InsaneJournal

Leia wasn’t sure when in her life she had last been this overwhelmed. Perhaps in the days after her capture and torture on the Death Star and Alderaan’s destruction. Or after Ben’s birth, when she and Han were new parents and had absolutely no idea what they were doing (which, unfortunately, proved eventually to be more true than it should have). Or in the early days of the Resistance, when she was mobilizing troops, recruiting, and starting a revolution all, it seemed, on her own. And yet, none of that was quite the same at all as to being pulled into another reality, first, and then having people from all over her own universe popping up, including a son from another timeline, a husband that wasn’t exactly her husband, and, now, a mother she never knew.

Over the past few years, since learning her mother’s identity, Leia had wondered about her. Who was this woman who had been with Anakin Skywalker? Who had died in childbirth, leaving Leia and Luke to be separated and raised in different lives? Had she loved him? Had they - ? Well, she had learned just recently about their secret marriage, that her mother called him ‘Ani,’ that Padmé was very young. How would she react to meeting a daughter who was a mother herself, who was an old lady by now? How was Leia going to react herself? She rubbed her brow and shook her head. She definitely shouldn’t have drank so much the night before with Luke, but what else could she do? They had passed out together on the sofa in her quarters, after talking about everything except the thing they were most concerned about. And that wasn’t their mother; it was Leia’s son. She shook the thoughts out of her head, relaxed herself, and focused on this meeting, how much she was looking forward to it.

She let Padmé - her mother, she corrected herself - know that they could meet in one of the recreation rooms. This time of day the one on their deck wasn’t very crowded, and it would afford them an opportunity to talk without interruption. She left her PADD out on the table in case her mother had any problems navigating the ship and messaged her. Leia replicated a cup of caf for each of them and found a table in a quiet corner with a view of the door. The caf was hot and tasted bitter, but Leia had gotten into the habit of drinking it hot and black, unaltered, over the last few years. It tasted horrible but it kept her awake when she needed it to, and it had become habit now, almost an addiction. She looked up every time the door opened.

It may have come as a surprise to the people who'd shared a life with Padmé, but deep down inside she was often nervous. When meeting a new representative, or when she had to give a speech - especially one in front of the entire assembled Senate. Nervous habits that most people developed had been trained out of her, as well as anything else that betrayed weakness. There were people all over the Galaxy that would have eaten a young Queen alive, if it were otherwise.

And Ahsoka had told Padmé yesterday that she came off as 'larger than life'. She could see why that would be, but when faced with the prospect of finally getting to meet, in person, the daughter she'd barely known? Padmé felt like she was a child again, herself. She was grateful that Lady Mary had helped her replicate some new clothing to wear, things that made her a little more comfortable. Care had been taken not to make her new outfits as ornate as her Senate robes. Here, in this place, titles meant nothing but the ones they made for themselves. And so when she finally did get up the gumption to step through the door - though she'd waited by the side of it and taken several deep breaths before doing so - she hoped she looked recognizable to someone from their universe. It was a day for talk of happy things, but also solemn ones, and she'd opted for something in a muted purple.

Her eyes nearly immediately fell upon Leia - who was hard to miss, because she held the room like anyone bearing the Skywalker name would, even if she was an Organa. Or perhaps particularly because she was one of those, too. Leia, her daughter, who'd only been a baby when she last saw her. Her face could hardly contain her smile. She rushed over to her, not at all resembling some graceful Senator for the moment, but instead a short woman with an aggressive gait whose legs looked like they might punch through the bulkhead at any moment. Padmé was known for aggressively walking into the places.

But when she got to Leia, she wasn't sure what to do. Hold her arms out for that hug? The smile she was still wearing looked a bit sheepish. "This is a moment I fear you were sure you'd never get, and now that it's come I have no idea what to say. 'Hello, I'm Padmé, your mother', seems a bit... anti-climatic."

Leia stood. They were about the same size, height-wise, she and her mother, though at Leia’s age, she had gained weight that she simply couldn’t get rid of, no matter the fact that she was in the military and ate military rations for all of her meals. She smiled at the greeting. “I’m sure that’s just fine because the only thing I could think of was ‘Hello, I’m Leia, your daughter.’” She hesitated for a moment and then reached out to hug the other woman tightly in against her. “This is definitely something I never anticipated happening,” she continued. “And yet, here we are.”

