InsaneJournal

Tea was actually quite enjoyable. Perhaps a little too stuffy even for Lomea and perhaps tradition wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, but she’d enjoyed herself. Mostly, she’d enjoyed watching other people in that way that may or may not make them uncomfortable. A Sith needed her hobbies.

Afterwards, she led Elsa back to the Arboretum. It was quiet, and out of the way of any potential roommates or intruders. Not too many people spent time there, Lomea had noticed, which she preferred. Of the kind of places that appealed to her for quiet reflection, only this and the observation deck at night were available on the Enterprise.

She was quiet in the hallways. While there were times she’d joked about certain parts of her past, she more often than not preferred to erase everything from before the moment she’d become Zash’s apprentice. Erase her family, and what had happened after her family had fallen out of favor. And erase some of the things that had happened after. She’d been contemplative lately, and that had led to the unwise choice of song at the silly Karaoke. But she didn’t plan to talk about that or who she’d lost in her quest for power or any of the really dirty details of being a reformist Sith. Sacrifices had been made, for the greater good of the Empire and for her own needs, but regret was an emotion Lomea had not been allowed to indulge in until recently.

Lomea wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to say what she wanted Elsa to hear, as it was. But she wanted to tell someone and Elsa was the only person she felt comfortable enough to go into detail. It was all very frustrating for someone who was typically confident and sure of herself and she was pretty sure that she’d moved beyond seeing Elsa as a tool to be used and into seeing her as an actual friend she respected. Perhaps even cared about more than just a simple attraction.

Remaining poised and confident, she gestured for Elsa to sit beneath a tree, not dropping her mask until they were both seated. She leaned back against the tree, and sighed. “In my other life, there were only a few I ever let get this close, and see any side of me but the mask I present to the world. And yet … here we are.” Her eyes slid over to Elsa. “Are you sure your powers are only cold?”

Elsa still wasn't entirely certain why the powerful woman seemed taken with her. She seemed so worldly and sophisticated. And Elsa, for all her naivete, wasn't an idiot. She could feel a darkness there. It was one she herself could have if she let her guard down. One she refused to embrace. But Lomea had clearly more than embraced it.

Tea had been a welcome distraction. It was good having her sister around and she did enjoy getting to practice her magic with someone who was actually extremely skilled at it. But sometimes the days could drone on. She supposed it was still an improvement on years of isolation in one bedroom (though a large bedroom, being a princess did have its perks). Sometimes, though, the ship felt like it was suffocating her.

So she didn't mind being taken under her friend's wing, so to speak. If she was finally willing to open up to her, then Elsa was going to allow her that. She settled neatly beneath the tree, tucking her skirt around her. “It's all I've ever known. I think, though… I think staying isolated as long as I did tends to open you to listening better. To being more empathetic, in some ways. You don't have to talk. I just think you might actually feel better if you do.”

Not having the galaxy at her fingertips did lead Lomea to feeling a little trapped. It was why she liked this part of the ship so much - it was the closest thing to feeling like she could be somewhere else.They were, after all, glorified prisoners.

She looked at Elsa, studying her face. “My family were nobles. Rich. Powerful. In the Empire, the houses allied for convenience, and for safety. But always, always they plotted against one another, even while shaking hands. As a child, I was close to the children of another family, and they exploited that.”

Though she tried to disguise it, her voice wavered. “We tumbled from our high perch. I never found out what happened to the rest of my family, but I was enslaved. Powerless. At the whim of my master. My destiny was no longer my own.”

Lifting her hand, she squeezed it into a fist. “And then, I discovered the Force. He pushed me too far and I defended myself. I should have been punished, but instead I was taking to Korriban to become a true Sith. To be trained. They expected me to die. They thought I was weak. That is what a student of the Sith must go through. Succeed, or die. They stacked the entire system against me.”

For all Elsa considered her childhood a bit bleak, she knew in that moment that she was practically privileged. She'd had parents who'd loved her, even if they'd been a bit afraid of her. She'd been raised in a castle. She was never forced out of the shell she'd created for herself. And her power was never forced into her. Rather, they'd have liked to have forced it out of her.

