Sunday, March 8, 2009
Who: Remington and Riley When: Sunday, March 8, 2009 Where: starting at Walter Reed in Maryland What: reunion
Remington was very nervous about his baby brother’s arrival. They hadn’t seen each other since the day Remington walked out of their shitty Texas home. Looking back would have been a mistake. But that wasn’t to say Remington didn’t keep tabs on his family. He did his best, and he’d even sent money to his brother and sister. He cared about them, but he couldn’t stay there. He was a danger to them, and he needed a fresh start. He had to get out.
The military had been good for Remington until his service landed him in this hospital with other wounded service members. But Remington was lucky by comparison. He hadn’t lost any limbs in the blast. The shrapnel left him scarred up pretty bad, and he’d suffered a lot of internal injuries from the force of the explosion, but he was healing. The marks would always be visible, but he could walk, talk, and continue on with his life. Problem was.. Remington didn’t know a life outside the Marines.
The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had rendered him ineligible to return to active duty. He could have taken a desk job, but that wasn’t of interest to Remington. He’d go nuts if forced to sit still for hours on end. It was all or nothing for him, so he received an honorable discharge. Being a civilian felt really fucking weird, especially for a man who had avoided living in the US for nearly all of his adult life. He’d never even had a home that wasn’t on a base. Now he was unemployed, still a bit banged up, and waiting for what was sure to be a very awkward reunion with his brother.
Hospital rules, he had to be escorted out of the building in a wheelchair. While Remington was a little on the slow side still, he could walk, so he felt like an ass sitting in the chair in his room. He had too much pride for this.
He stared down at his hands, which had a few scars of their own and were very calloused, only looking up when he heard footsteps.
---
Riley had been driving since before dawn that morning so that he could pick his brother up in Maryland. He hadn't seen him since he was fourteen and he had just left. Of course Riley knew there were reasons and so on but it didn't matter, the teenager inside him still raged that he left, he left them alone with their father. He shook his head not wanting to think about it as he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.
As he got out of the car he realized how awkward this was going to be, Riley was everything his brother would probably like to never spend any time with. Gay, stripper, addict, slut...yeah Remington..fuck Remington Riley was never going to get used to that. Remington was going to have a hard time adjusting to being around his little brother who fucking loved men and had no intentions of hiding it. That didn't mean Riley wouldn't be sympathetic and understanding to his brother's needs, of course he would, it wasn't like he was going to have sex in front of him or anything.
Being a shrink at a good facility got him a few perks so he had already seen his brother's psychiatric evaluation, PTSD...it wasn't surprising but Riley hoped that he would be able to help him work through it.
As Riley got closer to his brother's room he started to wonder if what he wore was a good choice, he glanced down at his ripped up jeans and fitted space invaders tshirt and just shrugged, this was who he was and Remy would just have to accept it. He swallowed hard and walked into the hospital room, startled to see his brother in a wheelchair and hoped to god that it wasn't because he couldn't walk.
"Remy!" He said as he rushed over and hugged him tight, never wanting to let go. The little kid in him was coming out and he wanted to be close to his big brother. ___
Remington didn’t recognize the man who lunged at him. Yeah, he’d seen pictures of the grown up version, but pictures weren’t the same. They couldn’t hug you. Riley was strong, and even more surprising, he was bigger than his big brother. They’d have to switch to saying older instead of big.
He was stunned and immobile for a moment, but after a few seconds, his right hand came up to pat Riley’s back. “Hey,” he said softly, trying to cope with being hugged so tightly. He wasn’t big on hugs. He didn’t cope well with expressions of warmth and love. He also didn’t like the feeling of being confined, and right now he couldn’t move or escape easily, and it made him feel a little trapped.
---
Of course Riley didn't think about how seeing him in person would affect his brother, he was a smart guy and could handle other people's problems but when it came to his own life Riley was horrible at it. He leaned into Remy for a moment before pulling back, a huge smile on his face. He could see that his brother was a little uncomfortable and Riley bit his lip feeling a bit bad that he was contributing to that.
"I'm really happy to see you, but what do you say to getting the hell out of here?" He asked with a wide smile and then headed behind the chair. "You have to stay in the chair to leave the hospital don't you?" He asked with a slight frown and then sighed. "I hate that rule."
---
Remington forced a smile to his face, though it was clearly strained. He wasn’t good at faking emotions. He really was happy to see his brother. Happy to see that his brother was healthy and mostly successful. But the reunion brought up a lot of shit from the past that Remington had been working hard to avoid all these years.
