she’s from the early 20th century and that’s not exactly the free love and open relationships time period, you know?”

"I know. Though when she found out I'd been with a man, she was rather concerned to make sure you liked women." Pike couldn't help the smirk that was on his face. He hadn't gone into details with Mary, it wasn't his place.

"Is that what you want? Uncomplicated sex? Because if so you should probably be off getting some instead of drinking with an old man."

Kirk opened his mouth to say that he did like women, all women, and was pretty indiscriminate about it but then changed his mind and just shrugged. “I could be doing that, sure,” he said, but that was the problem. He did want that but he also felt like that would be in bad form while he had an open invitation to Mary to show her around the city too.

"But you're not," Chris said, raising an eyebrow. "Which says something. So, what is it, what's holding you back? With Mary or with all the women of San Francisco?" There wasn't any judgment in Pike's tone. He'd had his days where he'd gone and fucked his way through shore leave.

Jim held his glass up near his mouth, considering for a moment what to say. He sipped it, felt it go to his head in a pleasant way, not in any way that meant he was going to get shit-faced drunk. He shook his head. “I’ve been in a dry spell,” he said, pulling a face. “Something about being on a deep space mission with only the crew as company and that pesky personal rule of not getting involved with my crew.” He stared down at his glass. “As for Mary, well - she’s not crew but she’s still going to be living on my ship for the foreseeable future and that means there’s the potential for the whole thing to get fucked up. Especially with someone like her.”

"Oh, I know about dry spells. Until the General, hadn't been with anyone since the Narada." There were other reasons, as well, but this wasn't the time.

"Shore leave is a wonderful thing on those missions, but not easy to come by in deep space. ANd it's a good rule to have." Perhaps one Chris should have followed. "Believe me, I get the issues."

After all, they bothered him with Leia as well. He thought they were both mature enough that they could go back to being friends, but it would be awkward, that was for certain. "She's a widow, Jim. Even though she's not from our time, she knows her mind."

He took a long sip of scotch and looked over at the younger captain. "But you don't always have to be captain, Jim. If you don't find that time for yourself - whether it's with Mary or someone else or alone - it'll bite you in the ass. You've got me, and you've got Spock to help lighten the load. I told you before you needed to respect the chair and be humble - and you're both those things. Learn from my mistakes, Jim. Make the time to have a life. It's okay for captain to have feelings, to fall in love, to be human."

“I guess it just comes with the chair,” Jim sighed. He had years ahead of him. If this shore leave didn't have the travelers, if the travelers didn't exist at all, Pike was right. Jim would be out finding company for the night. But it was different now.

Love? No, that wasn't something he was even considering, and the face he made showed that immediately. “Yeah well, I've got plans with her at least. I'm taking her out for a drink.”

"A lot comes with the chair." For a moment, Pike almost seemed like there was more he wanted to say, but he didn't want to be a pessimistic. For as long as he could, he would be by Jim's side, supporting him however he could. He would have Jim's back. And there were some lessons of being captain that you had to learn the hard way.

"A drink is a good start," Chris said with a smile. "And don't put too much pressure on yourself. Or on her."

Jim breathed out because boy, did he know all about the pressures of the captain’s chair. He agreed with a nod and a tip of his glass but then looked at the admiral with a wry smile. “I’m not putting any pressure on it, but I’d be surprised if she wasn’t.”

Chris smiled in understanding. "I did tell her to get to know Jim, not just Captain Kirk… and to make sure she'd not just attracted to the Captain and the chair. Because I know the power that holds with people."

Hell, Chris had used it to his advantage in the past. Now, though, he was older and hopefully wiser - though that was always debatable. After all, he had fallen into bed with a General from another world and was trying to distance himself after she said she missed him.

Jim nodded again. “Yeah, it’s easy to fall into the trap, and in some cases, it doesn’t matter. But with someone like her, I think it does.” He thanked Pike for what he said to Mary, even if it did make him slightly uncomfortable that they had discussed him and her attraction or feelings or whatever to him at length, it sounded like.

