Hope O'Shea (hopehasit) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2011-11-25 15:50:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | hope, wes |
Monday - February 22nd, 2009
Who: Hope and Wes
When: Evening
Where: Hope's apartment
What: A pity party
Hope was sitting in the middle of the living room floor. There was an empty bottle of wine beside her, a full wine glass, and another half bottle on the nearby table. It was obvious she had been crying, her face a bit streaked from tears and her hair a slight mess, but she wasn't crying right now. Instead she was flipping through the pages of one of the many photo albums that was strewn on the floor around her, finding a particular photograph that made her first laugh and then take an extra long swig from her glass. She'd not looked at these for years. It was always too painful. But tonight, she felt like she needed to see them no matter how much it hurt.
She had just finished downing another glass and was in the process of pouring herself another when she heard the apartment door. Wesley to the rescue. It was sweet of him to come but she'd already made up her mind about that. She wasn't going to trust him, to trust whatever it was she was feeling. Because every time she did, every time she trusted anyone and made herself vulnerable to them, they slammed the door right back in her face. It wasn't worth it anymore. Charlie had the right idea. It was best to just end it now before it got out of hand and simply... exist.
What a depressing thought.
~~~
A damsel in distress was a damsel who needed Wesley's help. He didnt like the thought of Hope alone with a wine bottle drinking away her worries because that wasn't right, damnit. So, instead, Wesley had gone to her to bkeep her company. In order to be a pity party it needed more than one bperson. Otherwise it would have been a pity vigil and that wouldn't have been acceptable either. Dressed in the same clothes he'd worn all day he neverthless smelt frest (thank god) and made his way inside her apartment as instructed.
"Hey, wine fiend," he smiled, but it was one of concern. "What's got your eyes all blue?"
~~
"Godric is an asshole?" Hope suggested, then gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I'm not.. blue just.." What was the right word for what she was right now? Angry? A bit. Upset? Of course. "Lost." That was the right word to settle on for the moment. "I'm lost." She exhaled a small laugh.
"Pictures?" She asked, inviting him to join her there in the floor if he would like. She'd never actually show any of these photographs to anyone, but she may as well start now. He was here and they were out and she wasn't ready to let go of them just yet.
~~~
Ah. Wesley's reaction must have said it all, as his face looked a bit torn between laughing at his friend's expense, and concern that things between them were awkward. Godric meant the world to him but at the same time he knew how difficult the vampire could be. Settling down next to her, Wesley put an arm around her.
"We're all lost, Hope," he said softly. "I think when we get found, it's nice, but it's only ever temporary. Like a raft drifting past land. You look so fucking drunk there, by the way," he said stony-faced, pointing at a picture.
~~~
"I know that. Trust me." Hope exhaled a breath out of force of habit.She had always been lost, she figured, ever since her parents had died. The whole of her life had been spent trying to replace what she had lost, to find that sense of family once more, and every time she thought she had it, like with Blake and her moving in together, or
with Godric welcoming her back home, it was quickly ripped away from her.
Her brow furrowed in confusion as he pointed at a picture and she looked at it and then laughed. "That's not me, silly." She nudged him. "That's my mother." The picture was from her biological mother and father's honeymoon. She looked at it a moment, a frown pursing her lips and then remarked, "I do look like her, don't I?" She hummed a little and then turned the page. "Wish I could really remember them."
~~~
Hope would get something eventually. Wes felt it in his bones. Even if it was twenty years from now she'd find someone who was right for her, could provide family... she deserved it. And just for that he gave her a little reasuring squeeze.
"It is?" he asked, surprised. "Jesus..." He didn't look like his Mom he was very much like his dad, but he guessed he had her eyes. He hadn't thought about her much. He wondered idly if that was being a bad son but then she was gone, and he wasn't sure if she'd ever thought of him as anything but. Now there was no way to ask. "There's always hypnotism, to remember..."
