Monday, December 1st, 2008 Who: Charlie and Kim (with some Starbuck at the end) When: Monday morning, around 2am Where: near the kitchens What: poor Kimmy stumbles upon a drunken, coked out vampire Warning: Mild references to suicide.
Charlie just couldn’t handle this shit any longer. He needed to escape his life for a bit. It was getting too heavy to carry around on his shoulders. The weight threatened to crush him. What a year he’d had. Got married. Killed a woman. And now his marriage was dying. Oh, and his niece probably hated him. Fan-fucking-tastic. There was also the whole thing about getting fired.
He’d sworn to himself that he’d never, ever use it, but then again, Charlie hadn’t been willing to flush the stash down the toilet either. He kept the bag of coke under lock and key and carefully hidden so no one but him would ever find it. Now the bag was half empty, and several bottles of tequila were completely empty. One clinked and rolled across the hard floor when Charlie accidentally knocked it over.
He’d left the apartment and sought out an empty study room between the kitchens and student lounge to get wasted. Charlie couldn’t tolerate Ava’s company right now, and Maggie was still a mess, so she hadn’t returned to school. He was alone, or so he thought.
---
The further along she got in this pregnancy, the more intense her cravings for munchies got. Unfortunately, this one craving couldn’t be satisfied by anything she had in the apartment so she had to go wandering off to the school kitchens to calm it. Since Starbuck was a heavy sleeper, she had no trouble sneaking out of bed undetected.
Once she was suited up in sweatpants, a hoodie, socks and sneakers, she headed out the door with her keys and her phone just in case.
Kim quickly made it back to the old building she used to call home and snuck into the kitchen to get a couple of slices of pumpkin and apple pie. Her sweet tooth really couldn’t be calmed down lately. Once she got a few slices into styrofoam bowls, she began to make her way back out of the kitchens and through the lonely halls of the building. She was about to make her way out of the building when she heard a clinking sound. Turning in the sound’s direction, she continued to walk slowly, seeing a soft glowing light emanating from one of the study rooms. Kim wasn’t like one of those stupid girls in horror movies that always walked towards a strange sound, but this situation was different. Kind of.
Getting closer to the door, she decided to call out before she went any further. “Hello? Someone there?”
---
Under normal conditions, Charlie would have heard and smelled Kim approaching. But her voice came as a surprise. He moved as though attempting to sit up, because he didn’t want to be caught, but all he did was knock over another empty tequila bottle. “Fuck!” he spat, thinking he was keeping his voice soft, but he really wasn’t.
“You’re out past curfew!” he called out, not recognizing Kim’s voice or scent in his impaired state.
---
The closer Kim got, the more she could smell the booze. Alright, so someone snuck out to get blitzed in a study room. Or maybe more than one someone. Kim’s nose picked up a vampire scent, but she couldn’t tell how many there were until she heard someone’s voice.
“Charlie?” she called out to the vampire as she walked to the door without hesitation now. Swinging it open, she saw him practically sprawled out on the floor with empty tequila bottles around that he had obviously consumed all by himself. “Are you alright?”
---
Charlie looked up at Kim when she walked in the room. His eyes were glazed over, so it was hard to figure out who she was at first. He narrowed his eyes and tried to make out her basic shape. “Kiiiiim,” he slurred. “Mm great. Fuckin’ won..wonderful.” He was trashed. Which was made all the more obvious when he picked up his half empty bag of coke and offered it to her, “You want some blow?”
---
Kim frowned as she saw just how bad Charlie was. Starbuck had told her that Ava wasn’t going to be moving with Charlie and his family so Kim knew that he had to be an emotional wreck. She just didn’t know how much of one he was until she saw him this very moment.
Her brows furrowed as she saw him pick up the bag of coke. “No,” she replied, shaking her head. “You shouldn’t be having it either. You shouldn’t be doing this to yourself.”
---
Charlie nodded slowly at Kim’s words, “Yeah.” He swallowed hard and slumped down a bit lower, the bag falling out of his hand. Some of the white powder spilled out onto the hard floor, but Charlie didn’t notice. He was too busy reeling from the cocaine already in his system. It mixed with the tequila in a delicious way, but he was still depressed. Why wasn’t he numb? That’s all he wanted right now. Charlie couldn’t bear the pain of his life at the moment. “You.. you should,” he belched a little, “Go home.”
---
Stepping forward, Kim picked up the bag, wanting to get it away from him in case he decided he needed more cocaine. She had no idea what to do with it though, so she just kind of held it awkwardly. “No, I’m not going home,” she stated firmly. “I’m not gonna leave you here to self-destruct.”
Walking over to a garbage can, she dumped all of the powder out of the bag before letting the empty bag fall into it afterwards. Once that was done, she tied up the garbage bag and chucked it towards the door so she’d remember to throw it out in the dumpster by the building. “Do you want to talk at all? It helps more than drowning yourself in drugs and booze.”
---
Charlie wasn’t thinking about the coke. She could have thrown it out the window, and he wouldn’t have noticed. He was too lost in himself to have any grip on the world around him. “You should,” he told her, slumping lower. It looked as though he might break his neck the way he was sitting.
Shaking his head, Charlie mumbled, “No. I want to pass out and not have nightmares.” It was amazing he could communicate this well. He really was drunk, and it took so much work to get drunk as a vampire.
---
“That’s not gonna happen,” she replied as she moved closer to him, kicking the tequila bottles out of the way. Damn, he really did have a lot to drink, which was obvious since it was so difficult for a vampire to get drunk in the first place.
Moving all the bottles out of the way, Kim sat down near him, settling her back against the wall as well. “I’m pretty sure Blake made a potion or something a while back that would allow you to have a dreamless sleep. If you wanted, you could ask him for some and he’d probably give it to you.” Kim knew all Charlie wanted was to sit here and let himself fall apart, but she wasn’t about to let that happen. She needed to keep him talking, even if it was about tiny, inane things.