Some might have been afraid at that moment. The young woman looking so fierce and angry and...hurt. She truly looked hurt, too. But that wasn't Elsa. While she knew she couldn't fight the woman, she thought maybe she could defend herself while she came back to her senses, if necessary. So she reached out, resting a hand on her knee.

“They may have expected you to die, but you didn't. You're stronger than they thought.” That was something she knew a bit about, too. “You should never have been forced into that.”

"I suppose you know what it is like to have the system stacked against you." Lomea looked down at Elsa's hand, then relaxed her fist and put her hand on top of Elsa's. Her anger was directed at her past, and at people who could no longer hurt her. “It is in the past, and nothing can change it.”

It had been surprisingly difficult to admit what had happened to her. Where she'd started from. "But you are right, I persisted."

She wondered who Elsa could have been if their circumstances were switched around and decided she liked who the Queen was now. It was a shocking admission to herself. Though she still wanted to see Elsa obtain true power.

"It was freedom or death, and I refused the latter. My master, Lord Zash, was impressed by my abilities. But like all the others, she only wanted to use me, too."

Comparatively? No. She had no idea what the Sith had gone through. While she could admit her past had darkness, it was nothing to speak of when compared to this woman's plight. But she thought maybe there was something that would compare. “They tried to take my throne. My entire kingdom. A usurper of sorts came in, tried to seduce my sister to win her hand. Attacked me, had me locked away. Convinced me I'd killed Anna…” Which she so nearly had. A thought that still made the woman impervious to the cold experience a chill.

She hadn't actually talked about what had happened with Hans. It made Anna sad, and she couldn't do that. She wouldn't. Though she knew her little sister could handle herself, Elsa still felt like she should have done more.

“I think people underestimate women. Maybe in your time. Definitely in mine. And they fear what they don't understand.” That she knew completely.

She hated the thought of being used. Her own path could have gone much differently if fewer people had been afraid of her and more eager to tackle what she could do. “What did you do? What were you doing right before coming here?”

Now that was something that Lomea could easily understand. Though she knew she'd probably have taken a less merciful approach than Elsa had probably done.

But then, Lomea had a history of sparing people, either as examples or as potential allies later on. So she couldn't really say, except that this person might have made a good Sith. "We are indeed underestimated, my dear. Enemies should fear us, but our own people should love us. "

Her hand squeezed around Elsa's. "I searched, and I explored, looking for ways to defeat my master before she could use me. And I won. And then I searched for ways to defeat another Darth who wished to see me crushed. And I won. And it is so stupid"

Lomea sighed. "We were at war with the Republic, and Council was more concerned with fighting each other. Even after I took the Darth's position on the Council from him, there was still infighting. How can we be strong, if we wear away at our own foundations? Even our own Emperor was using us for his own ends."

Her eyes returned to Elsa's face, a confusing mix of chilly darkness and warm light swirling in her eyes. "I was positioning myself to be Empress. I was ready to strike. The Empire needed reforms if it had hope of surviving. Slavery needed to be abolished. There needed to be peace. I may have my disagreements with the Republic, but the alternative was the collapse of both sides of the conflict. And we had more dangerous enemies than each other."

Lomea would have made a good empress. Elsa had as much certainty about that as she had uncertainty that she would be a good queen. Yet there was one thing she did know and recognize. “Infighting would only create a divided front. How can an army fight a war when they're divided amongst themselves?” Strategy was one of the many lessons she'd been taught in those years preparing to be queen.

“What sort of enemies?” she found herself asking, hesitantly. There was a part of her that wasn't sure she wanted to know. The woman's world was so different than her own. Some of the things she said sounded terrifying, hard to believe. And nearly impossible to wrap her head around.

Then again, she'd created a snow monster and her sister's boyfriend's best friend was a reindeer. So there was that.

“You understand strategy. How indeed could we fight a war, when half of us were trying to eliminate the other half? I defeated an insurgency while engaged in a war with a fellow Sith who couldn’t accept no for an answer.”

