Blue Bergeron (bluestreak) wrote in tiberiusswann, @ 2011-08-31 22:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | blue, jason |
Wednesday January 14th 2009
Who: Jason and Blue
What: Late night cuddles
Where: Jason's bed
When: Late night
Rating: PG
Blue was sad. Spooky was mad at her, and all she had wanted to do was help him but he was furious with her. She hadn't helped at all. Spooky hadn't wanted his daughter nearby and he had left, and it felt like the only family Blue had left was angry with and never wanted to see her again. She wasn't a good girl anymore. She needed someone who would make her feel okay again.
And that person was Jason. He was the only person who still cared about Blue, the only person who made her feel happy even if it was a sad happy sometimes. So it was the middle of the night, and Lily was asleep and Blue needed someone to comfort her. So she was breaking into his room (which wasn't hard, these locks were silly) and climbing into bed with him, slipping beneath his covers and resting her head against his shoulder, one hand laid on his chest. He smelled nice while he was sleeping.
Jason had worked until past midnight on homework, mostly because he'd procrastinated between the computer and his girlfriend. That was alright. When he finally decided to call a halt to it, the clock read two am in its bright red digital numbers. He'd fallen asleep wearing boxers and a t-shirt under the thick blanket, perfectly content to snooze until the alarm would go off later that morning.
So when his nose started twitching, recognizing a famililar scent in his room, he grudingly started to wake up. Shifting, he pulled the small form tighter to him with a grunt, cracking open one tired blue eye to see the flame of red hair under his chin. "Hey there, Bluebell," he mumbled sleepily with a yawn.
---
Blue was glad that Jason knew who she was right away, and didn't think she was Cassie for a moment. It would have made her feel bad to disappoint Jason even for the few seconds it would take for him to realize who she really was.
"I'm sad," she told him with a small sniff, her fingers curling against his skin. "Spooky is mad at me. He doesn't love me anymore. Nobody does. I just wanted to help and I made it worse and he won't care about me anymore."
---
Sensing already that this was a conversation where she would be better served with him awake, Jason started to rouse himself from the thrall of sleep. He stretched a bit, trying to work out the stiffness from sitting at his computer for a few hours, scrubbing a hand down his face quickly to wake up a bit more.
"I bet he still cares. He's probably just upset about something. Why would he be mad at you?" He covered his mouth to smother the yawn that came up, mentally trying to slap himself awake. Blue needed him so he wanted to be there for her.
---
She didn't really need him awake. For conversation maybe, but he didn't have to talk. He didn't even have to listen. She just needed someone there for her, someone who didn't hate her. "Because I didn't listen to him," she whispered, a tear trailing down her cheek. "It doesn't matter. You should go back to sleep. I just... I just wanted to be here cuz you... you said we're still friends. And Pookie is too sad with his own stuff to let me be sad about mine."
---
Jason turned so she could still lean on his shoulder, but he was now able to wrap both arms around her in a tight hug. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, wanting to comfort. "I'm awake if you want to talk, Bluebell. We'll always be friends, no matter what dumb thing I say, ok?" Jason rested his cheek against the top of her head, rubbing her back gently.
---
Nodding a little, Blue sniffled. "Okay," she said softly, letting her tears fall more freely. She was sad, and she tried not to let people see her sad because nobody liked a sad friend, but... well Jason was a little different. He didn't see her like other people did. "Well... I dunno if I wanna talk. I feel so ashamed. I just wanted to help but the more that I try and help, the more I realize that I'm not doing things right. Nobody likes when I do stuff for them, it's always wrong. I'm always wrong."
---
Jason gave her another squeeze, settling in to rub her back and let her cry, murmuring softly to try and soothe her. "You have everyone's best intentions at heart, right? You don't do something to be rude or malicious and that means it's right for you. Doesn't make it wrong. As long as you're doing it to be nice, that's all that mattters."
---
Jason had to be wrong. If he was right, and Blue was doing things right, then why did everything always feel so wrong? "No," she told him, shaking her head. "No, no. Because it's not all that matters. Because everyone leaves and moves on and they don't love me anymore. Like you." Shifting slightly, she pushed a knee between Jason's legs, moving herself closer to him, tucking her head under his chin. "You used to think I was interesting and nice and fun and you liked being around me and now you're all... you don't. You don't like anything bout me. I don't do anything right."