---
Charlie shook his head and attempted to pull himself up a little bit, but it was hard. He felt dizzy. “No, I don’t want it. Just tequila and coke.” He realized he hadn’t taken a hit in a few minutes and looked around, not having noticed when Kim threw the bag away. “Where’s my stash?” That’s when he saw some of the spilled powder on the floor. He licked his middle finger and dabbed the substance, rubbing it along his gums. “I gave up coke for Maggie. I gave up the Marines for Maggie. I’m giving up my marriage for Maggie.”
---
Kim frowned as she saw Charlie go for the powder on the floor only to rub it on his gums. Nasty. “Charlie, stop it,” she stated firmly as she tried to yank his hand away from his mouth. “You don’t need to do this to yourself. Why would you start doing this again if you stopped for her in the first place? I know you’re hurting, but this isn’t going to make you feel better.”
---
Charlie started crying, which was weird for him. He wasn’t normally a depressed drunk, but he didn’t normally drink to drown his sorrows either. He was a happy drinker. He went out to get wasted with his buddies back in the day. Booze it up, bang a few women, sleep in the next day. It was awesome. Now look at him.
“Nothing can make me feel better. Ava was my only chance for a future. I have nothing to look forward to. Just... a lot of funerals.”
---
Kim couldn’t stand to see anyone cry, but the fact that it was Charlie crying made it so much worse. The guy was always in such a good mood before. He was this tough ex-Marine who loved his family, but now, his world seemed to be falling apart. Kim felt horrible that he was so upset and her heart went out to him. “I’m sorry that she’s not going with you,” she replied gently. “Quite frankly, I don’t really understand why she isn’t, but I’m sure she has her reasons. The thing is, it doesn’t really have to end for you two even if you’re going to be on opposites sides of the country. What about traveling to see each other?”
---
Ava had plenty of reasons, and they were valid ones, but none of those reasons made it easier for him to cope with the fact that his marriage was falling apart less than a year after saying ‘I do.’ His heart ached so damn bad. A stake to the heart would kill him as a vampire, and it felt like that’s what he was going through, but he was dying far too slowly. Some twisted fuck was determined to make him suffer. Maybe this was the Hell he was doomed to endure. It wasn’t some fiery realm beneath the Earth’s crust. It was eternity. Vampires were doomed to suffer eternity.
He shook his head at Kim’s suggestion. “I can’t do that. She’ll never be faithful, and I can’t stand to see her after fucking other dudes.” Knowing his luck, he’d smell it on her, or he’d hear about one of her hookups from someone back at school. If he saw her again after that, it was hard saying what he’d do. “It’s all or nothing.”
---
“You really don’t think she’d be faithful?” Kim didn’t really know Ava, but she seemed to have changed a lot after she and Charlie stayed married. She really did seem like she loved Charlie and was growing into the role of a wife pretty well. They’d also seemed to have their share of fights, but what couple didn’t? Kim also couldn’t blame Charlie for the ‘all or nothing’ part. “What about down the line? What if something changes? Do you think you could be together again?”
---
Charlie shook his head. “She won’t be.” He knew she wouldn’t be. Ava might wait awhile, but she’d eventually start fucking other people. Charlie wouldn’t. He couldn’t bear to. Even if by some miracle his dick started working again, he refused to let himself get close to another woman, even if it was only on a physical level. He was done. And once Maggie was gone, along with the rest of his family, he’d probably just off himself. What was the point of going on without anyone to love?
“She belongs to someone else, so she can never be mine. By the time she can, I won’t be here anymore.” Charlie still thought walking out into the sun was his best option. He wanted to feel it on his skin again, just once.
---
It was sad to hear Charlie say that he was certain that Ava wouldn’t be faithful to him. And Kim wasn’t even going to ask him if he was going to try to move on, because it was clear that Ava was it for him. He didn’t want anyone else. It was odd to see Charlie like this because the Charlie she had met back at Halcyon wouldn’t have hesitated to move on to another woman.
Kim had learned a bit about the sire/childe relationship in some of her classes, but it was still difficult for her to fully understand it since she’d never experienced that bond. But, perhaps the most disconcerting part of this conversation was the fact that Charlie said he wouldn’t be around anymore after Ava could finally be all his. Kim’s brows furrowed slightly and she felt her throat start to tighten up a bit. “You shouldn’t talk like that. You should keep fighting for her.”
---
Charlie wasn’t the same man he’d been a few years ago. He’d changed a lot, and he wasn’t always certain it was for the better. Was he happier now? No. Did his life mean more now? No. He was still a dick. Still selfish. Still stupid.
“No, I shouldn’t talk like that because it makes people uncomfortable. Like you.” He nodded toward her. Charlie hadn’t looked at Kim all that much since she came in to ‘comfort’ him. He mostly just stared at the wall and wondered where his coke had gone. He took a long swig of his last bottle of tequila since there wasn’t any powder to snort. “Don’t tell anyone. Fisher doesn’t remember me, so he won’t tell. Mom can’t stop me this time.”
---
“That’s not the only reason why you shouldn’t talk like that,” she replied before grabbing the bottle away from him and throwing it in another trash bin across the room. “Yes, it made me uncomfortable, but it also made me upset because you’re a great guy. You shouldn’t give up. What you need to do is keep fighting. And I’ll tell if you keep up with this attitude. I’ll find someone else who can talk to your mother if I need to.”
---
Charlie turned to look at Kim. He was still extremely drunk and high, but he was sure of his feelings on this issue. “If you lost everyone that mattered to you, would you just sit around alone for the rest of your life? I can’t imagine you going about your business if Starbuck left you and Kamea was dead. You’d have no reason left to live. I’ve been to a lot of funerals. I’m gonna go to a lot more. And then I’m gonna walk outside, enjoy the sun for a few seconds, and just be done with it all. I’m not doing it tomorrow. I’ve got responsibilities. But when I’ve got nothing left, I’m out. Done.”
