Thursday - September 26th, 2019
Who: Charlie and Wesley When: Afternoon Where: Wesley's office in the infirmary What: A talk
It had been a while since they had had their little argument, and Charlie was starting to feel kind of bad about it. It wasn't like Wesley didn't have a point in the things he'd said. But of course she hadn't been willing to hear that because that's just the way she was when she was upset. And she was definitely upset with him, and he deserved to know the reason why. So when she had some time between sessions, she headed to the infirmary where she knew Wesley to be on shift today. She made her way back to his office and knocked lightly on his door.
~~~
Wesley was in a foul mood and not because of Charlie, though she certainly riled him up with her fire. No, this mood was caused by Hope and her fucking need to shop around and put everything he'd done for her over the years for it to mean nothing. Everything she'd wanted, he'd been prepared to give her but she didn't, apparently, want him. So when Charlie knocked on his door he was very moody and gave a 'Yeah' to announce his presence
~~~
Opening the door, it was easy to see that Wesley was not in the best mood. Charlie hesitated, came very close to suggesting that she come back some other time, but then decided against it. Maybe she was the cause of the bad mood, after all. And if so, she deserved whatever frustration he wanted to throw her way. "I'm sorry," she said after that moment of thought had passed. "About... everything I said before and how I acted. I just..." She exhaled a breath to steady herself, a frown pursing her lips. "I was jealous."
~~~
Oh. It was her. Wesley glanced up and then nodded at her apology, before he stared at the files infront of him. He'd been staring at them for several long hours, not thinking of much apart from the mess he was in and how a trip to see Mandy sounded really nice. "Nothing to be jealous over, " he replied softly. "Nothing at all."
~~~
Charlie didn't expect him to be so dismissive of her, though it was also a good sign. It meant that whatever had his expression so dark right now had nothing to do with her. "Yes there is," she remarked simply, taking a few steps inside the door and having a seat, with or without his invitation. "You've got Hope back." At least she thought he did. She hadn't been keeping up with all the latest gossip around school. If she had, she might know better.
~~~
"Right. I have Hope." Wesley chuckled a little, not noticing that Charlie had entered the room until he looked up to see her there. She looked - glowing, like a healthy pregnant woman should. After a moment to admire her, Wes looked back down again. "That's a misused statement in every sense of the words."
~~~
He was upset. Very upset, apparently. Charlie did not like seeing him this way. She frowned as looked away from her and then she shifted, scooting to the edge of the chair so that she could reach over and clasp his hands in her own. "What's wrong, Wes? What happened?" She paused for a moment and then added, "You can talk to me, you know? Always." Even if they had been arguing over, well, stupid stuff really, that didn't mean that she didn't still care. She cared a great deal, which was why they fought so much.
~~~
Trust Charlie to be so wonderful and sensitive. Her caring nature was shining through once again, which was just a snipper of why he loved her so much. Yes they fought over stupid things but as he recalled, even then they still fucking flirted. He offered her a sad smile. "I made the mistake of telling Hope on a good friend's advice, that I may struggle in the beginning of a relationship. And now... I'm in the shopping cart but might not be taken to checkout."
~~~
Of course this had to do with Hope. Charlie scowled as he told her what was going on and had to bite her tongue to keep from saying some really horrible things about that woman. She didn't like her. She didn't know her, sure, but she didn't like her. "Well if she can't see your worth, Wesley, then she doesn't deserve you." That was as close as she could come to saying all that she wanted to say. "But... I'm sorry. I can see that you're hurt and... I'm really sorry that you are." She blinked back a few threatening tears and then swallowed. "Do you need a hug?"
~~~
There was a deep sadness to the healer of course, after what he believed to be another demise of a promising relationship. Wesley gave a small laugh as she offered a hug, pleased by the gesture. "I'm ok thank you. Maybe later," he sighed, thinking that he'd feel worse the longer the night went on. "I kinda blew up at her when I realised she'd dated another guy. Another guy she used to date same time as me, matter of fact, but that time she chose me. Not so sure she will this time. In fact - I kinda walked out on her and made her choice."