Her cheeks flushed, Leia stepped back and motioned to the table she’d chosen. “Sit, please. I got some caf already. I don’t know how you take it, of course, but … “

It didn't matter what shape Leia might have come in, she was beautiful. Padmé beamed at her, looking more than a little relieved that they were both in new and awkward territory. And then there was the hug, which could easily have brought her to tears. She took a few moments to breathe, but they still looked a bit watery when she finally did master herself enough to take a seat.

"Here we are..." Padmé agreed, still smiling as she lifted up the cup of caf. "Thank you for the caf. I have to admit I am still not sure about the food aboard this vessel, or how to order the things I am familiar with. I've been sticking to tea, since that seems universal."

The liquid inside was dark, strong, and bitter to the taste. She grinned as she set the cup back down, "You really are Ani's daughter, aren't you?" The words slipped out before she could stop them or consider that they may or may not be taken well. "He always took his caf black, too."

“Everything I've had so far has been fine,” Leia said. “Much better than military rations.” She tried to relax a little bit, sipping her caf and keeping her focus on that instead of looking at her mother every two seconds. “And if you like sweets, they've got a pretty good selection too.” There, Leia could still do small talk, even with a mother she never imagined she would ever get to meet.

At the mention of her father - Ani, which seemed even more incredible of a reference than just about anything that had happened to her so far - Leia winced. She couldn't help it. She just hoped it wasn't too visible, and she hoped that her deflection would be smooth. “How are you?” she asked. “Have you had a chance to settle in and see any of the ship?”

They were both skilled enough at this to read between the lines or notice when things had taken a brief awkward turn. Padmé decided the deflection was for the best for now, and took another sip of the caf. In its current state it was more bracing than the tea she used to drink in the morning to wake up, and while the two of them found their footing with each other Padmé thought she'd need the help.

She did duck her head sheepishly though at the mention of the sweets, "The food IS delicious, and I... have definitely found the sweets, yes. But goodness, anything at all is better than Military Rations! You poor thing, the situation must have gotten incredibly dire." No one that she was aware of consumed Military Rations on purpose. Padmé wanted to ask her so many questions about all of that, but she felt that the real talk was something they'd have to warm up to.

"I am... still settling in, though Lady Mary was kind enough to help me replicate some things to wear that I was more familiar with. That helped a great deal. Some parts of being here are easier to make my peace with than others, and those will take time." Like mentioning Anakin in the present tense all of the time. Padmé looked momentarily sad, and then shook that off with another sip of caf. "I know where the galley is and was able to make my way here without too much incident, but most of the ship is still a mystery to me. And I am sure there are places we aren't allowed to go. Those ones are usually the most interesting."

Leia held up a hand. “The situation was what it was,” she said. “We were doing everything we could, just as we did the first time around.” Leia wished she was from a different period in her life, even just a decade ago, when she could have told Padmé that the Empire was gone, the New Republic was flourishing, and the universe was in peace. Instead, she couldn't say that at all. “The First Order rose out of the ashes of the Empire. It often feels like a vicious cycle. Just when we thought we had the upper hand…”

She sighed. “I'm sorry. I'm still getting used to being here, away from my men and women. I don't know what to even do with myself here half the time.”

"I don't think either of us will ever be quite comfortable here," Padmé agreed, with a nod of her head. Somehow, though she'd just gotten a piece of very bad news, she was smiling. "There is no need to apologize. We are women of action, in all kinds of ways. And both of us started that active life young. It is very hard to go back, at any age, after living like that. Miss Carter offered me a position with the Traveler Liaison program and I will probably take it, but it will never be the same as wading into the Political side of a full scale Galactic War. Staying up all night ironing out the last pieces of a proposal with Bail, or getting into 'Aggressive Negotiations' with things. All of those times I sent myself off alone on diplomatic missions."

She trailed off and tapped one of her fingers against her mug. "It is unfortunate that the Empire still manages to exist. It seems that our Galaxy thrives on this cycle of chaos. Finding a few years of peace only to face our nemesis once again. I was speaking with someone yesterday who comes from a time before us all, where there is still a war between an Empire and a Republic. I have no idea which side of that war we ended up on."

The mention of her father surprised her, shook her for a moment, and she suddenly realized she could ask her mother about her parents, about the early days of the Rebellion, about what it was like before. She listened to Padmé talk for a while and didn’t know what she could even respond with, though she saw the opening when she brought up Lomea.

“The timeline is messed up,” Leia agreed. “I don’t know who you’ve met yet,” she said, deciding on this angle, for now, to just get everything out there in the open. “But it might not be a bad idea to give you a brief rundown on where I am and who I’m with. Before there are any misunderstandings.” Did that come out too detached or harshly? She sipped her caf. “I’m sorry. I’m usually better at this, but well, this is - you.”