---
Kim frowned at Charlie’s question. She knew she wouldn’t be the same if Starbuck left her and Kamea wasn’t around anymore. But she had Boomer to live for now. Her hand unconsciously moved to her belly, thinking about her unborn child and how she could never leave Boomer alone in this world. As much as it would hurt to not have Starbuck, she’d still have a reason to live in Boomer. “It would hurt like fucking hell, but I could never kill myself,” she responded, her voice tight as she fought to keep it above a whisper. “I really wish there was something I could do to help you.”
---
He patted her leg and nodded at her. “You’re a better person than I am. Stronger.” Charlie knew Kim was tough, he’d always known. Sometimes it came off as bitchy, but it helped her survive.
Charlie wiped at his eyes for the first time. They’d been leaking non-stop, but he’d not bothered to brush away any of the tears. “You can’t,” he said in a voice that had no life to it. Maybe the liquor and coke were starting to kick in. He felt a bit numb. His emotions were dead.
---
After escaping from home and dumping her cheating ex, Kim toughened up significantly. She kept her guard up at all times for fear of being hurt again. Yes, it ultimately helped her survive, but keeping those walls up forever wasn’t going to do her any good. From a psychological viewpoint, she could definitely tell that Charlie had had those walls up as well. The whole womanizing thing was basically a defense mechanism of sorts to assure that he’d never get too close to anyone to be able to get hurt. That was essentially what Kim had done except without the sleeping around part. “I wasn’t always this strong. And I’m not necessarily better either.”
It was seriously breaking Kim’s heart to see Charlie so broken. He didn’t deserve to be hurting like this. She stayed quiet for a moment, staring across the room as well before she spoke up once more. “You know you can’t just stay here all night..”
---
“I used to be strong.” At least that’s how Charlie saw it. Before Maggie came along, he felt invincible. He’d suffered the worst pain imaginable when his mother died. Nothing would ever hurt that bad again, so the fact that he’d survived it meant he could do anything. Then Maggie was born, and he realized he could be hurt again. If anything happened to her, he’d lose it. Then he married Ava. Again, someone else he loved who he could lose, and he was losing her.
“Why not? I can’t go home.” It would only upset Ava to see him like this. He didn’t want her to feel worse than she already did about the choice she’d made.
---
“You can be strong again. It can fluctuate from time to time, but always come back when you need it the most. And now sounds like one of those times. You just have to dig deep. And, like you said, you still have responsibilities so... yeah.” Kim felt like she wasn’t being all that helpful, but it was apparent that what she said wasn’t making much of an impact anyway.
“Then come sleep in our guest room, because I am not letting you pass out on this floor.” She understood that he probably didn’t want Ava to see him like this, but it didn’t mean he had to stay here.
---
Charlie shook his head, disregarding Kim’s words. “I don’t need a lecture. I just need some time to fall apart. I’ll be who everyone needs me to be in the morning.” Technically, it was already morning, but he didn’t have anyone to care for at this moment. He wasn’t even employed anymore, so there weren’t going to be any school emergencies that required his presence.
“No.. I’m not sleeping in your guest room. I’ll sleep here.” He slumped down until his head was on the floor. Charlie curled up on his side, using his hands as a pillow. He didn’t want Starbuck or Kamea seeing him like this either. It was bad enough that Kim had to see him drunk and depressed.
---
Kim knew that Charlie was hurting, but she was starting to lose her patience with him. Drunk and high people were difficult to deal with. Add on the fact that Charlie was also depressed and it was damn near impossible to deal with him. Annoyance was starting to creep up on her, which was a possible side effect of the pregnancy or just frustration with Charlie. Either way, it wasn’t good and she was trying to keep it at bay, but it wasn’t really working. “Fine, I won’t lecture you anymore. But will you please at least come sleep in our guest room? It isn’t comfortable here and someone else will find you and then you’ll have to explain again why you’re here in your current state. Starbuck won’t mind that you’re staying in our guest room and you won’t have to see him if you don’t want to.”
---
Defiance was draining out of Charlie’s system. He was too weak to keep fighting Kim on this. He’d rather curl up on the floor and pass out in misery, but Kim made a good point about someone else possibly finding him. That would be bad. He slowly sat up, swaying a little as he did so. “I don’t want Kamea to see me. Don’t let her.” It would feel too much like being caught in this state by Maggie. He was such a fuck up, and it would be terrible for kids to see such a walking disaster.
---
Thank God Charlie finally caved in, because that was Kim’s last try to get him to stay in her guest room. Once he sat up, she stood up, keeping her arms near him in case he toppled to one side as he stood. “I promise I won’t let her see you.” Looking around, Kim realized she had to clean up this place before they left so she began to collect the empty tequila bottles and put them all in the garbage bin. Tying up that bag as well, she collected it and the bag with the coke in it before looking back at Charlie. “Are you gonna be alright to walk on your own?”
---
Charlie used the wall for support as he stood. It was more solid than Kim, and he was less likely to damage it. He could walk, not very fast, and probably not in a straight line, but he could walk. Nodding, Charlie assured her, “I’m fine. Give me one of those,” he pointed to the trash bags. There was no sense in her carrying both. It was his mess, and it wasn’t fair that she was forced to clean it up.
---
Nodding slightly, Kim gave Charlie the bag with the empty tequila bottles. She saw how desperate he had been before when he dabbed the coke off the floor so she didn’t want him getting any ideas with the coke in the trash bag.
Watching him for a second to make sure he didn’t fall over, she made her way out of the study room, the desserts she came looking for in one hand and the trash bag with the dumped coke in the other.
---
Charlie followed behind, lagging at times, and zigzagging a bit, but he never came close to bumping into anything or falling over. He just sort of dragged his feet and made an effort to focus on Kim ahead of him, a bit like how a drunk driver follows taillights to try and stay in the correct lane. “Why are you being nice to me?” he asked her as they entered the staff building where they both lived.
