Cecilia Vallario (cissysaidso) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2009-05-20 10:40:00 |
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Entry tags: | cissy, godric |
Monday 11/5/07
Who: Cissy and Ric
When: Afternoon
Where: Ric's Apartment
What: Dazed and Confused
His apartment was, as he said it would be, unlocked, and Cissy had arrived shortly before the time they were to meet just to take a break from being in the same place for a bit. It was funny but she had decided she was actually going to miss going to class, but she needed some time, needed a little space, and that was what this week was all about. She needed to bring her focus back around to her writing, to her life's ambition, which she had gotten away from in the last week. This week would help her do that. She was sure of it. She just hadn't managed to actually start that yet. But it was only the first day.
Taking a seat on Ric's sofa, Cissy reached over to pick up a book that was laying nearby and began flipping through the pages. She wasn't reading it really, just passing some time, skimming a paragraph here and there. She'd read this book before, or at least she thought she had. That was probably why it bored her after all of five minutes and she put it back down, inhaling a deep breath as she sank down into the sofa and then closed her eyes. When all else failed to entertain, take a nap. Or maybe raid the pantry instead. She could make them both something to eat. But then, what was the point when he was a vampire and wouldn't even really be able to taste it?
Whatever. That was a stupid idea anyway. So she settled in, started to doze off, and just as she had began to float through the black sky filled with stars that would take her to her eventual dream destination, she heard footsteps leading up to the apartment door. She gave her body a stretch, yawned, and then rubbed her eyes. Oh well. She didn't really need to sleep any more any way even if she was tired.
---
To say that Godric had a case of the Mondays would've been the understatement of the year. He just wanted this day, this whole week, to be over. How could one man mess up so badly in such a short period of time? Because he didn't think anymore, that was the problem. Hopefully Cissy would knock some sense into him, possibly literally. He missed her. It felt like a decade since he'd seen her last, and he knew she'd be leaving soon so he had to get in as much time with her as possible.
He came into his apartment, slipping out of his shoes and leaving them beside the door. Cissy was stretching out on his couch, looking sleepy. He smiled at her, shrugging off his jacket. "Hey," he said, running his hands through his hair. "You look exhausted." He sat on the couch next to her, pulling her in for an unexpected hug. Godric felt bad for not having been there for her Saturday, even though there was no way he could have known she needed him. Unless she had his cell phone number. Which he would have to give her, so long as she didn't text him in class. Which she would.
---
Cissy glanced back at him over her shoulder as she heard the door open, a small smile forming upon her lips as he slipped off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket. "Hey yourself." She replied, and then looked forward once more as he moved around to take a seat on the couch beside her. "And you look.. well.. hello there." She laughed, not having anticipated that he would pull her into a hug, her slender arms wrapping around him as she relaxed into the embrace and smiled. This was unexpected, but nice, and good to know that she was missed.
"So..." Cissy pulled away from the hug, her hand sliding down his arm to take hold of his own hand and lace her fingers with his. "As I was saying, you look like you're having a major case of the Mondays." She arched a brow slightly, that familiar pout forming upon her lips. "Wanna talk about it?" Granted, they were supposed to be discussing her favorite topic, herself, but that could always wait when it came to Ric. Not usually when it came to anyone else though.
---
He did miss Cissy, more than he'd expected. She had been the first friend, the first to break through his impenetrable barrier against the world. Damn her. He didn't pull his hand away from hers, because it felt nice to be wanted without someone expecting anything of you. He had known she wasn't actually in love with him, but her realizing it now as well would make this easier. He didn't know if he could handle another person wanting to bed him.
"Major case of the Mondays?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. It sounded so carny, but truthfully, he'd been thinking the very same thing. How else did you describe such hatred for the first day of a guaranteed shitty week? He leaned back against the couch, thinking a moment.
"Not really," he decided. "I mean I do, yes, but you're just going to yell at me. I mean really yell too, not that Cissy yell where I know you don't mean it. I've been awful this weekend." He gave her a sideways glace. "Aren't we supposed to be talking about you?" he asked, knowing she wouldn't be so easily swayed. But he needed her to drag it out of him like she usually did. It had to be talked about, but he didn't have the guts to start the ball rolling. He needed a push.
---
And Ric had been the first man in her life that wasn't family that hadn't wanted anything from her other than for her to just.. be herself. He gave her confidence that no one else ever had. And the fact that he had never, and probably would never, try to get into her pants made him just... irreplaceable really. She needed someone like him around. She never would have done half of the things she had done since she met him had she never met him and she would have still been spiraling downward just like she had her entire life. Of course maybe she still was just a little.
"Well, yeah." Cissy said, and then laughed softly. "You just have that look like.. Dear God, is my entire week going to be as crappy as today has been." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "Of course you should totally smile now because I'm here which can only mean that it's looking up immensely." She gave him a cheesy grin.
Yell? Well that didn't sound good. And she could only guess what was not good about it. There was a reason he wasn't around Saturday night? She'd be willing to bet she knew what it was. "I had a crappy weekend. It's over now. I'm dealing with it." There, that summed hers up in a nutshell. "So now, it's your turn!" She nudged him with her shoulder. "You know you really wanna tell me and, even if you don't, you know I won't let it go until you do, so you might as well just get it over with."
---
Cissy knew him too well. That was exactly how he felt. And seeing her had perked up his day, considerably. "You brighten my life," he said, going along with the corniness of their conversation. He meant it, though.
He didn't buy that that was her weekend 'in a nutshell', or else that nutshell was a damn big one. But he let it go, because she was right- she would pester him until he talked. And he did want to talk about it. Kind of. "Okay," he said, "but don't hit me with anything."
"So... Saturday night I took Blake to a strip club. And he hated it. I should've known he would, but I was just... anyway. That's not really important. So we left there and went somewhere else, and it happened to be a gay bar, apparently. And Blake loved it. They were playing Madonna, for cryin' out loud. What grown man listens to Madonna?" Also not the point- moving on. "We were dancing. I kissed him. That's not the bad part," he added, before she could say anything. "I kissed him in front of a room full of gay strangers. And then I took him outside and went down on him in the parking lot." He figured Cissy could figure out that was the bad part. At least, most of the bad part. "Then I fed from him."