She lifted a hand, boldly brushing it across Elsa’s cheek and then tucking some hair behind her ear. “There was a man named Revan. Both a Jedi, and a Sith. Light, and Dark. But he lost his mind and let the Darkness consume him. He was willing to let both sides be destroyed for his goal. So we put the war on hold, to deal with him. Empire and Republic working together. It proved to me it could be done, but so many on both sides chafed. They wanted to fight the war, even after what came next…”

Revan had always appealed to Lomea. Anyone willing to explore the deepest secrets of both sides of the Force was someone to read up on. Except he’d let it control him, instead of the other way around. “I admired him. Before he lost his mind.”

Elsa ducked her head with a bit of a flush to her cheeks. Not only at the bold action of the other woman, though she was still growing accustomed to the touch of others. Also because she had a vague idea of how this Revan must have felt. Torn between the goodness and the darkness inside of him, letting it consume him. She was hardly blind to how easily she could have embraced her powers in a darker way. Ruled Arendelle in the worst way possible.

“What was his goal?” she asked, quietly. “Do you know? Isn't that the classic villain thing, to blather on about their plans in some lengthy soliloquy?” That had been the case in all of the books and plays she'd read. And, when isolated as long as she'd been, she'd read a lot of them.

She tilted her head then, watching Lomea in that way that clearly said she was studying her. “Were you close to him? Or was it an admiration from afar?”

"That is indeed a classic thing. It's fun to talk about one's plans. But there's the obvious downside." Lomea smiled, expression tight. The thought of talking about what had happened on Ziost was daunting.

"Revan had gone missing three hundred years before I was born. Imagine my surprise when we discovered him frozen in stasis."

Lomea frowned, "Perhaps that is a clue to his madness. From my understanding, my Emperor had been siphoning his life force that entire time. It would take too much time to explain all the details, but the Emperor was pure evil, above and beyond any Sith I have ever known. The Jedi killed him, and yet his spirit survived. It was that spirit Revan sought to destroy, only by sacrificing us all in the process." As a military commander, Lomea knew sacrifice. She also knew when it was pointless. Why waste resources when they can be saved? One might almost say Lomea cared about her soldiers.

She dropped her hand to Elsa's shoulder. "So I was not close. I prefer my men more dashing, and my women like silk covered steel."

The whole situation was quite confusing. Even listening to the best of her ability, Elsa was struggling to keep up. A part of it may have been her friend's flare for the dramatic. Also names and situations she couldn't hope to understand. “Stasis…?” It was a word she was unfamiliar with. Frozen, however, was not. And her chin automatically set a bit stubbornly.

She wondered, briefly, if the woman had noticed the chill to her skin that Elsa knew was there. It always lingered around her. It didn't seem to bother Anna and Lomea had said she wasn't overly bothered by the cold. But still. She knew it was a bit awkward.

“How does one's spirit survive after their death? Did he have a host?” Which was kind of a disgusting thought in itself. Like possession. Or taking over the dead. It broke so many of her home traditions it almost made her light headed. Yet for Lomea, this all seemed ordinary.

Really, she just liked touching the queen. The chill didn't bother her. At times, it was welcome. Lomea could be too warm, too lonely. So she'd continue to do so until Elsa had enough. As it was, she was sharing details that few knew of, though she had spoken of the Emperor's goals to others who'd understand. This.

This was different.

"He was able to ... manifest as a spirit of the Force." It wasn't an accurate description, but the best one she could come up with at this time. "I've spoken with the ghosts of my ancestors, and of other Sith Lords. Those with strong willpower who can linger long after death. I even enlisted their aide in my quest, carrying them inside me and drawing on their power, before I freed them when it was done."

Freedom. She could have kept their spirits enslaved. It would have made her vastly more powerful. But instead she'd given them freedom. "I still remember the way their spirits reacted. As if born anew. My desire for a new path for my people became stronger that day."