---
Every once in a while, Kim looked back at Charlie to make sure he was still following her well enough towards their building. She would’ve tried to help him walk, but she had a feeling he would refuse help like that. “Why shouldn’t I be nice to you? Despite what you think, you’re a good person. You’ve helped me and Starbuck out a lot and everyone else at this school.”
---
Charlie didn’t think he’d done much to help Kim and Starbuck. Granted, he’d had them over a few times, Maggie and Kamea were friends, and he was nice to them in general, but what had he really done for them? But there were other people in the school he’d helped. He’d saved a few lives, actually, or helped save them. It didn’t count for much though. He still lost his job. Charlie hoped Adam was prepared to take on the enormous task of keeping everyone at school safe. It was the hardest job Charlie had ever had. He didn’t yet know what he’d be doing in San Francisco, but if the school was willing to hire him on to work security, he’d take the job despite the stress. But he’d prefer if he wasn’t head of security again.
“Starbuck helps a lot of people. I wish I could heal people.” Charlie was truly envious of Starbuck’s gift. There was nothing good, not really, about being a vampire. But to be a healer would be amazing. To have the power to really help others.
---
If Charlie asked about instances where he had really helped Kim and Starbuck, she would’ve told him. First, there was that time that he carried Starbuck back from the infirmary after he had passed out from healing Will. Then, he had enforced Ed’s ban from campus so he wouldn’t bother Kim and Starbuck again as well as allowing Lauren to sidestep the usual security checkpoints before entering the campus. And he had also kept Kim safe when she went along with him and Nox to clean up the mess that Rez had left behind in Lynn Woods. That was a lot.
“Every race has its ups and downs,” she replied, dumping the trash bag in the garbage chute before hitting the button for the elevator. Normally she took the stairs, but she didn’t think Charlie should be doing that in the state he was in. She didn’t really see much of a downside to Starbuck’s race, but she knew what Charlie must be thinking.
---
Charlie wasn’t used to hearing the word ‘thanks’ when he helped people, so maybe that was why he didn’t think he did all that much. Or maybe it was the Marine in him. He didn’t serve and protect to earn praise. He did it because it was the right thing to do. He needed to help others.
Following Kim’s lead, Charlie tossed out the bag containing all his empty tequila bottles. He wasn’t wondering about the coke anymore, but he probably would the next day. Not because he wanted to use, but because he worried about it falling into the wrong hands. He didn’t need someone overdosing due to his carelessness.
“I don’t see any downside to him. He’s a good guy. Don’t let him go.” Kim managed to get one of the few seriously decent men to love her. She’d be an idiot to throw him away. Ava needed a guy like that. Maybe she’d find one now.
---
No one really went into a profession like the military or health care to earn praise or thanks. The people in those professions did it because of their need to help others and that in itself was admirable and selfless.
“He really is,” Kim replied with a slight nod as she walked into the elevator, waiting until Charlie was in to press the button for her floor. She knew how good she had it with Starbuck and felt so incredibly lucky to have him love her. There was nothing in the world that could make her throw him away. She wanted to say something to Charlie about not letting Ava go either, but she didn’t think it would do much good. He’d already refuted all the possibilities Kim gave him.
---
Charlie leaned back against the elevator wall. Something about it sound and movement was soothing. His eyes closed, and he came close to passing out, but his eyes shot open as soon as his knees buckled, and he managed to make himself stand up straight again. “Will you let her know I’m okay?” he asked Kim as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. They stepped out, Charlie still following Kim.
---
Kim watched Charlie as he leaned against the wall and moved to help him when it seemed he was about to fall. Luckily, he didn’t and Kim straightened up once again as well. “Of course,” she agreed quietly. Walking out into the hallway, she unlocked the door to the apartment and stepped inside. Once Charlie was in, she gently closed the door and made her way over to the guest room.
Turning the light on, she began the process of setting up the pull out couch for him. “Blankets and pillows are in the closet if you want to grab them.”
---
Charlie appreciated her willingness to contact Ava. He couldn’t talk to her right now, and his fingers were too clumsy to be able to send her a text. Still, he knew she was probably worried. There was a reason he’d picked that particular study room, because he knew she’d never look somewhere like that, and he didn’t want to be found tonight.
Being told where everything was, but not really caring, Charlie collapsed on the bare mattress, face down. “I’m fine,” he told her, because Charlie could feel an ‘are you okay?’ sort of question about to come out of her mouth. “Don’t let Kamea see me.” Charlie forgot that he’d already asked her that.
---
Kim had no idea under what circumstances he had left Ava tonight, but she could only imagine that his wife was concerned about him, especially given everything that was going on in their lives right now. The least she could do was send her a text to let her know that Charlie was staying in the guest room for the night.
Frowning slightly, Kim was certainly about to open her mouth and ask if he was alright again, but was quickly silenced by his statement. Moving over to the closet, she got two pillows and a blanket out for him and placed them next to him on the bed. “I promise I won’t.” Retreating out of the room, she bid him a good night before turning off the lights and shutting the door.
---
Charlie passed out shortly after Kim left the room. Almost immediately, he was thrust into a world of horrible nightmares. It was typical when he slept alone, and much more common recently because he was so upset about the path his life had taken.
But in another room of the apartment, a happy man slept soundly. Starbuck was a heavy sleeper as a general rule, and he hadn’t woken up when Kim got out of bed earlier. He was getting used to her being somewhat restless due to being pregnant. She often got up, and he’d told her to wake him if she needed something, but otherwise he continued to snooze. Still, he stirred when she returned to bed this time. “You get a snack?” he asked, not opening his eyes, but simply scooting over to curl up against her.
---
Kim was quiet as she went back into her and Starbuck’s room, her snack forgotten as she stripped back down to her pajamas. She still felt so bad about everything that was happening to Charlie, but there wasn’t much more that she could do aside from letting him sleep off the drugs and booze and letting Ava know he was alright.
