Friday: May/8/09
Who: Nox and Belle When: Friday Where: their apartment What: Nox breaks the news.
Nox felt bad for hurting Belle, he really did. He was still himself in terms of being a decent man. He cheated on his wife. He was aware of that. It was wrong, but what he felt for Ana was too strong to ignore. It was best that he end things with Belle, bad as it might hurt her, because to carry on with Ana while keeping this a secret from Belle would be worse.
As much as it pained him to leave Ana’s side, he did. He put on his clothes and headed back to his apartment, where he’d not been since Wednesday morning. He walked into the apartment quietly, looking a mess. He had showered, but his clothes were the same she’d last seen him in, only very rumbled, and he had the start of a beard.
“Belle?” he called out.
---
Belle had been in a living hell since she woke up on Thursday. With all the chaos going on around the campus there were far too many horrible scenarios she could visualise, and her hormones were just making the lack of contact from him make her even worse. Everytime she heard a sound she thought maybe it was him coming back, but it never was. It was horrible.
When he let himself back in, she was trying to distract herself by sorting things out in the nursery, but as soon as she heard the door open she got up as quickly as her body allowed her and ran to it. There was barely time to notice anything other than that he was unhurt before she wrapped herself around Nox. “You’re ok! You’re ok...” Belle repeated, still holding on to him. “Where have you been? I was so worried! What happened?” She quizzed him, pulling back enough to whack his arm.
---
Nox didn’t hug her in return. He stood there, motionless, letting her squeeze him tight for a moment, though his face wore a look of concern when she pulled away and swatted him. “I’ve been with Ana,” he said softly. He had the decency to try to break this as gently as possible, though frankness was necessary. She wouldn’t understand otherwise. She might not even believe him.
---
Frowning, Belle stepped back, not jumping to the same conclusion some might. “Ana? Is she ok? I know Ava was hit by the spell but I thought Ana was ok.” She was confused. Why did he need to be with the other woman for so long? She didn’t even consider the idea he was there because he was fucking Ana. “You have bite marks... was she hurt?”
---
Nox shook his head. “She’s fine. Wonderful, actually.” He took hold of Belle’s hand and led her over to the sofa, sitting her down and joining her.
“I must return to her soon. It pains me to be gone this long,” he admitted, feeling anxious from the distance. “But I had to tell you first.”
---
She was so incredibly confused. If Ana was ok then why was he gone with her so long, and why did he have bite marks? It took all her control to let him lead her to the sofa without asking him those and a million more questions. His words only brought more questions though. It pained him? What did?
“Tell me what?”
---
“That Ana and I are going to be together now. I love her,” he stated softly. Direct, but not without feeling. “I’m very sorry I didn’t realize it before you and I became involved, but now I can’t deny my feelings, and I can’t live without her. I still love you, but my feelings for her are stronger.” He hadn’t stopped loving Belle, not in the slightest, but whatever existed between him and Ana was real, and it simply could not be sacrificed because of the commitment he’d made to Belle. Even with the baby coming.
---
There was silence, an almost shock as she listened to Nox’s words, but it broke with laughter. That was a good joke. They had joked about him leaving her for Ana before, well Belle had joked and Nox had protested. He wasn’t serious, anymore than she had been when she joked about running off with Dante. He couldn’t be serious.... could he?
---
The laugh didn’t change his expression. He remained serious and apologetic. “I’m sorry, Belle. It didn’t mean for this to happen.. not like this.” He felt a genuine ache as he informed her. “It came as a surprise to both of us. It was suddenly.. there.” And Ava insisted that magic was to blame, which is what Nox and Ana thought at first as well, but now he couldn’t be sure. His feelings for Ana were far too intense. He loved her with every cell in his body.
---
Slowly Belle’s laughter died out as she started to see how serious he was. He couldn’t mean.... but.... This was wrong. “You’re serious. This isn’t just some joke.... Are you leaving me? For Ana?” She whispered the words, her hands resting on her bump, hardly believing she found herself speaking the question for real.
---
Nox nodded. “Yes.” His voice was nearly that of a whisper. He glanced down at her belly. “But you and the baby will never want for anything. I will honor my responsibilities.” He just couldn’t maintain their current relationship.
