InsaneJournal

Life on the Enterprise was both exciting and boring. Exciting because space and new things, but there were also long periods of boredom. Yang usually spent those periods in the gym or lounge, and she was trying very hard to not smother Blake with her constant presence. If she ever had been angry, most of that really had burned away.

But the Yorktown was something new and grand, and it was huge. Thanks to the credits provided by the ship, Yang was finally able to get a few personal things. Sure, she could maintain her arm with ship equipment, but she needed real things. Comic books. A stuffed animal. Several stuffed animals after she won some for Blake at a little game station.

Her hair was still damp from swimming at an artificial beach, and she wore a loose fitting, mostly transparent top and a pretty yellow wrap around her swimsuit as she dragged Blake to food. Because she was starving. “I never wanna leave!”

With one hand on Blake, the other was carrying a whole lot of purchases, including a dozen books that Blake had bought.

They were real books, too, and Blake had almost cried when she'd come upon the shop that sold them. Some of them weren't even in a language she understood, but Blake was determined to learn it so that she could read them. The combined weight of them was more than she could ever carry, even as strong as she was.

That alone would have been enough of a reason for her to cast admiring looks in Yang's direction, but the swim suit wasn't helping either. Her own choice was black and strappy, and she'd chosen a loose purple dress as a cover up. She still wasn't used to the looks people gave her here in this universe, and she kept blushing as people winked or smirked at her. One had even propositioned her before they'd gone swimming. Blake was very glad Yang had been there for that.

"You're going to exhaust me if we keep going at this pace," Blake argued, though it was really only a token argument. "But I really am starving. I hope you're taking me somewhere with fish. You promised me fish."

Though she didn't sound excited, her ears wiggled a bit at the thought.

Yang had gotten jealous. It had actually surprised her, though she hadn’t been too obvious about it. Instead, she’d put her arm around Blake and gave the person a wink before steering Blake away from them. It had also served to stop most people propositioning herself.

Taking her arm back had been the hardest thing she’d done all week.

“Then we need to fuel up, there’s this all you can eat place. Right here!” She gave an exaggerated bow and held the door for Blake. “There’s another place I want to go to tomorrow, but there’s this special today and they totally have fish no worries. I checked!”

"Sometimes I question your ability to have planned this far ahead, and then I remember you and Weiss organized the dance." And it had been a very nice dance. Sure, she'd ended up going with Sun, but that's mainly because he'd asked her. Her first dance would have always belonged to Yang, and she'd looked amazing that night.

Blake often reflected on all of that and kicked herself for being still so stuck on Adam that little opportunities like that had been missed. And now... everything was still all awkward. At least, in her own headspace. Had Yang really moved on?

It certainly seemed like it, given the effort she was putting in. "All you can eat fish? Really? Because... I can eat a lot of fish."

“Weiss, and her doilies.” Yang wrinkled her nose. But she’d eventually let Weiss have her doilies just to appease her. Life had been simple then. She still remembered being surprised that Blake had actually wanted to dance with her. It had been the only dance she’d done that night - she spent the rest of it watching her friends and making sure it all went smoothly. Yang had gotten the only dance that mattered, with the most beautiful person in that school. A beautiful girl who seemed oblivious. And then she’d lost any chance she had.

“So can I.” Yang winked. “Eat a lot of fish. I mean.”

"Is that a..." Blake trailed off and then squinted at Yang. That was definitely a pun, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know what - alright, she was at least slightly sure that she knew what sort of joke that was meant to be. "You think so?"

This was not a public conversation in any way shape or form, and Blake blushed furiously as they headed into the buffet. All of the food smelled amazing on its own, but she wrinkled her nose a bit as the dessert smells mixed together with the smells coming from the meat carving table and other places. "Some of this food smells like nothing I've ever smelled before. I think that's actual live worms over there."

“I think so,” Yang replied. She looked around, a blush coloring her own cheeks as she realized she really needed to tone it down around Blake. If only for her own sanity. “What should we start with? I’ve got that problem where there’s too much choice.”