She slowly slipped back into bed, but Starbuck soon stirred beside her. “Yeah, kinda,” she replied as she sent off a quick text to Ava before lying back down. “Went to the kitchens for some pie and I ran into Charlie. He wasn’t doing too well so he’s sleeping in the guest bedroom right now. He had me worried.”
---
Starbuck stirred a little more as he heard the sound of concern in Kim’s voice. He opened his eyes to see her texting someone. Starbuck pulled her to him when she was lying down. “He’s in the guest room? Why didn’t he just go back to his own bed?” Starbuck could understand if the guy was upset over everything happening with his family, Ava especially, but why would he need to stay in this apartment. Something more was going on that Kim wasn’t saying.
---
When he pulled her over, Kim turned to face him and draped an arm over Starbuck as she spoke. “I found him in a study room with a bunch of empty bottles of tequila and a bag of coke,” she replied, the frown on her face apparent by the tone of her voice. “He wanted to stay sleeping on that floor, but I couldn’t let him. He was completely depressed.”
---
“Coke?” Starbuck asked, surprised to hear that and more than a little worried now. Starbuck remembered that Charlie used drugs back at Halcyon, but he’d been clean, from what Starbuck knew, for a long time now. If he was using again, then the guy had hit rock bottom. “Do you think I should check on him?” Starbuck didn’t know if vampires could OD. It didn’t seem possible, but Starbuck didn’t want Charlie dying.
---
“No, don’t check on him,” Kim replied quickly, taking a hold of Starbuck’s arm in case he went to get up. “He doesn’t want anyone else to see him so messed up. I promise he’s fine though. Even with all the alcohol and who knows how much coke in his system, he was able to walk here just fine. He was coherent enough to keep up a conversation as well. I think what he needs for now is sleep.”
---
Starbuck was about to get up, so it was a good thing Kim stopped him. But he didn’t feel right about simply lying here when Charlie was in pain. Starbuck wanted to help. He’d tried talking to Ava about everything, hoping maybe she’d change her mind and go with Charlie. He understood why she’d decided to stay, but he didn’t think it was a good choice.
“You think he’s really going to be able to sleep? If I was in his position..” Starbuck started, but he struggled to finish. “I’d never ask you to choose me over Ed. I guess in a lot of ways you already have, but I wouldn’t tell you that it’s me or him. Still, I’d be a mess if you left me like he wanted. I can’t imagine how much it hurts to be Charlie right now. He’s changed so much.”
---
Kim knew that Starbuck’s first instinct would be to check on the vampire, but Kim had promised Charlie that she wouldn’t let anyone see him. Starbuck had told Kim about Ava’s decision, and while she also didn’t think it was a good choice, she also couldn’t really blame her either. It was a bit like Kim’s situation with Ed, except the twins were actually on a good terms right now and they also had a sire to worry about.
Shrugging slightly, she spoke up since he probably couldn’t see her too well in the dark. “I don’t know.” Charlie seemed gone enough that he could pass out, but it was difficult to tell, especially with everything that was running through his mind at the moment. Kim thought back to what Charlie had said about offing himself once everyone he loved was gone and she felt her throat tighten up again. “I’d never leave you. I don’t understand how they could just both give up like this.”
---
Starbuck could tell that Kim was shaken by her chat with Charlie. He hugged her to his body and kissed her lightly. “I’d never leave you either. I know I talked about it after Ed came here, but it would have been a mistake for me to go back to Maui. I won’t leave unless you come with me.” He squeezed her again. “I don’t see how Ava can stay. I just don’t understand. Not just because of Charlie, but Maggie too. Ava loves that little girl, and Maggie worships her. Poor Maggie. She’s probably taking this just as hard as Charlie.”
---
Kim felt comforted by Starbuck’s embrace and she clung tightly to him as he spoke. She refused to ever throw him away or give up on him. Still, her throat felt tight and tears were threatening to come up to the surface. It was all just so depressing. “I don’t ever wanna be away from you or Kamea. I think I’d fall apart.” Sniffling slightly, she buried her face in Starbuck’s chest, listening to his heartbeat to calm herself down. “It can’t be just because of her sister. It has to be more complicated than that because I can’t see her giving up this life with Charlie and Maggie simply because she doesn’t want to live far away from Ana.” Kim frowned as she thought more about Maggie. “I heard Maggie started acting up a bit in her tutoring sessions..”
---
“I think it has a lot to do with their sire. Look at the psycho who came after Charlie, trying to make his life miserable because she wasn’t the star of it anymore. I doubt Ava’s sire would appreciate her being married and taking care of a kid.” That was the part of Ava’s decision that Starbuck understood. It was the reason he’d considered moving back to Maui after Ed attacked him. Starbuck had to think of Kamea’s safety, and Ava was probably doing the same thing. She wanted to protect her family, even if it meant letting them go. But he kept thinking there had to be another solution.
“I feel so bad for them. I wish there was something we could do. Ava’s gonna be a wreck when they leave. We should check up on her a lot.. invite her over and that sort of stuff. I don’t want her feeling like she’s alone. And maybe Kamea could join us for some Skype chats with Maggie and Charlie. I’m sure it’s going to be rough being the new kid in school.”
---
“Well, it’s not like her sire showed up here kidnapping someone or making Ava’s life a living hell. Still, I suppose you’re right, especially since Ava is keeping that fact from him.” It had to suck to have someone looking over your shoulder like that all the time and Kim knew it firsthand. Though she also wondered if there was another solution as well. There just had to be, but it wasn’t coming to mind.
“I know. Me too.” At his suggestions, Kim nodded slightly, but was reminded of what Charlie had said earlier. “He said that Ava would probably move on and start sleeping with other men again. I can’t imagine that happening, but he seemed so certain.” And as certain as he seemed about that, Charlie was also certain that he’d never be with another woman again. “You think he’s still going to even want to talk to us after he leaves? He said he wanted to make a clean break anyway. Why wouldn’t that include everything at this school? Everything here is only going to remind him of Ava.”