How deep could this grave go, he wondered.
---
"I know I do." Cissy replied, a cheesy grin upon her lips. But she knew he was being honest. How could he not be? She was wonderful, right?!? At least as a friend she was. As anything else... maybe not so much. But he didn't really have to worry about dealing with that part of her, did he? He just got the good parts.
That was not her weekend in a nutshell, but she wasn't going to let him get away with changing the subject even if he was trying to change the subject to her. She wanted to hear why he looked so down-trodden, that and she also lived for gossip. Sometimes other people's drama made her life seem not so bad. Sad, but true, and maybe that would be the case in this case. "I'll try to contain myself." That was the only promise she could make.
Any story that started out with a strip club and a guy that the storyteller was attracted to could not be a good one. And she was right in that assessment. The strip club had been bad enough but then there was a gay bar too? "You.." He cut her off. So kissing wasn't the bad part, then what was? She would soon find out, and her jaw would drop as she would look away from him, blinking once or twice as he finished.
"I.. that..." She had no idea what to say. "Wow. How fucking stupid are you, exactly, Ric?" She looked back over at him, clearly in shock and clearly quite disappointed. As if she really had any room to talk.
"And so what happened after?" Cissy asked, almost afraid to. "Did he... is he... and Hope?" She couldn't even fully form a question before he mind was moving on to the next. This just had her completely and totally floored!
---
Actually, she was taking it a lot better than he'd expected. He was glad that the worst she had called him was 'fuckign stupid'. Which summed it up pretty well, really. "Very," he answered honestly. He was very, totally, completely fucking stupid. When she asked about Blake and Hope, though, he almost laughed out loud. Almost. "I think they'll be fine," he assured her. "He told her about it. She was mad. They... made up." He wasn't going to go into detail about how he'd woken up in georgie's apartment late Sunday morning to the sound of the ceiling rattling, and Hope and Blake in the throes of passion against Blake's door. That was unnecessary information.
"So that's my weekend in a nutshell," he said. "Dunno fi I'm ever going to be able to talk to Blake again, and Hope's never gonna forgive me. Not that I blame her. So, your turn, then. Tell me the gorey details."
---
"Wow. Well she's a fucking idiot." Cissy wasn't going to censor herself in that regard. She just thought that that was the dumbest thing she had ever heard. Then again, Simon had taken her back after Xander, right? But that was different. At least she told herself that it was different. But she wouldn't have taken him back and that was the point. "I guess he's lucky. Or, well, unlucky if he was hoping she wouldn't forgive him." It could have been him trying to find an easy way out, to make a break without being the one to really make the break, if that made any sense whatsoever. Maybe it did.
"I'd probably castrate you, to be quite honest." Cissy was sure that didn't make him feel any better. "And if I were her, then no, you'd never talk to him again." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders before she added, "I hope you weren't hoping I'd make you feel better about this because... I don't plan on it. Quite frankly, whatever comes of this..." She shook her head softly, a brow arched slightly. "You deserve it."
And now they were back on the topic of her and her weekend and.. she really didn't even want to get into it. It was just horrible and yet brilliant and... She was still trying to figure everything out. "Well, okay, so... I'm really good at deluding myself because apparently I'm.. well I already told you that part. And so Saturday, when Simon and I talked, I was just so upset and then I thought that maybe I hadn't really fucked everything up as badly as I thought and then..." She sighed.
"He told me that it would only be about closure, about finishing things that were unfinished between us and..." She let go of Ric's hand, having forgotten she even had a hold of it, so that she could rub her eyes with both hands in an attempt to keep herself from getting upset. "I got my hopes up, ya know? I thought that.. that afterwards things would... that he wouldn't feel that way and that we would be able to talk and work things out and..." She shook her head. "I was wrong."
---
Idiot? Hope? He thought she was a saint, frankly. Blake definitely didn't deserve her, and Hope didn't deserve the kind of shit Blake and Godric had put her through. But he could see what Cissy meant. After something like that, it seemed perfectly justifiable for her to toss him out on his ass. "She loves him," he said softly, because that's what it had all boiled down to. She loved him more than she was angry at him.
He actually expected Hope to come destroy him, was waiting for it. She'd have every right to. So Godric didn't point out what a huge hypocrite Cissy was, even though he wanted to. Because she wasn't wrong regardless, and it wouldn't help matters anyway. He did deserve whatever he had coming to him. Or didn't deserve it, in the case of Georgie. Why that woman forgave him he would never know.
Godric wanted to hug Cissy, because she looked small and helpless. But he wasn't sure if he was allowed to yet, since she had just tore into him. "Sex complicates things," he told her, like she didn't already know. "I'm so sorry it didn't work out. I know you don't want to hear this, but maybe it is for the best. At least, for now. You said yourself he was pulling you in different directions, didn't seem to know what he wanted. Maybe you both need some time to figure it out." It was a weak word of support and he knew it. But he really didn't want to tell her what he really though- that it was a lost cause.
---
"Yeah, and love makes you stupid." Cissy knew that firsthand, at least she did now. It hurt. Everything to do with love just hurt. And the more she thought about it, the more angry she was at herself for having bothered in the first place. But not even that, she was just rather pissed off that, even though it had turned out so badly for her, and it turned out badly for most people as far as she could tell, she still wanted it.
A sigh parted her lips as he started to speak and turn all... well all Ric-like on her. "I'm not telling you what happened because I want or need your advice, Ric." Cissy looked over at him, a scowl darkening her features. "I don't need you to say what you think I need to hear to make me feel better, okay? I know. I know that I fucked it up and I know that..." She sighed and shrugged her shoulders as she looked away. "That it's over. And it's not a matter of us taking time to figure things out. He ended it. He walked away. It's... it's just done." Cissy moved a hand up to wipe a tear from her cheek as she sniffled.
