Who: Sydni and Mikhail What: A broken heart and a crisis When: Late Where: Mikhail's room
Sydni found herself standing in front of a door. She wasn't entirely sure how she got there. Well, she did know. She'd walked there, but why she was there exactly, she didn't know. After Charlie had signed off, she had stared numbly at the computer for a good long while before she even got up. And she'd only gotten up because she <i>had</i> to do something. What, she didn't know. Hence why the brunette had walked around her apartment picking up random items with the intent to put them away only to forget halfway through and put them down somewhere else, or back where they'd started.
<i> Charlie thinks I'm a monster. I am a monster... I've killed people...</i> The dialogue went on from there. Sometimes it was angry and she demanded to know why he'd lost his faith in her. The obvious answer was that she had actually killed people, when he'd only been afraid he would. She should have been more afraid.
After finding herself staring at the bottle of silver nitrate for a long while, she'd grabbed it up and left. Maybe she'd planned on walking into the night and leaving for good. But what she'd done was walk to Mikhail's door and knocked. She was so numb, she'd be surprised if he even answered.
---
It took Mikhail a moment to get to the door. He had been brushing his teeth and decided to finish rather than just take the task to the door. However, he had called out to whomever was on the other side, telling them to hold on and he would be there in a minute. Running the water in the bathroom sink, the aged werewolf quickly spit and rinsed twice before leaving the toothbrush on the sink and going to get the door. Sometimes he wondered who had the nerve to come to him this late in the evening, but remembered there were students who might have needed his help.
Or friends.
Upon opening the door, his eyes found no student--though by technicality she was--but found Sydni. At first he smiled, freshly whitened teeth flashing at her. Then the smile fell as he saw the look on her face, that blank visage. She may as well have been dead she looked so unlike her usual self. Strings in his heart began to be pulled as he ushered her inside, muttering things in Russian. It didn't matter if she understood, he was talking to himself anyway and asking things like "what could have happened?" or "which bastard had done something now?"
Finally he settled on putting her in front of the couch so she could sit if she wanted, one hand on her bicep gently for comfort. "Sydni," he said lightly in his best English as usual. A slow, drawn out language that he could hardly pronounce. "What happen?"
---
Briefly a look of surprise crossed her face when he answered the door, and part of her wanted to leave. But she was too disconnected from herself to do much of anything but be ushered to where he wanted her. She barely noticed his mutterings, and only when he spoke her name did she show any recognition. After a moment of serious pondering, she answered the truth, "I don't know. Charlie won't let me see Maggie."
Of course, that would leave only more questions. Only she knew the signficance, and the why. But her mind was not exactly functioning properly, and she had never been all that forthright when it came to her emotions anyway. Because of her numbed state, she didn't sit even though she probably should have. Nor did she set down the small vial of silver liquid. It was clutched tightly in her hand, barely poking out despite her small hand size.
---
Mikhail noticed her hands gripping something, but he let her be for the moment. Listening to her, he sighed softly. This wasn't something he could really get into. It was not his place to talk to Charlie or convince him of Sydni's progress and how she was not dangerous. Even Mikhail could differ that. People who knew lycan's tended to think said lycan was dangerous. They only thought of themselves, or in this case the small children around them. Humans didn't seem to think of how the werewolf felt after being shunned.
For a moment, Mikhail wondered if the pain Sydni felt was something like being thrown out of a pack. He had never run with one, and assumed she hadn't either. But if they had, would this sudden numb feeling and loss be the same?
"Sydni," said the man again as he tried to coax her into sitting. "Am sure will change mind. Is. . .shock?" He had no idea what had even brought about this change in the other man's mind, but the first thought that occurred to him was that Sydni sprung the "I'm a werewolf" on him. Not the "I'm a werewolf and killed people" surprise. That was beyond his knowledge.
---
Sydni didn't blame Charlie for protecting Maggie. That was his duty first and foremost, no matter how it made someone else feel. Maybe that was part of the problem. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't really get angry with him. No anger... It left her feeling numb.
His coaxing worked on the lycan, if only because she was acting almost on automation. Whatever occurred outside of her could make her act. "No..." she answered distantly. "I'm a murderer. I wouldn't want me around children, either." Maybe she should just go. She shouldn't be in a school with all these students. Standing again, she looked around seemingly confused. She wasn't. She was just trying to decide.