She could never fully divorce herself from the dark side, nor did she really want to. But a little bit of gray had its appeal. "As for the Emperor, his spirit escaped, and we chased him to a planet called Ziost. And..."

Ziost still haunted her. If there was ever a horror to give her pause, to make her feel panic, it had been that planet. Lomea paled. It was one thing to mention offhand, it was another to actually reflect on that day. "And..."

“So he didn’t have a body…” Elsa’s tone was thoughtful, curious, but not skeptical. After all, her world certainly had its weird points. She had created a talking snowman, after all. Something that had been odd even at the time, but was downright strange listening to the stories of those from more normal worlds. Someone like Mary wouldn’t even know what to do with a walking and talking snowman following her around with sassy quips.

Still. Elsa could recognize horror in others. She could sympathize with the cold grip of her friend’s chest. “It’s all right,” she soothed quietly. Gently she took the hand from her shoulder and squeezed it between both of hers. Physical comfort wasn’t something she was skilled in, but she was learning. Anna had certainly helped her there. “It’s fine. You’re not there. You don’t have to talk about it if it hurts.”

For all people said talking helped, Elsa knew it didn’t always. She knew sometimes, it only ripped you apart even more. She couldn’t tell anyone how she’d harmed her little sister, how Anna had almost died at her hands more than once. And she knew, instinctively, that what Lomea had lived through made the tragedies of Elsa’s past seem like a minor inconvenience. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’ve lived through all of this.”

I wish to talk about it. If I can tell you, perhaps I can open up to others, at least those from my galaxy.” And she wanted Elsa to trust her. Perhaps she’d tell someone else, but never in detail, and it would never mean the same.

She put her other hand over Elsa's, and licked her lips. She wasn't trying to compete in a contest of who had it worse. Lomea had enjoyed the good parts of her life, and the bad parts had made her stronger. "You do not need to apologize. But what I have to say might not be easy for you to hear. What the Emperor did on Ziost went against the very nature of the universe. He stripped the planet of life. All life. It left a cold void in the Force. When I stepped foot on the planet again, I felt empty. It would have been better to have turned the planet to rubble, than to suffer that sort of fate."

She could still hear the voices crying out before they were silenced. She'd been right there in orbit. Too close. Lomea's hands were not clean by any means, but there was a difference between killing someone who deserved it and murdering tens of millions of innocents. "We could not stop it. We could not even evacuate very many in time. The man who built my Empire was a monster."

And yet, so were very many of the Sith. Lomea wondered if she was actually all that different from them. Was a reformist Sith any less a Sith?

No, the woman was right. She hadn't wanted to hear that. That was horrible and it left her cold all over. Even for her. She actually felt a chill run through her, something Elsa could honestly say had only happened a number of times. “You're… I don't…”

Instinctively, she gripped the hand in hers more firmly. Possibly as much to ground herself as to soothe her friend. She'd seen death. Both of her parents had died, her own life had been threatened, she'd nearly killed. But something of that magnitude was more than that still very young woman could picture.

“Did they suffer?” she found herself whispering. It was as if she could handle the worst of it, the deaths that had come, so long as it had been quick. But that hardly seemed that man's style, did it?

Lomea didn't answer immediately. Instead, she pulled Elsa closer, putting her arm around her, despite the cold. Or perhaps because of it.

She rested her chin on Elsa's shoulder, and did not try to free her other hand. Her voice was more subdued than usual. She'd made enemies suffer. Criminals. Hutts and slavers, those that deserved fates far worse than death. But Ziost would always haunt her. "It happened quickly. And if they suffered much I can't say. But I can tell you, he was eventually defeated, and stopped before he could do the same to the rest of the galaxy."

That Leia and the others existed was proof of that, even if Lomea had stepped foot on the Enterprise not long after Ziost. "He wanted power and immortality. To rule over a graveyard of ghosts."

The affection did give her pause. It wasn't that she didn't want to be held so close. It was that she wasn't used to it. Even her parents had been hesitant when touching her. They never made it obvious, but she knew. It was easy to tell when someone didn't want you touching them. Which was why she tried to relax into her friend's hold.