~~~
The squeeze wasn't missed on her, and neither was the fact that simply having him here made her feel so much better. It seemed that the only time here lately that she didn't feel like shit was when Wesley was around. He had a way of always making things not seem so dire. It was a talent, that was for sure.
Hope shook her head in response to the suggestion and then shifted to take his hand, moving it up to place upon her scalp, after her hair was out of the way, so that he could feel the rather extreme scar left behind from her accident. "Severe brain trauma. I was in a coma for months. They didn't think I would even wake up and... did a lot of damage." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I can remember a few things sometimes. Like... the sound of my mother's laugh and... dad's cologne. Nothing specific though."
~~~
Wesley's eyes widened as she brought his hand to her scar. It was pretty horrific and it took a while for him to speak again. "I've seen kids have things like this before, back in A&E," he said softly, a frown on his face but he didn't remove his hand. "You're very lucky." The amount of families destroyed by things like this it was a miracle that Hope was even alive, and she'd had to pay for it dearly.
It was a long shot, a very long shot, but as Hope was talking about her family Wes wanted to do something for her, anything. And so, as he appeared to be examining the scar like a former nurse would, the hand on her head gradually grew warmer. There was a lot of damage in there but Wes set about stitching up what he could, reversing the damage. It was over a decade's worth of healing already in her brain but he was gonna do his fucking best.... anything that helped her connect with her family memories....
~~~
Hope gave a sort of hollow laugh before she remarked, "That's what they tell me." She was the lucky one, they said. But how lucky was it to lose everything and then live to have to face that? How lucky was it to not even get to say goodbye, to go to the funeral, because you were in a coma that they didn't think you'd ever come out of when all that took place? She didn't know that she would call herself lucky.
She must have been off her game, probably because of the wine, but it took her a bit to realize what he was doing. When she did, she pulled sharply away from him. "What are you doing, Wes?" She shook her head. "Don't. Don't do that." For one, he would wear himself out trying to fix something that was that aged already. And for two, "If I remember them more, I'll probably just miss them more and... I don't want that."
Hope downed the rest of her present glass of wine and then poured herself another. "Sure you don't want some?" She asked before she sat the bottle back down and then shifted to stretch her legs out across Wesley's lap. "You're very kind to me," she remarked after a moment of silence. "Makes it difficult not to forget that uhm... Well that if Roger showed up at this door right now and told you that he wanted you and needed you that you'd be out the door behind him in a flash." The wine was making her ramble, and the comment probably came from nowhere but that was okay. She didn't honestly care right about now.
"Seems to be the case with everyone I spend time with these days." She exhaled a small laugh. "Not Roger, of course, but... someone." She shrugged and then drank a bit more.
~~~
Wesley withdrew his hand looking a little bit sheepish. "I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe if you... I'm sorry. It wasn't my place." Normally he'd ask before doing such things but he'd just taken it upon himself to try and heal her, which was really unlike him. It was like instinct had taken over, the need to make her feel better outweighing her wishes. It was wrong.
He shook his head at the offer of wine, scolding himself silently, but when she started speaking his attenion was immediately bought. Roger was a touchy subject. In fact as Wesley even thought about him his demeanor changed to one of sadness and awkwardness. After considering it for what seemed like minutes, finally the healer spoke. "He was a different man when I saw him," he told her, clearly lost in the memory. "He wasn't - he still held the things I fell in love with, and I think he liked me being there so he could remember who he used to be, but - he wasn't my Roger. Not any more. What he'd done had changed him.... and I realised that, when he asked me to choose between him and my daughter. I couldn't - do that. It was heartbreaking and wrenching and I never want to have to do that again. So... I don't know if I would do that. Not any more."
~~~
Yes, it was wrong, and she didn't appreciate it though she understood it. She was broken in a way that he could attempt to make better. It was only natural to want to make that happen but she didn't want it. It was bad enough missing them without remembering how they really were. If she remembered, she'd probably miss them even more and she wasn't sure that was something she was willing to risk right about now.