---
Having to look away, Mikhail rolled his thundercloud colored eyes. He hated when people got like this. It was one of his peeves and it drove him totally crazy. For Sydni, however, he would try to keep calm. Though he could already feel his blood boiling in anger at both Sydni and this man named Charlie, who clearly had no tact, he refrained from saying anything until the feeling passed. Instead, he took a deep breath before looking down at Sydni and shaking his head.
"You. Are not. A. Murderer." He would have said the same thing whether he knew about her history or not. Werewolves couldn't control themselves in their wolf state most of the time, so it wasn't her fault. Not really. Yet she didn't think that way from Mikhails point of view, and he frowned while crossing his arms loosely over his broad chest.
"Look at," said Mikhail sternly. This was not a situation you took lightly.
---
It wasn't a "phase" or any other annoying teenage drama. To be honest, she was in a serious emotional state. Tilting her head at his declaration, she answered vaguely, "Whether I meant to or not, I killed people. By definition, that makes me a murderer." She sounded almost as if she was explaining something to a small child. Sometimes a scientific mind could be the most difficult to reason with.
At his sudden command, she started and looked at him. He had gotten her attention. Sometimes all the coddling in the world could be brushed off, but a sudden slap in the face couldn't be. Not that she needed to be slapped in the face. But something solid and no nonsense might do.
---
Mikhail was staring down at her, already tired of this. He was a pretty patient guy on the whole, but this was just not something he would stand for. It didn't matter to him what the definition of murderer was because at this point it didn't matter. Swallowing a growl of anger, he spoke as evenly as he could. In the back of his tone there was a lingering hardness he could not abate.
"<i>I</i> have killed. Is what happen early on. Cannot control hunger, Sydni. Know that!" Never had Mikhail told anyone that he killed someone. He had long since thought it was a memory he had forgotten, pushed to the back of his mind. His methods may not have been the best, but they were straight forward and got to the point.
"Give hands," he then said while holding out his own large ones. "Tell me understand what I say."
---
His confession shocked the young woman, as did his obvious frustration and anger. He was so calm, so... zen, it surprised her and she started a bit, the blank expression fading a bit. But she was a stubborn woman. Even his words wouldn't convince her on the first try. Looking away she murmured softly, "It doesn't change what I did." It was spoken with sadness, not with the blank factualness only moments prior.
At his command, she looked surprised, and paused only a moment before doing so, setting the small vial on the nearest flat surface. Looking up at him, she sighed, and then spoke carefully. "I understand, Mikhail. But, I... Why didn't he understand?" Looking away, she fought back tears, and managed to explain, "He should understand. I thought he would. He's a vampire, and he told me..." Shaking her head, she was too choked up to finish.
---
At least sadness he could deal with. A void was something he could not suffer through, so he was relieved and, at first, softened slightly. You won far more sympathy from Mikhail when you were not devoid of emotion. Taking her hands, wrapping his around hers gently he got down on his knees to look her in the face. She wasn't a child he had to look down on any longer.
"I not know," said Mikhail wearily as he shook his head. His eyes never left her until there was a certain way the light glint against the glass bottle. "Is not something people under-what is that?" Narrowing his gaze on the vile, his right hand reached out and picked it up to turn over in his palm. Mikhail had no idea what it was until he used his other hand to open it. Without even having to sniff he knew what it was.
"Was going to use?" asked the man seriously as he capped it off and held it in his fist. It was lost behind his fingers, hand so large and the vile so small. "Was going to use? How could think that help?"
---
Sydni was beginning to feel comforted until he noticed the little bottle. Uncertain how to answer, she chewed on her lip, until he went to open it. "Mikhail, no!" She didn't want him to spill it and hurt himself, but it was apparent he knew what it was.
Backing away, ashamed and afraid of his reaction, she looked away, an embarassed blush rising to her cheek. "No, I mean, I don't... I just had it..." It was true. She hadn't taken it with her with a defined plan in mind. She just had it with her. "I don't want to hurt anyone again," she whispered to his last question. It was her red button, the self-destruct (literally) to stop the Chernobyl level melt down.
---
Staring down at his hand, the vile as he opened the hard grip on it, there was a certain kind of pity feeling for Sydni that rose in his chest. And then it was gone as his mind felt so any things at once. Glaring at the vile, he looked up at Sydni and shook his head at her lightly.
"Don't need," he said in a quiet anger. "Should not have in first place. . ." That time his voice had been louder than the last and he shook his head, more this time. There was a heat in his chest and face as a dark anger filled his brain. "This. . .not make better. IT WON'T MAKE IT BETTER!"