“Yeah, they won’t let me walk out. Liability or some shit. And.. I can’t walk quite the same just yet.” He rubbed his palms over the scrub pants he was wearing, feeling the dips and uneveness of his skin under them. He didn’t have any clothes, so he’d been given some doctor’s scrubs and a jacket that had belonged to a nurse’s husband.
---
Riley could see how hard Remy was trying with his smile, but it just wasn't real. However he wasn't going to pick at it, he was so happy to see him that he didn't care. Riley had never been aware that his brother harboured ill feelings towards him in any way. He didn't know that he inadvertently blamed him for their mother's death and the abuse, and if Riley did find out it would crush something inside him.
Riley rolled his eyes when he brother said they wouldn't let him walk out and started to push the wheelchair. "it's okay, I will help you get back on your feet big brother." He said softly, all anger at his brother leaving just not there, now that he was here in front of him Riley just couldn't wait to spend more time with him. "do you have any bags or anything from over there?" He asked as he pushed him down the hall.
----
It was hard to explain the feelings of resentment inside Remington. He knew they were illogical. He knew that his brother wasn’t really responsible for their mother’s death or the abuse that followed. But those were associations created in his mind at a young age. His brain was hardwired that way, and it took a lot of work to fight past those feelings.
“I don’t have anything,” he said softly. “Some of my personal effects are still on base in Afghanistan.” He hadn’t asked to have them shipped, because he didn’t know what address to give. Now that he knew where he was going, at least for the time being, he’d ask his buddies to mail everything. It wasn’t much, not really. Remington had learned to live off very little, and besides, the military provided just about everything he needed.
“You’re taller than me,” he commented after a few seconds. “I don’t think big brother really works anymore.”
--- If Remington was a patient and not his brother, Riley would totally understand his feelings about the whole situation. It made sense, especially at such a young age, it didn't make it right it was just how the brain worked. But since Remington was his brother and not his patient to find out he thought that way would hurt, he would try to work through it but it would.
Riley frowned when his brother said he didn't have anything and then just shrugged. "Well I have some stuff in a duffel if you want to change, we can get you some new stuff when we get home if you want. Riley knew how to live off of very little but he hated it, he loved stuff and toys and he spent a good deal of money on them. "You are going to love the house, very peaceful and out of the way." He said as he wheeled the chair through the doorway of the hospital and waited for Remy to stand up.
"i am taller but that doesn't change the fact you're my big brother so hush."
---
“I don’t need to change. The scrubs are comfortable enough.” He felt more comfortable in this uniform of sorts than he did in regular civilian clothes. It was rare that he was out of uniform. “I’ll go shopping sometime later.” And he wasn’t looking forward to it. Maybe he could go to a military surplus store and get some clothes there.
“Peaceful and out of the way sounds good.” He didn’t cope well with being cooped up. He also didn’t cope well with the cold. So when Riley strolled him outside the hospital after signing him out, Remington shivered. “Well, little brother.. I hope you don’t mind cranking the heat in the car and at your house. It’s too fucking cold here.”
---
Riley shrugged at Remy's answer, if he wanted to stay in scrubs all the more power to him, Riley personally hated being seen in them. "You're not allowed to go shopping by yourself if you are just going to buy camouflage pants or something. You need real clothes." He said with a smile. "Did you want to stop for something to eat or just drive straight back to Mass?" He asked as he walked slowly next to his brother.
"Well how about you use the blanket in the car and I will turn up the heat a bit and at the house you can keep your room as warm as you want and I will raise up the heat in the house a bit, although it is pretty warm right now in the house since it's so chilly outside."
---
Remington made a face of annoyance when his brother saw through the guise of shopping for clothes. “I like camo.” Why did he need real clothes? He wasn’t going anywhere special anytime soon. He was still getting his strength back, so the extent of his activities the coming weeks would be working on his physical therapy and trying to avoid boredom.
Now, as for food, well, Remington wouldn’t turn down a good old American burger. “Nearest burger joint would be awesome. I haven’t had one in ages.” God, his mouth was already watering thinking about it.
When the initial shock of the cold air passed, Remington got to his feet slowly. It still hurt, especially since the good pills had been taken away from him. There was no way regular ibuprophen was going to take the edge off. It didn’t work like the prescription shit. “Where’s your car?” he asked, looking around. He didn’t mind walking if Reilly didn’t mind the slow pace.
--- Riley's green eyes widened at his brother and he laughed. "You totally were just going to freaking buy camo weren't you. Geez." He shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well you are going to need some good work out clothes, some jeans, henleys, tshirts, good jackets. I can help, or I can just do it for you cause I don't really trust you to buy clothes after that admission." He said with a smirk.
