Who: Godric and Georgette When: Sunday morning - early! Where: Georgie's place What: The morning after the night before.... Rating: Normal. Hurrah!
Godric hadn't slept all night. He'd stayed out on the hood of his car, watching the sky get paler and paler until his skin had started to burn and he decided it was time to go in. For a moment he'd debated not going in at all, just staying outside and watching the sun come up one last time. But, no. He was too scared where he would go in the afterlife, what decision would await him. He didn't want to die until he was sure where he'd end up. He knew he'd behaved badly for a great deal of his life, and if he was judged on those actions then so be it. But it was more complicated than that. Vampires didn't go to Heaven, and they didn't have souls. Godric didn't know if he believed that, but every bit of religious evidence (though evidence on something you had to have faith in was questionable at best) said that he was damned, period.
Aside from philosophical debate, he didn't let himself burn because he wasn't a defeatist. When something went wrong you pushed yourself through it. As Winston Churchill once wrote, "If you are going through hell, keep going." And maybe he'd drudged through things all wrong, but at least he was still going. And after sunrise, he decided he was going to go back to Georgie's place. Lying on his car thinking hadn't accomplished much more than settling his thoughts. There wasn't much to think about, not many plans of action he could forsee. He couldn't talk to Blake, and he couldn't apologize to Hope. Neither of those things helped him at all, and Hope would never listen, at least not now. The hurt was still too fresh. So his only option was to wait it out.
Georgie's door was only three away from his own, the opposite end of the hallway. He looked at his door, remembering when Blake had shown up with a bottle of whiskey and about 50 posters. He looked at Hope's door, almost feeling the pain that had gone down last night. And he looked at Georgie's door, somewhere he hadn't thought he'd ever be again. Knocking gently, Godric didn't expect her to answer. She was probably asleep still, and he didn't want to wake her. So he leaned against the wall across from her door, gving her a few moments to answer. If she didn't, he'd just go home and walk on eggshells the entire time, knowing Hope was only just on the other side of the wall.
---
Georgette had not slept either. She'd tried, possibly even dozed off a little but all she could think about was Godric's return to be sure he hadn't changed his mind. Eventually around six o'clock in the morning, Georgie showered then changed out of her day clothes into something a little more comfortable and less well-worn. A purple top, baggy grey trousers and socks. She wasn't in to apperances when she was worried or feeling low and she hoped, if Godric did actually visit, that he wouldn't mind her state of dress.
The knock so soon after she'd come out of the shower made her jump but she literally bounded to the door - but before flinging it open she calmed herself, placed a hand on the doorknob and swung it open gently, finding him leaning on the wall opposite. "Morning," she smiled timidly, though it was clear she hadn't really been to sleep. It was also clear that he had stayed awake all night, though Lord knew where. He looked in need of a coffee, if vampires had been able to get the benefit of such things. Stepping back to let him in, Georgette waited until he was in the center of the room before she closed the door behind him.
"Would you like anything?"
---
Godric was suprised when Georgette answered the door. She looked as though she were just going to bed, fresh faced but sleepy and dressed comfortably. She looked cute. He wondered if she had slept at all last night. He entered her place, his mind still buzzing but otherwise calm. Although he couldn't shut off his brain, his body was weary from it. Taking a seat on her couch, Godric shook his head. "No," he told her, "but thank you." There were in fact a great deal of things he wanted, needed, but Georgie couldn't supply them.
Now that he was here, he didn't know what to say, or do. He'd just wanted to be someplace where he wouldn't feel hated, and that took out too many rooms on this floor. Even here he was unsure, wondering if perhaps Georgette had changed her mind and decided she didn't forgive him after all. But she had let him in, and she looked relieved, maybe even glad, to see him.
Godric leaned his head back, looking up at the ceiling. He'd done a lot of staring today. "I thought you'd be in bed," he told her just to say something, anything. He didn't want the silence anymore.
