Jonathan Reznick-Quinn (rezidentsk8er) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2012-04-20 23:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | rez, river |
Thursday - May 7th, 2009
Who: Rez and River
When: After his meeting with Lily
Where: Their place
What: Picking up the pieces
River slowly made her way out of the bathtub, being extremely careful not to fall and just taking her time. She dried off, coated herself in her favorite oatmeal cookie lotion and then slipped into her pajama shorts and tank top. River stared at herself in the mirror and sighed. She didn't want to be a vamp, she didn't want to die, river wanted to still have a heartbeat, pick up her kids after school...be somewhat normal. She frowned and then walked out into the hall when she heard the door shut. "Rez?" River asked as she started to pull her hair down from the messy bun it was in and walked slowly down the hall to the kitchen for a drink.
~~~
The walk back to the car, the drive back to the apartment, Rez didn't really remember any of it. He didn't feel any of it either. It was like he was standing there with Lily and then they said goodbye and now he was walking through his front door and there had been nothing in between. And now the familiar walls of his apartment were around him and he could smell River's lotion in the air and her voice followed shortly thereafter, pulling him out of his almost zombie like state. "Yeah," he said, then cleared his throat so he would be a bit louder since the first word came out as nothing more than a croak. "Yeah, it's me." He exhaled a breath and tried to stabilize himself, preparing for the onslaught of hyperactive children that never came.
~~~
River could finally see him and she knew, one look and she knew his heart was shattered and he was just going through the motions of being alive basically. River sighed and then finally let her hair tumble down. "The kids are at the park, Trevor is taking them out to eat too, said he wanted to give me some more quiet time." She walked a little quicker than normal and stood in front of him. "Hey baby...you doing alright?" She knew he wasn't but it gave him a starting point to talk to her if he wanted.
~~~
"Oh, okay." Rez was glad they weren't here. He loved them, of course, and he was here because of them, but right now, he was glad that they weren't here. He wasn't sure that he could just... force himself to fake it, to keep it together, for their benefit right now. And at least if it was just him and River, he didn't really have to. That didn't stop him from trying though. And he was okay, he was just fine, until she asked him, and that was when he fell apart. First all he did was shake his head "no", and after that, there was no point in holding it back. All the tears that he had fought not to become overwhelmed by while talking with Lily spilled out as his arms wrapped around River in a tight hug, pulling her close, his face buried in her dark ringlets as he sobbed.
~~~
River could almost feel it, like the bubble was about to burst...and then it did. She swallowed and then felt her heart crack when she saw the tears. As his arms went around her, her arms flew tightly around him and she held him tight, stroking his hair and murmuring into his shoulder. She wasn't speaking for him to hear her exactly but just to have the comfort of her voice. "Do you want to talk to me about it?" She asked after River let him break down for a little while.
~~~
It felt good to let it out, to have someone there to just... comfort him while he went through all of these emotions. But that thought made him feel bad, in turn. He'd given Lily, and even Finn, such a hard time, but all she was trying to do was cope and all he was trying to do was help her. He felt bad for that now, but there was nothing he could do about it at this precise moment in time.
Eventually, after a few minutes of just full on sobbing, he quieted. He was still upset but... better, at least a little. And he felt like he could actually breathe again. But still, he shook his head at the question. "There isn't anything to talk about. It's.. over. Like... really over." That was the only way he could think to describe it. He pulled away, sniffling hard as he wiped a hand almost angrily at his face. "I need somethin' to drink." Maybe not booze. That always seemed to turn into a bad idea, but he needed something wet. He felt parched, utterly drained.
~~~
River just held him, kissing the top of his head and rubbing his back. This she had done so many times as kids, no one really knew back then how sensitive Rez was so holding him while he cried wasn't that unusual a thing for her to be doing. When he said it was really over she let him go and then looked at him. "I'm sorry boo...here you sit, i will get you a drink okay? Do you want beer, juice or chocolate milk?" River asked him as she got down a cup for herself and then waited for his answer.
