InsaneJournal

“Hey old man. How are you feeling?” Jadzia pulled a chair out, sitting backwards on it in a way that someone like Riker or Stark usually would. She tossed something onto the table. “Brought you a gift basket. I thought you might need a work break.”

"First of all how dare you?" Tony asked, looking up from a series of different PADDS he had piled on his work station. He held his hand over his heart and acted extremely hurt for a moment, "I am not an old man. If I was, what we get up to sometimes would be super dirty. But maybe you just like that kind of thing."

Then he noticed the gift, and picked it up in his hands. "Oo. And it's not even my birthday yet."

It was slightly heavy as he weighed it in his hands, and a sweet, delicious smell came wafting through the air as he ripped it open. Inside were a dozen cronuts, decorated in various ways. They looked like they were straight from his favorite bakery. "Tails, I think I love you."

“What I am and am not into is only sometimes your business.” Jadzia rested her elbows on the console, and grinned at him as he picked up the package. A little snooping around, some research on the computer and a bribe to the chef, and she’d gotten him some genuine cronuts. “Cooked, not replicated. If you’re proposing you’re going to need a huge ring.”

"Of course I'd get you a huge ring. Only the best for the people I care about. It's how I make up for being a gigantic dick most of the time." Tony replied, though he was well aware that money didn't really buy anyone love. Not really. Not the lasting kind, anyway, though he and his father both seemed to give generously regardless.

He held up a finger as he took one of the cronuts out and shoved it in his mouth. While they were still fresh, he just had to eat one. It was selfish and he didn't really care, but just in case he actually cared a little he flipped the present around so that she could have one, too.

Maybe he cared a little.

Only when every last delicious bite of cronut had melted away did he open his mouth again. "But that's fair. You're right. What you are and are not into is only partially my business. So I guess you can call me old if that's your thing. You do you. This was delicious, by the way."

“I have very specific requirements in jewellry,” Jadzia told him. She’d tried a couple herself and they were very good. Of course she’d made sure that Tony had had his full baker’s dozen. She’d just sampled the test cronuts. But she’d happily take one more.

“Even taking into account your birth year to now, i’m still technically the older one,” she pointed out. The cronuts were a way to get him to open up, or at least feel comfortable talking around a subject until he got through to the subject.

"I guess that's what makes you so much wiser than me, Tails," Tony remarked, smirking a bit. He grabbed another cronut, this time ripping off a piece so that it didn't take so much time to eat. "Oo, there's raspberry in this one. And you're kind of robbing the cradle, come to think of it. But then also you've been an old guy, so I'm not sure how to feel about that one. Are we supposed to think about it like we're friends with you and all your hosts, or just the current one? I'm thinking one of those ways makes things super complicated."

Talking about her was great, because that meant they weren't talking about him. And the fact he hadn't actually clocked much sleep since the ship had been back online. Though there'd been few serious injuries and no reason for the medical staff to be on 24/7.

“Wisdom doesn’t always come with age, but age certainly helps.” Jadzia took a bite from her cronut, closing her eyes and savoring the taste of it. There were many best things about Starfleet, but trying an infinite diversity of food was near the top of the list.

“Usually just the current host. The past influences, but doesn’t take over. Even when I befriended Benjamin again, it quickly became Ben and Jadzia, not Ben and Curzon. A different dynamic.”

"So it must annoy you when people who knew your previous hosts come at you like you're still besties, right?" Tony asked, while ripping off another piece of his cronut. "These are sticky. We've got a sticky situation now. Remind me to wash my hands before I handle any more of these PADDS. Bones'll kill me if I get sticky stuff all over his files again."

"This one time I got raspberry jelly all down the side of one of them and he cussed me out for an entire day."

“I think it depends on the person. For other Trill, it’s kind of taboo. Rules are easier to bend when dealing with Humans.” But oh lord had she broken that taboo. And she’d break it again. Jadzia got up, retrieving a cloth for the both of them. She threw one at Tony’s face. “We’ll be careful, Sticky Fingers.”

"Is that gonna be my new nickname? Not cool. Yours is nice." Tony said, squinting at her. He finished the last piece of his second cronut, and stared at his basket like he was contemplating the safety value of consuming a third. He wasn't getting any younger, and sugar liked to play hell with his body chemistry.

He finally shrugged a shoulder and grabbed another one, "Yolo. But... taboo? What's so taboo about it?"

“I’m still working on your nickname. It’s in beta test,” Jadzia assured him. She enjoyed their banter and the relationship they were developing. Similar to some she’d had, but still different and unique. “Its called reassociation. Resuming a romantic relationship with someone you were involved with as a previous host. Since the whole point of hosting a symbiont is to give it new life experiences, it’s considered regressive and results in exile. And if a symbiont is exiled, there’s no way to put it into a new host when the host dies.”

