InsaneJournal

Just as Jim was excited to show Mary the book room at Starfleet headquarters on Yorktown, Mary was excited to show Jim the simulation of Downton. For some reason she was a bit nervous. Downton was very special to her. Maybe she wanted to impress him. After seeing all the wonders that he had, would he find an old house impressive? She was sure he would be polite about it either way.

When Jim had some time off duty, he met her at the holodeck. Jadzia had shown Mary how to pull up the program, so it was ready to go when he arrived.

“Ready?” Mary asked with a smile as she pushed the button to open the door. As it slid up, it revealed a long stretch of green lawn with the house in the background.

---

Jim leaned against the wall and smiled at her. He wasn't in his uniform, out of the command gold, and instead was dressed casually in jeans, t-shirt, and leather jacket. "You've been busy," he said, gesturing to the hologram as it loaded. "I wouldn't trust my memory or attention to detail enough to recreate my home. I'm impressed."

He was often impressed with Mary and with the other travelers, with their abilities to adapt and figure out how to live here in a century and place unlike anything they had ever known. And maybe it was because he was getting to know her better and understood how foreign all of this must be to her that it was particularly impressive that she managed every day.

---

The outfit was strange to her, as men did not dress like that in her day, but Jim always looked good. She put her hand on his arm as they walked in, smiling as she felt grass under her feet. “Jadzia has been the busy one, really,” Mary said. “She built all of this based on my recollections and a few pictures. It was quite incredible.”

It was always a nice day in the simulation, with birds chirping and wind rustling the trees, but no people. “This is my family home.”

---

"How accurate is it?" he asked, not intending to for it to come out as offensive at all. Really, he was just curious how she could remember this much. He guessed, if he really tried, he could recreate the Enterprise's bridge in its entirety. But he would have to try really hard, and he probably couldn't get Uhura's station or some of the others that he didn't look at regularly correct.

He looked around. "This is in England," he said, glancing at her. "On Earth?"

---

“Quite accurate,” Mary replied. “Of course, I do not remember every little detail. Some of the rooms are undone, mostly the kitchens and other servants’ quarters.” She hardly spent any time down there, though she could make a rough sketch of it if she had to. “But most of the rooms on the main floor are done, as is my bedroom.”

“Well, it is technically on your ship in outer space, Captain,” Mary said with a smile. “But yes, England, on Earth, circa 1924.” The house loomed bigger as they approached, completely dwarfing them as they moved off the grass to the gravel driveway that led to the front door.

---

"Still," he drawled. "You've got an impressive memory and eye for detail." He smiled at her as they walked toward the house, lifting his face to take in its size and scope. He let out a low whistle of approval. He wasn't sure anything like this was still standing in his century. Well, probably somewhere there were historical homes and buildings, but he hadn't taken much interest in that kind of history at any point in his life to know for sure.

He gave her a look at her sarcasm. "I do know how holo projections work," he said. "But thanks for that."

---

Mary returned his look with a playful smile. “I’ve also mastered using the replicator.” Tugging on his arm, she opened the door.

They stepped into a grand reception hall with openings on either side that led to more rooms. Ahead of them was a winding wooden staircase that led to the upper level where the bedrooms were. She stood back, not saying anything for a moment, waiting to see his reaction.

---

“Well, that’s not very hard to master,” he teased, drawing the words out with a grin as he allowed himself to be tugged inside of the house. He paid attention to the details as he looked around, taking in the wood staircase and the open doorways and all sorts of those things. “How big is your family?” He, his mother, step-father, and step-brother had lived in a decently sized house in Iowa, but certainly nothing like this.

---

“Perhaps you ought to give me a challenge then,” Mary said.

She watched as he took in the surroundings, his face mostly neutral. That was better than any negative sort of reaction, so she breathed a sigh of relief. The house was very grand, especially compared to the clean lines and functionality of the Enterprise and Yorktown.

“Growing up, it was my mother, father, two sisters and I. I am the oldest.” She gazed up at the Reynolds painting on the staircase before turning back to Jim. “Now the people who live here besides me are my parents, my sister Edith, my brother-in law-Tom - who was married to my sister Sybil, who passed away.” Just to make that clear. “And the children: my son George and Tom’s daughter Sybbie. Oh, and Edith’s ward, Marigold.” Mary forgot about her sometimes. “My husband and I had both lived here as well when he was alive.”

She couldn’t remember if she had told Jim about Matthew or not.

---

Jim looked up at her sharply, surprised. Had he known that she was married or even that she had a son? He thought they had spoken about her son. “I’m sorry that your son isn’t here with you,” he said after a long moment. “That must be difficult.” He couldn’t imagine it himself. Either having a kid or being somewhere without a kid that he had. He had a lot of years ahead of him before that happened. If that even happened. He glanced around and walked over to run his hand along the bannister. “I hope this helps,” he said. “I hope it doesn’t make you miss home even more.”

---

Mary tilted her head to the side, glancing at him for a moment and then looking away. “It is, sometimes. I have photographs, but they are not the same,” she said. As much as she missed George, she was glad that he wasn’t with her. She and her family had worked so hard to preserve Downton for him that he deserved to grow old there just as the previous Earls of Grantham had.

“The projection does help,” Mary continued, “though I try not to come in here terribly often. I told Jadzia that if she made it too perfect I might never leave.” She didn’t want that. Whether Mary liked it or not, she had to embrace what her reality was now. “I only come to show it to other people, or if I absolutely must feel grass, or walk up the stairs, or lie on my bed.”

---

Jim nodded again. He almost reminded her that the entire thing was just an illusion, but he didn’t want to upset her. And he knew that she knew that. Holo-projections fooled the mind in inexplicable ways sometimes. “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but don’t spend too much time in here if you can help it,” he said gently. He stepped over closer to her. “No sense dwelling on things that aren’t your reality anymore, I mean.”