"Sometimes things happen and.. and you just have to let it go and just take from it what you can." She inhaled a deep breath and exhaled softly. "I can sit around and wish that I had done things differently, that I had realized all of this soon rather than later all that I want, and I cry about it every other hour of every day if I want to too but it won't change anything and..." She shook her head softly. "I just have to learn from what happened and try not to make the same mistake next time around."
---
He didn't like seeing Cissy so unhappy. For one thing, she yelled at him a lot more. For another, the look on her face was enough to shatter his heart into a billion pieces. But she was absolutely right about everything. There wasn't anything she could do about her predicament. "Well if you don't need advice or comfort, I don't know what to say, then. I guess I can not say anything, if that's what you'd like." He didn't know what to do with half the people in his life. They all had problems, they all needed to talk them out, and not one of them wanted him to say anything on the matter. He was a teacher! His entire existence was instruction! How could he listen to problems and not try to offer solutions?
But sometimes there were no solutions, and this was one of those times. Cissy didn't want to be comforted, and she didn't want bullshit, either. Which seemed pretty unfair to Godric because she never would have allowed him to act the way she was now, yet if he scolded her for it she's throw something at him, call him insensitive and leave. He knew he had to tread carefully here. "I hate seeing you miserable," he said truthfully. "Anything I can do?"
---
Cissy wasn't telling him not to say anything at all, she just didn't want to be placated, that was all. He could be honest with her, treat her like an adult, and just say, "Yes, you did fuck up. I hope you learned your lesson.". She might get mad at him if he did, but that was what she wanted, for him to just... stop trying to play the role of comforter and just be as honest with her as she always was with him. She sighed. "That's not what I said, Ric." She didn't like it when he put words into her mouth.
Shaking her head, she wiped at her eyes and looked back at him with a smile. "No, not really. Just, you know, if you see me wandering down the same path again, give me a head's up?" She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I might yell at you for it, but I'd definitely appreciate it in the long run." She then rolled her eyes as she groaned. "Ugh! We are both such fuck ups. It's no wonder we get along so well. Or don't, sometimes." She laughed softly.
"I still can't believe you did that with Blake." She made a slight face. "Did he... I mean.. how did he... Is that all that happened?" Maybe it was none of her business really, but after the conversation she had had with Blake, she couldn't help but to be curious.
---
"Just offering," he told her. Sometimes the only thing you could do for someone was shut the hell up. He didn't know if he could tell her the next time she was wandering down a dangerous path, because he would always be worried for her, always assume the worst. So maybe he would always think where she was headed was a bad direction and it would give her doubt in an otherwise good situation. "You don't want telling you when you're screwing up," he assured her. "Look at my track record! I'll be running down the same awful path with you, assuring you that it's a good idea."
He couldn't believe she was bringing this up again. And worse, asking him questions about it. legitimate questions. The shame was still so fresh, he had to look at anything but her face. "Yes, that's all that happened," he assured her, looking down at his hands. "Though that's quite a lot to happen, don't you think?" Blowjobs were no small feat, especially since they were both in relationships. "If you're asking if he reciprocated, no. Not exactly. Which is good." He would tell her anything she asked, as much as he wouldn't want to.
---
This was true. They would probably both just point one another in the wrong direction. She would always worry about him and he would always worry about her and neither of them really had much sense, to be perfectly honest. The imagery he used was enough to make her laugh, shaking her head as the sound faded into a soft smile. "That sounds about right. I guess, in that case just..." She glanced over at him. "Don't change too much, at least not with me, okay?" He could change the way he handled everyone else, but she didn't want anything to change the two of them. She liked them both exactly the way they were.
"Well, yes and no." Cissy replied with a bit of a laugh. "I... talked to him about you one day." She didn't know if Ric knew that or not. She hadn't told him, and she wasn't sure that Blake had either. "And considering that he told me to stop being logical and tell him to just screw you already, it doesn't really seem like a whole lot. Then again, that sort of depends on what 'not exactly' means..." She arched a brow slightly. She was asking, only not really. He could tell her more if he wanted to though. She wouldn't mind.
"Have you talked since it happened?"
---
Blake had vaguely mentioned his conversation with Cissy, had not gone into specifics. He certainly hadn't mentioned that they'd talked about that. "He said that?" Godric asked, unable to keep the suprise from his voice. Holy shit. Things really could have gone a lot farther Saturday night. Thank God they were in public, or who knew where it would've ended. "I guess," he admitted.
'Not exactly' meant a great many things. In this case, 'not exactly' meant Blake's mouth had gone nowhere near Godric's personal region. "He did make me... y'know.... just not orally." Still, that was bad enough. "It was fanatstic,' he admitted quietly, actually grateful to tell somebody. "He... and it was just... I'm such an asshole, but... I'd do it again. In a second I would." It had been mild blowing and heart stopping and too incredible for words, which made it about a million times worse.
"No, I haven't seen him," he said, getting up from the couch and walking to the kitchen. "I sort of resigned myself to goodbye yesterday. I dunno what I'd say to him, anyway. Don't think I have a right to say anything." It was because of Hope, mostly. He knew she wouldn't want Blake anywhere near him, especially not so soon. Distance was better.
---
Cissy nodded her head. "That conversation didn't go so well." And that was an understatement. It had pretty much turned into a complete and total cat fight, but she wouldn't go into all of that with Ric. She just knew things could have gone a lot further than they did. Maybe she shouldn't have told him that though. That could only make things worse.
"You are an asshole." Cissy replied, a smirk gracing her lips. "I understand though. Like.. the guy I've been sleeping with, I just... I dunno that I'd be able to just give him up, ya know? Cause it's too good, even if that's bad of me to say that or think it or feel it. And it would be totally selfish if, you know, things had turned out differently with Simon but..." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I dunno. Maybe I would have been able to if Simon had..." She sighed. "It was just so different with him than it ever had been with anyone else..."
"Well," Cissy said, and sighed as she gave her body a bit of a stretch. "I have to say that that was probably the best thing you could do. I mean, if I were Hope, you'd never talk to him again. It would be either you or me and, well, of course the guy would pick me because he'd be crazy not to but!" She frowned a little as she watched him walk into the kitchen. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't... this can't be easy for you." And she felt bad for him even if he had brought this on himself.