~~~
"Oh, okay." Charlie recoiled a little when he turned down her hug, trying not to take it personally but the hormonal wreck that she was these days made that nearly impossible. She sat back in her chair and dropped her gaze to her now empty hands, feeling quite useless in this moment. "Why did you do that?" She asked, glancing back up at him. "I mean.. if you want things to work, then why walk away? Why not... try?" She paused and then added, "I mean I know it's not idea to have her... seeing someone else too but sometimes you have to just.. work through the bad to get to the good at the end."
~~~
"Because I laid my cards on the table, and she threw them back in my face," said Wesley immediately, not angry but very disappointed. It was clear on his face that it had been on his mind so much lately. "I had waited for her and I said to her that she was the one I wanted a life with, but please bear with me because I'm still new at this. And she didn't want that. She wants babies, she wants... someone who's ready. Someone who doesn't tell her to wait for a kid because you're not in a solid relationship yet and if you want one please slow down, she doesn't... I mean I want a family. I do. Babies and Christmas with babies and a wife.... but Hope's apparently looking for someone who can walk down the aisle next week."
~~~
"I know. That's.. hard." Charlie frowned again, and then focused on what he was saying instead of what was going on inside of her own head for a change. She could see it though. Wesley and Hope, together, a baby on his knee. He was smiling and it was beautiful but just because she saw it didn't mean that it would happen, just that it was still a possibility. She'd learned that too over the years. "She was ready for that before, I think, so it makes sense that she'd be ready for that now. But I understand that you're not.. there yet. And I think... Well I don't know. I'm.. conflicted so I don't think I could give very good advice." She paused and then asked, her voice softer, "What do you want, Wesley?"
~~~
Wesley stared at his hands for a long moment. He was ready for it, just wasn't sure if he could do it. "I want to be given a chance. I want someone to love me enough not to leave me or think of me as just a friend. I want... what I want, for a change, not to have a relationship on someone else's terms, or have to beg to be considered. Because these concerns aren't unfounded, you know? I was married once, I fucked it up. I had Roger, I fucked it up. Hope, I fucked up, because we weren't in the right place. So I want to be sure not of us, but of me and that I won't hurt her, because I know I can do it. I just wish other people would know it too."
~~~
Charlie could relate to Wesley so well. She had been there. She had felt that way herself so many times. It was why she had been so angry and unstable when she was younger, why she had acted out so many times when it came to Riley. He was the first person to ever really love her, to see her, and the idea of having to give him up to anyone else, even if it was for the best, hadn't sat very well with her. "Well maybe... maybe the reason you keep messing it up is because you haven't found... the one yet." It was just a suggestion. Charlie knew that Wesley loved Hope, but did she think the woman was right for him? No, not really. But again, she could be a bit biased.
~~~
Wes laughed a little bit then shook his head, finally looking Charlie deep in the eyes. "I found the one, Charlie. I did. Well I found one of the ones. He left and became an assassin, and I'm... I'm not that. I'm a healer. I don't kill people and I can't understand how he enjoys it but if he hadn't left maybe I wouldn't... have known that. Maybe he wouldn't have. I don't know maybe it's a survival instinct..." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Just tell me. What do you think. Honestly."
~~~
Charlie felt her breath catch when he looked at her that way, and then he started talking about Roger and she exhaled sharply, dropping her gaze from his own. "Right. Roger. I... can see why you wouldn't be okay with that." She exhaled a soft laugh and added, "I don't know how anyone could be okay with that. But people are fucked up. We know this. I'm sure we've both seen plenty examples of that." She frowned a little and then shook her head. "It doesn't matter what I think, Wesley."
~~~
"Yeah it does," Wesley answered, squeezing her hand a little before offering her a smile. "Considering you were a One and ended up with someone else, I think your opinion matters. You're a friend to me. I value you. So please, tell me how I'm fucking up my life and how I can save it."