She rubbed the side of her neck and cleared her throat. “There are, as far as I can tell, two timelines in which I exist. In one, in my mine, my husband and I had one son, Ben, and then I had a daughter, Breha. You’ve met her, Rey, she’s here.” She didn’t say, yet, that Ben was too. But that was because Leia hadn’t run into him yet, though surely he knew she she was on the ship. “In the other, I apparently have three children. One of them are here - Jacen. And Han is too. That’s my husband, though the Han that’s here is from the other timeline. I don’t know if any of this makes sense.”

The smile on Padmé's face softened as Leia mentioned how hard this conversation seemed to be, and she nodded her head. She didn't interrupt her daughter though, and listened attentively as she went through the various timelines that there seemed to be. Then, she picked up her cup of caf before she started fiddling with it on the table. "You don't have to apologize, Leia. We aren't used to each other yet, and I have to admit that I am also a little nervous. I'm stumbling around my words at times, and am not sure on my footing with you. But I am glad that we both get this opportunity."

Padmé wanted to say something more, but she wasn't sure how to string the words together. Finally, she added, "I think we may both be worried about our impressions of each other, but to me, you are perfect and beautiful and strong."

But then there was the matter of the others aboard, and the complicated series of relationships between them all. Padmé took another sip of her caf, while putting it all into place in her head. "Han has spoken to me, he did mention there were two timelines, and that there seemed to be some discrepancies. And Breha approached me, too. We haven't spoken much, but she said her situation was complicated. Something about a kidnapping? You picked a fine name for her, I hope you don't mind that we decided I should use her other one. I haven't gotten a chance to speak to Luke yet, or Jacen. And no, I suppose it doesn't make any sense, but I cannot say that any of this would. However," and Padmé smirked as she spoke, "I cannot imagine that any situation involving a Skywalker of any kind ever would be simple."

Leia nodded. “I’m glad we both get this opportunity too,” she said honestly. She had lived an entire life without knowing her mother, most of it without even knowing her name, and Leia wasn’t one to give up on opportunities such as this one. She wanted instead to enjoy it, take advantage of it. It was just that she had no idea how to do that. “She’s much more used to Rey,” Leia admitted. She hesitated. “Yes, she was kidnapped when she was four. I didn’t even know she was still alive until recently.” She looked away at the onslaught of guilt and shame that still filled her at the thought. “I’m sure you’ll see Luke soon. He’s …” She waved her hand a little bit, trying to figure out the best way to describe her brother. “He spends a lot of time alone.”

She shook her head at the mention of her being a Skywalker. She wasn’t a Skywalker. She was an Organa. A - Solo, sometimes. Not a Skywalker. Unlike Luke, she had no connection to that name. “I guess I should tell you that I didn’t know Luke until we were nineteen,” she told Padmé. “Luke was raised on Tatooine by his aunt and uncle, and I was raised on Alderaan with the Organas.”

And it would make sense that Leia would identify more with the Organa name than anything else. But to Padmé, their whole family would probably be Skywalkers forever. It was hard to think of them all in any other way.

"This can't be easy for you, so much of your family returning from a place where you were certain you would never hear from us again. I think it says something about us, though, that we have ended up here together, finally. I wonder if the rest of us will come along." But that was in some ways a chilling thought. Her last moments with her husband had not gone well at all. She had no idea what Anakin would become later on, or what he would do to the rest of her family. To his own children. Even without that knowledge, it still wasn't entirely pleasant. And she added, with a small frown, "Perhaps some of us should stay behind, though."

Then she turned her mind towards Luke, and nodded her head. "The old moisture farm? We visited there when I was younger. I was in protective custody at the time, but... your father needed to make the trip desperately, so I encouraged him to go. I think it was good for him in some ways, though... the events there were not entirely pleasant. Still, it was a good place for Luke to grow up. Though I am not sure why Bail wouldn't simply take you both. And it took nineteen years for you to find each other? Did you know, then, or did fate simply put you on similar paths?"

Leia took a deep breath. This was the moment when she could pass by her entire history and not upset Padmé, or she could just come right out with it. As a commanding officer, and even before as a senator, Leia considered honesty to be the best policy. She looked back at her relationship with Han and saw where keeping things from each other hurt their relationship, broke it in a way that made it impossible to repair, not to mention her relationship with her son. How different would he be if she had just told him upfront that Darth Vader was his grandfather? No, Leia told herself, no ‘what-ifs’ or regrets.