At least there was food to distract her. Food was always a good distraction for Yang. Her metabolism worked overtime.

"We should probably get a table first, or were you going to carry those bags around with you the whole time?" Blake motioned towards all the shopping that was just casually hanging off Yang's arms. "You could, I guess, but you might get food on our new clothes."

She scanned the various food areas with her eyes, then immediately picked up on an area that was stocking fresh sushi rolls. "Fresh sushi! There first."

“Oh. I forgot I was carrying them,” Yang said, lifting an arm loaded with a bag and flexing it. She deposited their bags on a seat at a table, then rubbed her hands together. Of course Blake would see the fish and go for it. Yang, on the other hand, made a beeline for the chicken. There was so much good stuff she didn’t know where to go next, so she loaded approximately five plates and carried them all back to her table. People stared. She ignored them.

Blake was slightly more choosey for her first course, balancing two plates and a bowl that was letting off an aromatic smell. One plate was piled high with sushi and various kinds of fish, the other seemed to be a sampling of various carbs. She set them all down before taking a seat, and only then did she bother to notice Yang's feast. She blinked once, then smirked, and shook her head. "Of course. What did you find?"

Because if Yang found something tasty, Bake was going to steal a bite. Or at least, she'd try.

For some reason, Blake’s smirk made Yang choke on a piece of chicken. She recovered nicely, and started to point out the various dishes. “That’s some kind of pasta, and I grabbed … I think it’s beef. It might be alien beef. I didn’t ask what a Vorha was, but it smells like a cow. And that…”

She pointed at a blue pudding like substance. “That’s… blue.”

Yang shrugged, then smacked her palms on the table. “And that’s just the first helping!”

All you can eat? Yang was going to take advantage of that! First one helping, which she ate with the help of Blake, then a second helping of new items plus one of the items she’d liked the best from the first helping.

When Yang came back with the second helping, Blake pointed at her with her chopsticks. "Don't you think you should slow down? If you're not careful you're just going to end up throwing all of that up. And... if so, please point yourself away from me."

She noticed that Yang had grabbed another helping of the tasty vorha meat, and swiped a piece up with her chopsticks before her friend could catch her. "Thanks."

Her own plates were also on their second helping, mainly still of fish. She'd also checked out some rolled up delicacies called 'taquitos', which were crispy and delicious. She was certain there'd been food like that somewhere on Remnant, but she'd never tasted anything quite like them in Vale.

Yang feigned offense, and playfully kicked Blake under the table. “That was my very favorite piece, I was saving that. But alas, you’ve taken it from me.” She lifted her hand to her forehead in faux distress. “I’m going to have to ask for a divorce.”

Not that they were married. Or dating. Partner divorce? Yang eyedarted and shoveled some food in her mouth. That was one thing they did need to talk about, besides the whole...fall of beacon thing.

Yang would rather talk about the fall of beacon.

"Fine, you can have a divorce, but I get custody of the arm." Blake joked, though she wasn't sure if that joke was funny or not. Were they at the stage where they could joke about the arm? Unfortunately, the words were already out of her mouth.

She kicked Yang back, hoping that the playful tap would tell her friend that she was teasing. Part of her was prepared to bolt just in case, though.

Yang started at her, then laughed uproariously. “I have to hand it to you, I didn’t think you had that in you!”

"Just don't hand it to me right now, I'm not sure what I'd do with it." Blake added, rolling her eyes just slightly. Always with Yang, there was the risk of puns. Intentional or otherwise, but usually intentional. "How did I get stuck with someone like you. You're nothing like anyone I've ever met."

Or dated. Even before Adam changed he'd been noble and intense and incredibly dapper. He'd never had a sense of humour that she could recall.

Yang opened her mouth, then suddenly blushed furiously and shoved a potato into her mouth. A whole potato which was probably more embarrassing than the fairly lewd joke that she’d been about to say. She chewed, squinting her eyes and squeezing some tears out of them.