---
"I am an asshole." He was actually glad Cissy was agreeing with him. It helped keep things in perspective. He had fucked up, and fucked up badly, and he needed to be reminded of that so it didn't happen again. "We could go on forever with 'maybes', couldn't we?" It would've been nice to, as well. Live in possibility instead of reality. But that got no one anywhere. "I don't think things would've been different if Simon had changed his mind," he said plainly. "I think you would have liked them to be, but they wouldn't be." Cissy wanted him to be honest, to treat her like an adult. So he would. And she was kidding herself if she thought that just because she really loved Simon it meant she would act any differently, at least at the moment.
Godric took a glass from his cabinet, took the vodka from his freezer, and poured a small amount for himself, sipping it slowly. "It's not," he admitted, "but it's fine. I deserve it." He drank again, then poured more into the glass. He knew Cissy didn't drink, so he didn't offer her anything. And she had been very inhibriated Saturday night, so that alone would probably dissuade her. But he wouldn't refuse her any if she asked.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he announced. "Not about Blake, not about Simon. We can dwell on it forever but the fact of the matter is, we fucked up. And we can't fix it. So I just... for once, with someone, I want to ignore it. I want to not think about it, not talk through it." He looked at Cissy, almost pleading. "Can we do that? Please?"
---
"At least we agree on something." Cissy teased him, a small laugh parting her lips. They were both such fuck ups really. It was almost funny. Almost, but not quite. "Maybe. Maybe not. Probably not." Cissy gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "He wasn't... He's not capable of being... I dunno. I dunno how to word it." It took a very specific breed of man, or would take a very specific breed rather, to tame her, to keep her satisfied, and even though she loved Simon, he wasn't that type of man.
Vodka. The mere thought of it made her stomach tense up and do jumping jacks. She wasn't trying to do that again for a very very very long while. It had almost been a disaster. Almost, but not quite. A small smile formed upon her lips before she broke into a huge grin and then caught her bottom lip with her teeth to tone it down a little. So maybe drinking an being overly honest wasn't always a bad thing.
At his request, Cissy came back to the present, looking over at Ric with a slow grin curling at her lips. "Wanna make out instead?" Oh yes, Cissy was back. She wasn't going to take it easy on him even if she had discovered that her affection for him was pretty much nothing more than platonic.
---
Godric could have told Cissy from the first moment he saw Simon that he wasn't the kind of guy how could truly handle her. First and foremost, he was still a kid. Cissy was far too along in maturity for someone so young. Godric was suprised they'd lasted as long as they had. He understood Cissy's appeal to Simon- he represented innocence that she had lost, that she wanted back.
The old Cissy was back. Unfortunately, she was dealing with the new Godric. He looked at her, small smile on his lips. Drinking down a long, slow shot, he placed the glass on the counter and wiped his lips. "Yeah," he grinned, "okay." Walking over to the couch, he settled himself gently beside her. "You gonna get nude for this?"
---
Yes, Simon was still a kid. And as much as Cissy wanted to be a kid, wished that she could recover that innocence, she couldn't. And that was why they were both better off and yet, at the same time, that did nothing to make it hurt less. But she would never regret it, any of it, no matter how it felt right now. And she would always, always love him.
"You're testing me, aren't you?" Cissy asked, her eyes narrowing slightly as he took a seat next to her. A smirk graced her lips when he asked her if she was going to get naked. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" She wiggled her brows slightly. "To see exactly how far up these legs actually go?" She giggled and then licked her lips, considering.
"You know it would be a very bad idea if we did make out, right?" See? She was perfectly capable of being logical, she just didn't always follow said logic. Like right now, for example. She was seriously thinking about ignoring that nagging voice in the back of her head that said, "DON'T DO IT!".
---
"Well, I teach. I test." He shrugged casually. How long could he keep a straight face, he wondered. Was this actually a test? This was Cissy, for crying out loud. This would be the pinnacle of bad decisions on top of the wrong choice sundae he'd already scooped for himself. "You would make a lovely sight," he assured her. "Those legs are delicious." God, he was flirting with her! What the hell was the matter with him??
"It would be the worst idea," he said softly, leaning close to her. "This would probably be... definitely be... the absolute worst idea I've ever had. This I could get fired for. Georgie would definitely leave me. And Blake... well. There would go the friendship." But he wasn't pulling away. Her eyes were so blue, so soft and intense. The heat of her breath was starting to get to him. "I'm such a slut," he chuckled softly. "Please stop me."
---
And it would also be a very bad choice on her part too. Ric was her safe person, the one and only person that didn't pile expectations upon her even though he did expect great things from her. He was... well he was her best friend. And it would be horrible to ruin that because they made one bad choice. She laughed softly. "I knew that was the reason you bought me those boots." She was teasing, he was flirting, it seemed natural only... intense. And it was never intense like this before.
He leaned in towards her, and she didn't pull away, but she didn't lean in any closer to him either. She smiled though, her blue eyes sparkling. "You really are a slut." And then she laughed as her smile grew. "And so am I. But, you know, birds of a feather?" Long lashes fluttered and then she softly shook her head. "Stop yourself." The words were whispered, but demanding. She wasn't going to back down, even if she should.
---
He liked being her safepoint. He liked being someone's stability, being a rock. He liked the idea that there was someone whose life he wasn't going to ruin this week. "Actually, I bought the boots because I knew they'd offend you, coming from anyone else." Well, that and because she had sexy as fuck legs and they looked good in those boots. Oh, Jesus. What the hell was with him this week? His hormones were going insane.
Her laugh was was so pleasing to hear, so feminine. Godric brought a hand to her cheek, brushing the skin. "I'm not going to kiss you," he said softly, though he wasn't positive of this fact himself yet. The problem was he couldn't stop himself, didn't seem capable. The urge to follow emotion was such a strong pull. He'd ignored it for so long, and now it was impossible to resist.
"Shit," he whispered, leaning closer still. Her mouth was inches, centimeters away from his. No. No, fuck, no, Ric. Don't fucking do this. The very tips of his lips brushed against hers, the ghost of a kiss. But he forced himself to turn away, even just slightly. The corner of his mouth was touching her lips. This had to stop, had to end. How much more damage could one man do in the world?