Turning in one fluid motion, he threw the vile at the farthest wall and listened to it shatter with the ferocity of the throw. Silver dripped down the paint and he turned away, disgust on his face from the smell quickly filling the air. Disgust at her. It wouldn't last long toward Sydni, he couldn't hate her, he only hated the place she had gone to.
"I never want you think that again," he told her with worry. "Come to me."
---
The young lycan could sense the anger growing in him, and she subconsciously took a step back. She was ashamed that he saw this weakness, this cowardice in her. She knew it was cowardice, even if it was meant to protect others. She shook her head as he spoke, then gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth when he threw the vial, crying out slightly when it shattered and wincing. If he hadn't spoken to her then, she would have fled. She knew the disgust was directed at her, and it was like the final thread breaking. His words mended the thread, and she took a hesitant step toward him before she moved toward him fluidly and wrapped her arms around him as she began to sob. She didn't mean to, but she couldn't stop. "I'm... s-sorry," she choked out between sobs.
Once she had cried herself out, which didn't take long since she didn't want Mikhail to think her weak, she choked out, "How are we going to clean that up?"
---
Fearing she would run, Mikhail found himself only able to wait for her to move one way or the other. He was glad and relief washed over his body when she came forward and hugged him. Holding her tight, the man ran a hand along her back while his eyes closed. She needn't be sorry, but he accepted her apology nonetheless. If she felt like she had to be saying such things then he would allow her that much. They were over the hard part in a span of five or ten minutes.
"Call maintenance," he said softly while continuing to hold her close. He was in no hurry to let her go. Mikhail wouldn't have thought her weak for crying. It was natural to cry, to feel despair, and even he had shed many a tear in his long lifetime. "Can clean for me. Not worry."
---
Sydni's steps had led her to the right place. If she hadn't had the kind of breakthrough she'd just had, she might have left and done something drastic in the next few days. Or have become a closed off shell of a person for a long while, which would be no good for her control.
His very logical answer made her laugh, a choked half-crying laugh, and she pulled back a little to wipe her eyes. "Won't they wonder why you have silver nitrate all over your wall?" She could only imagine is matter-of-fact response to that: <i>Was accident</i>. The image in her mind, complete with accent, almost made her laugh again. Tentatively, she asked, "Can I stay for a little while? I'm not ready to be alone again." She felt much better, but she'd rather be around someone right now.
---
Alright, so they were all better. Or close enough to it. Mikhail allowed her to remain where she was until she felt like moving. He was content to just let her stay there all she liked. But as it turned out, she was alright not going anywhere anyway. Not by much, at least. Mikhail was rather glad, as he enjoyed the warmth and being able to comfort her.
Shrugging, he said the exact thing she predicted. "Was accident. Not need know truth." His shoulder fell down heavily with his shrug before he turned and moved himself out of her grip so he could sit down. "Can stay long as want," he mused. "I not kick out."
---
His answer earned a small smile from her, even though her eyes and nose were red from the crying. Wiping her eyes again, she looked around for a tissue and then decided she didn't want to go looking for one. Moving to sit with him, she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Thank you, Mikhail. You've been a good friend. A very good friend, and we don't really know each other that well." It was true. Their tutoring sessions were really just business, so not a lot was revealed about either of them.
For a while, she just sat in silence, thinking, content to just feel the warmth of his body against hers to know the comfort of having him near. She was exhausted, mentally more than physically, and she was having trouble keeping her eyes open. But she was stubborn and didn't want to go.
---
As if Mikhail could ever say 'no' to Sydni? He was sure she was going to quickly become his "one" weakness. Of course the man had many flaws and faults, many weak ankles or stubborn heels. But this woman, Sydni, could have asked him to do any number of things and he probably would have done it if it was an attainable desire. He wouldn't jump off of a bridge or anything stupid like that, no, just common sense things or requests that he could perform. Sydni deserved a good friend who could do that.
"You are welcome," said the elder lycan slowly as he sat beside her. She could take all of the time she wanted, really, to just sit there and collect her thoughts. Mikhail was not cruel enough to kick her out. Yet the day had drawn to an end and it was night, close to the time when even he started to get ready for bed and crash. "Will walk back to room," said the man after some minutes of silence passed.
Getting up, the Russian walked in a comfortable silence back to Sydni's room and made sure she was in before returning to his own apartment to finish getting ready for bed. He wished he could have spoken to Charlie for her, to make this better and have that man give back what he had banned, but it just was not his place. Sydni would have to convince Charlie herself--though Mikhail was more than willing to stand by her side as proof of sanity.