InsaneJournal

In the days that Pike was still recovering, Jadzia helped Mary set up a holodeck simulation where he and Mary could later go horseback riding. Really Jadzia had done most of the work, as Mary didn’t know how to create such a program, but Mary described a lot of what she wanted, including descriptions of several horses that riders could choose from.

She was glad when Pike was feeling better and they were able to test out the simulation. It consisted of a barn surrounded by endless green fields and paths. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to find someone to ride with,” Mary said with a smile, “and that you’ve had a wonderful recovery.” Coming back from certain death was no joke. Fortunately, Pike looked very well-rested.

They both worked on saddling up their horses. Mary had chosen a chestnut mare that she fitted with an English saddle. Since Pike rode Western, he had a Western saddle for his horse. They would be sight, wouldn’t they? Mary in her proper riding attire and Pike looking decidedly more comfortable.

---

Despite everything, Pike still relied on the cane for walking and didn't move quite as quickly as he would like. Then again, less than a week ago, he'd been dead, so he didn't really have room to complain. His cane was currently leaning against the wall as he tightened the girth on the bay mare. "She reminds me of a horse I once had named Tango," Pike said, checking his tack once more.

"I can't thank you enough for the invitation," he said with a smile. The holodeck had provided him with jeans, boots, a comfy shirt and cowboy hat, looking every bit the rancher. He managed to walk the horse out of the barn before mounting up, grimacing slightly as he swung up but relaxing once he was seated in the saddle, readjusting his stirrups. "I'd be hard pressed to turn down any opportunity to ride. These are your family's grounds then?"

---

She had been slightly concerned about the cane, but Pike had assured her that he was fine and had been using the cane from a prior injury. Still, she decided to keep an eye on him.

Mary swung herself up on her horse and settled in. The only time she wore pants was while riding, so that she could ride astride. That was so much more comfortable than sidesaddle.

“Oh, no,” she replied. “Jadzia made a separate simulation for us, though I thought about simply adding on to the simulation of my family home.” In the end she had decided that a brand new simulation would be better. That way it might be more open to everyone. “I can show you the Downton simulation sometime if you would like though.”

---

"I would enjoy that. I was sorry to miss the tea that you hosted at Downton. Did it go well?" He eased the horse into a walk. He had ridden both English and Western in his day, but Western suited the Mojave more, and especially suited him more after the Narada. He turned the horse into an easy circle, putting her through her paces to get a feel for her.

"Should we go down one of the paths?" he asked. "Or would you rather have a race across the pasture?"

---

“It went quite well!” Mary said with a grin. “I was glad that not everyone found it terribly old-fashioned.” Even if it kind of was. “If you'd ever like to see it - and have tea - I'd be happy to show you.”

She always sat with perfect posture and riding was no exception. After trotting a bit to warm up, she turned back to Pike at his question. “Is it wise for you to be racing yet, Admiral?” Mary asked with a raised eyebrow.

---

"I wouldn't mind. Though I must admit, given the hours I tend to keep, I'm usually more of a coffee man," Christopher admitted with a smile. "Though I would enjoy seeing the home that holds such a special place for you."

Pike met her eyebrow with one of his own and added a smirk. "Depends if you're asking me or Doctor McCoy. I'm probably not up for 100 mile endurance race or barrel racing yet, but a quick dash across the field shouldn't be too taxing."

---

Her home really was special to her. That was why she was glad that she still got to visit in a way. She had heeded Jim’s advice though, and not spent endless hours in there alone. It would probably end up making her go mad in the end.

“Americans do like their coffee, so I won't hold it against you,” she teased. She considered his challenge for a moment. Mary couldn't resist a race, or a competition. Surely he would be fine. “Alright, let’s do it then.”

Mary moved the horse next to his and prepared herself. “On your count.”

---

Pike grinned, the action giving him a lightness that was usually hidden behind the stoic facade of one of Starfleet's most decorated Admirals. "One… Two… Three…"

There was no hesitation as he nudged his mare forward, getting her to a canter easily. He glanced to see Mary keeping pace with him and pushed his horse into a gallop, grinning as he leaned forward and feeling completely carefree for the moment.

---

Mary gave chase, keeping up with him and not going easy on him at all. He'd suggested it and she always played to win. Pike seemed happy and that made her grin - and urge her horse on.

At the very last second, on the edge of the clearing, Mary managed to pull ahead. She crossed their imaginary finish line and circled the horse back around as she reduced speed.

“You did quite well for someone who hasn't raced in a while.”