---
"I was," Georgette replied, walking towards him, hands infront of her. "But I couldn't sleep really. Just dozed. Had a shower half an hour ago and stayed up waiting for you. Something told me my mind wouldn't really shut off until I'd seen you again."
She sat next to him on the couch, her hands to herself for now. There was no way to be sure if he wanted holding or touching or to be left alone and until she was sure the situation allowed it she would be civil and civil only with her affectionate gestures. "And there was nothing good on television. So I read a little bit. Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey. Not really my type of thing to be honest but I gave it a go..." She was clutching at straws here but he seemed to need to want to talk about something which wasn't last night. Unable to stop herself any longer her resolve crumbled and she reached out like a mother would to her child, stroking back his hair to soothe him. "You didn't go back to your apartment did you? I bet you spent the night in the Prius. You should have kept warm... not that you can catch cold... but I worry about you."
---
He appreciated her chasteness, and her rambling on about things that didn't matter. She was right, he did not want to talk about last night. He wanted to talk about everything but. And he wasnt in the mood to be doted on, or be affectionate. He just... didn't feel like being touched. Or more correctly, he didn't feel he deserved it.
He smiled, because she had guessed exactly where he had gone. "Not in the Prius, so much as on it," he told her. "I sat on the hood and just thought about things. Watched the sky. Almost saw the sun come up." He hadn't taken notice to the cold outside. But it was sweet that Georgette cared about him, and it felt nice to have her stroking his hair. "Don't worry about me" he told her. "I'll be okay. Just need to let the dust settle. But... can we not talk about this, please?"
---
"Talk about what? I was just asking what you did last night..." she smiled, knowing full well what he was referring to but not wanting to drag him down even futher. Continuing to stroke his hair, Georgette watched him a moment. He looked so lost and she wanted ever so much to bring him back on the road he'd been on before... but that was none of her business. She would simply be there to help and guide.
"I haven't seen the sun come up in years," she said fondly. "The last time was in Italy. I could see it over the mountains but as soon as that circle crept up over the horizon I huddled indoors. Got too close once. The rays burnt my arm but it's healed nicely since then. My skin is now perfection with not a mark on me to show I have lived for as long as I have. Sometimes I wonder whether I would like a few scars to show off but at the same time scars can lead people to a past you would rather forget. It is easier to wear them on the inside... then you have some form of defense..." She was going off on a tangent but if it helped him think of other things perhaps it was good for him. "Hmm. I've not spoken like this in a while. I think it's these long nights..."
---
Godric made a face at Georgette. He knew she was just teasing him, but still... he was weary. So it was nice to hear about Georgette in Italy, and see her face change when she spoke about it. And the things she said, the way she spoke... he understood it. He often wished that he had something to show for his age, a new wrinkle, gray hair, anything. But there was nothing. Even if he changed himself a million times, he would always appear exactly the same.
"No, go on, I like hearing about your life," he assured her. "I like getting a look into the inner workings of your mind. You're a stimulating woman, Georgie. It's what attracted to me to you." Well, that and how amazing beautiful she was. But mostly for her mind.
"Speaking of... I was thinking about something earlier. What are your thoughts on when we die? Not humanity in general, but... you and I? I know you mentioned you lean toward a Buddhist ideal, but does it ever say anything about undead?"
---
Georgette smiled. "My life is... was not that interesting... despite your wanting to psychologically interrogate me by allowing me to ramble on and on, you analytical pussycat." She stalled in stroking in hair, taking time now to twirl a few strands around her fingers. It was so soft, so fluffy... she was half tempted to ask him what kind of product he used but that would be weird, right? "I'm glad my mind attracted you and not my gorgeous pins, though," she smirked, stretching her legs out infront of her to show them off.
She seemed to settle down when he mentioned religion though, frowning in thought. "How morbid," she scolded him, patting his arm with her free hand. "No talk of dying in this household... but since you have asked and I'm assuming it's not because you plan on topping yourself in the near future, I...." Wow this meant her thoughts had to be in actual working and functioning order. She took a moment. "Buddhism accepts everyone so long as you believe in inner peace, strive to better yourself and treat those around you with love. What you put into the world you get back, like Karma. When we die there is no heaven no hell.. just rebirth. We're sent back to learn the lessons we might have missed in this lifetime. Our souls live on." She gave him a poignant look. "And we still have our souls, Godric."