"Then a burger joint we will hit. I could use something good, meaty and greasy right now" He whistled as he walked slowly towards the car. "It's right over here, not too far." He said with a smile, it was his professional smile, his version of blank face. Because riley was just a little nervous about all of this honestly, he didn't want his brother to dislike him. He didn't mind the slow pace to the car if that's what Remington needed, it wasn't like they were on a time schedule.
---
“Not just camo. Not all fatigues are camouflage. There are solid colors too.” He sounded quite grumpy about it. He didn’t want Riley shopping for him. Riley was gay. Or bi. Or whatever. Fuck only knew what he’d dress Remington in.
Remington walked with a slight limp, and he winced from time to time from little jolts of pain, but he was determined to walk to the car on his own. He didn’t need help. He could do this. He had too much pride to ask for the wheelchair back. He’d never use one of those things again.
Getting into his brother’s car, which was very nice, Remington continued to feel out of place. It was so.. urban. Actually, it was suburban, which was worse. “You’re like.. a soccer dad.” It wasn’t a criticism, just an observation, and something Remington hadn’t expected.
---
Riley looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye and nodded. "Mhm, you're not just getting shit from military surplus. I dress like a guy so don't get all paranoid about it." He frowned and chewed on his lip as he walked.
He noticed his brother's limp but he didn't offer help, only because he had a feeling he would get his head bitten off if he did. So he just meandered along next to him, taking in the cars around him and frowning when he saw nothing of interest.
Riley stuck out his tongue at Remington and shook his head. "I drive Mara around in this car and I brought it because I thought you'd need more room. My car of choice is my muscle car so shut up." He said laughing as he shut the door.
---
“Don’t buy me anything.. fancy.” Remington wasn’t big on fashion. He’d been working hard on not getting blown up for years. Being stylish wasn’t high on his agenda. He didn’t want to suddenly look like some sort of model.
“I’m not judging,” Remington said, putting his hands up and forcing an innocent expression to his face. “I’m sure the housewives love it.” Okay, so that was intended as a jab. There were toys in the car, and a child safety seat, and.. crumbs. Remington was an exceptionally tidy person, and he had trouble feeling comfortable with crumbs present.
---
"I promise I will buy you just plain guy clothes and nothing even slightly fashionable." Riley said with a grin as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for the burger place he saw a few miles away.
"I'm sure you're not." He gave his brother a side long glance at his words and then rolled his eyes 'You don't want to know how many housewives love me brother." He said whistling happily as he turned the heat up in the car.
---
Shopping wasn’t that big of a concern right now. Spending the next eight hours in a car with his brother who he hadn’t seen in years, well, that was a huge concern. It would be hard to avoid talking about the shitty stuff. They couldn’t continue to shove burgers in their faces to avoid conversation.
Remington rolled his eyes. “I really don’t want to hear about it.” It was upsetting. Riley, who liked dudes, was probably getting more chicks than Remington. Baby brother had grown up to be a good looking guy, and he was a doctor too! Women loved that shit. Now that he had a kid, he was like lady catnip. Remington didn’t remember the last time he’d gotten laid. That was probably a bad sign. Sure, there were women on base, even women he liked, but he didn’t want to fuck another marine, not even a female one. It always got complicated. It was never just sex, and that was really all he could handle. He wasn’t good at the rest.
---
Riley was actually trying to distract himself from the fact he was spending the next eight hours cooped up with his practically a stranger brother. He kind of hoped the man would sleep for some of it, and then he felt guilty about the thought, how could he think that about his brother.
Riley raised an eyebrow at his brother and then stared out the windshield. "Okay sorry dude." He said with a slight frown as he pulled into the burger joint. "So I brought you a couple of pills to get through the trip if you would like them, I wanted to make sure you would eat with them though." He said softly as he put the car in park.
----
Sleep. Right. Fat chance of that happening. It had been hard enough in the hospital. Actually, it had been hard Remington’s whole life. Tossing and turning was the norm for him, and it was a blessing if he ever got more than five hours. Now, he felt out of place and too uncomfortable to get rest. He kept shifting in his seat, unable to settle.
Perking up at the mention of the pills, Remington looked around. “Where?” It was frightening how quickly he’d managed to become addicted to the pills. He rubbed the fronts of his thighs, his muscles and flesh aching. “My stomach will be fine if I have them now.” He didn’t want to wait to eat. He wanted the damn pills.