“We were separated to protect us,” Leia said, sharing with her mother the story that had been told to her all of those years ago. “From Darth Vader, who was, at the time, the Emperor’s apprentice. And also,” she hesitated for only a moment. “Anakin Skywalker.” She wouldn’t call him her father, even now, all these years later. “Luke was raised on Tatooine, and I was raised on Alderaan. It wasn’t until I started working with the Rebellion, until the Death Star, that Luke came into my life. And even then, it wasn’t for several more years until we learned that we were twins.”

This was no easy news to hear, and Padmé raised both of her eyebrows up. She recalled back to the time when Obi-wan had first arrived to tell her that Anakin was a traitor. That he'd slaughtered the younglings in the temple, that he'd turned to the dark side and joined the Emperor. At the time, she hadn't wanted to believe it, and that had lead to her own death. She couldn't deny what Leia was telling her.

Ahsoka had told her that Ani was gone, but that had never really settled with her. In her final moments, she could feel him. Perhaps she'd known, then, but the memory was clouded simply because the truth was hard to deal with. One of her hands came up to her mouth, and she pressed it there for a few moments.

No wonder Leia had winced at Anakin's name. "I... see. Thank you for telling me the truth. I knew about his fall. It... is tied to my death, actually. But I had been lead to believe that we both died that day. I suppose in a way that is still true."

"These must be painful memories for you. I'm sorry for having you drag them all up. The word 'Death Star' sounds especially ominous, and I have no doubt you've had a few run ins with this... Darth Vader."

“I’m sorry,” Leia said automatically. She didn’t like seeing Padmé in distress like this, but at the same time she didn’t believe in withholding the information. “As far as I’m concerned - it’s possible Luke will tell you otherwise, but he had a very different … relationship … with Vader than I did - Anakin Skywalker died the day Darth Vader took over.” She believed her brother when he said that Vader turned away from the dark side in the end, to save Luke’s life, but that wasn’t Leia’s story to tell.

“The Death Star was the Emperor’s pet project, both of them. It destroyed Alderaan. Its own destruction was a turning point in the way against the Empire.” She finished her caf and hesitated. “I don’t usually think about my run ins with Vader, though there are many years now that have past between then and now.”

"Things that happen to us fade with time, but I think a weight still remains," Padmé replied, softly. "But I think... You are probably right. Even when I went to see him that day, he wasn't the same. Not the man I'd fallen in love with. He had already done too much to be excused, and his words were... strange. Things I never thought I would hear him say. Perhaps it is better for all of us if we put Anakin in the past, where he belongs."

That would be easier for Leia and Luke than it would be for her, but for their sakes she'd have to try. It made her wonder something, though, and she finished off her own caf while trying to put the words together in her head. Then she folded her hands in her lap, and nodded her head at herself. "I don't know if you want to know the man he used to be. The times we used to have together, before the Empire. So much of what we all were is lost or forgotten now, and ... for me, the grief is still fresh. And I admit I have no space from it like you do, so I am bound to make comparisons or bring his name up. But I will try and stop myself. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. But I really am glad that you told me. We are not the type of people to hold back the truth."

Leia looked at her mother, considering what she just said. “I would never ask you not to talk about something,” she said. “Luke is better equipped for hearing about Anakin Skywalker than I am, honestly, but you won’t make me uncomfortable. I learned long ago that some things need to be said and done.” She let her fingers drag against her cup of caf. “And I can understand grief, too. I recently lost my husband.” Which was probably more complicated than it should be, seeing as Han was here, just not her Han. “And I lost my daughter years ago.”

Everything changed when they were all brought here, though. “But we have new chances here,” Leia said quietly. “I’m glad you’re here, Padmé. And I’m looking forward to hearing anything about you, your life, and - anything that you wish to share with me.”

Padmé gently took one of Leia's hands in her own and squeezed it once, before letting it go. There were so many similarities in their lives, but losing a husband was one she'd have never wished for her daughter. "So strange that we end up in this place where everything we lost seems to be restoring itself to us, even if it is in the most complicated way." Like Han being there, but not being the Han her Leia knew.

"There are so many stories I can tell you - and Ahsoka can tell you more, if you ever seek her out. But when I think about where Luke ended up being raised, it resonates with me. I should tell you the story of how your father and I met."

And then she smiled fondly as she began the tale of a fourteen year old queen and being stranded on the desert planet Tatooine, where she happened upon a little boy named Ani.