Cecilia Vallario (cissysaidso) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2009-01-21 23:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | cissy, xander |
Wednesday - 9/12/07
Who: Cissy and Xander
When: Wednesday Afternoon
What: Cissy has spent enough time brooding and has decided to go give Xander a piece of her mind in person!
Where: Xander's room
Cissy admittedly had not been herself ever since she had arrived back from Iceland. And there was a good reason for that. His name was Xander. How could he sleep with her mother of all people? There were girls all over the place on the slopes out there, girls that would have been more than willing to bed him, girls that meant nothing at all to Cissy, and yet he had decided to climb in bed with her MOTHER! That was just the most incredibly fucked up thing he could have ever or had ever done. And she couldn't stop thinking about it.
Doubt was pretty much first and foremost in her repertoire of self-deprivation, and everything that had gone on since she had arrived at TJS, and before that, was really starting to make her go a little bit crazy. First there was Godric, or Ric as he liked to be called, who had looked at her all lustfully at first and then just completely ignored any innuendos that she made before calling her a slut and telling her that she wasn't worth his time.
And then there was Simon, dear sweet darling Simon who wouldn't have sex with her. And he didn't understand, just didn't seem to get it, that she needed to be desired, that it was the only thing that made her feel.. It was the only thing that made her feel like she was worth anything. And while she had been okay before with waiting for him to be ready that was before the incident with Xander and her mother. And now she wasn't okay. She wasn't okay at all. And she felt like such a bad girlfriend for being so damn needy but she needed him to want her so badly that he couldn't contain himself anymore. She needed him to just put his hands and his lips all over her body and tell her all the things that she wanted to hear about how beautiful she was and how perfect she was. She needed it so that she could stop feeling so Goddamn inferior.
And it was all just in her head. And she knew it was just in her head. But knowing it was in her head and actually being able to change the way she felt was entirely two different subjects and it wasn't something she had ever been good at. She needed the external confirmation. Her own good sense just wasn't good enough.
And this was what she had been brooding about for the past hour or longer, in her room, on her bed, arms crossed over her chest, staring at her computer screen and the email she had started to compose to her Papa telling him of what had happened in Iceland while she and Xander were there. Xander. Ugh! Why couldn't she just get him out of her fucking head?!?!? She threw herself back on the bed with a groan, pulling her fingers back through her hair and giving her head a soft squeeze as if that was going to solve something, as if she could simply crush her skull and be rid of him. But it was never that simple, and she knew it. He was like... like fucking Heroin, and you were always a recovering addict.
After much internal debate, Cissy pushed herself up to her feet, grabbing her jacket nearby that matched the soft, velvet lounge pants that she wore and tugging it on over top of the tank top that she wore. The halls were quite drafty, yet she didn't bother putting on shoes, and simply stormed out of her room and down the hall, through the common room to the boy's wing and straight to Xander's room. She didn't knock even though she should know better, the last time she didn't knock she had gotten an eye full of her mother's naked ass, but instead just barged in and closed the door hard behind her, pressing her back against it immediately thereafter, her arms crossing over her chest and her lips forming that cute little pout that was signature Cissy.