---
“I think Ava probably knows her sire better than the rest of us. If she thinks she needs to keep this shit from him, then it’s probably for the best. Maybe Charlie and his family would be in danger if she went with them.” Still, it was a huge sacrifice to make. Starbuck felt terrible for all of them.
Starbuck thought about the idea of Ava moving on. He wasn’t sure if she would or not. Forever was a very long time, but some loves never die. Maybe she’d always hold out for the possibility of being with Charlie again. Starbuck’s dad was dead, but his mom had never shown interest in dating again. She was content with her life as it was, and she didn’t need another man to fill the void Bardsley left behind. It would have upset Starbuck at first if she started dating, but he’d get over it, probably because he knew his dad would just what whatever made her happy. Maybe that was what Charlie wanted too. He didn’t want Ava to be alone.
Shrugging, Starbuck said, “I don’t know. But I’m not going to make it easy on him. He’s not okay right now, and he’s not going to be okay for a very long time. He’s our friend, and we have to look out for him. We could definitely visit. Mom loves San Francisco.. talks about it all the time. I’d like for Kamea to see where her grandma’s from. It’ll be good for Charlie. He needs to know he’s not alone.”
---
“I’ve learned about the sire/child bond in classes, but I still don’t understand it. And why the hell are most sires evil assholes? Why can’t they be nice like Godric? He doesn’t seem like he’d go psycho on anyone.” If the twins’ sire was really a dangerous man, why weren’t they in danger now? No doubt he’d be watching their every move, but if he had no idea that they were both in relationships, how could he really be a threat?
Kim nodded slightly, agreeing with Starbuck’s suggestions. “I don’t want to give up on him either. I feel like he might wonder why we’re visiting since he asked me why I was being nice to him. Though that’s probably just the depression talking.” Frowning, she remembered something else he had said. “He also said that once he was alone, he’d probably walk out into the sun..”
---
“I don’t know. I’ve heard Godric wasn’t always the guy we know him to be. Maybe he grew out of the evil asshole phase?” Starbuck noticed the same thing Kim did. Most sires seemed to be total tools. Controlling, manipulative, down right evil douchebags. Perhaps it was because only the most selfish vampires decided to turn others, while the good vampires were compassionate enough to want to protect others from that fate. “I just think it’s terrible when someone is forced to become a vampire. That shouldn’t be inflicted on anyone who doesn’t understand what they’re getting themselves into. It should always be a choice.” Ava and Ana were lucky in that sense at least, though he doubted either of them ever considered the possibility that they’d fall in love and want ‘normal’ lives.
Starbuck sat up when Kim said Charlie was talking about walking out into the sun. “He’s suicidal?” he asked in an urgent tone. Now Starbuck really wanted to check on the guy.
---
“Maybe he did grow out of it. Though I heard Val was pretty old too and she didn’t seem to grow out of it.” Controlling and manipulative was definitely right. Most sires seemed to want to keep their childer on a tight leash. Kim’s parents weren’t vampires, but that’s also what they were like and she managed to find a way to break away from them. Maybe just moving away would help, but she supposed a sire would be much more insistent on finding a rogue childe than Kim’s parents were with her. “No one should ever be forced to become something they don’t want to be.” And again, Kim was thinking back to her parents. They didn’t want to become lycans either, but Kim wouldn’t erase that happening for anything in the world. She was happy as a lycan. And if she had never been born this way, she never would’ve met Starbuck.
When Starbuck sat up, Kim did the same. She should’ve known he’d react to her admission like this. “He’s not going to do anything right now. He said he still has an obligation to his family and I believe that he wouldn’t leave them behind to grieve him. What he said was that he saw no point in going on after everyone he loved was dead and...” Kim’s voice cracked though she continued on. “I can’t say I really blame him. I don’t want him to kill himself, but he said he didn’t want to continue on alone.” Biting her bottom lip, she tried not to cry as she wrapped her arms around her belly.
---
“I don’t think Val can be compared to other vampires. That bitch was crazy.” And for Starbuck to call someone a bitch at all was a strong statement of how he really felt. He very, very rarely used that word, because it offended him. “I don’t think problems can be solved through killing, but Charlie made the world a safer place by eliminating her.” It was a sacrifice for Charlie, Starbuck knew that, but he’d done the right thing.
As Kim explained, Starbuck felt less inclined to jump out of bed and run to the guest room to see that Charlie wasn’t about to stake himself. “Yeah.. no one wants to be alone,” he said softly, putting an arm over Kim’s shoulders. “We have to make sure he never feels that way as long as we’re around. And it’s not like his family is going to be gone with Maggie. She’ll probably have kids.” Starbuck understood what was going on in Charlie’s mind. When Bardsley died, the only thing that kept Starbuck from ending his own life was the fact that he had his mother. If Starbuck had lost both of them, he wouldn’t have seen a reason to go on. Maybe at one point Val was like Charlie, scared of being alone. Maybe that’s why she turned men. She was hoping to find someone to keep her company for eternity.
---
Val definitely deserved to be called a bitch because she certainly was one for all the pain and suffering she had put Charlie through. “It had to hurt for him to kill her, but he’s much better off without her. Everyone is.” Yes, killing was horrible, but this needed to be done because it was clear that she would never leave him alone.
Kim nestled into Starbuck’s side when he put an arm around her. “He shouldn’t have to be alone,” she replied quietly. “He’ll have Maggie’s children around if she ever has any, but what if she doesn’t? Or what if her children don’t? And then he’s suddenly alone and not wanting to go on. Would we even be enough for him to not consider killing himself?” Kim was glad that both her and Starbuck’s races only lived about 200 to 300 years. She couldn’t imagine living on for an eternity and seeing him or any of her other loved ones die.