Finally, she swallowed, looking mildly flustered. “Is that bad? Being stuck with me?”

"Well it's... working out better than my previous partner by a long shot," Blake said, while staring at her. First, because the only time she'd ever seen that shade of red on Yang was when her eyes did it. And then, because of the potato. A whole potato. It had even had fixings on it.

"You just shoved an entire potato into your mouth."

“No I didn’t.” Yang’s eyes darted around. “Okay, I did. You just..said a thing and my mind kind of… never mind.”

She leaned her elbows on the table and rubbed her face. She could feel her missing arm, even though it was metal now. Like it was still there. “Your previous partner. Is who I think it is, right?”

"I really hope your mind wasn't constructing mental pictures involving me using your arm." Blake replied, dryly. Because that was just weird, and incredibly perverted, and... it was probably exactly what Yang was imagining. Or something else to do with Yang's hand in general. And that thought made her blink a few times, before deciding that her own mouth probably needed to be full for a few seconds.

Chewing gave her time to process her own thoughts, and she nodded. "It was Adam, yes. He was... more than just a mentor."

Yang didn’t know what pleading the fifth was, but if she did she’d do it. Instead she ignored that for now and focused more on the other, more painful thing. “I.. Kind of figured. I remember you sketched him once. Like that didn’t click until… later. And then after Mercury… some things make a lot more sense.”

She felt both jealous and angry. Jealous that Blake had that kind of relationship with someone and angry at the kind of person Adam was to hurt her. You were supposed to care for and protect your partner, not hurt them and attack their friends. “Do you think, with hindsight, he was always like that?”

Blake looked down at her plate for a few seconds, her ears drooping so low they nearly touched her hair. This conversation had taken a sudden turn into areas she hadn't actually been prepared for. But Yang was her partner now, she deserved to know everything, especially after what Adam had done. "I don't know. Are we always who we become in the end? If that's true, then I'm always the coward that runs away. I want to believe I'm better than that. Maybe it's easier to think that he changed than that he was like that all along and I just turned a blind eye."

"He just got... after we were officially together, after he took over. It started with him being controlling, but I just thought that it was because he was in charge. But the day I left, by the time I couldn't take it anymore, I was already terrified of what he'd do next. To me, to anyone else."

Yang stared at her nearly empty plate, then looked up at Blake again. “Well. People can change, for better or for worse. But … you don’t really change who you are inside. That person will always be you. And you’re always warm, and kind. And you fight for what you believe in and you believe in equality without hurting people to get there.”

She smiled at Blake as she got up to get thirds. “Nobody is perfect. Sometimes you run, sometimes I jump headlong into things without a plan.” She winked, and headed to load up a new plate.

There were a lot of things that Blake believed in, but she wished that she believed in herself as much as Yang believed in her. "That wasn't what I wanted to hear," She whispered to the quickly retreating swath of golden hair. Her eyes followed her friend as she took all the buffet stations by storm, and let out a little sigh.

What did she want to hear? That she was irredeemable? That Yang would never forgive her? It's what she'd wanted to hear before, but now she wasn't sure. She got up, herself, and decided to go for a cup of tea. More fish might come later, but at that moment she just wanted to steady herself.

Third helping, Yang focused on carbs, though she eyed dessert. People gave her odd looks, which she ignored. She returned with three plates for herself and a bowl piled high with some kind of alien fish that Yang had never heard of but a quick taste had made Yang grab some for herself too.

“...you okay?” Yang poked her fingers together, wondering if she said something wrong.

The fish was tempting, and Blake eyed it for a few seconds before shaking her head. "I don't know. I just expected you to be a bit more harsh I guess. You forgave me so quickly and I don't know what to do about it. And I don't... I'm not sure that you're right."