---
"You're right, they totally would have." Cissy laughed softly. He could get by with things that no one else could, that was for sure. But she also knew that she looked damn good in them and that that hadn't escaped his notice. He was a man, after all, and men noticed things like cute girls in sexy boots even if they didn't want to.
The touch of his hand upon her cheek made her smile, noting how much cooler his touch was than any other man that she had ever been touched by in that way. She had never been with a vampire before, or any sort of creature that was more cold than hot, actually. Of course now totally wasn't the time to start either! And thinking about the way that his touch felt probably wasn't the best idea either. "Okay." She said in response to his declaration, but he sure wasn't pulling away.
Cissy could feel the rate of her pulse picking up as he leave in even closer still, his breath a cool whisper upon her lips. She didn't close her eyes or otherwise prepare for it, she just sat there, seemingly frozen, her own inner voice telling her to get up and run away, and quickly, but there was always that other voice too, the one that said things like, "Fuck it. It's only a kiss.". And right now, she could understand Blake and Ric's flawed logic from previous encounters, the whole mentality that they might as well just do it and get it over with. She was feeling very much that same exact way right now.
It took her a long moment to actually make a decision as to what she was going to do, though only seconds to know what she should do. A hand reached up to touch his cheek, turning his face towards her as her lips pressed a kiss against his own. Her lips were warm against the cool of his lips, the taste of her lips sweet from the vanilla lipgloss that she wore. And while the kiss didn't lack intensity, she made no efforts to make it anything any more intense than just a kiss, slightly open-mouthed, but no tongue, or at least she wasn't trying to french kiss him or anything.
---
Cissy was hot. Not in the 'wow isn't she sexy' way, but quite literally. Her body temperature was higher then most peoples', higher than Blake's had been. Remembering Blake made Godric realize how bad an idea this was, how much it would cost him. He was about to pull away completely, to sit up and say a shy apology and be done with it. But Cissy's hand was on his cheek, turning him toward her, and he closed his eyes. Fuck.
Her mouth was warm and she tasted sweet, he could actually taste her mouth. Godric placed both hands on her face, deepening the kiss. The tips of his fangs scraped her bottom lip, the way her teeth always did when she was nervous, when she was coy, when she was thinking. He couldn't stop himself. He wanted to taste her, feel her, have her, control her. He could feel her pulse under his fingertips. He moaned against her mouth, kissing her harder, moving his body closer...
"No!" he cried out, pulling away, turning to face away from her. He bit the inside of his lip hard, one of his fangs piercing the skin and drawing blood. Good. Something else to focus on. This was such a bad idea. This time he was saying no, this time enough was enough. Ruining his friendship with Cissy was inexcusable. Ruining that trust, crumbling her standing point... no. He wasn't doing that to her.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled through gritted teeth, still biting his lip. He needed to calm the hell down before he could look at her again. His libido was racing, demanding he get back there and kiss her again, more than kiss. It was taking most all his inner strength not to turn back and face her. He didn't think he could stop himself again.
---
Yes, in the heat of the moment, Cissy was quite hot, but then afterwards, her temperature cooled way down, way colder than Ric even was. It was a part of what she was, after all, fire and ice both combined. It's what made her so... well, tragically flawed, perhaps? Destined to always be at odds with herself? But she was starting to decide that she was okay with that. She was starting to figure out that... Well that it was okay for her to just be exactly as she was until she was ready to change that. And Ric was partially responsible for that.
Cissy had not intended the kiss to be anything more than just a simple kiss, but it seemed that his desires had overtaken him before she even had a chance to pull away, which she was going to do, and he was kissing her like she was the provider of life itself. It scared her. And if he hadn't been the one to pull away, she would have. She hadn't realized how bad of an idea it was until after it had happened.
"No. Don't say you're sorry. I'm the one that started it. And besides..." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I'm kind of glad that just happened." Of course she was realizing this just as she said it and then thinking about the reason why after. "We mean more to each other than that." She said simply, then turned her gaze to look at him. "I mean more to you than that." And that was important... incredibly important.
"We're not gonna fuck this up, Ric." Cissy said it like she knew it was true and she did. If they could kiss, especially after the week they had both just had, especially when they were both in such need of comfort, and they could both be in agreement to pull away, then they weren't going to fuck this up. End of story.
"Of course maybe we shouldn't joke around about snogging each other's brains out anymore." She laughed softly, then caught her lower lip with her teeth, tugging upon it slightly.
---
If he hadn't been completely sure he'd made the right decision, just hearing Cissy talk solidified it. Her voice... it was so important to her that he respected her, that he didn't use her like everyone else always had. How could he jeopardize that for the sake of lust? He couldn't. And he wouldn't.
"Yeah," he laughed, hollowly. Half of the word was in agreement, and half was in mockery. They would not fuck it up because it was too important to fuck up. But how could they not? It was their specialty. His friendship with Blake was so important, so needed, and he'd tossed it out the window for a craving. Intense, impossibly strong craving, but a craving nonetheless.
He finally looked back to her, wiping the blood off his mouth with his thumb. "Maybe not," he agreeed, wiping his thumb on his jeans. Well, whatever. Maybe they'd stain. Wouldn't be the first time. "So tell me about your fellow, then. This new guy." He leaned back onto his couch, head turned up. "No details, mind you. I don't need to picture a coworker naked."
---
It was important to her. And, well, to him too even if they both didn't fully realize that. He needed to be someone's rock because it made him feel better about all the bad things he had done in his life. And she needed someone to be her rock because, well, it was the only way she would or could ever really recover from the things she had gone through. That's why it was so important. It wasn't just that she needed him, but he needed her too. It was mutual, and that was why it worked.
"Don't say it that way." She knew he was mocking her, and she gave him a look that scolded him for it. "We're very strong people, Ric. I mean really, just think about it for a minute. We both just had a crappy week, we're both.. wanting something to make us feel better and... Well I hate to say it but that kiss was fucking hot and yet we both wanted to end it, right? Because we both thought about the big picture. So if we can do that right now then..." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "We're all good." At least she hoped so.