~~~
No, not everyone knew how sensitive he could be. When it came to his other friends, his guy friends, he would never let them see him like this. He was cool. He didn't give a shit about stuff like some bitch breaking up with him. But really, he was all heart, and River knew that. A lot of people knew that these days. "Okay," Rez replied, a sigh parting his lips as a hand ran fingers back through his messy hair and he considered the options. "Juice, I guess. Whatever." He didn't really care at this point. He walked into the living room to plop down on the sofa, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back.
~~~
River frowned and got another cup and filled it with juice, and filled hers with sugar free chocolate milk. River came out to the living room and softly set the glasses on the coffee table and then sat on the sofa next to him, tucking her legs up under herself. River frowned and reached over and started to card her fingers through his hair. If Rez didn't want to talk about what happened, he didn't have to she would just sit and be there.
~~~
His eyes remained closed for a few minutes as she ran her fingers through his hair, remarking after a few minutes of silence, "That feels nice." He enjoyed it for a bit longer before he sat up to grab his glass of juice, drinking the entire thing down in a single, long gulp before gasping for a bit of breath and shivering just a little. He sat the glass down, leaning forward for a moment, hands steppled together in front of him, then he looked at River and asked, "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He wasn't really thinking about how weak she was when he'd been holding onto her just a few minutes before.
~~~
"Well good, I want it to feel nice." She said softly, reaching for her milk as he gulped down the juice. River sipped the sweet drink and watched him for a moment. And of course he asked the least expected question, but with Rez to be honest it was kind of expected for him to worry about other people more than himself. "Boo, if you were hurting me, I would tell you, also I took some painkillers earlier before my bath so I'm feeling really good right now actually." She smiled at him and squeezed his thigh.
~~~
"Okay," he said, relieved. He tried to return the smile, though it didn't quite come through all the way. But then he patted her on the leg and said, "Feet down." Once she'd done it, he moved to lay across the sofa, his head in her lap, on his side so that his arms could be sort of wrapped around her and his face nestled against her stomach.
~~~
River knew that there was nothing behind the smile, that Rez just smiled because she did. She looked at him for a second when he told her to put her feet down, but river quickly figured out what he wanted and put her feet down so Rez could snuggle her. river rested her hand on his back and the other kept playing with his hair. She smiled softly with his face in her stomach, thinking he probably would have laid this way to talk to the babies when they were inside her
~~~
Rez was quiet for a long moment, and still. She may have even thought he'd fallen asleep but he hadn't, he was just.. thinking. Eventually he spoke up. "A part of me feels almost... relieved." He wasn't sure if that was the right term for it, but there was this sort of.. weight that had been lifted almost and.. he wasn't sure how to explain it. "Like.. I've spent so long taking care of.. of her and..." He frowned, trying to think of how to say what he felt without saying it wrong. He was good at that. Fucking up. He did that a lot. "I guess... It's like.. a clean slate." He exhaled a soft laugh. "Still sucks though," he added.
~~~
River didn't think her friend was sleeping, his body hadn't settled like it did when he was sleeping but she just waited for him to decide what to do next. River chewed on her lip as he spoke, just listening...mostly because she didn't know anything about this woman so she wasn't going to say something when she knew nothing. "She needed a lot of taking care of?" River asked quietly as she played with the ends of Rez's hair. "I know it sucks, and it will for awhile but you have your family here for you...I will watch the kids more so you can do what you feel like tonight and tomorrow." Of course she was promising that because she felt good right now with the painkillers taking away all her pain.
~~~
That was a bit of a loaded question. And since he had never told her the truth about who, or what rather, Lily was, of course she didn't really... understand it. "Sort of," he said, considering bombarding her with the whole story, though she was off on another topic a moment later and he shifted to lay on his back so that he could look up at her. He shook his head. "I don't.. I don't wanna go anywhere. I just wanna stay here. With you and.. and with them." He paused and then added, "You guys need me and.. I need to be needed." He always needed to be needed, and right now, he probably needed that even more than usual.
~~~
River looked at him curiously, but let it go, Rez would tell her about Lily once he was ready to, or maybe not...it was his choice. When he moved to lay on his back she looked down at him, a smile on her face from his words. "If you don't want your space, trust me we need you." River wasn't kidding with him, they needed Rez for almost everything. River needed him to help her do most things unless she was feeling good, except going to the bathroom, she still fought to do that alone.