“I was angry.” Yang shook her head. She couldn’t lie to Blake. “I was so angry, but it wasn’t all on you. I was angry at myself and Adam, I was angry at you, and Beacon and Mercury and that bitch that killed Pyrrha. I was angry at Weiss, even though it wasn’t her fault. I was angry when Ruby left too. But… that kind of anger is irrational. I... you know I have a temper, because of my semblance, but I’d never direct it at you or anyone else I love, you know? Dad kind of helped me with that though.”

Yang dropped her hands to the table, worrying at the metal knuckle of one finger. “Eventually I realized that all I really wanted to know was why. I just wanted to see you again.”

"I believed you when you said you saw him attack first. After you looked me in the eye, I know you wouldn't. I... knew you wouldn't. It's just that every time I think about any of it my insides feel like they're freezing up all over again." Blake said. She was gripping onto her teacup with such force that her knuckles were starting to turn white.

"But what if I'm the problem? First I leave him, then I leave you... you'd still have an arm if I'd just-" Blake frowned. She couldn't remember now if she'd said that before, but she knew Yang would yell at her if she finished that sentence. Instead, she shook her head and looked across the table at her. "How can you trust me?"

Her brain was such a whirlwind of guilt and bad feelings that it didn't even sink in that Yang had basically just admitted to being in love with her. When it finally did, she closed her mouth and blinked her eyes a few times.

Yang shoved some food in her mouth, so she didn’t say something without thinking about it, while Blake spoke. Blake believed her, and it had been a relief then and it was a relief now. She couldn’t blame her for being afraid, knowing what she knew now. Sometimes, a reaction couldn’t be helped.

She washed her food down with water and wiped her mouth. “I trust you because you’re my friend. You’re my partner.” Putting her hands on the table, she added. “When… when Beacon fell and we were all separated, I sent Weiss after my sister, because I didn’t trust anyone else to go after you but me.”

Which said two things. One, that she trusted Weiss implicitly, and two, that she valued Blake enough to trust her sister to someone else.

"Sometimes I wish you'd never shown up. He wasn't going to kill me, not yet. I might have escaped, or found a way to destroy him." Blake sighed, and closed her eyes. "But I know what it means, that you put finding me ahead of finding Ruby. And I can't believe that you're doing this well with all of this. I'm constantly replaying that night in my head, trying to figure out how I could have saved you, what I could have done. I'm not... okay."

Then she opened her eyes and finally took her hands off of her teacup. "If I'd stayed with you, your father could have helped us both."

“I … don’t know. He looked like he had every intention of hurting you worse than he did.” Yang reached over and put her hands over Blake’s. “I’ve had a lot of time, Blake. And I’ll admit I’m not doing as well as I’d like to think I am either. I just don’t blame you for it.”

She had nightmares and flashbacks. The wrong noise could set her off. But it was better than it was, and Yang believed it would keep getting better. Maybe never go away, but get better. “Maybe he could have. He would have tried.” Yang couldn’t tell how she’d have reacted. Maybe she’d have been angry at Blake still, but she’d mostly been angry over the whole leaving thing. “...maybe it was better that you left. What if I looked at you and started to resent you? I don’t now. I never will. But if you’d been there when I’d been so depressed…I don’t know. I resented my dad for a few … months. I don’t any more, though.”

The thought made her stomach ache.

Blake took both of the hands in hers, not even shrinking away from the feel of the metal one, and then glanced off to the side as she thought. It was always hard to meet Yang's eyes in times like this. "Maybe it's better if we don't focus on what might have been. It probably is. I couldn't have standed you resenting me, not even when I thought I was ready for it. Not even when I thought I wanted you to. I keep thinking that it would just be easier if you hated me, and I don't know why. Maybe the thought of you not hating me is even harder."

And there was probably a reason why that was, and she didn't know what words to put to any of those feelings.

Yang stared at Blake’s face for a long time. She didn’t have anything to say, at least nothing that made sense. But before the silence could go on too long she found some words. “What would it mean if I don’t hate you?”