---
The more he spoke, the longer it went on, the clearer it became that this was no joke. He really was telling her he had chosen Ana over her and their baby. “How long has this been going on?” Belle asked in a stronger voice. There was no way he would get her to break down completely, but there were tears threatening to make themselves apparent despite her insistence.
---
Nox was a little uneasy as he sat there, not because of Belle, but because he’d been away from Ana too long. Not touching her was bad enough, but not being able to see and hear her added to his anxiety.
“Since Wednesday evening after the Responsible Feeding class. We realized our feelings for one another. I’ve been with her since.”
---
Wednesday? “You just both realised you couldn’t be without each other and fuck what it does to everyone else?” She laughed shortly. “You can’t expect me to believe that. You don’t just one day decide you love one of your friends so much you have to leave your wife. How long has this been coming? I can’t say I didn’t have fair warning, I was just too foolish to take it seriously...” The tears that had threatened before were starting to well up and fall from her eyes. “Nox, you can’t be doing this...”
Had she been in a more logical state of mind she might have reasoned something was off here, that there was more at play than betrayal, but between hormones, and the worry she had felt while he was gone, and just the love she felt for him, Belle could almost feel her heart breaking.
---
“Yes. Though, not so harsh. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. But my love for Ana materialized this week, as did her love for me. There was nothing before, though I don’t know why, because that I feel now is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before.”
He watched her with sympathetic and curious eyes. Something tugged inside of him. He felt guilty. No, it was more than simple guilt. What was it? Maybe it was the ache from being away from Ana so long.
---
Closing her eyes, Belle tried to take a deep breath and keep control of her emotions, which was hard for the fiery passionate woman. “Have you spent the last two days fucking her?” She asked. “Actually, I don’t want to hear that... just... go.” Shaking her head, she turned around and walked away, back to the nursery.
---
Nox didn’t care for the term ‘fucking’, but he gave a nod in the affirmative to let her know that he had spent the past two days having sex with Ana. He had to be honest with Belle. She’d never be able to move on if he wasn’t completely forthcoming. It seemed to sink in finally, since she asked him to go, so he nodded again and headed for the door.
---
For a few steps she could try to forget that nod he gave, try to keep moving away, but she wouldn’t be Belle if she could keep completely calm. Turning back before he could leave she walked back. “Say it! I changed my mind. I want you to stand there, look me in the eye and tell me that while I was here getting ready for our baby, thinking about the perfect life with the man I love and our child, you were fucking that whore!” She shouted.
---
Nox paused and turned back to look at Belle when she began to yell at him. She’d never done that before. Come to think of it, they’d never really fought. Disagreements, yes, those were common in all relationships, but he couldn’t recall a genuine argument.
Her harsh words made him blink, and they caused a subtle stabbing feeling in his chest. “I’m sorry, Belle. I told you.. this wasn’t my intention. I didn’t set out to hurt you. If I’d realized my feelings for Ana from the start, none of this would have happened.”
---
Belle never thought that he would do something so horrible that it made her want to shout at him, or fight like this, although it was a little one-sided. How could he have done this? “I didn’t think you were that person. Realising your feelings for someone doesn’t make it ok to go fuck them while your pregnant wife worries about you! I thought you had more decency than that! How could you? Just....” Taking a deep breath she shook her head. “Get the fuck out of this apartment. I can’t look at you right now.”
---
The more she yelled and the more upset she got, the more his chest hurt. He couldn’t identify it right away though. But he worried about Belle’s health and that of the baby. He walked over to her with a frown on his face. “You need to calm down. All this stress isn’t good for the baby.”
---
She couldn’t believe he would say that. Her hands balled into fists, although one loosened to touch her bump. “Don’t you dare tell me to calm down.” Belle said between clenched teeth. “You don’t get to tell me to calm down, I’m not the one ruining this baby’s family before it’s even born.”
---
“We can still be a family, Belle,” he soothed, putting his hand over hers on her belly. “I told you.. you and the baby will want for nothing. I’ll take care of both of you.” Touching her made his chest hurt even more, and suddenly it was hard to breathe and growing even harder with every second.
---
Belle took a step back to get his hand off her. It was probably best he didn’t follow either, because she wasn’t sure what she’d do if he got within swinging range again. “Don’t.” She said simply, tearing up again. The elemental was a mess of emotions and hormones. “Just.... go. I can’t look at you right now. You’ll be happier if you just go back to her anyway, so don’t let us stop you.”