Also she knew now that the kids had him in their lives, they would always need him. Ethan loved having his dad and so did Chloe, Rez would never feel unneeded again as long as he had those two.
~~~
"Thanks," He said with a smile forming upon his lips, this one a bit more sincere than the forced smiles he'd been trying to manage in response to her own. "I love you guys," he added, almost as an afterthought. "Chloe is... she's so sweet. She reminds me so much of you when you were little, just younger, you know? I didn't know you when you were that young. And Ethan..." He shook his head. "He's a nut. Well, not that he's not shy around me anymore." In the beginning, he'd barely spoken to him at all.
~~~
"You're welcome." She said as she tugged lightly on a piece of his hair. "We love you right back baby." river smiled and then bit her lip as he talked about the kids. "Chloe is me when i was little, and Ethan...he's so hyper in general...but no he's not shy, he's comfortable now so you get to see the real him." She chuckled and then let her hand roam over his chest to his stomach. "Now you're never going to get him to be quiet, I hope you know that."
~~~
"I figured as much," Rez exhaled a soft laugh. He glanced down at her hand on his stomach and smiled a little. "I'm ready for this weekend. I'm ready for you to be better, ready to stop feeling this whole.. pre-full moon crap which makes everything else worse." He paused and then added, "And I'm ready to buy a house, a big one, with room for all of us, if you want."
~~~
River grinned at him and then shrugged. "It's kind of a no brainer on that one." She said and then nodded. "Me too, I want it to come and fingers crossed that it makes me feel better. Although I have been thinking about the kind of fights we will probably have if we both do the pre full moon crap...they would be pretty epic." She said with a chuckle. River chewed on her lip and looked at him. "Are you sure that's what you want to do boo?" She asked softly.
~~~
"But the sex'll be equally epic," Rez remarked, and then he smirked, trying to see if she caught that. He laughed when she gave him the look that followed and then slid his hand down to take hold of her own. "I ain't never minded fightin' with ya before. We've done plenty of that. And I'd rather fight with ya and you be well than to get along with you while you're sick." He nodded his head to the question, fixating his gaze on their hands. "I can't be a part time dad. Lily... Lily and I talked about it, about... you know, seperate houses and weekends and holidays and not... me not being around all the time and I couldn't... I couldn't handle that. That ain't how I want things to be."
~~~
River laughed and nodded. "Oh my god the sex...will be so amazing." She said and then nodded. "No I know, we have never been lacking on fighting that's for sure." River scratched at his stomach for a moment before he took her hand and then nodded. "Yeah I would prefer that too." She said softly and then went quiet as he talked about the kids and smiled wide when he finished. "I knew that you couldn't be a part time dad...it's not who you are." she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it. "If you want the house than get it, the kids will love it."
~~~
"Yeah, well.. I'm pretty much an all or nothin' sorta guy." He exhaled a soft laugh. That was so true though. That was why it had been laughable for him to even suggest that he could figure out a way to make things work some other way. He wanted his kids around all the time. He wanted their mother around too. And as much as he loved Fisher, as much as he loved Fisher incarnated as Lily, he loved those two children more. And he loved River too, for bringing them into his life. "I got a place in mind. Maybe next week, if you're feelin' up to it, we'll go have a look at it, see what you think of it." This was good, talking about the future, making plans that would be concrete instead of just getting caught up in emotions that may or may not last. It was helping to take his mind off of everything else.
~~~
"Mmm don't I know it." She said with a smile as she moved hair off of his forehead. "Sure we can go look at it whenever you want, but probably waiting until next week is better." River said she squeezed his hand slightly. "Where is it?" She asked as she moved her own hair out of her face.
~~~
A brow quirked slightly at the way she said that. "Was that an innuendo I just heard?" He grinned as he added, "Somebody's feelin' no pain right now, huh? Gettin' saucy." He laughed. He didn't wanna go look at the house until things were more.. certain. If she couldn't be what he was and had to go the other route, then they would probably find a different place than the one he had in mine, just for conveinence sake as far as her ability to make it to and from TJS alright. Otherwise, "It's uhm... same neighborhood as Riley's place. Down the street a little ways."