“Are you going out to the Mojave?” he asked a moment later, changing the subject.

Pike's shoulders tensed as he had to fight from going into Admiral mode, a sure sign that this was a topic weighing on him. He let out a slow breath and took a long sip of scotch before refilling his glass.

"I don't know. It… Phil managed to be executor of it… without officially being owner. Not sure what tricks he pulled. So it's being taken care of and I could go…"

He wanted to. To get away from it all. But there were memories there. Good and bad.

"I don't know. Mary wants to go visit and go riding there.."

“Ah,” Jim said, realizing that might not have been the best question to ask. He shrugged. “I think if you want to go out, you should but - well, you know.” He was surprised to hear that about Mary. “You’re going to take her out there?” he wondered, not adding that he wanted to ask, you’re going to take the girl I’m seeing out there but you’re not going to take the general around this city? He raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his drink.

Damn, but the kid was getting too good at the eyebrow. It made him proud, in a way, to see Jim coming into his own.

"It was my escape, when I was stationed planetside. After the Narada - when you left with the Enterprise, I went out there for awhile, Phil and I fought… I mean it's home. And home comes with baggage. I can take Mary out riding somewhere around here -- she wants to get you on a horse, you know. But the ranch… I don't know, Jim. I don't know if I can face it, let alone introduce someone to it… but…"

Chris took a sip of his scotch.

"I was going to leave it to you. In case you wanted a place to get away."

Jim’s hand against his glass almost slipped in surprise when Pike told him he was going to leave the ranch to him. He blinked and shifted on his stool. “Oh, uh, sir, you wouldn’t have to do that....” He had any number of arguments about it, really. He was rarely here on Earth for extended periods of time, he didn’t know how well he’d do with the isolation that far out in the desert, he didn’t have anyone to share it with.

“But thank you,” he muttered a moment later, shaking his head and going back to his drink.

"Admirals get to do whatever they want. " Pike smirked before shrugging. "Sometimes."

"I have some good memories at that ranch. I grew up there and then later.. " A wistful smile crossed his face. "But that was years ago.. And there's, well, I don't think I need to tell you why I always opt to be on a ship instead of planetside."

Jim shook his head immediately. “No sir, you don’t,” he said. He tossed back the rest of his drink, coughing a bit, and then waved off another round. He felt it in every pore of his body and he didn’t want to go too overboard that night.

He turned to look at Pike. “I know things … suck for you now, and have for a while, but I …” It was the alcohol urging him to say it instead of deferring to Pike’s rank and seniority, this giving of unsolicited advice. “But as your captain, at least on the Enterprise, I hope, no,” Jim changed his mind, “I want you to make sure you do something fun on this shore leave too.” He nodded once. “Sir,” he added quickly.

"Jim.. I'm not dead, I'm back on the Enterprise… things are far from sucking," he said, reaching out and squeezing Jim's shoulder. "And you know telling a superior to follow the advice they gave you probably breaks five regs," he teased, a fond smile on his face. He should ease off on the scotch, but there was the temptation.

"And you have my full permission to call me on my shit. Because you, McCoy, and Leia are probably the only ones who will ever dare to do it. Maybe Spock. "

He sighed and ordered a glass of water. "Maybe I should take you to phil's dinner instead. That could be fun."

Now he really couldn’t help but grin. He liked the idea that he was one of a few who Pike considered that wouldn’t take his shit. Spock was probably too logical and rules-oriented to actually be among those few. “Yeah, sure, sir, if you want me to go to dinner, I’m happy to put on a nice shirt and charm my way through it.” He held off of winking, even though it would have been natural for him to do so.

"We'll see," Pike said, giving Jim a fond smile. "But I'll do my best to have fun, captain. Same goes for you captain."

Jim shrugged noncommittally. “I always seem to find myself having a good time on shore leave,” he assured Pike. “Don’t worry about me.”

"I always worry about you, Jim."