----
Godric smiled at Georgie's flirtations half-heartedly. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate her "pins", it was that he couldn't focus on them. His mind was in so many different places, but sex certainly wasn't one of them. Even as she stroked his hair, it was more relaxing than enticing, like it usually was. And that made him think of Blake. He sort of let the thought past, feeling defeated by it by now. Those thoughts would come when they wanted to come and he wouldn't be able to stop them.
Georgette's idea of life and death were lovely. It would be nice to think of everything as a cycle, life reborn and renewed. All things connected. Godric had stopped believing in a certain religion many years ago, though reading about them interested him. There were so many schools of thoughts, how could he pick just one? He noticed her look, and he ignored it. "There are so many things that make up a man that we lack," he said. "Heartbeat, breath, the ability to age. I don't see why a soul can't be one of them."
"You know what my reason for not taking a cure is? My real, true reason? Because I'm too scared to die. I don't think I have a soul anymore, and I don't want to be condemned on something I cannot help. But then again I could have helped it, couldn't I? I could've said no, I could've just died. So maybe, if I were to go to Hell, I would be judged on my actions."
---
Georgette snuggled closer to him, her arm curving around his neck to his shoulder, whilst she started to stroke his arm. She appreciated him speaking of his fear to die for the possibility of being condemned once judged but she didn't think he had to worry. "If our condition is what some scientists believe - a virus - then we still have our souls. If it is not a virus and in fact a demon has turned us into his image - we still have our souls. We are human to begin with and though our bodies have changed we remain human with a little... extra edge. I believe we still have our souls, simply due to the fact that I have been in love twice since my turning. I have not lost sight of who I am. I enjoy people, nature, what we have to call life now. A soul is our essence, our very being. We are still alive, though our bodies are dead, we are still conscious - our essence must still be here..."
She wanted to help him believe he was not soullless, and so she continued on a rather uncomfortable topic. "When Christian was killed I was terrified. Not only was I alone in the world but my supposed invincible life on this earth was not as immovable as I thought. He didn't turn to dust.... I had prayed he would. When I returned to the house after the ambush he was still there. I went to cover him... and I saw his face. He looked so peaceful. Like he could finally rest and I believed that he was happy. Just because we were made into beasts who feast on death does not make us any less human nor hollow enough as to not have souls. So long as we feel, we have a soul. I know plenty of normal humans who are worse than us, serial killers, heartless criminals who do far worse things than follow an infected instinct to survive. They feel no remorse. The very fact that we do, proves to me that we are not damned... not immediately anyway."
---
He liked that Georgette was so sure of herself, of who she was and what that meant in the world. Godric was not so sure himself, but being around her was comforting. It didn't sit well with him that being a vampire was simply viral, like the common cold. Then again, he liked the idea of being demon-like even less. But Blake was part demon, and he wasn't terrible. And there he was in his mind again, so Godric brushed him aside.
"See, I think being made into beasts who feed on death makes us very less human. We are more like a copy, a simulation for the real deal. We don't require what they do, and we cannot accomplish what they can. Granted, I can still think and feel and harm and be harmed, but... it all feels like a waste. When you're human you eat, breathe, procreate, all to die. But I just... go on. Don't eat, don't breathe... and don't die. I know we <i>can</i>, but our bodies won't ever just give up and let go. It's quite exhausting to think that I'm going to have to push myself through crises until the end of time, barring extreme tragedy."
He knew he was takling in circles and not making much sense, but his mind was wandering and he was just following it. Hopefully Georgie would understand.