~~~
"We talked about that already, Wesley..." Charlie reminded him, though she couldn't stop herself from smiling a little that he had called her at least one of the ones. Why that mattered, she wasn't sure, though quite possibly it mattered because she felt like he was or could have been the one for her too. "I can't. I'm... completely biased." Charlie laughed softly. "If you ask me what you should do, I'd tell you to forget about her and just.. point out that we have plenty of room in our place." She smiled and then shrugged her shoulders a little. "I doubt that'd do much to save your life though, probably just complicate it."
~~~
The offer was nice. He liked to think he'd be happy in such a big home with kids and... an actual home life. "I'm too insecure for that," he admitted.with a chuckle, stroking his thumb over her fingers. "I'd need you, and only you, because I'd devote everything to you, and I'd need it back. Because if I don't get it I'm... weird. And worried, and oversensitive. I'd do threesomes, probably, but I'd worry I was the third wheel who was going home at the end of the night back to his house. to be alone. NAh I'm more of a - this is my woman, i'm her man, let me love her forever and look after her type of guy. Not that I don't like that you pointed out an option."
~~~
"You shouldn't be insecure about anything. You have.. absolutely nothing to be insecure about." Charlie smiled, and then dropped her gaze because it was hard to look at him and talk this way especially when her emotions still felt so raw and on edge. "I mean you're.. smart and funny and kind and handsome and.." She laughed softly as she added, "Fantastic in bed. You're.. a total catch and... When you finally figure that out, you'll be dangerous." She cast a smile in his direction. "And I know. I.. understand. I don't like it, still but..." She rolled her eyes and exhaled in a huff. "Guess I just have to deal with it."
~~~
Wesley's lips turned into a smirk, then a grin, with every word she said. Charlie thought he was fantastic in bed? Well sure, he'd heard her screams when they'd been in the sack and he was pretty sure he'd managed to give her a multiple orgasm. Maybe even twice. With fondness in his eyes he leant forwards, pressed his lips against Charlie's with a soft kiss, and then after a few moments pulled back. "We'd have been unstoppable, kid," he said chuckling.
~~~
The kiss came as a bit of a surprise. Charlie might have even whimpered a little, her hand, somewhat uncertainly, coming up to lightly touch his cheek. But he pulled away far too quickly, even though that was probably for the best. She laughed a little and then smiled as much as she could make herself just then before she replied, "Maybe in another lifetime."
~~~
He probably shouldn't have done it but Wesley wasn't the best on judgement and boundaries at the simplest of times. So even though he'd stopped the kiss he still held her cheek, looking at her like she was water after a drought, then caught himself and moved away. "A lifetime I won't get to see, because my brain will be moosh."
~~~
Charlie moved her hand up to touch his own and then she just found that she couldn't stop it. She burst into tears quite suddenly, burying her face behind her hands as she did so. "I'm sorry." For the way things had turned out, for the way things hadn't turned out, for crying right now. She was making this about her again, like she always did, when really this should all be about him and how he felt and what he needed right now. "I can't.. I'm sorry. I just.. keep crying lately about everything and I can't stop. I'm so sorry."
~~~
"Hey don't be sorry," he cooed, bringing her close so that he could hug her and be of some comfort. He had been around pregnant women a lot. Mainly Charlie, of course, so he knew what she was like. "You should cry. Let it out. It's only natural when thinking about never sleeping with me again..."
~~~
UGH! She felt horrible that now the tables were turning and he was comforting her when it should be the other way around. But Charlie still let him, slipping into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her and burying her face against the crook of his neck. Of course that last part made her laugh, and she gave him a bit of a shove in the process. "Shut up. You're not funny." She sniffled and moved a hand up to wipe at her eyes. "I didn't.. I'm supposed to be helping you work through things and feel better, not the other way around."
~~~
"It doesn't matter, you're upset.... for some reason," Wesley chuckled, rubbing her arm to reassure her. It was a nice relief, that he didn't have to deal with his own issues for a minute or two. "So I gotta make you smile and feel better or I fail. And I don't wanna fail at that because that's all I'm good for at the moment."