---
“Maybe Ava’s afraid of her sire turning crazy like that. She was a mess after Charlie got back, because it seemed like he might not recover. I just don’t understand how should could stay by his side then, but not now.” Again, Starbuck thought there had to be a solution. He would keep trying to come up with one, hoping there was a way for everyone to be safe and happy.
Starbuck shrugged, “I don’t know. I.. I can’t say I’d blame him. An eternity would be hell to spend alone. No one could bear that. He’d be miserable. He’s miserable now, but he has a purpose. What happens when there’s no one left for him to care for?” Starbuck would do the same. He was grateful to know that he’d never be in that position.
---
“I don’t know,” Kim shrugged, feeling at a loss for words now. All relationships were complicated, but Charlie and Ava seemed to be doing well with theirs, especially after all the shit with Val. Unfortunately, Kim and Starbuck didn’t know all the details that would keep Charlie and Ava apart now so they couldn’t fully understand. “I’m sure it’s more complicated than we know.”
Kim felt tears fighting their way to the surface again. “I hope it doesn’t come to that,” she replied in a shaky voice. “I feel so bad for him. I wish there was something more that could be done.”
---
“I feel like we need to talk her into leaving with them. Maybe it’s not the smartest decision, maybe it does put Charlie and his family in danger, but it just feels like they’re making this huge mistake. If I had really made up my mind to go back to Maui without you, I hope someone would have found a way to talk me out of it. I’d want my friends to tell me I was doing something stupid. Or maybe Charlie’s family is making the mistake in having Maggie transfer. She’s happy here.” Starbuck knew they wanted her to be with kids her own age, but she had some younger kids to play with here, and she had a lot of adults who took time out to make her happy as well.
“You’re absolutely sure he’s not going to do anything stupid now, right?” Starbuck asked, needing to know that Kim believed with all her heart that Charlie was safe for the time being. “He’s got a long time left with his family. A lot could change over the years. He and Ava could fix things, or he could meet someone new to spend his life with. We don’t know.”
---
“It just doesn’t feel right to tell her what to do,” Kim replied with a shake of her head. “I don’t ever want to be away from you, but if you left and no one had tried to convince you to stay, would it have been fair for someone to talk me into leaving with you when I wasn’t ready?” It really wasn’t the same situation, but Kim didn’t know what else to compare it to. “Only Charlie’s family knows what’s right for Maggie. No one else can really make that decision for them. I’m sure they know she’s happy here too, but I doubt they’d pull her out of her if they didn’t think it was best.”
At his question, Kim nodded. “I’m sure. His family is the reason he keeps going on. He’s not going to leave them behind like this.” And that was quite apparent from the fact that he was also moving across the country with them instead of staying with Ava. “I hope he and Ava fix things because from the way he was talking, I don’t think he intends on finding anyone else to spend his life with.”
---
What Kim said made sense, but it didn’t make Starbuck feel any better. He wanted to find a solution that would allow the Burghard family to stay together. He didn’t like seeing them all so miserable.
“Moving on isn’t for everyone. He may have been a player back in the day, but he’s changed a lot since then. I don’t think he wants anyone else. Look how devoted he is to his family. That’s what Ava is now. She’s his family. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, even if she stays here.” Even if it meant Charlie swore off women forever. Poor guy. “Time may change his feelings, but it’s hard to know for sure. I hope for his sake that Ava leaves, if not now, then in the future. They’re good together.”
---
“I just don’t understand why he can’t at least stay until Ava’s ready to leave. Who knows,” Kim shrugged. Again, she was comparing it to her own situation with Ed and Starbuck, but it was still different. “I guess the only thing one could really hope for is for Ava to go with him, but that doesn’t seem possible right now. And who even knows what would happen if they did reconnect in the future.” Kim didn’t know if it was Charlie’s depression that had influenced her or just her own hormones, but she wasn’t feeling too optimistic at the moment.
---
“Because he always puts Maggie first, always has. If her parents insist on sending her to that school, he’s going with them. Maggie is growing up fast. Do you really think he wants to miss a second of it?” Starbuck felt terrible missing those first months of Kamea’s life. He knew Charlie wouldn’t want to be so far away from Maggie. He’d had to spend nearly a year away from her when he was at Halcyon. Starbuck doubted Charlie would do that again.
Starbuck wrapped his arms around Kim and pulled her to lie down with him again. “I’ll talk to Ava in the morning. I won’t tell her I think she’s making a mistake, but maybe get her to think it over a bit more. I don’t want her to regret anything.”
---
“No,” Kim replied quietly, shaking her head. “I guess you’re right.” And he was. Charlie loved Maggie as if she were his own daughter. It would be difficult for him to be away from her even if only for a while. Kids grew up so fast and he didn’t seem to want to miss any more of Maggie’s life.
Kim still had a sad look on her face when Starbuck pulled her to lie back down. “There’s always going to be something to regret. If she stays with her sister, she’ll regret not being with Charlie and his family, but if she goes with them, she’ll regret not being with her sister. It’s like no one can really win.”
---
“I think she loses a lot more by staying. It’s not like she and Ana will drift apart if she moves to San Francisco. You can live far away from a sibling or parent and still be close. But a marriage doesn’t work when you’re on opposite sides of the country. I don’t think they’ll survive the distance.” Starbuck sighed. He was tired and getting depressed thinking about his friends’ suffering. He wished there was something he could do.
“You should probably be the one to check on Charlie in the morning. He might feel ashamed or embarrassed if I do.” Since Charlie had told Kim he didn’t want anyone else seeing him.
---
“Yeah, I know. That’s not the only problem though. She still has her sire to worry about.” This whole situation really was depressing and complicated as well. There wasn’t really much anyone else could do to help Charlie and Ava.
Kim nodded slightly. “I will. I told him I’d keep Kamea away too, so you might have to leave the apartment with her for a bit when he gets up to leave.”