Cissy rolled her eyes when he changed the subject, and then settled herself on the sofa beside him. "Well, okay, uhm... He's really sweet. But he's not like super sugary sweet or anything. And he's impossibly infuriating sometimes, but in a good way." She smiled. "And he did make me pancakes the other morning, like he said he would. He already had them on the stove when I made it out of the bathroom after I talked to you." Her smile softened as she added, "And I didn't even feel guilty after I ate them."
---
Cissy was exactly what he needed. He wasn't a terrible person, and the things he did weren't worth the hell he knew he sometimes put himself through. But when you compared yourself to what was supposedly expected of you, of how you should be, he fell short every time. And Cissy
never judged, and she had a fresh perspective on things. And he needed someone to kick him into gear sometimes.
Even turned away from her, he could feel that look on her face. And it made him smile a little. She was so smart, too. And of course she was right. She was lucky he had stopped himself, because honestly he would have gone further. But she was more important. This was more important.
The guy sounded nice, and Godric hated to admit that he was happy for her, but he was.
It wasn't that he didn't want her to be happy. He was just so nervous that this guy, whoever he was, would eventually hurt her. And if she got too attached too fast, as she tended to, then she was in for a world of hurt. But he seemed decent so far. In fact, it sounded like he was doing her a world of good. "Good." That was all he could think to say about it. Good.
---
Cissy never minded too much if Ric didn't have a lot to say because she always had enough to say for the both of them. And right now was no exception to that. She could probably go on and on and on about Jonah for hours if he wanted her to. There was just a lot to say about him. He was... a complicated man, she had found, and yet, not so much actually. He was just, well, in a word, quite incredible. And the more she got to know him, the more that she liked him, and the more she felt like maybe she could, and eventually would, do more than just like him.
"Did you know that he's only a few years younger than my dad?" Cissy asked, glancing over at Ric and then looking up at the ceiling as she too slid down onto the sofa a bit more and angled her head on the back to look up at it. "So that's sort of weird and yet... I dunno. I've always liked older men. Simon is the only guy I ever had anything to do with that was younger than me and Xander was the only guy even close to my age. The rest have always been much older, more mature. Well.." She laughed. "Not always more mature." She rolled her eyes. Age didn't always equate maturity. That was for sure.
"And I think I told you already that he has a son." She smiled. "I bet he is so totally cute. I can't wait to meet him some day. I mean, assuming that that ever happens." She was probably getting ahead of herself a little bit but... Well, she did have a tendency to do that from time to time. "I already met his brother. He's a really cool guy. Kind of... flaky but... not in a bad way." She laughed a little as she glanced over at Ric again. "He kind of reminds me of me, actually."
Shifting on the couch, she turned to face Ric, a smile upon her lips as she asked in a soft voice, "Do you wanna know what I like best about him? About the guy? And no, it's nothing dirty." She laughed as she assured him, knowing he would assume that first thing when it came to her.
---
Oh God, it was awful. Not actually awful, not really, but... Godric couldn't keep the smile from his face. This girl was impossible. She was smitten. It was so obvious. Here she was, a mess of a girl, just fallen out of a shaky and deep relationship, completely heartbroken... and already she was picking back up, finding someone new. Someone great for her, apparently. He didn't know how she could do it. Maybe it was dangerous, maybe he should say something to her. Throwing herself into another relationship, no matter how casual, couldn't be healthy for her. But she would do what she wanted to do, and he couldn't stop her. She was planning ahead, excited to meet the man's child... Oh, he was so damn scared for her.
He turned his head toward her, smiling because she was smiling. "Alright," he said, his tone matching hers. "Tell me." Her eyes were sparkling. She was so pretty when she was happy.
---
You weren't allowed to pick when you met people. Granted, it would have been better for her to have met Jonah later on, after she had had time to recover from this fiasco with Simon but.. that wasn't the way that it had worked out. She had met him now. And she wasn't going to be scared of him. She probably should have been, but she wasn't going to be. Ric could be scared enough for the both of them. She was done with that. She was done being afraid. Fear never got her anywhere good.
"He doesn't call me Cissy." She said, her voice soft, that smile growing even more so upon her lips. "He calls me Celia." She giggled, a hand coming up to cover her face in a moment of bashfulness. "Ugh, I know that's probably kind of silly but.." She dropped her hand from her face and looked at him with a thoughtful frown pursing her lips. "I feel different when I'm with him. And it's a good kind of different. I don't.. I don't feel like Cissy or C or Cecilia." All of which had been names she had gone by and all of which reminded her of things that weren't entirely pleasant.
---
He hadn't expected anything, but he definitely hadn't expected that. It was something so sweet, so innocent and genuine. And she looked so happy, so enraptured... he was seriously jealous. It was irrational and stupid, but he was. Because someone was taking his place. It wasn't a bad thing, and it didn't change their relationship. But he was being replaced as her source of happiness, as the one man in her life who could always make her smile. He had stumbled into the job most unwillingly, and taken on her insanity despite his best judgements. And now that he was comfortable there, felt like he belonged... it was ending. Everything was changing. He hated change.
"Celia, huh?" he asked, getting up from the couch and heading back to the kitchen. There was still vodka in that bottle, and he planned on drinking some. Pouring it into the glass, he thought carefully about what he'd say next. He didn't want to ruin her mood, and he didn't want to discourage this relationship because it was clearly making her so happy. "I know I'm not the number one advocate on student teacher relations," he said finally, "but... this sounds good for you. So I'm tentatively approving." He knocked back a healthy dose of the clear liquid. "Not that you needed my approval anyway."
---
Cissy was not a psychic. She didn't have esp or empathy or any of that nifty stuff that could tell you when something wasn't right or when something had changed for a person. But she didn't need it to feel that shift in his emotions. She didn't need it to sense that something seemed a bit... off when he pushed himself up to his feet and walked into the kitchen. Her lips pursed into a bit of a frown as she watched him, trying to figure out what exactly it was.