~~~
Sniffling some more, Charlie continued to wipe at her face as she admitted, "I'm always upset lately." She exhaled a soft laugh and then smiled at him, leaning in to press a soft kiss against his lips though she kept it brief. "You've been an amazing friend to me, Wesley." She laughed soft and then added, "Even though we fight like crazy. But I guess that's... that's just because there's.. I dunno..." She frowned a little, trying to think of the word. "Passion between us?" Not necessarily in the tear one another's clothes off sort of way, at least not always, but they both had great emotional depth when it came to the other, or so it seemed to her.
~~~
"I would say that, yeah," agreed Wesley, smiling at her with the taste of her still on his lips. It was a nice taste, sweet. One he'd come to miss after she'd got pregnant with Trevor the first time. "I think it's also a lot of unresolved sexual tension. You know we did it the first time and it was amazing but we're both addictive sort of people. Once you pop you can't stop."
~~~
Charlie laughed at his description, her gaze dropping down to her lap for a moment as she quieted. "I don't... miss sleeping around. Not like when Trevor and I first got married, when it wasn't just you but also other men too, sometimes. But back then that was what I needed. It felt... like the only way to take control of that and not... feel like such a victim anymore, which is what I always felt like growing up." She looked back up at him and smiled as she said, "But I do miss you, specifically. I guess because... What we had was different from that, wasn't it? I mean I think you understood me, right? And I understood you and that was different. Even different from Trevor who accepted me, which was great, but never really... understood."
~~~
Wesley listened quietly. She'd not really spoken about them for a while, and Wesley hadn't really wanted to hear it for several years afterwards while he worked out his shit. But now he was listening it was nice. "You mean I understood we were both serial failures at life? Yeah, I think I got that," he teased softly, placing a kiss on her head. "I don't tend to judge people unless they kill, maim, or are just plain dicks. People who have been broken don't deserve to be judged, the people who broke them do. So I guess I saw myself in you.... not in - that way."
~~~
Charlie smirked and then retorted, "Oh you saw yourself in me in that way plenty." She giggled and then shook her head. "We aren't serial failures at life, Wesley. I mean just because you aren't.. where you would like to be as far as a relationship is concerned, that doesn't mean you're a failure. Look at everything you've done. Your job here, having so many friends that care for you, having the trust and confidence of people that don't give those sorts of things easily, your clinic.... Would a failure at life have accomplished all of that?"
~~~
"Well I didn't mean I'm a failure now, but back then we sure were. I mean... I had no idea what I was doing. Sometimes I still think I don't. I've accomplished a lot of things but I've done a hell of a lot of things wrong as well. Sometimes to other people's deteriment. So... I dunno this is getting off topic now. Hope's gonna choose the other guy, I'm gonna have to find someone else and start new again.... and I'll keep taking this damn potion until I do. Then it'll malfunction and I'll die without getting a chance to appreciate who I found."
~~~
"Everyone makes mistakes, Wesley. We're only human. Well, mostly," Charlie reminded him, interjecting after he mildly chastised himself for the fuck ups he'd made. But then she frowned at him, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Always the pessimist, Wes." She quieted for a moment and then she said, "I think you have two options really. You can either... compromise and figure out a way to give her what she wants without stepping too far out of your own comfort zone or... if that's not something you feel you can do, you just.. move on. You don't need to keeping hanging out in a state of flux like you are right now."
~~~
Wesley threw his hands up in a mini-waving fit of despair. "I don't know what she wants! What I said was fine one minute then it wasn't good enough the next and I'm in between that going what the fuck.... she's dating another man at the same time but she wants kids yesterday, I don't understand her. Maybe I never will.... maybe you're right maybe I do need to move on..." This obviously made him sad and he quietened as he said it. A pout formed on his lips, going into his head a moment before he shot her a very flirtatious look. "Leave Trevor and marry me."
~~~
"Then maybe you need to just talk to her instead of just... telling her off and walking out." Charlie exhaled a soft laugh. "I mean.. I don't know what she wants. I don't even know her. But if you want to know then perhaps you should just ask her and.. if it's not something the two of you can work out then..." He would have no choice but to move on then. Charlie laughed at his flirtatious look and his suggestion. "Okay. Sure. I'll get right on that."