---
“I told Ava she needed to talk this over with Ana, and maybe reconsider their decision to keep lying to their sire. It’s dangerous.” Because the truth always came out eventually. It was better to tell their sire before he found out on his own.
“Okay. We’ll have a quick breakfast and then go feed the ducks. She likes that.” It would hopefully help Starbuck get his mind off his friends’ problems for a while, because this was going to eat him up for quite some time. It made him wonder if happy news would help the situation or make it worse. “Do you think people.. I don’t know.. maybe don’t want to hear about our happy news? What if it makes them feel like shit about their own lives.”
---
“It was like you said.. they know their sire best. And if they’re apprehensive enough to tell him the truth, then maybe it’s justified.” But the truth was that it would be more dangerous for him to find out on his own. Again, there seemed to be no easy solution.
Kim’s eyes refocused on Starbuck’s face as he spoke. “They probably won’t want to hear it,” she replied quietly. “It’s like it was with Wes. He didn’t want to be around us because it reminded him of what he lost.” Kim didn’t want to be one of those people that flaunted their happiness or good fortune in front of others who were miserable.
---
“But the truth doesn’t stay hidden,” Starbuck said in a more urgent voice. “Their sire will find out eventually. It’s better if he finds out from them, not someone else.” No one liked to learn they were being deceived, but if the person doing the lying was the one to confess, it usually went over better in the end.
“Well, Frankie and Vinnie will be excited to hear about it. Maybe we just tell them in person and post a note for everyone else. That way they don’t have to pretend to be happy for us if they’re not.”
---
“Yeah, I know.” Starbuck was an extremely honest man, so Kim wasn’t surprised at his insistence that the twins tell their sire the truth. And yes, he was also right about it being better if their sire heard it from them, but it didn’t make the situation any less difficult. “I hope nothing goes wrong if they ever do decide to tell him the truth.”
“And don’t forget about Lu. I’m sure she’ll be excited about it too.” Kim rubbed a hand over her belly as she thought about everyone else. She’d definitely have to call Lauren to tell her, but the conversation she wasn’t looking forward to was the one she had to have with Ed. “Doesn’t posting a note seem like bragging though?” She sighed and nestled her head further into the pillow. “Don’t listen to me. I don’t think I’m making sense anymore.”
---
“We’ll just have to do what we can to help them if they decide to tell the truth. And you know Charlie won’t let anything happen to his family.” Starbuck had to believe that everything would work out in the end.
“Yes, and LuLu. We’ll tell all our close friends in person, maybe even make a trip to see Lauren. But that’s after we tell my mom and Ed.” He had to be firm about that. Starbuck didn’t want to be murdered, but they wouldn’t keep this a secret from family. Ed deserved to learn first along with Starbuck’s mom. “We’ll figure out the rest later. Maybe we’ll just let the news filter out through Frankie. She’ll do plenty of bragging for us.”
---
Kim was still not feeling very optimistic about any of this. What could they possible do to help the twins if they decided to tell their sire the truth? What if their sire went crazy like Charlie’s sire and tried to kill someone? This wasn’t something that could be taken care of easily by just being there to support someone.
“I know,” she nodded at his statement. “Your mom and Ed will be the first to know. But I’m still going to go tell Ed on my own. I don’t want you anywhere near him when he finds out.” Kim had no idea how Ed would react, but she knew it wasn’t going to be positive. “Yeah, maybe it’s just better to let the news filter through Frankie. I’m sure she’ll be talking about it non-stop.”
---
Starbuck didn’t know what they could do either, but they’d do something. They wouldn’t stand by and let their friends suffer without trying to help. If the twins’ sire went crazy, then maybe Charlie would have to step in and fix the problem again, though his marriage might not survive that sort of drastic action.
“That’s fine. However you want to handle it. Just make sure you’re not alone when you tell him.” Ed had hurt Kim before, and Starbuck didn’t trust the guy. What if he overreacted and did something stupid that injured Kim or the baby? Starbuck doubted that Ed wanted to harm them, but he was filled with a lot of rage, and he wasn’t good at controlling it. “We should get some sleep. We both have a lot going on tomorrow.”
---
“I won’t be alone. I’ll have Mrs. Metcalfe around just in case.” Kim didn’t think Ed would do anything to hurt her or the baby, but she knew she had to plan for any possible outcome. She had thought about telling him in front of all the Metcalfes, but it was better to just tell him the news by himself. Mrs. Metcalfe wouldn’t be too far away if Kim needed her.
At his suggestion, Kim nodded, pulling the covers tightly over herself. “I love you.”
---
“Just be safe. You know he doesn’t make good decisions when he’s pissed. I don’t want him doing something that we’ll all regret.” It was for Ed’s benefit too, not just Kim’s. Ed would never forgive himself if he lashed out while angry and caused real harm to Kim or the baby.
“I love you too. So much.” Starbuck squeezed her to his body and kissed her forehead. “Try to think about all the good things you and I have. We’re so lucky. Think about that before you fall asleep.” Maybe it would help keep her from having nightmares. Starbuck was going to try and do the same thing.
---
“I know.” Kim knew that the last time Ed had harmed her, it hadn’t been intentional. He still loved his sister even if he was pissed off at her for being with Starbuck. And if Ed ever did anything to harm the baby, there was no way Kim could forgive him.
Kim closed her eyes and breathed Starbuck’s scent in deeply as he squeezed her and kissed her forehead. She was starting to feel a bit bad that they had so many good things going on while other people were suffering, but she tried to push it out of her mind and focus on the positive. With one hand cradling her belly, she tried to focus on Boomer, Starbuck and Kamea and the happy life that they would all have together as she dozed off.
---
Starbuck stayed awake for a good hour after Kim fell asleep. He couldn’t put his mind to rest, but he was quiet and continued to hold Kim close. He could tell she’d drifted off, and he paid close attention to her breathing and small movements to ensure she wasn’t having a bad dream. Eventually, his mind gave up, and Starbuck slipped into dreams of his own.