McKay (scribbulus_ink) wrote in time_of_storms, @ 2006-08-16 18:26:00 |
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Entry tags: | chronological, joint |
October 9, 1997
Original poster: werwolfoflondon
I'm sorry I'm late! arionrhod is in Vegas until the 19th, and I've been at the beach since Sunday, so I was netless and couldn't post until getting home today. We'll be back on our usual Tuesday schedule next week.
Music: Weapon, by Matthew Good Band
Of all the places Severus did not wish to be, standing in front of the fire pit of the werewolf camp where Remus lived with Fenrir Greyback by his side was, hands down, first among them.
The fact that he had no choice in the matter didn't make it any easier, and he had to keep a firm lid on his emotions, burying them deeply and forcing cold logic to come to his rescue. He couldn't allow Greyback to be the one to "punish" Remus; that would lead to a single, unacceptable outcome. As long as Severus could keep his wits about him, he had some chance of coming up with a way to avoid this, to think his way out of the situation. Not a strong chance, admittedly, but it was the only chance Remus had to get out of this alive.
"Come on, Snape!" Greyback said, striking off toward the cave. It had taken an act of sheer will for Severus to touch the creature long enough to Apparate them here, so repulsed was he by even the slightest contact with Greyback - so different from how he felt about Remus. It was all he could do to keep himself from running ahead, grabbing Remus and Apparating him to safety.
Unfortunately, that option, while appealing on a selfish personal level, would also spell disaster for the side of Light in the war. No, Severus was going to have to summon everything he had to find a solution to this situation, one that would leave Remus alive and keep his own position with Voldemort safe. More than his feelings or even both of their lives depended upon it.
"Stop," Severus ordered, his voice cold and commanding. His wand was in his hand, and Greyback halted in his tracks, peering at Severus with a snarl of hatred on his face. "This is not your pack, or even your place. Our Lord has given me dominion here, and you will damned well keep that in mind, or I will show you precisely how painful disobedience can be. Do you understand me? I promise you, this is your first and only warning."
Greyback clenched his fists, his jaw a hard line of rebellion. But even though Greyback was probably the most vicious, violent werewolf who had ever lived, he was no Wizard, and apparently the space-cold depths of Severus' eyes were enough to make him back down. Barely enough, if the glare Severus received was any indication, but it would do for now. Severus was certain a day of reckoning would come between them, but at the moment, his position as Voldemort's "most trusted servant" gave him a measure of authority and protection. Greyback hadn't lived as long as he had by doing things as stupid as getting on Voldemort's bad side.
"Fine," Greyback snapped, holding back as Severus strode past him and into the cave.
The entrance was high enough that Severus, even as tall as he was, didn't have to duck. He stopped just inside the opening, looking around him with cold eyes. The cave was fairly large, and there were several rocky outcroppings which seemed to serve some as beds, if the piles of loose furs and tattered blankets were any indication. Dark tunnels led off the main chamber to spaces unknown, possibly other sleeping rooms or places to store the meager resources of the pack. Several werewolves stood around, staring at Severus and Greyback with wariness, and Severus kept his wand out, knowing that no magic he possessed could save him from the combined fury of so many lycanthropes, especially on their home turf.
Yet Severus' voice was coldly commanding as he looked around, chin tipped up haughtily. Strength meant a lot in a werewolf pack, not just physical strength but mental power and sheer attitude, as well - the latter two of which Severus had in plenty. "I want the pack leader and the emissary who was sent out to recruit, and I want them at once."
Remus was helping pack up dried meat for their winter supplies; he knew from experience that the whole pack would be sick of the stuff by spring, but hunting was scarce in winter, and it would keep them from starving or resorting to rummaging through rubbish bins in the nearest human settlements after dark. It was tedious work, but it kept him busy and helped him avoid thinking about the inevitable punishment he knew awaited him.
And then Delia rushed into the room, wide-eyed and reeking of fear. "It's Greyback," she whispered as she crouched down beside Remus. "He's here. With a human. They want to see you and Ethan."
Remus' insides froze, and his breath caught in his throat. This was it, he thought. The sword he had been waiting to fall. He swallowed hard and tried to keep his voice steady and as normal as possible.
"Have you told Ethan?" he asked.
"Andrew went to get him." She rose to her feet and beckoned to him. "Come on - I don't think they'll be happy about being kept waiting."
Feeling as if he was in a dream - or more accurately, a nightmare - Remus stood and followed her to the main room, hoping he would come out of this alive, but not terribly confident he would. He suddenly wished he had gone to Confession when he had the chance with Henri, and he wished he had the comfort of his mother's rosary to hold in his last moments, but it was too late for all that now. At least he had the memory of his night with Severus to take with him to whatever awaited him in the afterlife.
As soon as he entered the room, he saw Severus standing there as if summoned by his thoughts, and he nearly stopped dead in his tracks in shock. Severus' features were cold and hard, as if they had been carved from marble, and there was nothing of the warmth or affection of the lover he knew in Severus' eyes. Forcing himself to keep walking, Remus schooled his expression into blank neutrality, determined to give nothing away; the slightest slip could spell catastrophe for them both, and there was no way Remus would risk Severus' life, not even at the cost of his own.