~~~
"She doesn't wanna talk she wants to date other people. I'm not talking to her unless she talks to me, because I basically told her I had waited for ten years for her, and then I get.... fricking Walmarted to the site." He rubbed at his head then, frustrated. "I don't know how to talk to her."
~~~
"Then I guess you have no choice but to get back on the shelf and wait for someone else to come along." Charlie wasn't trying to sound brash, but this was very clearly an either or situation. Either put in the effort to try and get things on track or give up. Those were the options. And if neither of the parties was willing to do the first, then only the second choice remained.
~~~
Wesley ran a hand over his face and then gave her the uber puppy eyes. "But I don't waaaaaaaaana. Leave Trevor, c'mon. I'll take care of you. You know I will. I love you. I love your kids.... even though they scare me."
~~~
Charlie gave him that look, her hand moving up to lightly cup his cheek. "Wesley..." That was really all she needed to say. Other than a question, which was met with a confused frown. "Why do my kids scare you?"
~~~
"Mara says that if she were older or I younger, things would be veeeeeeery different.... and then she seems to think flirting is... I dunno hereditory. And the others are cute but I think they're planning my demise, like... Trevor is controlling them."
~~~
Charlie quirked a brow when he told her what Mara had to say about things. "Hmm. Interesting. She and I might have to have a talk about that." While she would never really discourage her daughter from flirting, because she herself thought it was a fairly fun thing to do, it was not okay for her to do so with someone so much older than her and, well, someone that she herself had had sex with. "That is.. entirely possible." She laughed softly. "Trevor does feel quite... erm.. hostile toward you."
~~~
"Yes please do." Wesley didn't tell her about the sex talk but the flirting would be fine enough to deal with. "I knew that dick had a grudge against me, is it just because I'm better than him in bed? Is it cause I'm handsomer?"
~~~
Charlie gasped and then gave Wesley a hard shove. "Don't call my husband a dick!" Trevor might be a bit of an ass now and then, but Charlie did love him most completely and she didn't like anyone saying bad things about him, jokingly or not. "And I never said that you were better in bed or more handsome." She frowned at him. "He just.. knows how much I care about you and he's jealous." She quirked a brow and then added, "Just like you are of him." She exhaled a soft laugh.
~~~
"Yeah I have reason to be jealous of him, you MARRIED him, so he got you. He's the winner, he shouldn't be worried about some kook like me, right?" Wesley pouted, not enjoying this sudden personal turn. "I don't wanna talk about him. Talk about something else." Yes, he was going to be a child.
~~~
"Yes, I did, because someone had a girlfriend." Charlie scowled at him, a little reminder of their previous argument. Granted, she didn't want to turn this into a fight either, but she wanted to prove her point. Yes, she had married Trevor. And yes, he was jealous of Wesley. But a part of that was because she felt that he knew that things may have been different if Wesley had been available back then. "Fine," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "What would you like to talk about then?"
~~~
"Mumbiddy hab a birlbeeeend," said Wesley in a quiet, mocking voice. He could be insufferable if he wanted to be, and he continued, tickling where he could of her. "Beh beh beeeeeh..... beh beh behhhhhh.... I'm Charlie, a sexy redhead who marries men and makes other men addicted to meeeee....." Wesley didn't want to talk. He didn't want to talk about anything because that meant thinking.
~~~
Charlie scowled at him, and then the tickling started and that caused her to really come unhinged. "Wesley! Stop!!" She was wriggling and squirming and trying to get away from him. "Oh my god! You're going to make me pee myself!!!" She was pregnant, after all. And even if she wasn't all that far along, if she could play that card to get him to stop, then she saw no harm in that.
~~~
"I'm gonna pee myself! I'm gonne pee myself!" Wesley laughed, keeping that mocking tone as he continued to tickle her only to stop after a few moments, breathless from the exertion. "Phewf... what er- what day is it?" he asked, laughing despite being suddenly out of breath. He had a very odd feeling he'd misjudged the dates somehow.