---
Jason separated his legs, letting Blue get as close as she wanted so she could feel comforted. Still, he couldn't help but chuckle softly. "I don't know what you think about me, but I don't let just anyone into my bed to cuddle." He stroked her back idly, staring off into the dark. "I still think you're fun and interesting. I've never stopped thinking you're nice and I do like hanging out with you."
---
Releasing a slow, shuddering breath, Blue sighed softly. Jason was warm, so warm, and comforting and he smelled peaceful. It was such a familiar scent, one that she knew and loved and always made her happy. Jason made her happy. "When I gave you your present from Japan... that was the first time I couldn't convince you to do something you didn't wanna do. I can always talk you into doing things you don't wanna do cuz... well I thought cuz that deep down you trusted me to know you well enough not to do anything you wouldn't really like. That you always knew I'd look out for you." It was the beginning of the end, when she couldn't convince a boy to do what she wanted him to do. When he said no, and she started doing things wrong... that was when they grew tired of her, when the newness and fun and freshness wore off, and she became just a silly girl that they still talked to out of habit.
---
Jason sighed. How on earth was he supposed to explain, and have her understand that sometimes there were things that he simply would not do, no matter who asked him to do it. Cassie could ask, his mother could rise from the grave and Jason would not wear a skirt outside of a Halloween party. There were lines he was not comfortable crossing, and then there were brick walls. The skirt issue was concrete. “Bluebell,” he murmured softly, already fighting off another yawn. “Just because I didn’t want to dress like a Japanese school girl does not mean I care about you any less. All it means is that sometimes I’d like you to respect what I do and do not want to do. You have a lot of great and fun ideas,” he added reassuringly. “But the same idea doesn’t work well for everyone, right?”
---
Blue wanted to ask why, to ask what the big deal was, to ask Jason why something so innocent and silly and insignificant was such a big deal to him. Instead she just nodded, staying quiet. Maybe there was something deeper there, something she didn't know that he wouldn't tell her. Something traumatic. Maybe it just wasn't important at all, and he just needed to feel like he could stand up to her, to not be manipulated. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. Being here wasn't making her feel much better. It made her think of the long line of 'No's Jason had said to her throughout their friendship, how everything was no before it was yes, how some things never got to be yes. Never would be.
"Just go to sleep," she said softly. "I feel okay now, thank you. Just sleepy." She could feel him practically falling asleep as he spoke. It was sweet of him to try and stay awake to talk with her, but he shouldn't have to. She was bothering him, she could tell. She didn't want to be a bother.
---
Jason was used to having people walk all over him, being the nice guy who enjoyed making people happy, but he was also accustomed to being able to say what he wanted and having his opinions respected. That was the one thing that bothered him most about Blue. She wouldn’t accept anything he said, how he felt, if it didn’t conform to what she thought it should be. Truth be told, he didn’t give two damns about the skirt. It was the point of the matter. At no point in their friendship would Blue accept how Jason felt by something and be willing to let him stand by it. There was no compromise.
His nose told him that she really wasn’t feeling any better, but he wasn’t going to push for information. “You sure? And you know you’re welcome to stay.” He knew Cassie wouldn’t mind Blue being there, so kicking Blue out of his room wasn’t going to happen. Of course, he wouldn’t stop her if she wanted to leave. Apparently the one thing he used to be able to do, make her happy, he could no longer do.
---
Patting his chest, Blue nodded. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me, Puppy. Just... thank you. For listening." She had no intention of leaving. Lily would be okay until she woke up, and Blue would be back in the room before then. She just needed to be someplace else for awhile. Strangely, feeling sad about Jason was making her think less about feeling sad about Spooky. Her hurt with him was colder, it stung less because she was used to it. With Spooky it was fresh and raw and it made her cry.
After closing her eyes a moment, and sighing softly, she realized that she actually was tired. And being here with Jason actually did make her feel better. He was still good for it. "You smell perfect," she mumbled, tired. "An' good. An' warm. You're warm. Love you." Pressing a small, soft kiss on his throat, she nuzzled close and sighed one last sigh, like a small kitten right before they fall asleep.