Delia scurried off to one side quickly, but Remus approached Severus and Greyback, regarding them impassively. He was about to speak when Ethan strode in, his expression thunderous; the thick furrow of his brows and the thin, twisted line of his lips spoke of his anger and alarm, but he approached the visitors with his chin up and his chest out, reminding them whose territory they had entered.
"What do you want?" Ethan demanded, glancing back and forth between them, and Remus noticed his face darkened when his gaze fell on Greyback. There was no love lost between those two, and Remus hoped today wasn't the day when things came to a head between them; he didn't want Severus caught in the crossfire.
It was all Severus could do to hold himself in place as Remus entered, to keep himself from dashing across the cave and whisking Remus into his arms and away to safety. He saw Remus' momentary shock at his own presence with a sinking feeling of despair, his thoughts whirling as he tried to come up with a plan, any plan, to avoid what was to come.
Remus looked so handsome, so slender and strong as he walked forward to meet what he knew might be his death, and that only made it harder. Severus didn't dare drop his gaze, no matter how difficult it was to keep looking at Remus with an aloof detachment he didn't feel. He couldn't afford any weakness now.
Fortunately, Ethan's arrival gave Severus a new target, and it was easier to play the part if he didn't have to look directly into Remus' beloved face. "We are here at the behest of the Dark Lord. There has been a failure by your pack and the Emissary you supplied to do the Dark Lord's bidding. The Dark Lord does not forgive failure, and a reckoning is due."
Remus wanted to step forward and say that it wasn't the pack's fault, only his alone, but he knew better than to interrupt when he wasn't the one being spoken to; it would be a breach of protocol that would get him in trouble with Ethan - although that was the least of his worries at the moment - and Greyback would probably use it as an excuse to make his punishment even worse.
Ethan peered at Severus with narrowed eyes, every line of his body radiating hostility, and Remus took comfort in that; if Ethan had intended to turn Remus over to Greyback's tender mercies, he wouldn't be bristling now. That he was bristling said he was willing to fight for Remus, and while Remus knew it was probably because Ethan didn't want to lose a sworn ally within the pack, he was grateful nonetheless.
"Lupin went on the mission as ordered," Ethan said, his voice tight. "It isn't his fault no one wanted to ally themselves with the Dark Lord."
Remus went still, trying not to reveal his shock at that statement; Ethan was playing a dangerous game, indirectly issuing a challenge and an insult to Voldemort like that, and Remus wondered if Ethan had been having second thoughts while Remus was away. They hadn't had time to speak privately since the entire pack had been working diligently on moving to the caves and preparing for winter since Remus' return.
Severus raised a brow, focussing on Ethan with dark intensity. He almost wished the werewolf would challenge him so he could mete out the "punishment" on this man, instead of on Remus. But he knew that it wouldn't work, that Voldemort would want Remus punished anyway - and what made it worse was that Severus admired Ethan for standing up and defending Remus, even though he must certainly know the danger. The werewolves were tough, and they could take out Severus alone... but there would be no escaping the wrath of the Dark Lord if they did so. Voldemort would wipe each and every one of them from the face of the earth.
Sometimes, being considered valuable was a pain in the arse.
"He failed," Severus said flatly. "The Dark Lord accepts no excuses, and he offers no mercy. It should have been an easy mission, for his offer was generous. Either you will submit Lupin for punishment, or you will all be destroyed."
Ethan's jaw tightened, and his body went tense, and Remus knew that if Severus were a werewolf, Ethan would have thrown a challenge at him in that moment. But Severus wasn't bound by pack law, and Ethan had agreed to follow the Dark Lord, which meant obeying him now. Ethan's hands were tied, no matter how much he might chafe against the restrictions, and he stepped back, casting a look of pure loathing at both Severus and Greyback.
"I can't help you," he said in a low voice meant for Remus' ears alone, and Remus gave a terse nod.
"I don't expect it," he replied quietly, and then he stepped forward, facing his fate with a mask of calm acceptance firmly in place. "I failed," he said in a louder voice, letting his words carry to the others. There were more werewolves in the room now, word having spread quickly, and the scent of agitation and banked aggression was growing stronger; they didn't like Voldemort's representatives coming in and doling out punishment any more than Ethan did, it seemed. "I accept my punishment."
He wasn't sure whom he hoped would be punishing him. If it was Greyback, he was a dead man. Greyback would take delight in tearing out his throat then and there, without any thought of second chances or the loss of manpower. That was bad, but somehow, the thought of Severus being forced to inflict harm on him was worse; it would be the second time Severus was forced to hurt someone he cared for, and Remus loathed being the reason Severus suffered further damage.
Severus forced himself to face Remus, to look at him as dispassionately as if he was a stranger, ignoring the emotions churning behind his icily remote expression. Remus was brave, no doubt not only because of Gryffindor courage, but because he expected Severus to save him, to come up with a brilliant plan to get them both out of this. A plan that was eluding Severus so far, no matter how desperately he chased every remote possibility that crossed his mind.