"That..." Blake frowned. Why was this so hard? Or such a big deal? Girls dated girls all the time at Beacon, and that probably wasn't the only school where things like that happened. No one ever batted an eye at it. "I told you what he said. Everyone I loved, starting with you."

“I don’t think…” Yang trailed off, then picked up a piece of something that was kind of purple and shoved it into her mouth. Blake couldn’t mean it like that. That wasn’t possible. There were many different kind of loves and she’d spent too much of her time at Beacon burying her thirst for a certain cat Faunus beneath inescapable puns. She swallowed. Besides… “Don’t you.. Don’t you mean Sun?”

Blake blinked once at Yang and then fixed her with a dry look, the one that often denoted she was completely and entirely done with someone.

"Sun? SUN? Did you not notice how I told you my parents had the wrong impression about him? Or the fact that I didn't even want him to come along? Do you know why I even went to the dance with him? Because he was the only one who asked! And also because you made me."

Yang mumbled something under her breath, like she was saying ‘I kind of asked you first’, but it wasn’t entirely clear if that was what she meant. Instead, she got to her feet, and made a beeline for the Vorha again. Someone tried to stop her, and she pointedly ignored him as she filled up yet another plate.

She returned, sitting gracefully back at her seat. “So uh. Not Sun. Okay.”

"Of course not Sun." Blake rolled her eyes, and snatched a piece of Vorha off of Yang's plate. She'd already confiscated the fish that Yang had left behind, and that plate was nearly empty by the time her friend returned.

This conversation was getting nowhere, and Blake felt like she was talking to a brick wall. She sighed, and turned it back to the food. "This fish is really good. I wish they had some bags we could take some home in, but I think... that's probably against the rules."

Probably so was spending this much time here, and getting as many helpings as Yang had already ended up with. There was such a thing as being polite in social settings. Blake was a little worried. Not so worried that she didn't enjoy another bite of fish, though.

Swallowing her nerves, Yang worried at the edge of the table. “Back at the dance. I had like eight people ask me to dance. I turned them all down. I was saving my first dance for you, and after that, kind of didn’t want to dance with anyone else, anyway.”

She promptly shoved some more food in her mouth.

"Yang..." Blake sighed, and shook her head. She pointed at Yang and then motioned to her and her plate, giving her a look that was even dryer than the last one. "I want to have this conversation, but not if you're going to shove whole pieces of food in your mouth every time you manage to get five words out that matter."

“Sorry,” Yang said, muffled by the food in her mouth. She swallowed it, digging her nails into her palm as she tried to center herself. She wasn’t ready to have this kind of conversation. Every time she saw Blake she felt like she was burning up with unresolved feelings and tension. “I’m not so good at this stuff.”

"The only boyfriend I had stabbed me and then cut your arm off, you think I'M good at this stuff?" Blake asked, frowning. She suddenly understood why it was that Yang kept stuffing things into her mouth, though, because now she wanted to do have any reason at all not to keep talking.

She pressed her lips together and poked at the fish on her plate, instead. "I'm sorry."

“The arm thing does make it hard to find dates,” Yang said. She swung her legs under the table. “Could you imagine the metal detector at the club? Embarrassing!”

Hopefully that would help make the air feel less thick. “Speaking of clubs, we’re kinda dancing around things aren’t we.”

"I don't believe that, it makes you look like some kind of war hero. People find that kind of attractive."

But they were definitely dancing around things, and Blake wasn't even good at dancing to begin with. "This stuff is hard to talk about, and I don't know why it should be. Maybe it's because I was never good at talking about anything to begin with. Books are easier. They're full of people but you don't have to tell them things."

“Chicks dig scars, right?” Maybe Blake was right about that, but honestly there was only really one chick that Yang wanted to dig her scars. “I guess. But books kind of tell you things back. Except they won’t listen even if you try to tell them things. Like that one book where the girl was an idiot and wouldn’t listen to my advice.”

"They can't listen, Yang, they don't have ears." Blake sounded completely exasperated at that point, and she got to her feet. "I'm going to get some dessert."