“If it was quick… Perhaps they didn't have time to feel much.” It was the most comfort she could offer herself at the time. It didn't feel like much, but it would have to do. The woman could tell a story, and Elsa felt a part of her was there, on this distant planet so far away.

Her nose turned up a bit, annoyance evident on her pretty features. “What good is an army of ghosts when all those you'd guard against are dead?” This man didn't seem to have thought his evil schemes through very well. “I'm glad he was defeated. Even if it took all of you to do so.”

"What good indeed? I wanted power, yes, but I wanted the people to love me. To look to me and see something they could strive towards." It had been many months since Lomea had been able to take advantage of physical comfort, the last person she’d let herself get close to having perished. She did not trust easily, but Elsa was warmer than she'd expected.

"It is said, that when we die, we become one with the Force. All life together, and never alone." Lomea had her suspicions about those poor souls, but chose to assume that whatever form the Emperor's defeat had taken had freed them.

"I wish I could have see it. I know he failed, because the others from my Galaxy are from thousands of years in my future." Lomea turned her face towards Elsa's neck, and closed her eyes. "If they live, he failed. And even better, he has been lost to time, forgotten. The worst fate for a man who wished to be immortal."

And perhaps few remembered her. Yet, she wasn't upset at the idea. Coming here and shifted her perspective on many things.

“That's the sort of queen I want to be. Loved by the people, respected. A role model. Not feared.” Which had so very nearly not been the case. Things could have taken a much different, much darker path. Now - well, when she wasn't on a starship, that was - she had a chance to do that. To be the leader her father had been, that had mother had raised her to be.

She rested her cheek on top of the other woman's head. Lomea was so powerful, so much more sophisticated than she could ever hope to be. Yet she seemed to trust her. To nearly depend on her, in that way Anna had to her.

“Of course he failed,” she replied confidently. “He dared challenge you. What chance did he have?” The slightest hint of a smile crossed her face.

"Lovely," Lomea murmured, breath warm and lips curling up into as smile as she traced her finger down the back of Elsa's neck. "And loved. Respected. There is steel in you. A power that could cause great harm, and yet you would not wield it as a weapon. Not many would say the same."

And when Elsa was confident, Lomea found herself responding to that. She liked that tone, and that side of her. That steel she'd mentioned. "No chance at all. All who challenge me, shall fall."

A shiver ran through her. She was certainly not used to such closeness. Intimacy, even. She froze, but forced herself to relax. She was needed. She could deal with those initial feelings of panic later. Much later, when the rest of the ship slept.

No, she instead tried to focus on those words. Where was that woman Lomea was describing? Because it didn't feel like her. It was another woman. Another leader, dimensions away. There was no steel to her. Just a scared child who'd pushed the world away so hard she'd nearly broken. “I would wield it in defense,” she said, softly. “And I have. I never meant to hurt anyone. That hardly matters.”

She was, at least, grateful she'd been able to boost that confidence. That she could bring that ice and fire back out to the surface, the constant conflicting emotions that seemed to power the Sith. “Remind me never to challenge you,” she teased lightly.

That woman was there, somewhere. Lomea could see her. But she could also see the fear, and the broken shell. She would have to tread carefully, if she hoped to help Elsa shed that shell.

"There are many kinds of defense," Lomea said. There was something raw in her voice, and her eyes were fixated on Elsa's neck. "Some can be quite aggressive, under the right circumstances. I'm willing to let you challenge me, if it's the right kind of challenge."

She could tease right back.

The problem with that much teasing was that Elsa was still learning her limits and her abilities. She tried. She truly did try. Anna was a handful and far better at keeping others on their toes, but the elder sister had come a long way at her sister's prodding. That didn't mean she was prepared for the level of sass that was fired at her when socializing with Lomea.

She pulled away, getting to her feet to walk the area a bit. This wasn't a place she came that often. Plants and trees and the like, even protected space ones, didn't react well to cold temperatures. “You know as well as I do there isn't a single battle we'd face where I could best you,” she pointed out, crossing her arms in front of her and cocking an eyebrow. “You win on basically every level.”