Greyback was practically salivating at Severus' side, and Severus distracted himself from the sight of Remus' calmly accepting expression. "If you move, I will kill you. Are we understood, Greyback? You have your uses to the Dark Lord, no doubt, but believe me when I say that I can easily come up with quite a number of excuses which will make your death seem like my ultimate act of loyalty."
There was a snarl as Greyback turned to look at him, but Severus could see in his eyes that the werewolf believed him. It didn't hurt, either, for the pack to see that he held even the most fearsome among them in utter contempt. Perhaps in some way, that would make them despise Voldemort and Greyback all the more.
"Then do it, Snape," Greyback snapped in reply, no doubt trying to save face. "Or is your technique so much weaker than Bellatrix's that you're afraid I will laugh in your face?"
That remark hit home, even if Severus couldn't show it - and it also gave him cause to think that Greyback just might have been privy to Bellatrix's attack on Severus. If so, that indicated the schism in the Death Eaters was wider than he thought.
"I can turn your laughter into screams," Severus taunted in turn. "One more word from you, and I'll do it."
Greyback snarled again, but he subsided. This was a mixed blessing, for now Severus was forced to turn his attention to Remus once more.
"Yes, you failed, and the Dark Lord his decreed your punishment by Cruciatus," Severus said, his voice without any inflection, his eyes empty. He raised his wand, looking at Remus over the tip of it, seeing Remus' sea-green eyes looking back at him with concern. Not concern for himself, but for Severus, and something in Severus broke at the sight.
I love him... Dear Merlin, I'm in love with him, and I can't do this. I can't.
Severus stood as still as a statue, only a tiny wobble to the end of his wand indicating the depth and power of his emotions at the sudden revelation. His mind was suddenly blank, empty of everything except the sight of Remus' face, and the utter certainty that he couldn't hurt Remus, no matter if it cost him his own life. Killing Albus had been a torture which had nearly driven Severus mad; to harm Remus would utterly destroy him.
Remus didn't miss that tiny wobble, and it spoke volumes. For all his cold, harsh words, Severus' determination to see this through was wavering, and that could mean a punishment far worse that the Cruciatus for them both. Remus didn't want to suffer the agonies that curse would bring him, but better that than risk everything they had both fought so hard for. They couldn't afford to falter, not now; they were needed, and a selfish part of Remus needed Severus, needed him to be alive and well for Remus' sake.
He gazed up at Severus, a silent plea in his eyes. He knew the pain he would suffer was nothing in comparison to the agonies Severus would suffer after this was over, but they had to do this, even if it meant forcing Severus' hand. The rest of the pack were crowded behind him and couldn't see his face; only Greyback and Severus could, and Remus didn't care if Greyback thought he was pleading for mercy. Drawing a deep breath, he braced himself and mouthed a single word: "please".
That word... the word Albus had spoken when Severus had faltered. The word that went straight through Severus' heart like a knife, killing him even as he stood there, looking as cold and emotionless as stone. To get through this, he would have to be. To do it, a piece of him had to die.
A slow blink of his eyes, as Severus shut out the sight of Remus' face, of the plea in his eyes - not for mercy, but for Severus to do it, to pit duty against feeling once more and be the instrument of pain to someone he cared about. He wished he could trade places with Remus, to be the one to bear the pain, rather than the one to deal it out. He'd rather suffer again what Bellatrix had put him through than to harm one hair on Remus' head.
Unfortunately, that was no longer a choice, since the brilliant plan he was supposed to come up with didn't magically materialize to save Remus. To save them both. And he thought he might never forgive himself for his failure.
I love him... I hate them. I hate them all.
Cruciatus was powered by dark, negative emotions, and he knew what to do. Drawing upon the reserves of hate in his soul, Severus opened his eyes. His vision was unfocussed, and before him, he saw not Remus, but Voldemort. Hate.
Another blink, and Voldemort morphed into Greyback. Hate.
Again, and this time Bellatrix stood in Remus' place, laughing at Severus. Hate!
Another moment of silence, then Severus spoke, a single word that crackled with power. "Crucio!"
Remus wanted to be strong and brave; he intended to stand firm, secure in the thought that two excruciating transformations a month for decades had given him a higher threshold for pain and that the Cruciatus couldn't be worse than having his body twisted and reshaped into another form.
He was wrong.
In the instant before the Curse hit, he looked into Severus' eyes and saw nothing there but blind hatred, and he knew the Severus who offered himself up so eagerly in bed and sought a haven in Remus' arms was gone. His lover had been replaced by a stranger, one who was intent on making him suffer. Intent on making him scream.
And he did, the sound ripped from his throat as the Dark magic engulfed him in agony far beyond anything he had ever experienced. He fell to his knees, the full force of that hate-driven curse forcing him down, his mind too overwhelmed for conscious thought; he only wanted it to end, to release him from this prison of pure, endless pain.