~~~
River widened her eyes at him and stuck out her tongue. "Me use innuendo? Never." she said with a gasp and then giggled slightly. "Drugs are so awesome right now, I dont like taking them cause of you know the past but when I do I feel almost normal." She said with a smile and then laughed softly. "Riley's place huh? Well that's good, the kids will have one playmate...and so will you." She winked at him and then then laughed. "I'm just kidding."
~~~
"Yeah, uh-huh." He shook his head. "You always were just... dirty, River." He laughed softly, a smile creasing his features. "Hey, this is different. It's.. necessary, ya know, it ain't like before." He gave her hand a bit of a squeeze as he added, "You ain't ever gonna go down that road again and neither am I." He wouldn't let her. And vice versa. They both had too much in theirr lives to try to stay clean for. He scowled at her when she made her little joke, using his free hand to poke her lightly, playfully, in the ribs. "Jealous?" He asked, a brow arching slightly. "I can always come home and tell you about it." He smirked. "And then I can play with you." He wiggled his brows at her and laughed.
~~~
River shrugged at him with a smile on her face. "Yeah I know, but you guys corrupted me! I was as pure as the driven snow..." She said with wide eyes and then smiled at him when he squeezed her hand, squeezing back. "thanks boo, I know it's different and I am never going back to that place that's for sure." River couldn't resist the joke and then stuck her tongue out at him again. "Of having a dick in my ass? No but I would like to hear about it while you play with me...as long as you wanted to share of course." She giggled at the face he made and sighed.
~~~
"Pfft! You put the moves on me, remember? I was an innocent little virginal thing until you got your hands on me." He smirked. It was true, but she hadn't known that. He'd known that she was though, still, she had initiated it. That seemed to be the way a lot of the time when they were together. "We're way stronger than we were back then," he assured her. And now they had at least two good reasons to stay clean, Ethan and Chloe. They deserved parents that were well, not half assed parents who were strung out on drugs. "Oh come on. You know you like it in the ass." He smirked. And while she was busy giggling, he thought about it and decided he would tell her about the other night after all. "We hooked up one night last week. He uhm.. he texted me and needed me to come over to help him out with.. a personal crisis and uhm.. we ended up fucking on the front staircase of his house."
~~~
River looked at him with wide eyes and half heartedly smacked him. "Whatever." She rolled her eyes, but she knew now he had been a virgin then, but she didn't back then. River had initiated a lot of shit but it was because she figured Rez wasn't going to and if he said no than fine...but if he said yes even better. "We are it's true, and our kids deserve real parents...not like the ones Casey had." She said with a frown as she thought about Casey's junkie parents.
But Rez's next statement pulled her out of her thoughts with a disgusted noise. "I do not! That's what you have boys for." She said with a wrinkle of her nose but trying not to laugh. River looked at Rez and then shook her head with a smile on her face. "The front staircase...way to be dramatic about it."
~~~
"Uh huh. You only say that cuz you know it's true." He grinned. He liked being with her when it was like this, easy and fun and just... natural. That was the one great thing about River, it was never work being with her, it was always just... simple. "Yeah," he said, a frown pursing his lips. "Prolly the reason why he didn't step up to the plate with Chloe, ya know?" He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. He wasn't going to get her back though, even if he did decide to come around. Chloe was Rez's daughter now and it was going to stay that way. He laughed, a shy grin tugging at his lips. "Well in all fairness, we tried to make it upstairs. It just didn't work out that way."
~~~
River stuck her tongue out at him and then sighed. "You were so afraid to do shit with me at first, but then you got comfortable and all bets were off." She said with a laugh and messed up his hair. Their relationship was easy, they were friends above everything else, Rez may not love her the way she wanted, but he did love her. River scrunched her nose when Rez mentioned Casey not stepping up. "Yeah part of it, he didn't think he would be a good dad and he was kind of a junkie himself. I thought he was clean at the time but he wasn't ,he hid it from me cause he knew I wouldn't sleep with him or probably hang around him if he was using. But whatever that little girl is your daughter." River said firmly. When Rez started explaining the stairs River clapped her hands and smirked at him. "Ohhh even better. No one heard you did they?"