---
Riley stared at the restaurant in front of them and glanced at Remy. "DId you just want drive through so we can be on our way or did you want to go in and sit down?" He asked, not caring either way, just wanting his brother to be happy.
Riley knew enough about addiction to look at Remington suspiciously for the way he reacted. But riley wasn't going to hand them out like candy, he wanted him to have them because it was a long ride and it was going to hurt sooner rather than later. "Well you will be eating in a few minutes so it's not a big deal." He said with a frown as he handed over the two pills.
r4---
“Drive-thru is fine.” He was hungry for American fast food, and he didn’t really feel like being somewhere with a lot of people. It made him nervous ever since the bombing. Actually, he’d never been comfortable in large crowds, but it was worse now.
Remington wasn’t happy to see that Riley was regulating how many pills were distributed at a time. Why couldn’t he just hand over the whole damn bottle? Probably because he knew it would be empty in two days time. Dammit. Two pills wasn’t enough! But it was all he would get, so he took them and swallowed them without a drink to help. Even though they needed time to work, he felt better the second they were in his body, a sure sign that this was just as much a mental addiction as it was a physical one.
“Just get me two burgers. I don’t like fries. And water’s good.” He paused, “I’ll pay you back once I get access to my accounts again. Without my ID, no one will give me money here. You’d think my dog tags would be enough.”
---
Riley nodded when his brother said the drive-thru was fine and slipped into the line up, turning on the radio and humming to himself. He knew going in that this was going to be a hard day but it would be worth it in the end, he would have his brother home with him, and just that thought alone made Riley excited.
Riley wasn't an idiot, he was a former addict and he could see the signs in his brother. He wasn't just going to hand over a bottle of pain pills to him, he was going to give him some when necessary. Riley knew that it meant he was going to end up fighting with Remy but what else could he do? Enable him?
"You don't need to pay me back, it's not a big deal bro." He said as he ordered the food and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel waiting to move forward in line.
---
Yes! Enabling was good! Fuck, Remington had PTSD and really was experiencing physical pain from his injuries. They were just pain pills. It wasn’t like he was using mind altering chemicals. The pills made being back in the U.S. tolerable, and he needed all the help he could get right now. His career was just flushed down the shitter, and he had no idea what he was going to do with the rest of his life, and now he had to play nice with his estranged brother.
“No, I want to. Please. You’re doing enough for me already. I want to at least pay my fair share. I’d like to help with bills while I’m staying with you.”
---
One day Riley and Remington would have to have a chat about things, even if the older man did not like the idea.
"I don't mind paying...but I understand how you feel." He said softly as he took the bags from the girl in the pick up window who was trying to give Riley a really good show of her cleavage. He flashed a wicked smile at her and let her keep the change from his twenty. He pulled away and headed for the highway handing Remy his food and bottle of water. "Here bro."
---
Remington rolled his eyes at the strange flirtation. “Why do you do that?” he asked as he took his food. “If you’re not even interested. Why would you flirt with her?” She wasn’t all that attractive, and he knew that Riley wouldn’t do anything with the woman, not even if he was straight! “I don’t get you,” he commented gruffly as he dug into his burger. Fuck, it was awesome. Melted in his mouth.
--- Riley side eyed his brother and then sighed. "I like to flirt and I still love boobs, besides it made her freaking day." He grinned at his brother and then dug in his own bag for a burger. "You probably never will understand me, since you don't want to talk about the gay part of me." He unwrapped the burger with one hand and took a bite.
---
Remington felt a little twitch in his cheek at the actual use of the word ‘gay.’ Yeah, okay, he was a little homophobic. He didn’t want to take rights away from gays or anything, they just made him uncomfortable. Riley could fuck whoever he wanted, but Remington didn’t want to hear about it if those partners were dudes.
He ate his burger in silence as a result. Remington had no desire to upset his brother, especially when Riley had driven all this way to help. He was a good guy. Despite all the bad shit he’d apparently done, he seemed to have his life back on track.
They got back on the road and were mostly quiet for a few hours. Idle chat about the weather, some discussion of Mara, and mentions of the scenery helped pass the time. It was tedious. It was forced. It was driving Remington slightly insane. “So.. this new place where you work. The detention center. They got any job openings?”
---
It made Riley kind of sad that he couldn't talk to his brother about his life, the shit that was going on personally. His heart had just been broken the week before, he was developing a crush on a straight boy and he really had no one to talk to about it other than a therapist, who really wasn't that much fun to talk to about shit.