---
He was talking around in circles, but she didn't mind. "We don't feed on death we feed on life. We feed on life to live... kind of ironic. But why are you asking me what I believe for reassurance only to argue with me?" she was smiling, teasing him, and once again she began to stroke his hair. "I think if you do not feel human, then you must do something which allows you to feel human again. Making some good in the world, a change - teaching is one way. Just being a good person is another. And you are a good person."
She took a moment just to hold him, enjoy being with him. She'd almost forgotten what last night had brought and that was a good sign. "Are you sure you don't want anything? Apart from reassurance your existance here doesn't make you a monster..."
---
That was a good question. Why <i>had</i> he asked her for reassurance when he was only going to shoot it down? Because he needed a distraction. And he felt so lousy that he couldn't accept the notion that he was anything but an awful, hopeless, useless life form. Though Georgie did make a few decent points. He was helping students find themselves, helping them realize they could still be normal and supernatural. It felt fraudulent, though, because he didn't really believe it of himself. But she called him a good person, and he snorted. He didn't say anything, because he knew that she knew he didn't believe it, after last night, but he couldn't let her say something so ludicrous and not respond.
While Georgie was being lulled into security being near him, Godric was only reminded of it with her kindness. He didn't deserve this and he knew it. He almost wanted to leave, tell Georgette that he couldn't let he be with (and forgive) someone so horrible. But who was he to tell her what she should do? It would've been for purely selfish reasons, and he'd been selfish enough.
He groaned a little, sleepily. "You'll never convince me otherwise," he told her, only half-joking. "Actually, I do need something. I need to take a shower, I'm still covered in-" He stopped himself. He was still covered in his own semen. "I'm gross," he decided on, deciding that less was more. "You mind if I use yours? I'm not ready to... not yet." He was certain that as soon as he walked by Hope's door, went anywhere near his apartment, she'd hear his thoughts and come out to kill him.
---
Never mind Hope, it was if Georgette was reading his mind. "We all give in to desires, Godric. That doesn't make you any less human or any more vampire." One last stab at trying to convince him wouldn't hurt and she was determined to get him to see sense eventually. Standing up, Georgette stretched a little - she'd been sat in one position for a while - and headed to the bathroom, speaking over her shoulder.
"Feel free. I've just had mine so let me get you an extra towel." She had known what he'd been about to say and tried desperately not to think of it. It didn't bear thinking about and she really wanted him to shower off and even change. "I can go to your place if you want, get you some fresh clothes - unless you want to wear mine. I've heard you like to store women's sweaters and wear them at a later date." That last bit was said with a wink and she went to the cupboard to fetch him some towels and once that was done she went and put them on the bathroom radiator so they'd be warm for him. The little things mattered.
---
According to Blake, it did. According to Blake, being a vampire meant you were sexy and lust filled and primal, almost an animal. He knew Blake didn't mean it to be a bad thing, but it still made Godric feel less than human. Especially since lately, he'd been all those things.
Godric followed Georgette off the couch toward the bathroom. He didn't understand her joke for a moment, but then caught on and chuckled a little. He hadn't know she knew about that. Who had told her? Probably Blake. Oh, God, he colored every aspect of Godric's life. "I made a point of hiding it on our date," he told her, meaning the sweater. "Be glad you didn't stumble across her pants in my car." He didn't elaborate on the comment, just leaned himself on the edge of the sink and waited for her to stop fussing over him and let him shower. Maybe she would ask, and maybe she wouldn't. "No, it's okay, I don't need clothing. I'll just... man up and go over there." That was a Cissy phrase popping out of his mouth without permission. But Cissy would've been right if she'd said it herself. He did need to man up and just go back, because he lived there and he couldn't run from it forever.
Once Georgette was out, and the door was shut, Godric stripped down, smiling wryly to himself. He was covered in himself, and his body smelled like sex. And Blake. Pushing that from his head, he turned on the water as hot as it could go, standing under the stream and just thinking.
---
Georgette did NOT comment on that, simply shot him a Look before kissing his cheek and exiting the room. She had not in fact got the rumours from Blake, but circulating the school - and she didn't know who this girl was. She couldn't really say anything, then, seeing as she really did not want to know.