Lomea pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees and admiring Elsa as she paced. "For now, yes. I win. But with training, and discipline, and experience, we'd be equals. In many ways, we already are. You just do not see it yet."

A smile danced on her lips as she got to her feet. "Besides. To battle you is not what I want. I do not typically bare my soul to just anyone."

She clasped her hands behind her back, sensing Elsa needed space. "Take that as you will. But thank you. For listening."

The timing of the words accompanied by Lomea’s change in stance actually made Elsa think for a moment the woman was going to try and challenge her then and there. Both eyebrows went up for a moment in surprise, but her features relaxed shortly after. “You all seem to think my power is much more than it is,” she reasoned lightly. “Elemental. Nothing more. We could never be considered equals.” For the most part, she was fine with that. She didn't want the intense amount of power the other woman carried.

Her cheeks flushed pink and she ducked her head with a little shrug. “We're friends, aren't we? Of course I'll listen.” And listening was easier than talking. Talking she didn't do well. Talking would take much more work on her part.

It was a subject that Lomea chose to drop. Elsa would not see her full potential until she had no other choice. That wasn't today and Lomea thought that pressing the matter would be counter productive. Elsa wasn't Marian, who needed a more forceful hand to learn.

“We are friends, yes.” And Lomea would like to be more. “And if you need to talk, I can listen.”

She hated it. She really did. But at those words, she all but shut down. Her face settled into a mostly neutral expression. She wasn't angry. Not really. In fact, she was grateful for the kind offer. That didn't mean she was going to sit down and open a vein and spill her life story for anyone. Not even a friend.

“Thank you,” she said in her most polite tone. The tone she often used with the household staff who got too concerned, too nosy. “But I'm sure that won't be necessary. I should get going. Anna will probably wonder where I've wandered off to.”

It had been a uniquely innocent offer from Lomea. A desire to return the favor, to learn more, to get closer to this enigmatic woman she was growing so fond of. An expression of vulnerability actually managed to slip past Lomea's facade for all of a second before her own form of coldness settled in. "I see. The offer, of course, stands."

And, for the briefest of moments, she hesitated. What would it be like, she wondered, to share that part of herself? The part that was locked away for years, taking her meals in her room, seeing her servants and her tutors as little as possible. Even keeping her own parents at arms length. And never, ever getting to see her sister.

No. She wasn't ready. Not yet. “Maybe. Someday, I mean.” It wasn't the other woman's fault. Elsa knew that. None of this was her doing. Her isolation had been almost entirely self-inflicted. But that didn't mean she was ready to break it. “It's not… I mean, it isn't you. You know that, don't you?” She probably did. It often felt like the woman could read her mind.

The air had started to grow charged, Lomea clenching her fists behind her back to contain crackling energy. But then she exhaled, and the sensation passed. Elsa was right, and forcing the matter could destroy something that Lomea was trying to create. Besides, Elsa had tried to explain, and that went a long way to soothing Lomea's ruffled feathers.

She stepped closer to Elsa, and took her hands. She was still a little upset, but not inclined to share that. "I know that. But feelings are not always under one's control."

Lomea brought one of Elsa's hands to her lips and added, "If you need anything from me, or want anything, you know how to find me."

Royalty appreciated that sort of gesture, at least in her experience.

Royalty wasn't typically Elsa. Any physical contact still took her by surprise. As always, the war was waged within her to pull away or get far too close. This time she settled on a halfway point, giving a small curtsy, as one tended to do when one’s hand received a kiss.

Even if, at least in her world, women didn't tend to do that portion.

“I know. I do. And I'm working on that.” She gave the hand in hers a squeeze. “Thank you. For being so open with me. I hope… I hope one day I can do the same.”

“We shall see.” Loma released Elsa’s hands. Women didn’t tend to do that hand kissing part in her world either, but Lomea didn’t often adhere to societal expectations, even that of her own twisted society. She just wasn’t used to restraining from something she wanted.