---

“I feel the same way,” she said, a touch of sadness in her voice. He was right, even if it was painful. She couldn't get lost in this eerie world that was sort of like her home, but not quite.

Mary glanced up at him, her eyes meeting his. They were so blue. Her being a sucker for blue eyes went back a long way, and Jim’s happened to be remarkable. She wasn't sure if she had ever seen such a beautiful shade of blue before.

“Your eyes… are they real?” It seemed like a dumb question once she said it, but who knew? Maybe fake eyes existed in this century.

---

The question tripped him up, not because she asked it but because she was now the second person to ask it. He couldn’t help but laugh, nervously, and shake his head at her. “You know, you’re the second traveler to ask me that,” he said. He rubbed the side of his neck. “Don’t people have blue eyes where you’re from?” Jim teased.

But he smiled too. “They’re real. They’re mine. Same eyes I was born with, even.”

---

“Not eyes that blue,” Mary said quietly. He was close now and she could smell whatever he used as cologne or aftershave. It was a nice heady scent. “They're beautiful.” Staring into them, they looked like giant pools that she wanted to jump into.

---

A smirk twisted at the corner of Jim’s mouth and he lifted a shoulder. “Thanks,” he said. “But I promise you they’re just regular old human eyes.” Who knows, he thought, maybe eye color got more vibrant in the last three hundred years. Evolution and all that, though there was no reason he could think of that would account for a deeper eye color. He’d have to ask Bones if he had any ideas or noticed any trends or, you know, knew the answer to that or anything.

---

Jim was so very handsome, especially up close like this. Mary bit her lip to keep herself from doing or saying anything that she might regret later. Instead, she put her hand on his arm and started to lead him on. “Shall we look at more of the house?” she asked as she led him into the saloon. Here the ceiling went up another two stories and one could see up to the open overhang on the second floor.

“I know that we’re looking at my family house, but I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about your family? Whom did you grow up with in Iowa?” Mary found herself intensely curious about the man at her side, one who seemed highly regarded in both this century and the ones that followed.

---

“Lead the way,” he said, gesturing to her but letting her take his arm as she had when they were on the Yorktown. He smiled at her. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a house like this unless it was part of a tour, like a historical house or museum or something. There probably aren’t that many of them left.”

His family. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it except, well, he didn’t really want to talk about it. Or, he would prefer not to talk about his family. Either way. He shrugged and considered deflecting the question. “Not much to tell, really. I grew up with my mom and my step-father and a step-brother,” he said, knowing she was going to press him for more.

---

She didn't even realize that she was asking a sensitive question. It seemed so typical, especially since he had asked about her family as well. “Do you get to see them often?” Mary questioned. “Or perhaps at least speak with them on a communication device?” Their communication tools seemed to have the ability to cross a galaxy.

---

“I talk to my mom when I can,” he said with a shrug. But he hadn’t been in touch with his step-father or step-brother since even before he headed to Starfleet Academy. He supposed he sometimes learned what they were up to from his mother, but he never asked specifically.

---

“Are you two close?” It seemed like such a contrast, the family lives of the two of them. Her family was large and saw each other every day, since most of them still lived in the house. Mary relied heavily on them for support, especially after Matthew’s death. Jim’s family was small, the only real blood he'd mentioned being his mother. Their talks seemed infrequent, and it didn't seem to bother him much. Maybe it was simply a difference through the centuries.

---

“My mother and -” Jim shook his head, though he thought that he probably should be close to his mother. After all, she was really all that he had. “Not particularly,” he admitted. “We used to be, I guess, but I’m never home. The Enterprise is my home now. And my family.”

---

Mary furrowed her brow, but wasn’t really sure what to say. Jim didn’t seem particularly upset about it, so telling him that she was sorry didn’t seem right. “I suppose it’s hard, being so far away.” She laughed slightly and looked down at her feet. “And here I still lived with my parents, even after being married. I should say that it must be a difference in our times, but the truth is that I never wanted to leave Downton anyway. This house is a part of me.”

She had fought for it, preserved it so that her son would be able to grow up here. Mary had always felt like the rightful heir to her father’s title, law prohibiting women from inheriting be damned.

---

Jim nodded, understanding what she meant when she said that the house was a part of her. “That’s how I feel about this ship,” he said. It was true that in the last year or so he had considered giving it all up, taking an admiral position at Yorktown, settling for something that wasn’t deep space travel. But he was glad he changed his mind. Even with all of the changes, the onslaught of travelers, this was the only place he thought he could be.

---

She grinned. “Then I can understand why you feel so strongly about it. It is a marvel indeed. Would you like to see my bedroom?” There was a pause in which Mary thought she ought to amend that. “I mean… the upstairs. My bedroom is the only one that is done, however.”

There. That sounded better, and not as if she was asking him into an intimate place, even if she technically was. Mere visitors to the house did not see the family bedrooms, though this situation was different and Jim was special anyway.

---

Jim didn’t really think she meant that to come out as a proposition, but then again, he couldn’t be so sure. She had been very flirtatious with him, but she was from a different time period, and he knew how different her time was from this one. “Sure,” he said with a grin. “Lead the way.”

---

It wasn't a proposition, though Mary was interested in him. Her interest was in more than sex though. Of course she wanted to sleep with him, but she didn't wish for that to be all they had. She'd learned her lesson with Lucifer on casual sex and she wasn't going there again, especially not with someone she had feelings for. Mary didn't want it to ruin anything more that they might have. One day she would have to be brave and be upfront with Jim, even if the idea scared her. She was worried that he would tell her that she was too old-fashioned and that they would never be compatible.

For now though, they had a tour to complete. Mary put her hand on Jim’s arm again and led him towards the staircase.