"Okay, so yeah, I mean, I don't really need your approval but.. that doesn't make me any less glad to have it but..." Now it was her turn to push herself up to her feet. "What's up?" She asked the question as she crossed over to the counter and leaned down to sniff the bottle of liquid before turning up her nose and leaving that be, going instead to his fridge to find something else.
"And don't act like you don't know how I mean." She added as an after-thought, settling on some orange juice, grabbing a glass from the cabinet.
---
On a scale of one to ten for ability to hide emotions, Godric ranked about a four. Around people who knew him well, especially Cissy, it was more like two. So he wasn't suprised she could read him like a trashy romance novel. But he didn't know how to explain it to her without sounding completely... wimpy. And hypocritical.
He watched her sniff his vodka, smiling softly. She was free to rummage through his fridge, though she wouldn't find much of interest. He hadn't been shopping in forever and on top of that he didn't really eat. She would find milk, peanut butter, cereal and strawberries. And apparently orange juice, as she was pulling it out of the fridge. When did he buy that?
"Wouldn't dream of it," he said, though that was exactly what he'd been planning on doing. Damnit. "I dunno," he confessed, shrugging lightly. "I just hate change. Hate the idea of losing my time with you to this guy, and then college next semester... and I'm seriously fucking jealous..." The last part was muttered into his vodka as he took another drink.
---
He had probably bought the orange juice to go with the vodka and had forgotten about it. That was why most people had orange juice. Speaking of which, how the hell was it that Wesley had never heard of a screwdriver? Maybe he had already been drunk when she got there and just thought she said something else because that didn't even make the slightest bit of sense!
"Yeah, right." Cissy said, rolling her eyes as she turned around to face him, watching him as he formulated his answer, which was enough to make her smirk a little. "How do you think I felt when Blake and Georgie came into the picture?" She had been jealous. Totally jealous. And she still was jealous, actually. Especially since it always seemed that he was off with one or the other of them when she needed him.
Cissy sighed softly. "It sucks. Being jealous. Change. But..." She smiled. "You're irreplaceable, Ric." She walked over to nudge his shoulder with her own. "So don't be broody."
---
"Jesus Christ, would everyone stop telling me I'm broody?!" He didn't think that having a bad week and feeling shitty about it counted as 'broody'. It must be because he had dark features. That was the only explaination he could come up with. "I'm not broody, I'm... depressed. Angry. Scared. A lot of things. But not broody!" He pointed a finger at her, almost daring her to challenge him. He liked the rest of it though, about being irreplaceable.
"I'm so sick of everything changing. I know it has to, things can't stay one way forever, but... I think I was happier as a hermit." Well that certainly wasn't true. But Cissy knew that. "I'm not even a jealous person," he told her honestly. "I just don't get jealous. Hell, Georgie could sleep with a thousand men and I wouldn't mind." He paused, taking another drink. "Okay, yeah, I would mind, but noly because I'd never see her again. Is that terrible? Being more jealous of your best friend replacing you than the woman you're seeing?"
---
Apparently she had hit a nerve. Of course he was broody. It was true. Obviously he didn't like that much. She smiled a little, though she tried her best to hide that from him, but she couldn't help but to giggle when he pointed that finger at her, nipping at it before she laughed and shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Fine! I won't call you broody again. Jeez!" She giggled.
"You were not happier as a hermit." Cissy knew that was a lie and she wasn't afraid to call him on it. The next part made her smile, though again she tried her best to hide it, not because she thought it would upset him but because... well maybe she didn't want him to know how happy a comment like that made her. "I dunno. I mean... I get jealous over everyone." She laughed a little, then tugged at his shirt as she added, "But hey, I already told you. Irreplaceable. So stop worrying about it, okay?"
---
"Thank you." It didn't much matter that he was broody, which deep down he knew he was, what mattered was he didn't want to hear it. He was loath to the idea of being a dark, brooding, mysterious vampire straight from an Anne Rice novel.
Cissy did an okay job at hiding her smile from him. He didn't see the actual expression on her face, but it was obvious she was pleased about what he'd said. That made him smirk. "Worry is what I do. You know that. I worry, I think, I overanalyze. Love me, love my faults." But he knew she meant it, and that did make him feel better. She could always make him feel better, often against his will.
"So what happens now?" he asked, hopping up onto the counter. "I mean now that we've ruined one portion of our lives and are working on building up a replacement, and now that you've scolded me and I've commiserated with you... where do we go from here? Just sit and watch a movie?" How did you transition from talking about your life and your faults to just being with someone, just having them around and not worrying about it anymore because worry was useless?
Actually, movie watching was probably not a bad idea. Good way to kill time, keep them from takling about what cuold have been. "I just bought Moulin Rouge," he told her, smiling sheepishly.
---
"Or beat them out of you." Cissy teased, and then nudged him again. "I do love your faults. They help keep me grounded." He worried and she acted. That was the way that it worked. And even though it wasn't like either of their lives were wonderful, they at least still had each other. And that was something, right? She had no idea what she would do with herself without him.
"Ugh! That movie totally makes me cry!" Of course it did. Santine died and it was just... ugh, so tragic! "We could watch it though. I mean, as long as you got some tissues or a hanky or something that you don't mind me using." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "Shirt sleeve." She added, and gave it a tug.
"Oh! But we have to talk about this whole leave thing. Are you going to be able to work that out? Because, I mean, I know I might seem all... okay, or whatever but..." She sighed softly. "I just need a week, ya know? Just to get my head on straight again, to find my center." She'd pretty much lost it over the course of the past week which felt more like it had lasted for months and months.
---
Godric had to laugh at Cissy. Was he the only person in creation not moved to tears by the death of the Sparkling Diamond? "That movie makes everyone cry!" he teased. "Blake made me watch it last week. Not as bad as I remember..." Blake had cried as well when they'd seen it. "But I have Kleenex, paper towels, bath tissue. A plethora of choices for you so sob all over." He didn't know why he wanted to watch it again, but he had an urge to.