Tony blinked his eyes at Jadzia for a few seconds, while chewing on the half a cronut he'd shoved into his mouth. Then his eyebrows raised, and one of his eyes squinted shut, "Yeah, no, what? That's like. Way too harsh a penalty for getting smoochy with your ex girlfriend."

Because that's what she'd done, he'd watched it on TV. But it wasn't exactly hard to mentally picture, either. "Never getting a host again? Does the symbiont get to go back into the symbiont swimming pool at least?"

Jadzia shook her head. “It’s a harsh penalty because they don’t want people doing it. Might as well be a death sentence. It’s… stupid. The whole thing is. The motions, the feelings...It was hard to tell where the previous host’s ended and where mine began.”

That kind of connection was rare. She’d had it with Ben. And Kor, Kang and Koloth. A friendship that started in one life, and then continued in the next but unique and new all the same. It had been like that with Lenara, taboo or not taboo.

"OKay, well, yeah. That's stupid. I'm the kind of guy that'll sit here and tell you there are things more important than love. And like, one of them is definitely making sure your Symbiont doesn't die, I figure. But... still stupid." Tony looked at what remained of his cronut, and sighed. Suddenly he wasn't sure he wanted it anymore.

“You’re right. It is stupid.” Jadzia shook her head. “But in the end it takes two of us to make that choice and break taboos. And only one of us was willing to do it. “

She left it up in the air exactly what happened, and changed the subject. “Never do something stupid for someone you care about?”

"Uh..." Tony trailed off, blinking his eyes while trying to think. "I blew up all of my wonderful, beautiful suits to show Pepper that I was turning over a new leaf and putting the past behind me. It was a gesture. Completely empty gesture. She loved it, I thought it was a great idea, but... You can take me out of the suit but you can't take the suit out of me. Maybe it wasn't even about her. A lot of the stuff with me isn't about anyone but me in the end."

After a quick pause he said, “Just so we’re clear, it’s the law that’s stupid, not breaking it. But following it ends up being the choice most people would probably make. It’s the pragmatic choice. Maybe the smart choice.”

“That was a hell of a gesture. I don’t know if it was empty or not, I can’t say as I don’t fully know you with any suits.” Jadzia did want to know more about them. If they could build them. It might be a fun little project. “Do you regret making the smart choices?”

"Not too much, because I don't end up making too many of them. Me, I make a lot of really selfish choices. For instance? Deciding to ride in my own Humvee without my buddy to watch my back, just so I can party and be a rock star. Or ignoring my own cell mate's personal issues." Tony sighed, and got up. He felt like he needed to pace, and he wasn't much of a pacing kind of guy.

"Focused on escape instead, stupidly thinking I'd be amazing and we'd all just make it. There's the time I made the gut decision to stop all military contracts for Stark Industries, the board loved that. Then I danced with Pepper and kissed her just because I wanted to without considering how it looked for her. Or how about getting in a relationship with her just 'cause I wanted to, without considering that I'm a workaholic who is always in danger?"

He turned back towards her and shook his head. "I'm sitting here in Space making the smart choices retroactively. I threatened a terrorist and he blew up my house. Pepper could have died. We both almost did. But hey. The one smart choice I made? Saved New York City from getting nuked. I think I was technically dead for like three seconds after that one, and it's... there's issues now, lots of issues. No regrets though."

Jadzia put her hand on his arm when he got close at the end. She had no smart comment or any sage advice. Tony was admitting all this on his own and just voicing was important. But she wanted him to know she’d listened and that she understood. Not exactly the same as him, but in her own way and influenced by her own experiences, all three hundred years of them. She’d been the one that had died, and the one that had watched the other die, and all the others in between.

Curzon, she thought, was much the same as Tony. That same cocksure mask and armor. That same broken soul inside. Was this what it had been like being the Benjamin to her Curzon?

“You’re never too old. And despite my teasing, you’re not that old. You’re not even middle-age by today’s standards. Doctor McCoy’ll live to be well over one hundred and forty. There’s a lot of chances to make new choices. New regrets, and new things to not regret.”

"I don't- Yeah. Okay." Maybe she was right, though he had a hard time ever admitting when someone was right who wasn't him. He did smile a bit, deciding that it was nice to be told he wasn't too old. Even if sometimes he still felt it. And there were no promises that he'd get to stay here in this future with its new medicine that allowed people to live longer.

Everything he'd done to his body? He was lucky he was still alive as it was. "Hopefully not too many regrets. Already regretting that third cronut though."

This was too close and too intimate and too... much. But he smooched her cheek to let her know he appreciated the contact, before retreating to the relative safety of his desk.

“I can take the rest away from you,” she offered, face crinkling up in a beaming smile.

"No. Mine." Tony replied, grinning at her. "Get your own cronuts, Tails. I gotta get back to work. So like... nice talk. I feel better already, now shoo."