---

Pike chuckled as he slowed his horse to an easy trot, reaching down and patting her for a job well done. "I'll take that as a compliment," he said with a grin, looking more relaxed than he had in a long time. "Not bad for a dead man."

"You're quite the horsewoman yourself," he said, glad to have found someone who knew their way around a horse as he nudged his horse down one of the paths. "How long have you been riding?"

---

She laughed gently. “You seem quite alive to me, sir.”

Mary rode next to him him along the path, their horses moving at a leisurely pace now after the race. “I've been riding since… I was about 8, I suppose. Papa got me a pony then.” She was skilled at it and enjoyed both racing and hunting. Her grandmother had wondered if either of those things were becoming of a lady, but Mary had dismissed them. It was too much fun.

---

"I'm happy to say I've had a full recovery," Pike joked with a smile. Of course, the damage from the Narada was still there and he was pretty sure there would be ongoing visits and monitoring of that. But it was a vast improvement from where he'd been not that long ago.

"Lucky child. My mother loved horses. Raised them on the ranch. Even let me try my hand at taming a few mustangs - those were gorgeous creatures. That was while we were on Earth. We bred horses on Elysium too though when we were there." It felt odd, discussing his past, but then again, Christopher's life had been nothing by Starfleet for so many years that of course civilian encounters would take some getting used to again.

"No sidesaddle for you? I thought that was the custom in your time."

---

“Where is Elysium?” Mary asked. Chances were even if he told her she still wouldn't have much of a frame of reference. She knew the approximate order of the plants in the solar system and that was about it.

Mary smiled slyly when he mentioned her riding. “Some ladies still ride that way, though I have moved on to this as it is much more comfortable. I'm sure that Granny would not approve though.” The Dowager approved of very little.

---

"In a distant quadrant. It's a planet in a different solar system. It had potential to be terraformed for civilization so I lived there with my mother for a time on one of the early colonies. Primitive existence, but it was still a nice place."

Christopher chuckled. "Well, some people aren't as adaptable as others. I tried riding sidesaddle once when I saw it in a history text. Nearly fell on my ass."

---

“And what does terraformed mean?” She felt quite stupid asking all of these questions, but perhaps he could excuse her ignorance. There was technology here that hadn't even been dreamed of in her time.

Mary laughed with him. “I've raced while riding sidesaddle and won.” Not to brag, but it was kind of a feat for a person riding in such an uncomfortable position. “I still find riding astride to be much more effective,” she said.

---

"It's a process to make a planet suitable for human occupation. Make sure the atmosphere is suitable to the oxygen needs of humans and that there are suitable processes to sustain people - food, resources, etc. It's usually a difficult process, but it was the sort of work my mother enjoyed."

He smiled. "Then I am doubly impressed. I imagine that's no easy feat."

---

“That's fascinating,” Mary replied. “I imagine that it is rather primitive living for a while though.” Probably not a lifestyle for her. She wasn't very used to roughing it.

“I like to race, and to hunt - on horseback. I'm glad to find you here, Admiral. It seems like you have been in space for most of your life though. I cannot even imagine what it is like. We hardly had airplanes in my time.” Mary had never been in one.

---

"Certainly is. Though to some, even life on a starship is primitive. Everything is relative, I suppose." He'd lived in some tough situations, but he was still most comfortable on a starship, with only the occasional shore leave. "I was commissioned at 22, so I've spent most of the past thirty plus years on a starship. You get used to it. Its… home, for me."

"Racing I've some experience with, but hunting to me is only something I've read about in history texts. What was it like?"

---

“People don't hunt in this time?” Mary asked with her brow furrowed. “Papa and I enjoyed fox hunting on horseback, using hounds. That chase was always fun. We also shot pheasant with rifles. I didn't shoot terribly often, but I did learn how.”

That was another thing that wasn't very ladylike. Mary tended to follow most of those norms, though she pushed the boundaries from time to time.

---

"A lot varies depending on the culture, but it's not as common as it once was on Earth," Pike explained. Of course, there were systems he'd visited where humans were hunted, but he didn't think that was necessary to share.

"I'd be interested to see if we could set that up on the holodeck as well. Most of what I did was more in the spirit of ranching. I know how to shoot, of course, but I can also lasso if necessary. "

---

“Perhaps we could,” Mary replied. “Or Jadzia could. She is the architect of all of this.” She fanned her arm out in front of her. The trail was peaceful and a soft breeze blew through the trees surrounding them.

“How long have you known the Captain?” Jim was a topic that Mary was curious to pick Pike’s brain about, even if she did not particularly expect him to tell her much.