Immediately she regretted bringing up Roger because it was clear that the mention of the other man brought a change in him completely. She frowned as she listened to him and then scowled toward the end. "He told you to choose between him and your daughter? What an asshole." She shook her head softly then remarked, "I didn't know about that. Sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up." It was her turn to feel bad now.
Downing the rest of her present glass of wine, she moved to place the glass down on the nearby table and then shifted to where her legs were across his lap. She was still wearing the same dress she had had on earlier in the day not having bothered changing into something more comfortable when she'd gotten home. "You make me happy," she remarked after a moment. "When I'm around you, I feel more like me than I do any other time and... that scares me." She frowned and then added, "I don't wanna lose that feeling again."
~~~
Hope's apology was met with a small shrug of the shoulders and a shake of the healer's head. "You couldn't have known. Not even Ric knows. They just know it's over." That's all he imagined he'd be able to explain if Mandy or anyone asked him. He'd gone to London, come back without a boyfriend. That was how it had happened and how it would remain.
It took him a moment to realise that Hope was moving onto his lap but when Wesley felt her movement he wrapped an arm around her in order to settle her onto his knees. She'd had some wine, and though she was a vampire he wasn't sure if she wasn't drunk; anyone who talked so glowingly of him was normally under the influence or not far off, but there was a sincerity there which made him think that maybe this wasn't just drunk talk. "Well," he said softly, inclining her towards him. "You don't have to. Cause I'm right here...."
~~~
Hope hadn't exactly anticipated being pulled into his lap, but she was okay with that. Was she drunk? No, not exactly, but that wasn't to imply that she was in her right mind right now. There was a good possibility that she wasn't anywhere near it but that didn't mean that she wasn't being sincere. She had enjoyed herself more with Wesley over the last two days than she had enjoyed herself in what felt like ages.
"And you aren't going anywhere?" She asked, her voice a bit small. Settling against him, she remarked somewhat offhandedly, "I've missed the way this feels. I haven't felt this way in a long time, since before things fell apart with Blake."
~~~
Wes smiled despite how fragile Hope was, and gave her an extra squeeze. "No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. This is my home, and I have no intention of leaving it." And just to cement his promise he pressed a small kiss against her head.
"You have nothing to worry about. Anything you need... to quote ET, I'll be right here."
~~~
"You know what I need right now?" Hope asked, a small smile forming upon her lips. "Sleep." She exhaled a soft laugh. "I'm.. halfway drunk and completely exhausted and... I need to go to bed." A bit of a pout formed upon her lips before she asked, "Will you stay? I don't wanna be alone tonight." If he left her to her own devices, there was a good chance she would spend the entire night crying. And while him being here shouldn't necessarily prevent her from doing just that, it would and she knew it.
~~~
Wesley didn't nod, or respond, all he did was wrap his arms around her and gently get to his feet, taking her with him as he held her close to his chest. The tired vampire was light enough so that he could manouver his weight to stand and then carry her to the bedroom. "Your wish is my command, sweet Hope," he smiled finally, speaking softly so as to try and keep her dozy enough to fall asleep. He lay her gently on the bed and covered her in the sheets before he kicked off his shoes and settled beside her, on top of the covers so as to give her space.
~~~
Hope had not expected him to just pick her up and carry her, but she was pretty small compared to him and she weighed little of nothing so it wasn't all that outlandish. She hooked her arms around his neck to help support herself and nuzzled her face against the crook of it as he carried her.
Closing her eyes to simply enjoy the feel of being back in her own bed again after so long being elsewhere, it looked like she might just drift right off then and there, but she didn't. She opened her eyes after a moment and then moved to sit up, reaching around to unzip her dress. "You intend to sleep like that?" She asked, referring of course to the fact that he was completely clothed and laying on top of the covers instead of under them.
"Strip," she instructed as she was doing the same, dress tugged up and off over her head and tossed to the side, leaving her in a slip and her panties and bra which would be good enough for sleeping in tonight.