She left him to it, pottered arond her apartment as the sounds of the shower mixed with the patter of rain beginning to fall outside. Coffee was made, drank - she liked the warmth of it - and toast was made with lots of curry powder to give some flavour. Eating was routine. She liked the feel of cooking despite not being able to taste much of it without spices being laced on it.
It was tempting to go in the shower with him but he needed space and this was his private time. She just busied herself until he returned, looking like the perfect, non-bothered girlfriend... lover... whatever she was to him.
---
After at least 20 minutes, Godric stepped out of the bathroom, the warm towel wrapped around his waist. He felt better, or at the very least, cleaner. He laid himself out on her couch, hands behind his head. He could smell Georgie's coffee, and the curry powder on her toast. Closing his eyes, he tried to relax. "I can't even begin to thank you," he told her, his eyes still closed. "You've been... too good for me. I know I messed up, and you had every right to kick me out and never see me again. I don't know why you didn't, but... thank you."
Suddenly, he was feelign overwhelmingly tired. "Georgie?" he called, his voice soft. "You mind if I stay awhile?" He hoped she didn't mind. He hoped she came over and laid with him, her soft, cool cheek against his chest. He needed the comfort.
---
Georgie smiled at him as he went to the sofa, not able to stop herself from admiring his body, his form. She wanted to stroke him. But she would refrain... for now. As he thanked her a soft look crossed her face, and she walked over to him. Taking advantage of him having his eyes closed, Georgette took the time to stroke through his hair again. "Of course I don't mind. And if I'd kicked you out for messing up I'd be one hell of a hypocrite. So thank your lucky stars that I'm not as innocent as I may seem."
As if she read his mind she sat beside him, continuing to stroke him. "Do you want to lie on me?" she asked, wondering if she'd be a suitable pillow.
---
There were not enough stars in the sky to thank for someone like Georgette. And he was very well aware of that. And he knew that, sooner or later, it would all go to hell and he'd be the one sending it there. But she was here now, and she was so beautiful and sweet. Her voice was soothing, calm, like music. He purred beneath her touch.
"No," he said, "I want you to lie on me. I need to feel some weight on me, pressing down. I need to feel something other than... this. Just... please?" He wanted her on top of him, to feel her close to him, comforting. She wouldn't be warm like Blake, and her heart wouldn't hammer against his chest. She wouldn't smell like him, her skin would be smoother and lighter. She wouldn't be anything like Blake at all.
And that was exactly the point.
---
She could do that. Georgie would have liked to make him purr a little more... but she would settle for being cuddled right now and if it was what he needed, who was she to refuse? With a soft smile, Georgette moved around to settle onto the other side, lying herself down over him and curling her body to fit the curves of his. He was soft, but hard, and manly but gentle... and as she rested her head against his chest she sighed, one hand against the skin.
"How's this?" she asked, feeling content and sleepy the moment she was settled.
---
One arm left from behind his head to stroke her hair softly. Yes, this was perfect. She was just the right weight, the right scent, the right everything. And now he was so weary, and her couch really was the most comfortable piece of furniture on the planet. "You're perfect," he said drowsily, his eyes still closed. He could fall asleep right where he lay. He probably would, too.
"I'm sorry. About last night. I should've said something... anything... I just wanted it to go away. The whole point of going out was to make it go away. And it totally backfired on me. It always seems to..." He wasn't even thinking clearly, just talking. His brain was already halfway asleep, and the rest of him was soon to follow.
---
Georgette hummed and began to stroke at his chest, feeling her own mind start shutting down. "Don't worry, Godric," she assured him softly. "Just... stop talking. Go to sleep, have some rest... and when you wake you'll be thinking clearly. This morning is still last night for you, you never slept... so just... sleep. We'll talk more tomorrow."
If he wanted to. If SHE wanted to. Right now all she did was snuggle close, press a kiss to his chest, and then allow herself to fall asleep on him.