---

"I suppose almost anything is possible here. It's been awhile since I've been in a holodeck, though we did a lot of flight simulations at the Academy for the cadets which use similar technology. It was refreshing to just enjoy a casual ride though, and he had the feeling he'd come back here on his own, perhaps even bring Leia.

"I knew his parents. I kept tabs on him when he was growing up, but we didn't officially meet till 2255 - when he was around 22. I suppose it's only been around four or five years… officially then."

---

“Ah,” Mary said with a nod. “He mentioned his mother and a stepfather.” Neither of whom he seemed terribly keen on keeping up with, especially not the stepfather. It felt strange to her, in a way, because she was so close to her own family. She wished she had a way to speak to them here.

---

"I knew his biological father, not his stepfather." It was a clarifying detail that was required but he wasn't sure how much Jim had told Mary.

"His biological parents and I were all in Starfleet together. It can be difficult having a family in Starfleet though."

---

Mary nodded and rode in silence for a moment. She debated what questions to ask, whether it was proper or she was being nosy. “What happened to his father?”

Since Jim hadn't mentioned keeping in touch with his father, there was an implication that he was dead, or otherwise not around.

---

"I'm not sure that's my story to tell, but he died the day Jim was born. They never had a chance to know each other," Pike said quietly. There were few people who knew more about what happened than Christopher Pike, who had spent years studying the events of that fateful day, writing his dissertation on it. He wouldn't speculate on Winona's actions after that, either.

---

“How dreadful,” Mary said, putting a hand on her chest. They went on in silence for a moment before Mary added, “I suppose my own son’s situation is similar. My husband met him once before he died. It was a day after he was born.”

It was tragic for everyone. Mary had taken it especially hard. She was a shell of herself for six months after Matthew’s death until she was able to finally pull herself together. George hadn’t had much of a mother during that time, and it was something that she regretted.

---

"I'm sorry for your loss." Pike was a man whose career meant he had to say those words more often than he could like, but the words were sincere. He'd known plenty of loss in his own life as well and felt the loss of every crew member who died under his watch. "That couldn't have been easy for you."

---

“It wasn't.” That was an understatement. They didn't need to go into all of that right now though. Mary had accepted Matthew’s death, but she still didn't love talking about it.

“I'm quite… fond of Jim,” she said. “We have spent some time together. He's been very respectful of me, actually.”

Almost too respectful. They liked to flirt over the PADD, though in person it seemed like he was on his best behavior.

---

Pike gave a fond smile. Jim was like a son to him and Mary seemed like a lovely young woman. Though not necessarily uncomplicated.

"That's good. Jim's in a delicate situation as captain. There are regulations about the conduct a captain is allowed to have with his crew. And although you and the other travelers aren't necessarily crew, it’s an unusual predicament."

---

“I see…” Mary said. Unfortunately, she wasn’t uncomplicated, and after her terrible decision to sleep with Lucifer, she was extremely wary of the idea of casual sex. Would she be able to be that casual with Jim or would her feelings prevent that?

“Perhaps that is why he acts so gentlemanly towards me. Not that I would wish anything less, but I do like to be flirtatious, especially with attractive men.” She smiled a bit sheepishly. “I don’t know what he thinks of me… probably that I’m far too old-fashioned for a man of this time period.” That was her biggest worry.

---

Part of Christopher wasn't sure he should be hearing this, but over the years he'd heard a lot from cadets and crew over the years and wasn't easily shocked. Especially considering the disciplinary board hearings he'd had to sit on.

"The only way you'll know is if you speak to Jim directly - when he's off duty. I'm hoping to help take some of the bridge shifts, so hopefully he'll have a bit more free time."

---

Pike was right. If she was going to talk to him, it was going to have to be when he was off duty. There was a bit of a difference in the way he acted around Mary when he was in captain mode as opposed to when he wasn’t.

“I’m normally quite direct, but I have to admit that I am a bit nervous to talk to him about such a thing. I think I’m afraid that I won’t like the response I get back.”

That was a lot for a woman like Mary to admit. She was normally incredibly confident in herself, particularly in her abilities to attract men, but there was something about the idea of Jim rejecting her that would cut her deeply.

---

He nodded, understand that. Captains were often larger than life. But someone like Mary might be good for Kirk. It was a lonely, hard job being captain.

"You never know unless you try. And you seem to be a brave, courageous woman, Lady Crawley. I hardly think a young captain is worth being scared of.”