---
When Belle backed away from him and started to cry, telling him to leave, his chest hurt so badly, he clutched his hand to it. Inhaling was labored. He was almost wheezing from the effort. Nox actually stumbled a little as he tried to backpedal, so he moved to the couch and leaned over his knees as he sat.
---
Dammit! This couldn’t be happening! He wasn’t allowed to be ill right now, she was angry with him. “What’s wrong?” She asked though, stepping closer again, although not touching him.
---
Nox had no idea what was wrong. But his head began to throb. His thoughts became scattered and torn. He didn’t know what was happening. The pain turned to one like a stabbing, in his skull and chest. He couldn’t answer Belle, and after her question, he began to have a seizure, collapsing to his side on the sofa, shaking as his eyes rolled back.
---
It didn’t matter that he’d hurt her or the fighting, Belle still hated seeing him in pain and when he started seizing she ran to the sofa, kneeling down. “Nox!” Seizures were horrible things to see, and there was nothing you could even do except wait it out and make sure they were on their side and not restricted, things she couldn’t even do for Nox since he’d fallen that way. All she could do was watch, crying, pleading for him to come out of it, and make sure he didn’t fall off the sofa, until he was back.
---
The seizure didn’t last too long. Nox blacked out less than a minute later. He was breathing hard, his pulse still racing, but he seemed to be safe otherwise. Even the blackout was short lived. When Nox came to, his eyes were wide and darting. He was confused. Then it hit him, and Nox went ghostly pale.
The hex was broken. It broke when Belle’s heart did. “Oh fuck,” he whispered, which indicated the gravity of what he was thinking and feeling right now, because he very rarely used such language. Belle may have never even heard him swear.
He sat up slowly, rubbing his head, eyeing Belle carefully. “I don’t know where to start. Belle... I... it wasn’t me. I mean, I wasn’t myself.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. Nox felt like he might throw up. “I don’t know what sort of magic was at work, but something made me think I loved her.”
---
Belle breathed a sigh of relief as he came out of the seizure and then woke from his black out again. She just sat back on the floor, hands on her bump, and tried to compose herself again, but she wasn’t having much luck, especially not seeing the person Nox woke up as, seeing her husband, obviously now aware how much he had screwed up.
Of course the elemental listened to his excuses, and she found herself even believing it, mostly, but it wasn’t an instant fix. It was all good for him to say he wasn’t himself, but it still happened. He had still fucked Ana, and she wasn’t sure how to cope with that. Belle just nodded silently in response to his words, looking down at her hands and her stomach. She was so confused. She had been so scared during his seizure, but she still wanted to hit him too, and cry, all the while her head was telling her he didn’t mean what he did. “I’m glad you’re ok again.” She finally said.
---
Nox nodded at her words. He knew nothing was fixed between them. What he’d done was possibly beyond forgiveness. He’d never forgive himself, so why should he expect Belle to forgive him?
He sighed and suggested, “Perhaps I should spend some time at my apartment off campus. Katie can make room for me there.” He didn’t want to intrude, but his daughter wouldn’t mind. And, if it didn’t suit her, he could maybe stay with Godric. What he couldn’t do was ask Belle to let him stay here.
---
Belle was sure in time she could forgive him, and part of her wanted to do it now, but it just hurt too much right now to think of the fact that he had been with Ana. How did you move on from something like this? Another part of her brain though was shouting at her that this wasn’t fair of her, that he was the victim and she was the horrible person for being upset. She didn’t know what to think, so she let him lead it and nodded at his suggestion that he sleep somewhere else tonight. “Maybe we can talk tomorrow... I just... I need some time. I’m sorry. I can’t get the image of you and Ana out of my head.”
---
Nox couldn’t get it out of his head either. He could still smell Ana on his clothes. He was fully aware of all he’d done, and he couldn’t say he hadn’t enjoyed himself. That was the worst part. While magic pushed him and made him believe he loved Ana, he was still able to make choices. He’d decided to cheat. It made Nox question himself.
“Take all the time you need. I understand. I’m so sorry, Belle. I know it’s not enough to simply apologize.. but it’s all I can offer.” He wanted to embrace her, but he didn’t. Instead, Nox paused for a moment and then made his exit.