There were all kinds of sweet things in that section, including 6 different flavors of ice cream, 3 of which Blake had never seen before. And that was after the ice cream social they'd had on the ship. She returned to the table with four scoops, covered in a tower of whipped cream and hot fudge, and dared Yang with the most piercing of glares to say anything at all about it.

Yang didn’t say anything about it. In fact she’d been about to say the thing that had been on the back of her mind since she’d seen Blake in the lounge. But then ice cream happened, and Yang sighed. She was a complete idiot with this kind of thing.

“I’m gonna get fifths.” She slowly got up, and started for the buffet, but was intercepted.

“Ma’am, I think you’ve had enough.”

Yang gave him a funny look. “If I have enough, I’ll let you know.” She squeezed past him, and started loading up on several different kind of dessert cakes, donuts and something that resembled living pudding.

“That’s a little excessive, you can’t eat that much!”

She grinned at him, and carried her plate back to Blake. “Just you watch.” To Blake, she said, “Can you believe these chumps? Calling this excessive.”

"Well... where are you even going to put all that?" Blake asked, though she'd already worked through two of the four scoops she'd grabbed. She'd watched the buffet worker try to intercept Yang, and decided it was time to eat a little more quickly. You never knew when your friend's excessive eating was going to get you kicked out.

Ice cream probably wasn't the best choice for that because she was already starting to get a massive headache, but she didn't care.

“I got you some more fish,” Yang said, by way of bribery. She pushed the bowl at Blake before devouring one cake. “So uhm. Today was… nice. Like a date. And I wondered if…”

Someone cleared their throat, and Yang looked up at them. It was a kind of spiky alien in a bow tie. “Yeah?”

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Still eating.” Yang pointed at her plate.

“You can’t have fourths.”

Okay, Yang was starting to get upset. Her eyes flashed red. “First of all, this is fifths, second of all, the sign says ‘all you can eat’ and unless that means something different on Yorktown, I’m going to eat all I can eat. Third of all, I’m trying to have a conversation with my gi-friend here.”

“Well… you could pay a second time, ma’am.”

Yang got suddenly deathly quiet.

….. “Excuse me?”

Blake had crammed most of the rest of her ice cream in her mouth by the time the staff came over, and had been very subtly and quietly trying to sneak some of the fish into a napkin, then into one of their bags.

However, when she noticed that flash of red in Yang's eyes, her lips pressed together into a thin line, and she started grabbing their things. "Alright, come on, Yang. Time to go."

“What? No way!” Yang had gotten to her feet, and was staring the man down. “I paid for all you can eat! What’s the definition of all you can eat? All you can eat.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s...it’s just a saying. It’s all you can eat within reason.”

“Does the sign say that?”

“No, but-”

Yang folded her arms. “I’m going to finish my plate, and then I’m gonna get sixths.” On principle.

There were moments when it was amazing to have Yang as a partner. Their semblances worked well together, their abilities were always in sync, and as horrifying as everything at Beacon still was, it was always good to know that your friend with a gi in front of it would lend you a literal hand in your most desperate hour. Blake had been grateful that she'd chosen Yang.

Then there were moments like now. Blake rolled a hand up over her face, "Yang... please. We can go. We've had a lot of food." Don't make a scene, was what she wanted to say. She reached out and tugged on one of her friend's arms, "We don't want to spend the night in the Brig. I'm having fun, but that won't be fun."

“But…” Yang glanced at Blake, and then melted a little at the way Blake was looking at her. She sighed. It wasn’t fair. If the sign said ‘all you can eat’ then that was false advertisement if you couldn’t eat all you could eat. “I mean.. Ruby would…”

Ruby would probably not be the best example to follow. She glowered at the manager, then picked up chunk of cake and shoved it in her mouth. She continued to glower at him until she’d finished her cake, wiped her mouth and fingers, and then grabbed Blake’s hand. “I’m so leaving a really bad review.”