~~~
"Well, you know, you were my best friend and... sex changes things sometimes." He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "I didn't wanna lose you, ya know?" He smiled and then added, "You've always meant too much to me for that." The fact that Casey was still using when he knocked River up was.. upsetting. "So she's okay though, right? No... effects?" Chloe seemed normal, but drugs could fuck people up, could fuck their kids up, though usually that was more if the mother was using than the father. The grin grew and he even blushed a little as he admitted, "Trevor did. Said he had to go down the back steps to the kitchen."
~~~
"yeah I know that, but we were okay." river said as she looked down at him. "you wouldn't have lost me, that would have been nearly impossible." She laughed softly and then nodded her head at Rez's question. "She's fine, she was born perfectly healthy and hasnt had too many issues. She's perfect." River said with a smile. Her brown eyes opened wide and she started to laugh. "oh no! that's terrible!
~~~
"Yeah, we were. Are." He smiled. "I'm glad I've never lost you. You're.. a tough cookie. Been puttin' up with my shit for years." He grinned. "She is perfect. Beautiful. Like you." Of course he could see a little bit of Casey here and there but not too much, thankfully. "You got a type, don't ya?" He laughed, semi-amused that she would hook up with that idiot. "Scarred for life," he teased. "I need to talk to him. We haven't really.. talked since then but..." He shrugged. "We kinda had it out a little before I left. Full moon ain't exactly a good time for me to be makin' rash decisions."
~~~
River smiled at him and then shrugged. "i have, you are a hard boy to take care of...but then...I didn't take care of you and you were gone." River frowned and then stroked her fingers over his cheek. She did not blame herself for him going into the hospital or anything but she was still angry that she didn't try harder to seem him than she already did. The compliments about her daughter however brought her out of her head. "Well then...she is isn't she." River chuckled and then sighed. "Yeah I do have a type...annoying isn't it?" She grinned and then nodded quickly. "Yeah you two need to talk more...but not when you're wound like this." She said softly.
~~~
"That wasn't your fault. I mean.... you wouldn't have known what to do with me then either." Rez had been lost after what happened to his parents, and then what happened to him shortly thereafter. There was no way she would have been able to take care of him and no way that he would have let her. He might have hurt her and he would never forgive himself if he did. "Oh fuck you. I'm not annoying." He scowled. "I'm.. charmingly challenging." He laughed. "Yeah.. yeah we do. I mean... we never really had closure either. And we'd just gotten to a point where we were... almost friends and then..." He shrugged a little. "I had sex with him. And now I have no idea where we stand."
~~~
"No I know it wasn't, it's just that I wanted to help you, take care of you ya know...I mean obviously you know." She sighed and then rubbed a hand over her face. "I wanted you safe and I just had this horrible feeling you were not." River stroked his face and then grinned at his scowl. "I like bad boys that are actually nice boys underneath." She smirked and then groaned. "Yeah challenging is a word for it." River bit her lip when Rez spoke about Riley and then sighed. "Boo you probably stand about where you did before, but now you might have sex privileges...he might be a friend with benefits."
~~~
"Safer there then I was running wild and not having a clue how to control myself." That was the way he choose to look at it. Sure, being in the mental ward had sucked but killing someone would have sucked more. And he would have probably done that at some point if he had been left to his own devices, and not intentionally like he did that guy that had hurt Finn. He smiled at the compliment and then laughed. "You like a challenge," he remarked. "Yeah, I dunno about that. Not sure if we could ever just be friends, ya know?" He shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Like us. I mean... we're not really just friends, ya know?" They were more than that, and they always had been.
~~~
River nodded and pouted at him a little bit, she hated that he had been alone in there. "At least Riley had been there for you." She said as her fingers slid through his hair. "Oh yes, apparently I love a challenge." She smiled and leaned down kissing his forehead. "Oh...well then you should probably have a talk with him...after the full moon." She sighed and then bit her lip. "Hopefully you two can kinda be like us...maybe?" She suggested.
~~~
"And Dizzy," Rez mentioned. She had been a huge part of his life back then too and he still missed her all the time. It made him sad to think about her, to think about her losing her life to drugs, when she had been such a beautiful and vibrant person when she was clean. "Maybe," he remarked, "But I dunno. Riley isn't... as easy going as you are. He's way more.. demanding." He laughed softly. "But whatever, I don't really wanna think about that right now." He paused and then asked, "You wanna watch a movie or somethin'? Cuddle with me here on the sofa?"
