Tonks snorted before she could help it, "Yeah, Greyback would be a problem with that. Too much interference from his fleas, I think. White noise and all that." If he hesitated, she didn't notice, nodding along. "Your brother, obvious. Your wife, obvious. Lucius.. I mean yeah, makes sense, I know he's got the power for it but.. I can't quite see him being able to focus that long on something that doesn't immediately involve him or his hair," she smiled slightly, "So I think we'll be alright." Except she paused then, something occuring to her. Tonks looked at him for a second in thought. Oh, to hell with it, "But.. Your brother? You'd think he'd give you in?"
Gone for a while. Never before had those words sounded so ominous. It was like the business trip from hell. Or to, as the case may be. Tonks sighed, the tension in her back easing under his hand, "I know you don't want to go," she sighed again, looking down before looking at him from under her lashes, "I wish you could stay here, with me." She swallowed, an uneasy question edging into her mind until she couldn't ignore it anymore, "It's.. It's worse because of this, isn't it? Because of.. Us. If we'd-- If I'd-- If things hadn't changed, if things were still as they were that first day we met.. Would it still be so difficult to go to Him?" For a split second she contemplated telling him about the times when she'd given thought to obliviating him so he could forget her, so he could go into the viper's den with a clear head and no distractions. But she'd seen the look in his eyes, and even if she didn't want to fully admit it, she knew in her heart he'd known exactly what she was thinking.
Tonks stared at him, using an inhuman amount of self control to keep her thoughts to herself. While she never tried to hide her distaste for her aunt, her mockery ended where it might strike him. Truth was she wasn't sure the woman was capable of love, maybe only some twisted kind of.. Obsession. Reassuring, she thought to herself, try to be reassuring. One of these days she was just going to take up to keeping a little notepad by her side everytime he was over so she could just write down her thoughts on her mother's sister when he wasn't looking. "I.." She sighed, "I don't really.. Know her beyond what Sirius has said," and MLE, and her training, and her History books, "Even my mother doesn't speak of her.. Ever, but I don't think anyone can really understand what's going on in that head of hers, so who knows?"
She turned her head away from him then, not wanting him to see her so.. Emotional. Her hands clenched tightly and she pulled away slightly, hiding her hands by her sides. Weak. "I know." She forced herself to look at him then, trying to steel her expression as best she could, "I don't mind-- I don't care if I come in second place if only I--.. If only I can still be with you. But.." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head, "How long? How long with all the hiding, and the running, and the danger.. How long until you finally tire of it? Of these games?" She looked down again, "Of me. I love you and-- And I think I always will." Tonks did look up at him then, almost shyly, her voice quiet and she smiled at him, "You were my first love, my only love. But you deserve better than having to sneak around to see someone, to hide and to run like this."