Godric pursed his lips, thinking. He could probably get Cissy the week off, no questions. He'd been at TJS for a few years now, and in all that time he'd never caused any kinds of problems, always kept below the radar. Mr. Swann himself seemed to like Godric well enough just because he didn't do anything but teach and keep to himself. "I'll make something up," he said finally. "Eli won't question it. I don't lie. Besides," he shrugged, hopping down from the counter and walking toward the couch again, "what's the worst they can do, fire me? I teach half the courses here."
"Don't worry about anything but pulling yourself together, okay? I'll take care of you." He would have, too. Hell, he'd let her take his car when she needed to get away for the weekend. And if she asked, he'd let her take over his apartment. Which brought up an important question... "Where are you going to stay, anyway? You can't spend the week in your room if I'm going to tell Eli you've left. Of course, I mean you can stay here if you like, but I can't guarantee you won't kill me before the week is up." He knew he had some annoying habits for humans to deal with- like pretty much never going to bed and walking around the apartment all night. Showering at the most unusual times. Leaving paperwork strewn across his bed because he was sick of doing it. Not to mention the blood bags in the mini fridge in his bedroom closet. It was admittedly a little morbid, but he didn't want a guest going to the fridge for a drink and finding the remnants of a blood bank robbery.
---
"Including your shirt?" She asked, batting her lashes at him and then giggling. "Sometimes I stop the movie before she dies just so it's happy instead of sad." It wasn't like she didn't know how it really ended, but who needed to watch that part really? "We don't have to watch it if you just watched it last week..." And with Blake. She wasn't sure that she wanted to do the same thing with him that he had done with Blake just the week before.
Cissy was glad that he wasn't pushing her to try to just make it through until the holiday. Sure, there wasn't too much time left in this semester but... She didn't really even need to be in half the classes she was in. She had just taken them because, well, she had felt like an over acheiver when she had gotten here, thanks to Ric. "Thank you." She said softly, and then plopped down on his sofa now that they were both moving out of the kitchen area.
"I have a place to stay already." She said this quietly just because she didn't want him to get all broody and jealous again. She could have lied, told him she would be off campus in a hotel room or something, but he wouldn't have let that slide. He would have insisted. And she didn't want to lie to him anyway. She never had before so... why start now? "But I'll come bug you on a daily basis, for sure!" She smiled all bright and cheesy.
"Have you ever seen Dazed and Confused? We should totally watch that instead."
---
"Well, not this shirt," he said, looking down at it. This was one of his nicer ones. "Your way of watching sounds better anyway," he credited her. "The real way is so unrealistic. The woman is dancing and singing on stage the entire play, crying and weeping, and then at the very end she just so happens to die? There was no lead into it. That's about as bad as a suprise pregnancy." Endings were the hardest part of a film to make, and Godric was very critical of them. They could make or break the production.
Uh oh. She was being evasive about where she was staying, which meant that he already knew where she was staying- with whoever it was she was sleeping with. He wasn't going to get jealous, just... cautious. "Alright," he said, trying not to sound judgemental. This was her life, her choice. And while he definitely didn't approve, who was he to judge? He had just offered her refuge here- how was that any different? "Well, you don't need to on a daily basis," he teased her. "I do have a life. Kind of." Not especially.
He couldn't help but roll his eyes at her. "Stoner comedy?" he asked. "Really?" What made her think he'd have something like that in his collection? But they could always pay per view it, he guessed. "Well, we'll watch whatever you want. I'm not picky."
---
"There was lead up to it. It told you earlier on in the movie that she had consumption." Cissy rolled her eyes and then asked, "Did you even pay attention to it?" It was a really brilliant film, actually. And now she sort of did want to watch it just maybe not with Ric. "My way is at least happier." She said, and gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "Totally unrealistic though." She didn't really believe in happy endings at this point.
She knew what he meant when he said that, and she gave him a look with her brow arched slightly. "I'll be fine, Ric. And if I decide that I'm not fine, then I'll come here." She nodded her head to assure him of that and then grinned. "Just for that remark, twice a day. At least!" Of course she doubted she would drop in that much, but she would visit from time to time.
Cissy gasped! "That is not just a stoner comedy! Have you ever even watched the movie before?!?" Obviously he had not if he could refer to it as something like that. "It's... I mean.. wow. It's such a wonderfully brilliant representation of the lives of American youth during that generation!" And now it was decided. "We totally have to watch it. Should I go to my dorm and pick it up?"
---
"Well I knew she had consumption," he told her. "It just seemed unlikely of her to die from it at that exact moment. I mean, why not five minutes earlier? Or later?" Because then the ending wouldn't have been as poignant. He knew that, he just really didn't like the movie. Yet he would be watching it tonight, he knew. No good reason for doing so- it would just nag him if he didn't. He couldn't argue with Cissy's assertion that happy endings were unrealistic. They were. You might have a happy moment that ends an event, but what happened the next day, and the day after? Reality had a way of ruining everything.
Admittedly, he had never seen Dazed and Confused in its entirety, just small clips here and there. But she spoke passionately about it, though he did raise his eyebrow to her. "This is your official opinion, of course, as a youth of the 1970s?" he asked skeptically. "You'll have to if you want to see it, since I don't have it here." He stretched out on the couch as soon as she was on her feet, making himself comfortable. He grinned coyly at her. "I'll move when you get back," he assured her. And maybe he would.
---
"Because it was the exact right moment to cause the most amount of impact and that's what film is all about." Cissy had to roll her eyes at that. He knew this. He was an English teacher. He read great works of literature all the time. He was well aware of timing. He was simply trying to be difficult right now and she knew it.
A brow arched slightly as he called her out on not having been a youth of the 70's, though instead of admitting that she wasn't, which they both knew, she pursed her lips and nodded her head. "Exactly." And then she laughed, pushing herself up to her feet so she could go grab it from her room. "I'll be back in ten. And you better move, else I'll just sit on you." And with that, she stuck out her tongue at him before she was off, darting out of his apartment like a flash.
It would take her less than ten minutes to make the trip all the way back to her dorm room to grab that movie, and a few others in fact, as well as a few snacks, and some Diet Coke since he didn't have any, and make it all the way back to his apartment. "Did you miss me?" She asked, tossing her things down on the coffee table once she made it back, giving him a minute to move so she could have a seat next to him.
---