---

Mary shrugged her shoulder slightly, but there was a smile on her face. “I wouldn’t say I’m afraid of him. Moreso afraid that he might laugh or something. But you’re right. I shall find a time to talk to him when he is not on duty.”

They came out of the tree-lined path and into a clearing. The path had gone in a circle and they were nearing the barn again. “And what about you, Admiral? A man as dashing as you never married?” Her smile widened.

---

He chuckled. "Married to starfleet and to my ship, I'm afraid. Which puts a damper on other relationships. Most people don't want to play second fiddle to that."

Which was a mild way of putting it. It wasn't fair to anyone Christopher was with. He ran a hand over his hair. "I was with someone for around twenty years, though we never got married - I had some problems with commitment. It ended after we were both stationed planetside… we thought it might change things. But I still gave more of my time and energy to Starfleet instead of to him, so we ended up parting ways. It wasn't fair to him to ask him to stay with me."

---

That highlighted another thing that Mary was worried about; Jim seemed very devoted to his job. What if he was going to approach a relationship the same way that Pike did? Perhaps he wouldn’t even want to be in one for that very reason.

When Pike used the word him it startled Mary so much that she accidentally jerked on the horse’s reins. “Oh! Forgive me, I was not aware that you were…”

Like Thomas? He wouldn’t get the reference. Mary would never have guessed that Pike was interested in men. Not in a million years.

---

"My apologies, I forgot that wasn't much talked about in your time." As a historian, Pike should have been more sensitive to the differences in their experience.
"I.. well, neither gender nor species matter as to who I find myself attracted to. Which I imagine might seem strange to you, but some things are a bit more open and flexible in the 23rd century."

---

“Yes…” Mary said, her brow furrowed. “Yes, I have heard about that.” It still confused her a bit though. Sexuality was viewed as rather black and white in her time. There wasn’t a lot of room for fluidity.

They slowed down as they reapproached the barn. “Jim… he likes women, yes?” It seemed like he did, but maybe she was entirely wrong about all of this.

---

"I do hope it doesn't change your opinion of me," he said, studying her curiously. In the past, he'd kept details about who shared his bed secret for the most part, but he & Boyce had attended enough functions publicly that there were plenty of people who knew.. or at least suspected.

"I'm fairly certain he does. He might like men as well, I'm not sure. It's not a topic that often comes up between us."

---

“It doesn’t,” she replied. “Our underbutler, he is… well, he is attracted to men.” The family knew about Thomas and it wasn’t much of a terribly big deal. He had worked for them for years and they would never fire him over something like that. It wasn’t discussed openly, but it was accepted.

Mary was fairly certainly that Jim liked women too, but it seemed so hard to tell in this century. Would it be a terrible thing if he liked men as well? She supposed not, though it was a strange thing to wrap her head around, liking both at the same time.

They stopped in front of the barn and Mary dismounted, patting her horse on the neck. “I still think you’re quite dashing, Admiral Pike,” she said with a coy smile.

---

His injuries from the Narada meant there were some things that were still slower, more awkward. Mounting and dismounting was one of those things. Luckily, the horse was calm as Pike maneuvered himself off, not as easily as when he was young, but still with sufficient grace for a man his age.

"You flatter me, Lady Crawley," he said with a smile, walking the horse into the barn so he could untack her and brush her down. Even if it was just a holodeck experience - old habits died hard.

---

Mary waited patiently for him to dismount, then put out her free arm. He was still the one escorting her, though she held his arm tightly for stability. It was a trick she had learned when she was taking care of Matthew after he had come back wounded from the war.

“You’ll find that I’m not a flatterer. I say what I mean.” Pike was a handsome man for one his age. Were all starship captains this attractive? Mary could tell that he was a gentleman, and that meant a lot to her in this century.

---

He gave a nod of thanks. The tradition of escorting someone had long since fallen away, but Chris was grateful for the support she provided him. "I appreciate that. I have little tolerance for lying or beating around the bush. Which isn't to say there isn't a time and place for massaging the truth in the name of diplomacy."

He gave her a smile. "I can't thank you enough for this. It was truly a delightful afternoon."

---

That would explain the odd look Jim had given her when she had placed her hand in the crook of his elbow. He’d caught on though and indulged her at least.

“I understand completely,” she said. Diplomacy was an area that interested her if she was going to be on the ship long term, which at this point it appeared she would be. She enjoyed being a traveler liaison, but she could see herself possibly taking on a bigger role eventually.

“Oh, I loved it,” Mary said of their afternoon. “You were a wonderful riding partner. We must do this again.”

It had felt so good to be out on a horse in the fields again, even if it was only a simulation.