~~~
"Right and Dizzy of course." She said softly, tangling her fingers with his as he laid there. River never knew Dizzy of course, but from the look on Rez's face, she was pretty important to him. She smiled at him when he seemed to think Riley wouldn't go for it. "OH you mean Riley is a bit more...possessive and jealous than I am?" River grinned and then nodded at his suggestion. "Yes lets sit here, watch something and eat food, I haven't eaten all day and I'm starving..and cuddles would be good too."
~~~
"You would've liked her. And hated her too cuz, you know, that's how you are." He laughed softly. "Yeah, well, more open about it anyway." He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "I told him though, I'd never be satisfied being with just a man. I don't even know that being with just a woman would really be enough but.." He shook his head. "Guess we'll just see what happens." Only time would tell. "Food." He paused, considering it. "You wanna order a pizza? Maybe some buffalo wings and, ooohh, cheesesticks." And now his stomach was growling. He hadn't eaten either. "You pick out a movie and I'll call in the food." He decided, sitting up to press a soft kiss against her lips before he got to his feet and headed into the kitchen to find the menu for the local pizza place so he could call the order in.
~~~
River smiled, Rez knew her so well. "You need both to keep you happy boo." river knew that, Rez liked boys just as much as girls and he couldn't live with just one. "Yep have to wait and see." She nodded at his food suggestion and then groaned. "Oh my god that sounds so fucking good!" River kissed him back and stood up, happily looking through the movies. Rez really made her happy, they already had a better relationship than most marriages did. "I'm feeling like fast and the furious, that okay?" She called out while she pulled the dvd case out, thrilled at the idea of spending two hours staring at Paul Walker.
~~~
"Maybe." Or maybe he could reach a point where he could settle for one or the other but he wasn't there yet and he didn't know that he ever really would be. It would depend, really, but no matter what, River was always going to be in the picture. "You just wanna stare at Paul Walker," Rez yelled from the other room. He found the menu and wandered back into the living room as he was dialing the number."That's okay though. I don't mind. Vin Diesel is pretty damn hot too," he grinned, then gave his attention to the person on the other end of the line as he placed their order for delivery.
~~~
River's eyes went wide and her mouth opened to argue but then she just shrugged and headed over to the television. "So what of it." She said with a laugh. "And how do you know that's why I wanted to watch it, maybe I like the cars." She said with a smirk as she watched him come in and then rolled her eyes at his comment about Vin Diesel. "Not for me really but hey you lust after him all the want." She waited for Rez to come back to the couch and cuddled into him tightly.
~~~
"Cuz you like guys with curly hair?" He suggested, a grin upon his lips. "And you ain't never cared that much for cars, darlin'." Speaking of which, they needed to get her something to drive once she was better. He wasn't getting rid of his sports car and the kids wouldn't fit in it so... yeah, she needed a mom-mobile since, you know, she was the mom and all that. "I like my guys with muscles," he remarked, and then laughed because the guy on the other end of the phone probably heard that. Once the order was placed, he moved to flop down on the sofa and make room for her to cuddle against him. "Food'll be here in less than thirty," he informed her, and focused on the television once she'd hit play on the remote.
~~~
"I like a little curl I won't lie." she said with a sniff and the. rolled her eyes at him. "I like some cars." River said with a smile. a mom mobile wouldn't go over well but she would be appreciative of something to drive. "Apparently you do, not that Riley is over the top but he has a good body." River smiled and then cuddled hhim, her eyes on the screen.
~~~
Just because it was safe and children could ride in it didn't mean that it had to be totally ugly. It could still be a cool ride. And she'd need it. Especially after she was better and she started going to classes at TJS to learn how to better control her racial issues and the kids started school and preschool and all that jazz. It'd come in handy. "Mmm, yes he does," Rez remarked with a grin, holding it for a moment as he waited for her reaction and then he laughed. He was quiet for a moment as the movie got going and then he remarked, "Man, we haven't done this in ages." It'd been a good six or more years probably. "It's nice. I'm glad you're here." He kissed the top of her head and then really settled down to watch the film until the pizza arrived.