The idle chit chat was fine, it passed the time, Riley was used to talking to people like this, not everyone goes into a session ready to spill their heart out. He let Remington look at his phone and all the pictures of mara, the house, and yes there were some guys in there but they were fully clothed and in only a couple he was kissing one, but he warned Remy first. He raised an eyebrow at the question about the school and shrugged. "I honestly don't know but I will find out for you okay?" He answered with a smile.
---
Remington wasn’t happy to see the kissing pictures, and he flipped through them as quickly as possible, but he did enjoy looking at the photos of his niece. She was beautiful. Clearly, though, she took after her mother. Remington wondered if she was really Riley’s child, but he didn’t dare voice that thought. It wouldn’t go over well.
“Yeah, thanks. I’m gonna need something to do with myself.. now that my career is over.” He sounded sullen as he said it, and he had every reason to feel that way. “Physically.. I could have gone back. But they said my head..” he trailed off. Riley was a shrink. He had to know.
---
Riley would have been pissed off beyond belief if Remington had suggested Mara wasn't his. But if he had known Charlie than he would have good reason to think it. But Riley did a dna test as soon as he had the little girl and Charlie hadn't lied, Mara was his daughter. She had his eyes and mouth, Riley saw it even if no one else did.
"I understand, you need something to do." He pulled off of the highway now that they were finally closer to home. "I had the nanny take Mara out for the evening so you wouldn't have to deal with an excited kid straight away. but she will be up early tomorrow and wanting you to have breakfast with us."
---
“Exactly. I can’t sit still. Fucking drives me nuts.” He hadn’t sat still for years, not until being hospitalized. That was probably part of why he wanted the pills. He was starting to develop a nervous twitch from being so damn bored.
“I’ll be up early. I don’t sleep in. Ever.” He hadn’t since he was a kid. Their father once called Remington lazy when he’d decided to sleep in. He got the shit kicked out of him before he could even manage to change out of his pajamas. He never slept in again.
---
"I've never had that problem. I can sit and do nothing for awhile...not that I'm lazy or anything." He smirked as he made a few turns.
"Mmm I rarely sleep in now, Mara won't allow it. But I'm okay with that, I want to spend as much time with her as possible...make sure she knows how important she is...and that the way her mother is, isn't her fault." He said softly, trying not to think about his own and how he blamed himself, mostly because his father nearly broke his arm one day telling him how he hated him because he killed the only person he ever loved.
---
Remington looked out the window upon seeing that smirk. That bit of resentment bubbled up briefly. Remington had never been allowed to be lazy. It wasn’t a luxury he could afford.
Some love. What kind of man beat the people he loved? Remington didn’t like being around kids because he always feared he’d hurt them the way his dad hurt him. “You don’t think she’ll end up like her mom, do you? I mean.. what’s wrong with, uh.. Charlie?” It took him a second to recall the woman’s name.
--- Riley sighed and chewed on his lip when Remington asked him about Charlie. "No, I don't think Mara will end up like Charlie...I make sure Mara knows everyday how much I love her, how special she to me and how amazing I know she will become. Charlie...is a self loathing, incest survivor nymphomanic, drug addict and obviously suicidal. Nothing seemed to help Charlie and it didn't help at the time her brother who had been sexually abusing her for years was moved into the same facility five years ago...it just made it progressively worse for her."
---
Well, that was a shit load of horrible right there. Remington suddenly didn’t feel so bad about his life, though the emotion was brief. Sure, he hadn’t been molested, but he still had plenty of scars, both mental and physical, to act as reminders of the hell he’d suffered through. “And then you had sex with her,” Remington pointed out. Way to go. Brilliant move. Take advantage of the trust established with someone who suffered sexual abuse by having sex with them.
---
Riley glared at his brother and gave him a poisonous smile. "Yes my obviously perfect big bother, thank you for pointing out that I was a total failure as a human being and fucked an abused child, but don’t forget that I got her pregnant too. Let's not forget to point out all my fuck ups." He looked back out the windshield and pulled into the long drive that led up to his mini mansion of a home.
---
“Yeah, we all know I’m not perfect, Riley,” he commented, bitterness in his voice. The second the car stopped, he climbed out. It was cold, but he didn’t care. “I’m going for a walk.” He couldn’t stay here and talk right now. He needed to stretch his legs and enjoy some silence.
---
Riley watched as his brother started across his property and he really couldn't care less at that moment. Remington poked at one of the things he was the most ashamed of in his life and it was totally unfair of him to say it. He sighed and grabbed the garbage out of the car. "Fine but come in soon, you're gonna get cold." He called after him and headed into the house.