~~~
Charlie started to hit him after he began making fun of her, trying to get him away from her, or her away from him rather as she was still perched precariously on his lap and had been for quite some time. But it wasn't easy to get away from him, especially when she didn't want to end up in the floor, for one, and for two, didn't mind being close. When he finally stopped, she was still giggling, inhaling a few deep breaths and holding her side which had a slight stitch in it. "What? Uhm..." She had to think about it for a moment. "It's Thursday."
~~~
Wesley gave her a Look. "I know it's... Thursday I meant what - date - hang on a sec...." With a gentle gesture he asked Charlie to get off his lap and then he went to the drawers at the side, a little unsteadily, trying to breathe. "It's... just hang on a second," he assured her, grabbing a syringe and a bottle of weird looking liquid from the side. The needle was placed in the bottle, taking on some liquid, then tapped it so the bubbles rose to the surface and were removed. He then jabbed it in his arm, growling at the sting. Stupid fucking potion kept creeping up on him. He'd been supposed to take it the night he and hope fought. Now he was just stupid. "Ok... better now."
~~~
Charlie frowned, moving off of his lap and watching him with curiosity as he headed over to get something from the nearby drawers. She looked confused for a moment, but then she realized what he was doing. His potion. She watched him with a frown pursing her lips and then moved up behind him, hands smoothing along his back. "Are you okay?" She arched up on her tip toes to kiss his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder as she slid her arms around his waist. "Don't get sick on me, okay? Never ever. I wouldn't.. be okay without you here."
~~~
Wesley chuckled a little, leaning back into her arms. It was a nice feeling. That belly, the little bump of a person inside of her, the warmth of a woman who loved him hoping that he was ok. The healer sighed, imagining that this was really for him. Only when he was done daydreaming did he reply, his hands resting on hers. "I'm ok. I just forgot my dose. I should be ok for another month." Wes gave her hand a squeeze. "I'm not going anywhere."
~~~
The moment was nice, but sad too. Charlie still wished that there was a way that this whole crazy thing could work out for them. But Wesley wouldn't be okay with sharing her with Trevor and Charlie wouldn't be okay with leaving her husband and tearing her family apart. So they were stuck, wanting but not having, friends but not quite, and it wasn't easy. Stupid fucking love potion. It wasn't nice having the past, which had only just settled it seemed, stirred back up again like that. Charlie kissed Wesley's cheek and then pulled away from him. "I should, uhm... probably get back to my office. I think... I mean no one ever really reaches out to me, but I don't want to NOT be there if someone were to decide that.. that they need to talk, you know?"
~~~
Wesley knew what Charlie was thinking because he was thinking it too. That they weren't able to connect as much as they were going to at the start, it was just... a mess. And an unfortunate path that they'd chosen, apart rather than together. "Yeah sure," he nodded, giving her a smile to try and assure her all was well and there was no depression here. "If you wanna talk any time you can reach out to me, you know... I missed you."
~~~
"I know," Charlie returned that smile. "But... I mean Wesley, we can pretend that everything's okay but everything.. isn't. That stupid potion crap just..." Her voice trailed off and she frowned. "I just... Things feel so raw now, you know?" In other words, she didn't want him to take it personally if she wasn't around as much as she had been prior to this whole mess. "But I miss you too."
~~~
Wesley knew it was raw, because when Charlie had done - what she'd done - it had been like an evil slap from life. His smile faded somewhat. "You know, I got what I wanted. I got you saying you loved me and.... you'd never felt this way. I thought you were gonna say to run away together, at one point, which would have been the icing on the cake. Just so happened that I got what I wanted when you weren't able to actually give it to me... so..." He shrugged. "It's hard for me too. But it's ok."
~~~
"I know." Charlie's voice was almost a whisper. She reached out to take his hand, giving it a soft squeeze before she smiled up at him. "I'll see you later, okay?" And she forced herself to let go of his hand and turn and walk away before something more happened, or before it was too difficult to do that.